Fat Like Me

I'm Blonde! :D

2012-02-24T13:51:00.000-07:00

Ni pictures, yet. I have one more thing I need to do then I will have it as I want it and can take photos. I'm pretty happy with it, overall but my roots and crown are a little lighter than I expected and a little yellow. I am going to go to Sally's and pick up some 10 volume and a toner to match my length and cool my hot roots and crown down a bit and finish it all off with some of that purple conditioner and I should be all set.

Looking in my mirror is a little strange, right now hee hee... but it is also like coming home. I am a light haired person by nature and personality and I have been wanting to do this for a very long time. Needless to say, I am staying this way, now. No more forays to the dark side for me. Right now, my roots and crown are about a level... 10-ish and my length and ends more like an 8. I actually prefer the slightly darker, cooler tone of my length and ends and I want all of my hair to match that tone.

Oh, all of my greys? Not a damned one of them got covered. ha ha Which is fine. I kind of like them, to be perfectly honest and now they look like really super light natural highlights running in streaks and strands throughout my hair. I can dig it.

Yes, I am a child of the seventies. :P

Food is good, so far. I did my customary smoothie for brekkie and am munching on a turkey sandwich and a few Special K cheddar cracker chips for lunch. I am drinking my water pretty well... I am not going to get a huge amount down because I have to go out later and I'll be hanged if I am going to spend all of that time running from one ladies room to another.

It's a really gorgeous day, here. It's 57, right now, according to The Weather Channel. It feels warmer than that, to me but whatever. It's supposed to top out around 62. I can live with that.

Mmmm... Diet Pepsi... *slurp*

I keep looking down and seeing my hair and thinking, "Huh?!?!" for a second. I'm going to adjust quickly, tho.

Okay. I need to finish my lunch and get some makeup on so I can run out, later.

Strand Test In

2012-02-24T07:31:00.001-07:00

Fingers crossed.

Thirty minutes to go...

*drinks coffee... checks watch...*

Title Assery Goes Here

2012-02-23T23:06:00.001-07:00

So, I finally did it. I was in Sally's tonight... Originally to buy a couple of new polishes. There are two or three more the the China Glaze Electropop collection I wanted; I had Dance Baby and Techno in my hand and I wandered over to the hair colour section. Stood there and hemmed and hawed and thought and debated with myself and finally had a nice little confab with one of the gals who works there and walked out sans polish (I can always go back for them, this weekend ;)) carrying a bag with a ton of tubes of high lift blonde colour and two big bottles of developer.

God willing and the creek doesn't rise and my strand test works, by this time, tomorrow, I should be a blonde, again. After all this time. November of 2006 was the last time I had my "natural" colour and I have missed it so. much. Yes, I now have dark hair (I am between a level 5 and 6, in case you were wondering) but I was born blonde. I was platinum blonde as a child and as I got older, my hair got darker. I dyed it blonde for years. Went brunette a couple of times, always lightened it again. Then in '06 I went first brunette, then spent a year and some months a henna redhead. Loved what henna did for my hair. Seriously, if you like having red, consider henna. It is fabulous in the extreme. But I am just not a redhead in my heart.

I tried to remove the henna. Didn't happen. That shit is permanent. I am talking you can't nuke it out of your hair permanent and I destroyed my tailbone length hair in the process. *waaahhhhh* So, too long story short, I now have virgin hair and am over my base colour. I hate it and I want my blondie locks back. Nao! A salon visit isn't in the cards. One of the cars needed repairs and having a running and safe vehicle trumps my vanity so I am going to do it, myself. So, strand test, first then hopefully, full head. I am excited. I like to colour my hair. Always have. I loved doing henna. It was a day long process, a ritual that I just adored. Yeah, I know. I am seriously weird.

Anyway, if the blondification works, I'll post pics. Promise. :D

It was almost seventy, today. I sat in my Sanctuary doing my makeup today with my window open, enjoying the lovely, balmy breeze blowing in. Once the sun went down it chilled off fast but the day was just lovely. It might get over seventy, tomorrow. :D

Okay. I am tired. I am dappled and drowsy and ready for sleep.

Oh! I drank lots of water. But my eating wasn't stellar. It wasn't a total washout but... Yeah.

I am an asshole.

Ruh-Roh!

2012-02-22T22:00:00.000-07:00

Oops. I did it again. Went a long time between posting. I don't mean to. But lately, every time I think about blogging, my Internet goes down.And if you think that I am full of shit, just come see our crap node that keeps crashing. I am on high speed cable modem and the company recently upgraded the service without first updating the infrastructure on which it runs. Hence the crashing of my Internet and hours and hours of no Internet, at all.

Frustrating.

I had a good day, yesterday. Not so much, today. I kind of went crazy on a bag of low fat potato chips (yeah, yeah, I know...) and boy, am I ever paying for it, tonight. This evening, Explosive Man has got nothing on me. *cries*

That'll serve me right.

A part of me is wondering if Spring is going to spring early and that Winter is, for all intents and purposes over. I wouldn't mind, really. I am enjoying the unseasonably warm weather. It is supposed to be 67, tomorrow. That is freaking hot for this area, this time of year. Yes, I am in Arizona, but at higher elevation and it actually gets cold here and isn't supposed to be almost seventy in February.

We went walking at the lake, last night. There was just enough daylight to get a good mile in real quick, by the time William got home from work. We ar planning to hit it on Friday, again. I need exercise. So. Bad.

Urgh! Massive hot flash! It feels as if heat ants are crawling up my bod and I am on fire. Sometimes they are worse than others. They seem to be bad, lately.I was under the impression that this far out from my surgery, I wouldn't have the damned things any longer. Ha! Fucking liars.

Monday, Monday

2012-02-13T07:53:00.001-07:00

Good Monday Morning!

The weekend wasn't much of anything. I was a total sloth. I mean, total. I sat around all day, yesterday trying to get my nail art right. Absolute fail. Jacked up funky French tips. I need to get this shit off my nails before it drives me crazy. Oh no, this design didn't take all day, I did another one that was a total wreck and had to be cleaned off after hours and effort and dry time in between stages. and just... gah!!!

Eating, yesterday? Gah!

Gah!

I am drinking coffee, answering e-mails and trying to get a blog post in before my Internet decides to go tits up on me, again. The dumbassery it takes to launch a new Internet service and not upgrade the infrastructure that has to carry it is mind boggling to me. Nodes keep crashing, there is noise in all of the lines and they are spending more man hours and money putting out fires and patching it together than if they had just done it properly in the first place. But what do I know? The increased speed and capability of the new Internet is nice but it doesn't do me a hell of a lot of good if it is down. KnowwhatImean?

Okay, I need another cup of java and I need to get my day started.

A Double Dose of my Crazy, Just for You: Bring on the BYOC

2012-02-10T14:06:00.001-07:00

Hello hinnies. Time to do the BYOC thang. I missed last week, so I am doing a Double Feature, this week. I get yappy in this one so buckle up, kids.You're going to be here for a while.

1. Name a Valentine gift you would NOT want to receive.

Herpes.(Hey, you asked. :P) An appliance. Clothes. A bottle of body wash... You get the idea. STDs and normal, everyday type items are off limits when it comes to pressies.

2. What’s your vacation personality? Do you act/eat/talk/do things differently or completely opposite from when you are not on vacation?

I go into total chill mode. I let go of all responsibility and thought of the everyday and I throw myself completely into relaxing, enjoying myself and letting others do the cooking, cleaning and fretting.

A vacay sounds really, really nice, right about now...

3. Describe yourself in 5 POSITIVE words.

Weird
Loyal
Tenacious
Accepting
Passionate

4. Do you have any phobias or irrational fears or dislikes?

I am absolutely phobic about heights. We are talking freak out just seeing high places on TV or in a movie. I have been known to panic and nearly pass out at the top of an unfamiliar flight of stairs (imagine how fun it is to live in a home with a staircase. I am still nervous when I hit the top of the stairs to go down. And my room is, you guessed it... Downstairs.) and can't bear even standing on a dining chair. Glass walled elevators are unthinkable, I can't handle them. I can't be near a window on any floor above the ground floor of a building and forget about stepping out on a roof. Not going to happen.

I am afraid of the dark and I sleep with a light on.

Clowns creep me out. Totally. Creep. Me. Out. *shudder*

5. Have you ever bought undies/bra/lingerie for someone else? Or has anyone ever bought them for you? How was the “experience”?

Nope. I don't buy undies for others (if you don't count picking up packages of Hanes or Fruit of the Loom for my guys) and I don't want others doing so for me. I have very specific tastes in undies and "sizing issues" and have no wish to inflict them on someone else.

6. Do you have an internal song you replay in your head that is just yours?

Aside from the odd earworm? Yeah, this one:

Hey, don't judge me. lolol

7. I heard on the news the other day that something like 80% of people think a tan person is way sexier than “not tan”. How do you feel about that? Do you tan? Fake bake? Real sun? Or do you wear SPF 150?

Okay, I admit it, I like to be tanned. Not leathery, old suitcase dark brown (I am not trashing people who are naturally dark brown, so stand down! I am stating my preference for my own skin.) but a nice, sun kissed glow? Yeah. I dig it. I usually end up with a mix of natural and applied tan in warmer weather.

I can't just slap on any old sun protection or cosmetic that claims to have SPF as I am allergic to chemical sunscreens. I have to use a naturally sourced, mineral sunblock. Those products are effective, tho I do tan some through them and they are stupid expensive. I know that my skin is more important than my budget but I often save money and get golden.

Shopping for makeup is a lot of fun, let me tell you. I have to carry a list of chemical sunscreen ingredients with me and scrutinize each and every label of each and every item I buy. No ingredients list? No buy, no use. I wish that cosmetics companies would stop putting chemical SPF in almost every-fucking-thing they release! I honestly believe that a lot of problems people have with their skin; redness, breakouts, itchiness and so forth is because they are sensitive to the highly irritating sunscreen ingredients packed into everything from moisturizer to lip balm to leave in hair conditioners.

Not that I am ranting, or anything...

8. Do you vote in the presidential election? Do you vote based on news, family opinions or research or your gut?

Yes, I vote. I don't vote based on news or family opinion or other external factors. I vote my conscience and my gut. Yes, that usually ends up with me voting down my party line, but not always.

And that is as far as I am willing to discuss anything political on this blog.

9. Do you have any odd little OCD-ish quirks?

I don't like odd numbers, so I had to add an extra question to this BYOC to end on an even number. I also like things balanced, symmetrical, even. I think that is one reason why I like more traditional, formal decor. Contemporary decor tends to be too off balance to please my eye and brain and my sense of what is right.

10. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.

Yeah. I'll get right on that. :P

More Sunshine

2012-02-09T13:01:00.000-07:00

I am growing tired of the sunshine. We need rain so badly and it is so dry. The only precip we have had all this Winter was a small snowstorm the first of December and a few sprinkles of rain. It is going to be a bad fire season, this year and I am soooo happy that we aren't living in the forest.

I need to get my lazy arse in the shower and get myself pulled together. I would like to run out to Ross, later. Hopefully, they will have the new Color Club Spring collection in. It's been a while since I have found anything good there so it's time. Yes, indeedy.

I am having good day s and bad, with my eating. Today is going very well. May it continue. I need to make it continue. This whole bullshit of "I'll just eat this today and start again, tomorrow", can't continue. It just can't because tomorrow isn't the right time Now is.

Yesterday was headbanger day. My head was so bad that I wished that my brain would implode and I wanted to throw up all day. Urgh. I still haave a headache but at least I can function, today.

Marley keeps trying to climb on me so that he can get warm. He is under the impression that I am a human cat warming device.

What a Bunch of Whiners

2012-02-01T10:08:00.000-07:00

The Biggest Loser is populated by a bunch of pissers, moaners, complainers and whiners, this season. Seriously. Waaahhh, waaahhh, waaahhh. Excuse, excuse, excuse. Bitch, bitch, bitch.

I am no better; not really. That is all I have fucking done, this last year. Whine. Complain. Make excuses. This season is actually a learning experience for me. And it is holding up a mirror in front of my face and showing me my own bullshit. Because I sure am full of it. Bullshit. Stuffed to the gills with it. Stuffed to the gills with excuses and complaints and victim mentality and nonsense.

Oh yes. I see it. And I am turning it around. Step One, completed. I bought batteries for my scale and grew a set and stepped on it. 291.0 pounds. *sigh* It is a good news/bad news scenario. The bad news? I am up eight pounds for the year. Good news? I am still down seven, overall for the year. Not good and I am hardly happy or impressed with myself. But I am glad. Oh-so-very-very-very-glad that I didn't blow myself right up over three hundred, again. That is something that could have so easily have happened. *blows out a huge sigh of relief*

Step Two, in progress. Stay on track. Stay accountable to the most important person in this whole thing. Me. (No, not you, Me/Draz lol tho yes, to you, too. ;)) I am what matters, here. And I do matter and I have to keep reminding myself of this fact each and every frakking day. Because I am worth it, dammit! Each and every one of us are worth it! We really, really are! I have to constantly guard against sliding back into my old thought patterns and hate self talk and self loathing. It isn't easy. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to be hated by others and I most certainly don't deserve to be hated by myself.

Step Three, in progress. Fluids; three quarts a day, minimum. At least tow quarts a day must be plain water. I am not going to force myself to down six quarts of water a day. I am not going to force water to the point that I am gagging every time I pick up my water bottle. Hydration should be healthy. Not drudgery and torture. When I start feeling as if I am being water boarded, it is time to re think my approach. The thing is, by setting a three quart target, I am coming in at closer to four. I can live with that and I think that is good, for me.

Step Four, exercise. Silence is telling.

So, that is where I am, right now. Welcome to February. No more wasted time.

Two More Tubs

2012-01-28T16:44:00.001-07:00

I bought two more tubs of that protein powder. I likes it. :D I like the taste and the 24 grams of protein per serving keeps my tummy very happy for hours and hours. Today, I had a smoothie about ten this morning and wasn't hungry or thinking about lunch until well after three. I had a light grilled cheese and some Popchips for late lunch and I am already ravenous, again.

Hmmm... No brainer, there, Protein smoothie, good. Grilled cheese, tastes good but doesn't really get the job done. I ended up finishing the bag of Popchips. *sigh* 240 frakking calories I wasn't planning on taking in. I may just do a protein smoothie for dinner, tonight.

I sent William out after a battery for my scale. Time to face the music. *hold me!*

It is sunny today but not as warm as I had thought it was going to get. The wind has a little chill to it. Oh well. It's still better than snow and ice. Anything is better than that! lol

I am doing so much better drinking my water. I am getting in about three quarts, again between water and Crystal Light. I feel better for it, lemme tell you. I had really slacked off in the water department. I am not pushing for more than three quarts of fluid a day. I just can't do more and honestly, I don't think that it is necessary. Five, six quarts of water a day is a full time job and dammit! I have enough other shit to do and I hate living in the bathroom. If, when it starts to warm up, I consider increasing my intake a bit to keep myself hydrated as it heats up but I am not going to force myself to gulp so much water that I want to gag, just thinking about it.

I have started wearing my hair parted on the side. I am under the delusion that it makes me look younger. lol

Oh! What do you think of my new layout? I am kind of over the cutsie backgrounds and headers. (nothing wrong with them, I am just tired of them on my blogs.) So, I put up a simple stretch and made a matching header so that everything is nearly seamless and bright. I made my page wider and stretched my columns a bit, too. I think it makes my formerly closed in, cluttered blog page look better. :D

Where Have I Been?

2012-01-27T13:44:00.000-07:00

Right here. Just being a failure and having little to nothing that I felt like talking about so... I didn't.

It's a better day, today. I got stocked up on protein powder and I have decided to try smoothies for b-fast and lunch. Have a little din-din and stop. the. fucking. snacking. *sigh*

Dear Olay, I don't swap to your moisturizer because I tried a sample of it, years ago and it gutted my skin. That's right. Chemical sunscreen is not my friend and your moisturizer would do me serious harm, should it come anywhere near me. Love, Erika.

I think that I am learning how to use my web cam on my laptop. Finally. I am feeling it out. The process. I recorded a few tiny test videos and deleted them, last night. I am going to keep practicing and then try doing a vlog. Maybe. We'll see. I kind of want to do it and I am kind of seriously freaked out by the idea. My vlogs will be hardly professional looking. Web cams aren't the most fabulous things on the planet and I doubt that editing and so forth is going to come easily to me.I can't do them on my camera as it just records one minute silent "movies". Oh, yeah. I am all up on the latest tech, fo shizz! :P

Does anyone have any suggestions on the best settings to get the best picture and sound quality I can, with this machine? I have a Sony Vaio and run Windows 7 and the program is Web Cam Companion 3. If anyone has any suggestions, I would muchly appreciate them. :D

I need to go start my dishwasher and get my hair out of rollers and re set the timer on the dryer and so forth. I have a little shopping to run out and do, later. It will be nice to get out for a bit. :)

All That and a Bag of Chips

2012-01-19T17:59:00.000-07:00

I swear that the weeks go faster and faster. As long as they speed along until the middle of April...

I am craving popcorn.

I guess that you can guess, by my title how yesterday went...

Yeah.

Shouldn't have had the salad and chicken for lunch, yesterday. It left me feeling a little empty and I got myself into a pile of trouble. I should have had a protein smoothie as I had planned.

I am right dead on track, today. I did protein smoothies for brekkie and lunch. I was barely feeling hungry by the time half past one rolled around and I had my lunch and I am just beginning to feel a little rumbly in my tumbly, for dinner, now. This is good. Nourishment and not feeling as if I want to eat my house down. Why didn't I get this stuff a long time ago?

So, it is still not Wintry, around here. The high got up to almost seventy, today. Compared to this time, last year it feels like the tropics in my neck of the woods. Sunny, warm, temps like March or the first part of April, not January. I am not fooled, tho. I have a sneaking suspicion that Old Man Winter has a nasty trick or two up his sleeve and we are going to be assholes and elbows deep in snow, ice and misery for at least one or two good blasts.

Pray I am wrong.

My frakking head is bad and rapidly ramping up to nearly unbearable. Tomorrow should be a lot of fun. By then, I will spend all day with the blinds drawn, sitting on the sofa waiting for my brain to implode. Yay! Migraines!

It Isn't Nasty

2012-01-17T17:10:00.000-07:00

In fact, that protein powder is pretty good. Colour me surprised! The last time I tried to use powdered protein it was like trying to drink ground, dried up cow bones and hides, or something. And that was the "tasty" stuff. Gag!

This stuff:

I got the vanilla. I thought that it would work nicely with fruit in my smoothies and it does. So far, I can drink it, just fine. I am going to give it a few days to see if I settle in nicely with it before I call this a complete success. But, so far, so good. :) If the vanilla continues to be good, I'll branch into chocolate, too. :D

I chose this particular brand because it has 24 grams of protein per serving. I could wish for it to be a little lower in calories, but at 145 calories per serving, it isn't out of line. I'll have to look around and see if, perhaps I can find some that qualify and still taste good. If protein powder is yukky, it doesn't matter how much protein it has or how low the calories, I won't ingest it. No how, no way.

I like that my morning and lunch smoothies with this powder kept me full for hours and hours. It's nice not to have the rumbly in the tumbly all the time.

Now I have to get my chicken ass out there and buy a battery for my scale. Time to see just how much damage I have done. I am thinking that I am not going to be super happy with what I see. But it is time to face the music. And the scale. Head on. To know is power. And then I can exercise that power and make a change. :)

It's chilly in here, right now. I can't wait for the oven to warm this house up. I have chicken in there for dinner. Yum. There is also a big, fresh salad and I am going to make some rice to round it all out. Nom, nom, nom.

Great. I need to blow my frakking nose, again. Allergies suck ass.

Tuesday Morning

2012-01-17T09:17:00.000-07:00

Good morning blogland.

I am up. I am drinking coffee and I am contemplating trying my new protein powder in my smoothie, this morning. I hope it isn't nasty.

The guys are getting ready to take the in-laws down to Yarnell. MIL has to see her health care practitioner and they want to visit with SIL for a bit. So it will be just me and the pets here. Ahhh... Peace and quiet.

I'll report back in a bit with the verdict on the protein powder. Happily, Hi-Health allows returns so if I hate it I can take it back and get something else. I will find something that I like. I am determined. :D

Okay. I have to run.

BYOC

2012-01-13T21:00:00.000-07:00

Is it Friday, already? (I see that I still can't solve the font problem.) Where did this week go?

1. Do you have a favorite traditional “birthday meal”? If yes – what is it and what is the meaning behind it?

Nope. I just eat whatever.

***Fucking Firefox is driving me crazy, tonight.***

2. If you’ve lost weight, has your style changed since you lost weight? Or what's your dream purchase when you do lose weight/hit goal?

I can now wear "real" jeans, not denim elastic waist excuses for jeans. But I am still wearing not so fab tops and I am looking forward to getting to a smaller size and being able to get some cuter clothes. I am over wearing ugly shit.

3. Pick one question of the following two to answer: Who is your favorite Muppet and why? Or who is your favorite Smurf and why?

Muppet: Animal! :D

4. When you buy a lotion or after bath spray or body spray or candle (not perfume) – what’s the “flavor” you always find yourself loving the most?

For these types of products I tend to like either sticky-sweet, warm fragrances like vanilla, caramel, chocolate or true rose or really light, fresh scents like soft florals, cotton, linen or fresh oceanic scents. My fragrance tastes are somewhat eclectic but I have definite dislikes. I don't much care for the spicy, woody or green type scents and I am not fond of sandalwood, patchouli and so forth.

5. Repeat question. Summarize your week in real life and in blogland.

Must I?

Okay, that is all I have to natter about, right this moment.
:D

It's a Dog! It's a Crocodile!

2012-01-10T21:04:00.000-07:00

Turn on your speakers! Click play! Awesomeness!

Is it January or is it March? I have to ask because right at this moment, I have no idea. As long as it isn't snowing, you aren't going to hear me bitch and moan about it. I do feel that we should get some precip, tho because fire season is going to be a bitch, otherwise.

Larry the Cable Guy is an insult to all people who work for cable companies, everywhere. Just saying.

So, good day, today. The last couple weren't so much. I didn't blow it too bad but didn't hold my target range and I am so pissed at myself. Man, I should have this shit in the bag, have it so under control. I should be sailing. Why am I struggling? Why am I still trying to get it out of first gear? I suppose I'll know when I fugure it out. *pfffft!* I suck.

This time last year, I was sailing along on a cloud of fabulous and this? I am stuck in the mud and questioning everything. Myself, most of all. I don't know. I do know that it is bullshit. And that I need to pull and keep my head out of my ass because just yammering about it isn't getting the job done. To do that I actually have to frakking do. It. Yep. That one bears repeating. I just have to frakking do it. Yes, spell check, frakking is so a word! So stick that in your dictionary and smoke it.

Stupid Firefox spell check, anyway. Did you know that it doesn't work in the title box? How ass up dumb is that, I ask you?

I think that exercise would help. Hmmm? And why the hell am I wasting all of this perfect for walking weather? I don't know. Again. Time to get my head out of my ass and just do it.

My dog thinks that she is a crocodile. Really, she does. The other night, I was sitting here, chowing on dinner and Sabryna was doing the mooch thing. Marley was over by the dining table (yes, we eat in the living room. We are horrible people.) and he must have made a move as if he were thinking about coming in this direction, thus possibly coming between Sabryna and whatever prime tidbit I would toss to her, next. That stiff old woman who can just make it around, most days wheeled on her hind legs, like a streak was across the room (granted, it isn't a large room, this condo is tiny) and on that cat, jaws snapping like a crocodile. Marley took off, shot across the room, went behind my sofa, then came out the other end and huddled in a ball, over by the fireplace where Sabryna couldn't get to him. And he stayed there for more than an hour.

Damn cat just never learns.

I found the best doo-dad for smoothing my feet! I was in Bed Bath and Beyond just after Christmas and in the very tiny, in my local store, beauty section was this thing called Silk Feet. It is a flexible sanding grit (120) mesh oval banded with soft plastic. It is super mouldable to your feet and it works a regular treat. I have feet from hell. Seriously. I have to keep lotion and Vaseline and socks on all of the time or my feet go from feet to nasty, hard, hooves.

I don't know anyone who can get a dry skin buildup on their feet like I can. And I have used just about every kind of smoothing contraption you can think of. Ped-Egg. Metal foot files. Foot files with diamond. Sandpaper kind. Super grit stone. Pumice. Scrubs. This little gadget trumps them all. It is easy to use. Comfortable. It really works and, unlike Ped-Egg or other files, leaves my skin smooth, not abraded and rough. Best seven bucks I ever spent and the moment it starts feeling a little worn down, I am back in there to get me another one. I use that Silk Feet and then put on lotion and Vaseline and socks and my feet are so much better. I may actually wear sandals, this Summer. :D

I received my Book of Shadows palette in the mail on Saturday. Oh, golly! It's lovely. And the shadows are splendid. Almost all of them are velvety, silky and beautifully pigmented. I am not too wild about a couple, especially Midnight Rodeo. Too glittery, even for me. But overall, I am tickled pink with it and I am so glad that I splurged on it.

I also, the other day went into CVS. I was after cotton rounds. Nothing else. Just cotton rounds. Yeah. Right. Out I came with my cotton rounds, five new eye shadows and a lipstick. I had to get three of the new Loreal Infallible shadows (now I want more colours! They are faaaaabulous!), two of the Maybelline Color Tattoo creme shadows, (like them too... Surprising, since I don't usually like maybelline makeup in the least. Need more colours) and a beautiful Revlon Color Burst lipstick in Crimson. Hey, that was on clearance and I have been searching all season for my perfect red lipstick. And I think that I finally found it! And wouldn't you know... It is a now discontinued shade! Just my luck! lol No worries. I don't wear red lipstick all of the time, so this tube should last me a while.

I didn't buy any polish, that day. Weird. Must have had a temporary fever. William was surprised. I came out to the car with my little bag of goodies and showed him what I got, swatched the Loreal shadows on my hand (don't tell me you never swatch your new goodies in the car! I won't believe you. lolol) and William asked me, "What, no polish?" Nope. Not that trip. :D

Okay, I guess that is all I have to yap about, right now. My head is down to a dull roar, finally. Thank. God. I was getting a little desperate, there for a while. I actually took something to try to dull it a bit. I always hesitate to take anything for my head because I pay for the slight, temporary relief with a hella rebound.

I could go for a nice, dry vodka martini, right now. Ice cold, straight up, desert dry, three olives. *slurp!*

My Head...

2012-01-07T17:44:00.000-07:00

is bad.

Really, really bad.

I can't stand the light, sound is ripping my brain apart and I think that I am going to throw up.

I want my mommy.

Holy Shit! BYOC is Back! Yay!!!

2012-01-06T10:48:00.000-07:00

Draz is back in fine form and she has presented us with fresh, new BYOC. I am all over this, fo shizz.

1. How do you feel about NY resolutions? Do you make them? Do you forget about them quickly? Do they help you?

I don't make resolutions. I have learned that if I tell myself that I have to do something or can't have something, that is a sure as hell way to get me running in the opposite direction. I set goals. For some reason, I can live with those.

2. Did you put up a Christmas tree? How many? Is it still up?

Yep. One. No.

We did a tiny tree strung with green L.E.D. lights, red and white candy printed satin ribbon and cookie cutters on ribbon hangers. I placed it on my kitchen windowsill. It was adorable and Christmas-y but took up no space in our tiny home.

The spot in which our normal tree is normally set up is home to Sabryna's food and water dishes. She is thirteen, now and she is getting unsteady on her feet. Being on hard, slippery lino is so difficult for her. She loses her footing and falls so we put her dishes in the dining area and she can stay on broadloom and it is easier for her to get back and forth to her dishes and to eat and drink. Sabryna only has to walk across the slick floor to go out the back door to go potty. It is hard for her but she spends less time on it. Poor baby girl. She isn't going to be around all that much longer and I just want to make life as easy and comfortable as I can for her.

3. How many total Christmases did you choose to have to attend outside of your home?

Not a damned one. :D

4. What are you most looking forward to this year?

April!!!!!!!!!!!! We make our last BK payment and get our discharge, that month. Then we will have a massive loosening up in our budget and can finally afford to get out of Condo Hell. I. Can't. Wait! Just four months to go. Boy, has this been a hell ride.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blogland this week.

In real life: I am back with a vengeance.

In Blogland: I am back in a vengeance.

Look out.

Why the fuck can't I get my font back to normal after copy and pasting stuff? What is up with that shit? Am I stupid? Is Blogger stupid? *sigh*

Why am I cussing so much? :P

Random Nattering

2012-01-06T10:06:00.000-07:00

I like to watch YouTube videos. I have eclectic taste and an insatiable desire to know a little bit about just about everything. I bounce from subject to subject, watching videos, taking in different points of view and chewing things over. I especially enjoy beauty videos. I am subscribed to a shitload of so called "gurus" and I have to admit, I have been massively enabled; something I don't really mind, since I love makeup and I have learned new techniques. My shadow application and blending, for instance... I was always pretty good at it but now... Much better. And I can actually lay down a right fawncy liquid line. Something that eluded me for years. My secret? Loreal Lineur Intense liquid liner. The one with the felt tip applicator. It;s fab. Blackest black and so easy to use. Even I can't muck it up.

It is still lovely, here. There were clouds, rain, possibly snow in the forecast for early next week. No longer. It is supposed to remain clear and nice. I have to say I am not complaining. Sure, this lack of precip and snow is going to be a huge problem, come fire season. The forest is going to be as dry as a tinderbox. But I just can't hate this weather. I want to. But I can't. And I usually love cloudy days.

I am slowly gathering together all of the supplies I need to press and palette all of my Bare Minerals makeup. I was an avid mineral makeup only user for over a decade. Loved the stuff. then, my skin changed and the foundation was no longer suitable. I branched out to liquid and cremes and started buying different kinds of shadows, blushes and so forth, as well. So I have a crap ton of little jars of mineral beauty that I m just over messing around with. I love the colours, I am just over the loose powder. And I certainly have no intention of tossing them. I invested a good bit of money in that makeup. I am going to press it all and put the pans in palettes. I will still be able to enjoy all of my pretties and they will be so much easier to use, store and take along with me. I'll yak more about that when I actually get to it. :D

I had a pretty crappy day, yesterday. I didn't go all hog wild. There weren't burgers, or anything but there was some nasty good popcorn. Orville Reddenbacher's Movie Theatre Butter with the pour over stuff? Yeah. Baaaad. I have a popcorn and nasty fake butter hangover, this morning. I had some chips, too. Blech.

I am making so many typos that my page is covered in little wavy red lines. That is what I get for downing three huge mugs of coffee, this morning. I feel as if I am going to vibrate right off my sofa. But boy, am I ever wide awake. lol Yes, I know that I am committing grammatical homicide. Sue me.

Mmm... Water. It does a body good. *lame*

Who's watching The Biggest Loser? I am! I am. *waving hand in the air* I see that this season is another one full of everything I love and hate about the show. You have couples. Again. *sigh* isn't that concept a little played out, already? I am so over the family/best friend teams of two. Together, pitted against one another. Whatever. I am so tired of waaah, waahhh, I have to save my son/daughter/husband/wife cry, cry, cry. Blech. Enough, with the couples, already! Bring in a houseful of total strangers and let them duke it out. Now, that is fun to watch! I see that we have a new House Asshole. Typical big, tall, fat, arrogant asshole. Thinks that he rules the place and has already won it and is not afraid to run his big mouth. Guys like this piss me off. And when they win... *cough* John from last season. *cough* It pisses me off, even more. In my not so humble opinion, a truly strong, confident man doesn't need to be an arrogant asshole. He exudes that confidence quietly. Earns respect through a certain elegance of self and is naturally charismatic. Men like John and Patrick from a few seasons back? Not so much.

Project Runway is back. All Stars, this time. No Heidi or Tim, tho. Huh??? I love Heidi and Tim! They are like peanut butter and jelly on the runway. And what is a judging panel without Michael Kors? I don't know how I feel about this new team. We'll see what happens, I suppose. I am tickled to see Austin Scarlett, Sweet P and Rami Kashou and Kara Janx again. They were some of my faves in seasons past.

I think that my brain is buzzing as hard as my fingers are. lol

Tuesday Night

2012-01-03T23:00:00.003-07:00

I really need to shut my puter down and get downstairs, wash my face and hit the hay. I'm tired and I am in need of a good night's sleep. I kept waking up, last night and my sleep was fitful. Blech. I hate nights like that. I seem to be in a shitty sleep phase. I may take a little something to help me get a solid night of sleep because right now I am feeling a little mental from the lack of it.

Had a pretty good day, food wise. I went just over 1500. I was planning to come in a little lower but, popcorn happened. Better than the chips that I have been gulping, lately. Yep. Yep. We won't discuss my ice cream phase. Oh, no siree. Suffice it to say, no sugar free ice cream (I won't touch the stuff with sugar in it) is allowed in this house. Under any circumstances. I can't be trusted around that stuff.

I need to change my polish. Tomorrow is Wednesday so I think I will do pink. :D

Okay. I really need to run. This makeup isn't going to clean it's self off. Would that it could. :P

I think that I can live with my blog for a while, now. I should just put together something I really love and leave it alone. Yeah. Riiiight. That'll happen.

Wanna Laugh?

2012-01-02T22:02:00.000-07:00

If so, my work here is done.

Goodnight, all.

For the Record...

2012-01-02T10:56:00.000-07:00

I absolutely hate the way my blog looks, right now. I did this in about two minutes late, last night and it will stay like this until I find the right background and make a new header. Tasks I enjoy but I can get so picky and snotty about it that it can be a little wearying. So, ugly blog it is, for now. lol

My favourite brekkie these days is a smoothie. I have one almost every morning, now. On occasion, maybe once every couple of weeks or so, I will do oatmeal or an egg white scramble thing but I really look forward to my frosty, fruity slurp, every morning. This morning it was vanilla peach. :D

The recipe is super easy. I dump one cup of UVAB (Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Breeze almond milk) one container of Yoplait Light fat free vanilla yoghurt (yeah, yeah, I know... But I like it. Deal with it. lol) and 140 grams of frozen peach slices into my blender jar, pulse and puree until all smooth and lovely. I usually dump it in a big, plastic tumbler but since I knew that I was going to take a photograph of it I poured it into this pretty glass. Yepper. I be a food stylist. :P This is 200 calories. That number varies slightly with different frozen fruits and yoghurts I choose.

Other combos I like, (the almond milk is always the same, right down to brand) Very Cherry Yoghurt with peaches. Or with peaches and pineapple. Vanilla and peach and pineapple. Vanilla with strawberries or with strawberries and pineapple. Or cherry yoghurt with strawberries, pineapple and peaches. Sounds crazy, but sooo delish. I know that Greek yoghurt, preferably unsweetened would be a better choice and is, in fact delightfully yummy, I just like the Yoplait. And it is more affordable so, that is what I use.

I am seriously considering adding protein powder to my smoothies to make them even more nutritious and filling and make the satisfaction last longer. However, my past experiences with protein powders weren't so good. I am talking one good gulp and I am running for the nearest receptacle to rid myself of it. Yeah. I am just weird about some thing. But protein powder is good for us. And especially good for those of us working on the weight loss thing. So, my question to all of you who use protein powder is: Which one would be best for me? In your opinion?

I would like protein powder that tastes good, doesn't gag me. I would like vanilla, to work with my fruity smoothies and maybe chocolate for frosty smoothies made with ice, rather than fruit. Is there any protein powder with no flavour? I am thinking that a veggie source might be a better choice for me? My previous awful experiences were with animal based powders. I am a meat eater but... Yeah. Were you able to try before you bought? Any advice and suggestions are welcome.

My head hurts, this morning. Blech. I need to get to my day. I have some housework, a little laundry and I have a ton of polishes to get to swatching. My untrieds are legion and I am determined to mot buy much polsih until I get through them. Or at least quite a few of them.

Busy Day

2012-01-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

I saw this on Tumblr.

Boy, am I tired. William and I took down the Christmas decorations and put them away then the cleaning began. Every January First after the Christmas stuff comes down, we go on a cleaning frenzy. Bathrooms get scrubbed from top to bottom, the furniture gets moved and vacuumed behind and under, the sofas are vacuumed to remove pet hair and dust, all hard furniture is polished by hand, hard floors mopped and polishes, stairs vacuumed, ceiling fans cleaned, every inch of broadloom, including edges vacuumed. I keep a clean and tidy house but it is nice to start the New Year with everything fresh and sparkling clean. It was a perfect day to air out the house, it was warm enough to throw the windows open and enjoy fresh air. Lovely.

After the house was all done, William helped me assemble my new nail polish storage cubes. What an adventure that was. The first one was a huge pain in the ass because we had no idea how to go about putting them together. Once we got the first one together, the second was a snap and we had that one up in a fraction of the time the first one took. I got them downstairs in my sanctuary and sorted and stashed my polish. And found that I need one more. I don't know if I should be bothered by that, or not. Probably not. Some people buy shoes, some buy cars, I buy nail polish. And makeup.

Urban Decay recently marked down their Book of Shadows IV palette. From $69.00 to $44.00. I had my greedy eyes on that baby since the first rumblings hit the blogs last Summer but seventy bucks for a shadow palette, no matter how pretty is a little more than I can be spending. But I can do forty-four. I can't wait to receive it. I have the Naked and Naked2 Palettes on my wishlist. I had the 15th Anniversary palette on my wishlist as well My little heart is broken. When I couldn't afford it, it was everywhere. Now that I had the money to get it, it is gone, forever. I haz a sad. *shrug* Other pretties will come along.

I have an unscratched lottery ticket sitting on my little side table. As long as I don't scratch it, I am $50,000 richer. When William asked me which ticket I wanted, yesterday when he was buying his lottery tickets (I buy polish and makeup, he buys lottery tickets) I just had a feeling and pointed to the ticket I now have. Yeah. I liked it because it is sparkly. Sue me. And I just had a feeling. I am sure that that feeling was just the buzz from the grande skinny peppermint mocha I had just gulped. I seriously doubt that ticket will render anything but a few minutes of scratching and trying to match letters and words.

William keeps opening the window at night. It's nice, but it isn't that fucking nice. I am so sick of him being too hot and freezing my ass out of the house. He isn't the only one in here.

I need to find a new background for this blog. I am over this one.

A Squandered Year

2012-01-01T09:18:00.000-07:00

2011. I squandered it. It was my own choice... No one held a gun to my head. I wasn't forced. I made my own choices. Some were good. More weren't so much. I know that i am a few pounds heavier. Closer to 300, again. I don't think that I am over that mark. I need to get a new battery for my scale, grow a pair and step on it and find out for sure. I can still fit into my jeans so I know that I didn't do a terrible amount of damage to myself.

But I did damage. And in more ways than just a number on the scale. I allowed some of my old, injurious behaviours to take control and I allowed my self to indulge in self abuse. I punished myself and hated myself. I inflicted more damage, rather than working so hard toward healing. And I wasted a whole year. Rather than moving steadily toward my goal for 2011, I went steadily away from it. And yes, I am angry with myself for it.

I can't change that. That is the past. This is now and I have the power to move forward. To set a goal and to achieve it. I can do this. I know that I can. Hell... I have. I mean, I am down over a hundred pounds from my all time high weight so I am aware that I have it in me to thrive and to make this happen. I need to remember to feed off if that; to feed off of my past success, to build it and nurture it and myself.

I have to keep reminding myself that I am worthy.

I have had a very good few days. Not stellar but good. And I have gotten some exercise and I feel better, this morning. A little smaller, by body has that squishy, shrinking feeling to it. I like that feeling. :D I like it a lot. And I want it to continue.

I am setting my goals for 2012. Not resolutions. Goals. I would like to make it to 250 by the first of July and I want to hit Onderland by the end of this year. I want to ring in 2013 with a one as the first number on my scale.

I am setting a goal to post in this blog, regardless of what kind of day I am having. No more chickening out and neglecting the part of me that needs this blog, anyown who might read it and the interaction of like minded people. I need to get support and I need to give it. I need to reach out, not withdraw. I have learned, over the last year that getting cocky, thinking I am all that then pulling back and hiding when things get ugly is not how I am going to reach my goals and nurture and nourish the most important part of me. I also realize that withdrawing my support and care of my bloggy buddies is doing them injury as well. And that is just as unfair to them as it is to me.

This New Year is starting out with the most beautiful weather you can imagine for this part of the world. Temps in the upper sixties, even seventy. Record highs. Sunshine, soft breezes. I fear that March, which usually brings weather like this will be cold, blustery and dump a ton of snow on our asses. Now, wouldn't that be a gas? :P I am not complaining about these gorgeous days, tho. I am sure that Old Man Winter still has some tricks up his sleeve... I very much doubt that we will get no more Winter but it it is warmer and milder and we get rain, rather than snow that will be just fine with me.

Marley is sitting in a bundle, a couple of feet from Sabryna and just staring at her. Stupid cat just doesn't learn. He just doesn't get that in another life that dog was a crocodile. *shrugs* He's fast. That seems to be his only saving grace because I fear that like most males on this planet, speed is all that can save him when his lack of brains can't.

Women should rule the world.

Seriously.

Yeah. I'm Lame

2011-12-17T13:59:00.000-07:00

Forgot my frakking password to sign into this blog. I hadn't written it down, thinking that I'd remember it. I finally worked it out and wrote it down. Old age is encroaching faster than I would like lol The funny thing is, this password is a variation on another password and sickeningly easy for me to remember. I think that I have been so distracted, lately that it just slipped my mind. It's hell getting old. But getting old is better than the alternative.

I'm all dressed and cozy and just about to run out and do a little shopping. We aren't doing up Christmas like crazy, it's not easy, right now with out current budget. But I am buying all of us a few things that we need or want. William wants to buy me a new camera. He knows how much I want one but I am conflicted about it. On the one hand, I want to jump on it and get it and on the other, I feel incredibly guilty because a decent quality camera isn't cheap and that money can do a lot of other things. Look, the camera I have my eyeballs on isn't horribly priced... It isn't a thousand dollar SLR or something. But I am still struggling with letting go and just doing it.

I will most likely not buy it, right now. Maybe a tripod would stabilize my old camera enough to get me better shots. And fifteen dollars for a tripod is smarter than a couple of hundred for a camera and memory card. There was a bundle I was drooling over in Best Buy, last night. A Nikon with a memory card, tripod and case for $288.00. And I tried out a Fuji at HellMart. Less money. But I wasn't as impressed with it, overall and a lot of the reviews I read on that camera, last night weren't great. A lot of complaints about focusing issues and grainy photographs. Not something I need, with the work I do with my camera. If I am going to have to sharpen photos, I might as well just keep using my current camera.

The guys just got back from taking the Inlaws to HellMart and we are going to head out, in a few. It is cloudy and cold and perfect for this time of year. Feels Wintery. :D

I had a great day, yesterday and today is going well, too.

Just a Quickie

2011-12-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

I am alive. I am still fighting. Having a few more good days than bad and battling to get back into my form.

It's snowing, again.

I have a ton of shit to do and have to get to it.

That is all I have to yap about, right at the moment.

Keep Shoveling, Bitches

2011-12-03T22:35:00.001-07:00

Snow. More of it fell, last night and on and off, all day today. Patrick and later, William, too kept it cleared pretty nicely. The snow finally stopped just before sunset and the clouds parted, the sun came out and the temperature started dropping. Rapidly. By the time it was dusk, it was in the mid twenties, out there. Brrr! It shoudl be well and truly frozen solid out there, in the morning.

It is supposed to be clear and sunny and warm into the forties, so the ice that is everywhere, right now should melt in pretty short order.

You know... I wouldn't bitch so much about the snow so much if we didn't live on the side of a hill. Seriously, what I woldn't give to have a short, level driveway on a well plowed street.

Patrick is shoveling, looking as if he is about to go sliding down our steep drive on all that ice while William leans on his shovel, goofing around on his BlackBerry. (That's our neighbour's car. The obnoxious smoker on the balcony one.)

The view off of my front balcony, looking off to the right. The sun was just beginning to set and gold and pink and coral light were beginning to flood the landscape.

This is looking off to the left, you can see Willow Creek Road, snaking along in the distance. I loved how everything was overwhelmed with gold from the rapidly sinking sun, here.

Patrick, shoveling madly. He really wanted to get done and come in and warm up. lol

This one looks much better, enlarged, as yu can actually see more detail. Shooting right into the sun is never a good idea, but I still had to try it. It just makes me crazy that my camera doesn't capture what my eyes see.

I love the colours of the setting sun on snow.

Patrick, surveying his hard work as the sun gets ready to sink below the hill below it. It was already in the twenties when this photograph was taken and in spite of all of the snow clearing activities, the drive was slicked with ice. Landlord needs to provide that snow melter stuff. It would make the drive so much safer.

Did you know that Washington Irving was the first author to describe Santa as fat and jolly? I imagine that he would describe me as fat and bitchy.

I am tired, tense and my head hurts and I think I am going to make it an early-ish night. I am looking forward to hitting the sack, tonight.

Snow. Blech.

2011-12-02T23:47:00.000-07:00

Snowed yesterday. Snowed last night. Snowed, today. Not large amounts, Just dustings, each time. Thank the heavens above. I have places to go and people to do, tomorrow. I do not need to be trapped on this hillside like a rat.

I really need to remember to write down all of my passwords in one place. I had to have my smartphone hard restarted, again. Forth time in less than a year, thankyouverymuch. Gah! Damned thing bleeds memory like a stuck pig does blood. It's super annoying. After that restart, I had to go in and re do everything. E-mail accounts, Twitter, Facebook... You get the drift. I was humming right along, getting everything back up and running. Remembered everything flawlessly with just a tiny, "Uh... Which e-mail is my personal Facebook attached t, again?" Until I hit Slacker. Yeah. Had to log in to that one several times until I hit on the right e-mail address/password combination. Yeah. Write it down, you addlepated old battleaxe.

So, what else is going on? Not a whole lot. I managed a fairly good day, today. Didn't dig into the big, greasy pizza that William and Patrick brought home for dinner. Not even a bread stick. Yeah. That was beginning to add up, let me tell you. Oh, I'll just have one. Yeah. Right. *rolling my eyes* I can't do even just one. time to keep remembering that.

My head has been hanging on the precipice of a major blow, all day, today, then tonight I started haloing. *sigh* I am in for it, tomorrow. Should be lots of fun. Especially since I can't just sit in the house with the blinds drawn. I have too much to do. So I get to go out and about, and pretend that my head isn't a nanosecond from imploding.

Say, Am I crazy for wanting a pink Christmas tree, this year?

Okay. I am going to bed. The right side of my head is about to blow like Mount Saint Helens.

So it Begins

2011-12-01T22:26:00.000-07:00

December. Winter. Snow. I don't like the snow. Not one little bit. It wouldn't bother me so much if we didn't live on the side of a hill and get trapped by just a couple of inches. I have to tell you, it's stupid. Utterly stupid.

I like the clouds we had today, tho. It was dark and gloomy and cold. Kinda matched my mood.

I don't really have all that much to natter about, really. I just wanted to start December with a post. And I will be back to talk more, tomorrow.

I Keep Forgetting

2011-11-23T00:09:00.000-07:00

That my lappie is wireless and that I don't have to keep it upstairs or use it only there. I can bring it down here and be comfy in my beddies. So, that is where I am. In bed. With my computer.

Anyone tried the updated Blogger interface? Is it any good? Easier to use? What's the dealio? I am intrigued but I don't want to click the link and get stuck with something that I don't like. Knowwhatimean? I am up for new things but I have to be sure I can handle it and that it will benefit me.

Anywhoozle. I got back on the road, tonight. It felt so good to walk, again. I did a fast, and I do mean fast two miles on Willow Creek with my bodyguards. For a while I was walking as fast as it is possible to walk without actually running and boy! Did that ever work my ass out! I was breathing hard, like I was running but it was easier on my joints and I could go longer at that pace than when I try to run. I kept going like that through a whole song. Whew! It was getting cold, when we set out, by the time I got back to the Jeep, I was hot and sweating.

I feel great and I want to keep it up, now. I did have some cramps in my calves, when I got home so I drank tons of water, took two potassium tablets and pounded a pile of dill pickle spears to up my potassium and hopefully I have staved off leg cramps, tonight. I usually get them when I pick back up on exercise and I have learned to load up with a ton of potassium to hopefully prevent them. Nothing like being jerked out of a sound sleep with your legs cramping so tight that all you can do is sit and rock back and forth, monaing and groaning, saying, "No! No! No! No!" over and over while you massage your legs and pray for death.

I ate well. I have good days and not so good days. I am still trying and I will beat this. I will. I think about how I had planned to be so much further along by now and I get pretty pissed at myself. It's my own damned fault. I am not blaming anyone or anything but myself. No one is holding a gun to my head and forcing me to be an idiot. Oh, no. I am doing that quite well on my own. I am not in trouble or out of control. I can still fit into my jeans... But I am not hapy with the fact that I am so utterly stalled and stupid.

Better than gaining it all back. I am grateful that I haven't done that. But still...

Anyway, I need to finish up my Thanksgiving shopping, tomorrow. I have some stuff to get, including Patrick's Dutch apple pie and I want to get a lower cal, sugar free dessert of some kind for me, just for that meal. I have my sides and the sides for the guys all planned out. And, I had planned to do another oven ready turkey but Fry's had Honeysuckle White whole turkey breasts on sale the other day for five clams each, so we grabbed one and it is in my fridge, happily thawing. It should be ready to roast, come Thursday. I am looking forward to having a nice roast turkey breast. Yum. I can almost smell it.

In addition to last minute shopping, I need to do laundry, tomorrow. Joy. How I love that chore. And I need to do my nails and I have a couple of other things on my back burner that I would like to do, should I have the time.

Okay, so I guess that is about it, for now. Time for me to go to sleep. I'm tired.

A Good Day

2011-11-18T22:57:00.000-07:00

I got through it in pretty fine style. Just over fourteen hundred calories for the day. I didn't binge on a bag of chips, I didn't eat a bag of sugar free candy. (Yeah, that shit isn't coming back into my house. It is too yummy and too easy to justify "just one more!") I did have a lot of popcorn. If I hadn't, I would have been under 1200. Way under 1200. It was worth it, to have the popcorn. :D

I am feeling pretty danged good and pleased with myself. Now, to repeat, tomorrow. Next thing you know, I could be on a streak.

Think I'll hit the lake trails, tomorrow. My knee is finally not swollen and I can walk without pain. I still have a big honking bruise on it. In fact I still have a whole bunch of big honking bruises on both knees and thighs and shins. Falling up the stairs... I don't suggest it. But, the swelling is gone from all of my banged sites and the bruises are beginning to turn yellow and fade. My knee is still tender to the touch but it is working fine.

I think that is about all I have to yammer about, right at the moment.

BYOC: I'm doing It

2011-11-18T10:15:00.004-07:00

Yay! It's BYOC time. Draz finally got one up and I finally got here to do it. The planets must be aligned. :D

1. What is your FAVORITE part of Thanksgiving?

Astonishingly enough, cooking Thanksgiving dinner. I know, half of you just fell over in shock. But it's true. This is the one meal that I actually look forward to cooking, every year. After that, it is turkey. Golly, I loves me some turkey! :D

2. How many Thanksgiving family events will you attend?

Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. I do Thanksgiving at home. With my husband and son. We send food over to the In-laws. I wish that I were close enough to have Thanksgiving with my family. *sigh* I wouldn't mind having people over. Maybe next year, when we live in a bigger house and my budget isn't so disgustingly tight.

3. What’s your biggest Thanksgiving tradition?

A Jennie-O Oven Ready turkey. No, really! Two minutes from freezer to oven and make my sides. No thawing, no rinsing, no slippery turkey carcass sliding across my kitchen floor. (Think I'm joking? You have never seen me do a turkey the old fashioned way, have you?) I don't have to worry about timing, temperatures and basting. And I have a perfect bird, every time. Now, that is a tradition I could pass down to future generations. Except that Patrick isn't planning to have kids. Nor does he cook Thanksgiving dinners. So, it began with me and it dies with me. :P

4. Do you Black Friday shop the day after Thanksgiving?

Oh, hellz fucking no! I don't do black Friday. I sleep in, then start decorating for Christmas. I don't like crowds, I don't appreciate being jostled, pushed, stomped on or having things taken from my hands because someone else thinks that they "deserve" that item more than I do. I don't consider TVs and so forth Christmas gifts. So I don't need to be first in line at Hell Mart to get one for forty-nine dollars.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog world.

In real life: I suck.

In Blog World: I suck.

Not So Smooth-ee

2011-11-14T11:40:00.000-07:00

Brekkie today was a smoothie. Or it was supposed to be smooth. I made a smoothie with almond milk, some cherry vanilla Yoplait Light, a few frozen strawberries and some chunks of frozen pineapple. Yummy. Then I had the bright idea to add pomegranate seeds. They added nice flavour. And lots and lots of crunchy bits.

*sigh* Drinking that smoothie was interesting. Especially spitting out all of those seeds and chunks of seeds. Lesson learned. No pomegranate seeds in smoothies. Maybe I will get some pomegranate juice and freeze cubes and toss them in, instead.

A big tumbler full of fruity goodness. Would have been better without the crunch. lol

Laundry day, today. Load number two is in the washer. I have sweaters and delicates tumbling gently in a low dryer. So much fun. I still need to run my vacuum and put my blender away. I was going to scrub my bathroom, today but I changed my mind and I'll do it, tomorrow.

I had a pretty good eating day, yesterday and the day before. Plan to do even better, today. I'd also like to get out for a walk. Now that the nasty swelling from my recent fall is finally going down on my frakking knee, I think I can handle it.

I can't think of anything else to say, right now so I am going to motor. I'll talk to you, later. (If anyone is still reading this drek. ;) lol)

Another Year Older...

2011-11-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

No. Birthday coffee, maybe. Cake, I don't need. lol

It's cool and getting cloudier. yay! Perfect Birthday weather for yours truly who loves her cloudy, grey days. Maybe we'll get some rain later. That would put the polish on it, fo shizz! :D

Okay so... My day is starting off well. Had my coffee and oatmeal and I am stuffed and about to go jump in the shower. I have some shopping to do, I need to blow the last of my Birthday money on foundation and powder, maybe I will have enough for a liner, a shadow or two? We'll see. :D My pressie was polish, this year.

Blech. Coffee breath. The kind that makes the roof of your mouth go gah! and you can feel it in the back of your throat. (Sorry Draz... Probably not something you wanted to read... ;)) Time to brush my fangs and rinse, too. Blech! Speaking of which, I am down to one dose of Crest Pro Health rinse (I love that stuff!) and I need to put that on my list. I can't live without it. It's the only Crest product I like and it is a doosy. It works faaaabulously.

Okay, so time to run. I hope that you are having a fantastic weekend. I am going to make this a really good day. Under 1500 for the day, here I come!

Later, gators. :D

11/11/11

2011-11-11T20:47:00.000-07:00

Heh heh. One off title, to be sure.

So... Not too much going on around here. Just most of the usual. Housework, laundry and so on. Blech. I am so in the mood to get out and go crazy, run wild and howl at the moon.

I just did a little pampering, instead. I exfoliated my face really well, slathered it in a chocolate clay masque and kicked back and read a book for about half an hour. I applied so much of the masque that it still wasn't fully dry when I was ready to rinse. It came in a single use packet and I didn't want to waste any, so I piled on all of it. Too much. Yeah, I know... Weird, coming from me. Next time, I think I will squeeze out the amount I need then roll it up tight and wrap it in packing tape. I can easily get two or three uses out of a single packet. I bought the masque at Walgreen's. It was nice. Smelled yummy, like chocolate frosting in a plastic tub. There are different kinds, I love the mineral one on a cloth, when I use that one I get all relaxed, boneless and floaty.And it makes my skin look and feel nice, too. Temporarily lifted a little. Which at my age...

Speaking of age. Tomorrow. 47. Yikes! I guess it is better than the alternative. In fact, I would say that I know that it is better than the alternative. Besides they say that fifty is the new thirty so, I am sctually going to be twenty-seven.

Yeah. Keep on telling yourself that, Erika.

I need to go grocery shopping. I need some different stuff in this house. I am so burnt out on the same old crap that William brings home and it isn't good. I need some new and foods that will inspire me to cook a bit (yes, I said cook. Shut up. lolol) and get back into my rhythm. I have been off of it and I miss it. I really do. I do well for a couple of days, then not as well, then do well and so on. *sigh* I also need to get to walking, again.

I keep saying this, don't I?

I think that stuff to make smoothies would be nice and some protein powder to make them more nutritious. Squash is coming into the store. Butternut squash and spaghetti squash and even fresh yellow and zukes. I haen't been getting and eating much in the way of fresh veggies and salads. I hate it when I have to just accept whatever William buys and brings home and maybe I have been rebelling and taking my anger about that on myself. Not good, really if that is what it is.

I am going to start hauling out the Christmas decorations, soon. I am going to keep it pretty simple, this year. Decorating this condo is a nightmare so I am going to scale it back a bit. Actually a lot. And buy a smaller tree. I love my big one but it is just so big and takes up a lot of my dining area and I have to smoosh my table against the wall and a smaller tree will make more sense, I feel. I think that the inside tree, the deck tree, lights outside and some garland and simple decorations on my mantel and scattered about here and there will be festive but not overwhelming.

I had hoped that we would find a new house soon but William wants to wait, now until April and the Bk is finished. Just five months to go. Chapter 13 is hell, my friends. Whoever says that BK is the easy way out never lived through a three year Ch 13. It is hard. It sucks. It isn't the easy way out. Trust me. So anyway, we are now waiting until April.

Whatthefuckever. Make up your mind, already and stop telling me one thing then changing direction midstream. I am getting just a tad sick of it.

Anyway. Another sickeningly boring entry is on the record. *sigh* I still suck. lol

Is This Arizona? Or Alaska?

2011-11-07T08:55:00.000-07:00

Bleargh! Moar snow. And we are still under a Winter weather advisory for the rest of today. Which means... Yepper. You guessed it. Possibly even more snow will fall. Patrick and William will love that. :P Patrick is out, right now clearing the drive. Considering how long and steep it is, I am sure that he is having a real bast. lol (That is an evil laugh, BTW.)

Pretty? Yes. Pain in the ass? No question. I suppose I would object a tad less strenuously to snow if we didn't live on the side of a steep hill and it weren't so frakking difficult to clear it.

Other than my constant bitching about the weather, not too much going on, around here. Marley is flaked out in front of the fireplace and Sabryna is passed out on her beddies. Nothing like warm, contented hairbags on a cold, snowy Autumn morning. :D

I need another cup of java. My brain is still in fuzz mode. Then I am going to get some new polishes swatched for my nail blog and... I dunno... Just hang. I get to have a lazy day since I cleaned house like a dervish, yesterday. I love that. Even housewives need vacay days.

Okay, off to the kitchen to make more coffee and some brekkie. I think that a nice, hot bowl of oatmeal with some chopped apple will go down very nicely, right now.

Did You Know...

2011-11-06T14:52:00.000-07:00

That you can fall upstairs? It's true. You can. I know 'cause I did, today. I had finished scrubbing my bathroom and had my phone in one hand, a tube of face "scrub" that I was taking upstairs so that William could remember to return it and I started up the stairs and instead of clearing the riser a couple of steps up, I jammed my right foot into it, instead. I lost my balance and footing and fell down the couple of steps and came to a halt at the bottom. I jammed my toes, knocked the hell out of both knees and thighs, took some skin off my left forearm, wrenched my back and left shoulder and smacked my beak on the step above me as I fell. I now have sore, swollen knees, a big, swollen lump on the top of my left thigh and another spot like it above my right knee. My poor toes are killing me and my fingers on my right hand are stiff. Which is making typing a ton of fun, lemme tell ya. lol

When I fell, I dropped my phone and you want to know what is really sick? It was my first worry when I came in for a landing. I was afraid that I had broken my phone. :P I am stiff, sore and not moving around too fast, right now. Aleve is going to be my bestest friend, for a few days, I am thinking. But I'll live. I'm just thankful that I didn't break anything. Especially my poor beak.

My house smells like caramel and apples and a little like cinnamon. I love scented candles sooo much! They make the air smell so yummy and the flickering light is so warm and welcoming.

Warm is needed, right now! It is much colder, all of a sudden. We got snow, yesterday morning. Just a dusting. But I remembered, later in the morning to grab my camera and fire off a few shots. Some melting had already occurred but there was still enough of the white stuff to show you. I hope that you like the photos. I did the best I could with my busted down old cart horse of a camera. (I am hoping that Santa will be bringing me a new one, this year. It is time, my old one is six years old and really starting to show it's age. lol)

Photographs are clickable.

I just love the shapes of this tree in the below photo and I have been wanting to shoot it for a while, now. :D

I just turned on my fireplace for the first time, today. It is just so chilly in here and my toes are froze and I want some warm. It is already beginning to throw a little heat. I wonder how long it is going to take my cat to figure out that it is on. He loves a good fire. He is currently curled up in a tight little ball on his blanket on the top of the back of the sofa.

It is dark and cloudy, this afternoon and The Weather Channel is threatening more snow. Just an inch or so. Blech! Yuk! Ptooey! Rain is fine, I like rain. But not the fluffy white stuff.

I'm working hard to keep my fat ass on track. And doing a little better, the past few days. Yesterday was a definite good day, I came in under 1500 calories. I should come in right around the same, today. I am also pushing water, I had been slacking on my slurping and was feeling the effects. It is good to be getting more hydration, again. I would like to take a walk, but I am going to need a few days to heal and unstiffify. (Yeah, I know it isn't a word. But I am using it, anyway. :P) I think that I am going to go take a really hot shower, in a bit. That should help to soothe me and loosen up some of my stiff and sore muscles.

Jeeze! I am such a klutz! lol

I just put Marley down in front of the fireplace. He is now sitting there, staring into the flames and giving himself a little bath. He will probably pass out soon. He likes to sleep in front of the fireplace with his paws stretched out to the heat vents and hose up all of the warm. :D

Okay, so I think that is about all I have to yap about, for right now. I'll talk to you all, soon.

What's Uuuuup?

2011-11-04T22:10:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone.

I meant to post yesterday but I got busy and by the time I thought about it, I had just hit shut down on my puter and I was ready to hit the hay so... Here I iz, now.

Ever have one of those days that is a total waste of makeup? I did, yesterday. Literally. I was putting my war paint on and the first try, it looked horrible. Partly my own fault... I am using a Roc retinol night treatment that can dry my skin and I have to exfoliate more often and I forgot and I have micro peelies and when I got my foundation on I looked like a zombie that was sloughing it's dead skin.

Not pretty, my friends. Not pretty. So, out came the makeup remover wipes and on went fresh moisturizer and I applied more foundation. And I do mean more. And once again, I looked as if Sabryna chewed my face up then barfed on it. So, out came the makeup remover wipes and the moisturizer. *sigh* What to do? I had to get my makeup on but I didn't have time to scrub and let my skin calm down before I had to be ready. Then I remembered, duh! Some stupid bitch forgot her primer. I smoothed some on, applied my foundation and much better. Not what I wanted but better.

Turns out I was out of scrub so I grabbed some while I was out. I am going to be going through a lot of it, this Winter. the air is dry, dry, dry and the cooler it gets, the drier my skin gets. The humidity is so low, right now and it is windy, too. So, it's going to get worse before it gets better. I think I need a vat of jojoba oil that I can just lower myself into until Spring. lol

Speaking of cooler. It might snow, tonight or in the morning. What the fuuuuu???? Noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do. Not. Want! Rain, fine. Snow? Nuh-Uh! No thank you! Snow sucks. And I have stuff to do this weekend so it had better not stick around. It isn't supposed to. If it does fall, we are only supposed to get an inch or so and it will be in the upper forties y tomorrow afternoon so, no worries.

William is watching Grapes of Wrath, again. Steinbeck bores the snot out of me. On the screen or the page. Doesn't make any difference. I hear his name and my eyes glaze over and my brain shuts down. Same with Shakespeare. Bleargh!

I got another dish towel knitted and I am hot into dish cloths, now. It's nice to have a drawer full of them, again.

Let's see... Oh. I busted open and seeded the first big, beautiful pomegranate of the season, tonight. We had a smaller one the other day but it was so sour that it was inedible. This one is scrumptious. Want more.

I guess that is about all I have to natter about, for right now.

Goodnight. :D

Dropping, Dropping

2011-11-02T22:08:00.000-07:00

Are the temps. It was much cooler, today and it is supposed to just get cooler. there is talk of possible snow on Saturday. Perish the thought! I will not have it! I have things to do. Snow is not welcome. Noooo siree! But yeah, it was significantly cooler, today. I did open one window in the afternoon when it got a little stuffy in here when the sun swung over.

I took the Hallowe'en decorations down, today. There is always something a little sad about my home after I take down holiday decorations. Not only does it look and feel bare but it is the knowledge that another holiday and passed and is gone. I won't have too long to lament, tho. I will be decorating for Christmas, before too long. I am not going to do my customary Christmas Puked All Over My House decor, this year. I am sick of trying to get everything to work in this tiny place so I am going a little more low key, this year. I am also going to buy a smaller tree. I love my big one but it just takes up too much room in my tiny dining area. So,I'm thinking a five foot pencil tree should be just the ticket.

I got most of the laundry done up... I still have one load. And I really need to scrub my bathroom. Blech. Not in the mood but it needs done so I'll probably knock it out tomorrow, really quick. It doesn't really take me all that long. I have a system and can get my bathroom sparkling clean in pretty short order. It is just mustering up the gumption to actually do it, lately.

I am feeling a little burned out in the housework area and I think that I could use a vacation. Not that I am going to get one, mind you. But the thought of one is a nice thing.

Okay. I have a headbanger and I am going to take it to bed and see if some sleep will ease it a bit. I'll see all of you fine, furry people tomorrow. *muah!*

Happy November!

2011-11-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

I say that at the beginning of every month, don't I? Lame. lol

It's been a while, again but I mean to change that. I am giving myself a challenge to get back in the habit of daily blogging and I want to post every day, this month, Even if it is boring and stupid as I am, I am going to do it. So, buckle up for a lot of mundane stuff ahead. lol

The weather has been amazing, here. Seventies, even eighties. In the seventies, yesterday. That was warm for Hallowe'en, even around here. It's supposed to be 73, today then cool into the 60's and then the 50's throughout the week. Maybe it will start feeling like Fall. :D The warmer weather has been a nice thing, since I certainly don't need to heat my home. Unlike the poor people who had a ton of snow dumped on them, thanks to the freak snowstorms that hit. I hope that all of my readers and family who got snowed upon are okay, have your power back on and are recovering from the October snow madness.

My days are so routine that sometimes I wish for some dramaz, something to break up the monotony. But I guess it isn't a bad thing, really... Things are pretty peaceful. William works a lot and when he is home, I am buried in my computer and so we don't talk much and as a consequence, we fight less. Laptop as peacemaker. lol

I had a pretty good couple of days, diet-wise. Still working at it. I am not giving up, no matter how pathetic I am and how I have slowed myself. I know that my mojo is within reach and I will get it back and I am not quitting.

Now to get to walking, again, too. I miss that and I am just going to have to take it into my own hands. If I wait for William to feel like driving me to the lake or walking with me, I'll never get out there. *sigh* That's bullshit. I'm a fucking adult. I can go by myself.

Okay, so that is what is going in, right now. I am going to drink my coffee and read your blogs and see what everyone is up to.

Later, gators.

Good Morning, Blogland

2011-10-19T07:44:00.000-07:00

I hope that everyone is having a good morning. I am waiting for my kettle to boil so that I can have my first cup of coffee. It is sunny and chilly, this AM but it is supposed to warm up to 80 or so this afternoon. Should be a pretty day.

Mmm... Coffee. :D Marley just had his morning pile of Party Mix. He expects his treat every day. He sits up on my washer, meowing, staring at me and licking his lips until he gets his goodies. lol Oh! I have to watch Anderson, today. It's about germy stuff. Should be fun. Pardon me while I set my DVR...

Cripes I need to wake up. I hate mornings.

Okay, I am going to have my java and watch The Biggest Loser. I'll see all of you later. :D

Whew!

2011-10-18T22:44:00.000-07:00

Holy shit! It's warm, tonight. The windows are open (I am breathing skunk stank, a-fucking-gain!) the fans are going and I am toasty. WTF? We had to run the air for a bit, late this afternoon. It just got too hot in here.

Did someone say it was Fall?

Did they lie? lol

In other news, I don't know if I mentioned that we got a new neighbour. She is nice enough... Not too noisy, her rat dog doesn't bark too much. I can hang with her there. But her SO who is there more and more, he is another story. You see, he is a smoker. *sigh* Another cigarette sucking outside smoking person next door. We got rid of the last ones and now the smoke is once again drifting into my house and choking me. And I can't keep my windows closed because it is too warm and besides, why should I have to?!?! These are non smoking units, damnit!

Technically, he isn't smoking inside, so he isn't breaking the rule of the building but still... Keeping the smoke out of his girlfriend's place is clogging my air with the stuff and I beyond don't appreciate it. It stinks, it triggers my asthma, it can also trigger my migraines, it stinks and I just don't want to breathe it. If I wanted to breathe smoke, I'd go buy a pack and go to it.

Look, I get that he has every right to smoke. He is an adult and can make his own choices. If he chooses to blow out his lungs with cigarettes, that is his deal. But I firmly believe that I have rights, too. And one of those rights is to not have my health and well being jeopardized by his bad habit. One of the reasons we chose to move in her, in the first place was because smoking isn't allowed. We assumed that meant that there was no smoking. At all. Wrong. Apparently, it is perfectly okay for smokers in other units to enjoy their cancer sticks outdoors and send their nasty, noxious, dangerous second hand smoke my way. Blech!

Anywhoozle, we are sick of this condo, sick of sharing a wall, sick of sharing a driveway, sick of neighbours who smoke, sick of three adults cramped into a two bedroom unit... It is just getting to all of us. So, we hashed over the old budget and as long as we don't go too much higher than what we pay now, we figure we can go up about... $200.00 a month or so, we can move. Find a house. A real, honest-to-goodness house. With no connecting walls, no noise from next door, no smoke wafting through my domicile.

We are now in official house hunt mode and the instant we find something, we are out of here. :D Oh, to have a house, again. I am soooo over condo living, I can't even tell you.

I have already begun preliminary preparations. I like an organized, smooth move and I will start a long way out, gathering boxes, packing materials, making lists, sorting, discarding stuff that doesn't matter and I don't want to move, packing up stuff not used on a daily basis and so forth. I am a moving machine, I have done it so many times. lol And I can't wait to move, again.

That is one of the many things we love about being renters. If we get shitty for any reason neighbours or we just get tired of the place we are, we pack up and go. See ya! Wouldn't want to be ya!

I had another good day. White knuckled it in a couple of spots but did right well, overall. Spending time in my sanctuary, swatching and photographing polishes took up time I would have otherwise spent having thoughts I don't need to be having. Keeping busy really does help! A lot! :D

Okay, I think I am yapped out, now. I have to pee and you know what? I am not so much in the mood for the fudge pop, after all. Think I'll just hit the hay.

So, goodnight. :D

Have I Mantioned That I Hate Skunks?

2011-10-18T07:07:00.000-07:00

Seriously. They spray around here almost every night. This morning, I was sleeping so nice. Cuddled up with my cat under m blankets, the fresh, chilly air coming in through my bedroom window and Blam! Skunk stank. I had to get up and close my window and come upstairs and do the same. Now my house reeks and I just want to gag.

Fucking skunks. When we first moved into this condo, there were no skunks. We never smelled them. Then it was as is, after some time they managed to follow us down from Highland Pines, found us and are now spraying joyfully. Blech! Go back to the woods where you belong, you little stinly bastards. There is plenty of fresh air out there for you to befoul.

Coffee. It is nectar of the gods. :D

I have laundry to do. The towels are all used up and hubbie needs undies. I also need to finish swatching that new Wet-N-Wild polish collection I picked up, the other day. I still can't believe that I found a LE collection in my Podunk town. You bet I snapped up one of every colour. :D

Yesterday was another good day. I think? I am on a roll. :)

It is clear and the high is supposed to be 81, today. Just gorgeous. Of course, this time of year I prefer dark, grey cloudy skies and wind and slashing rains. But if I can't have that, I suppose no humidity and 81 degrees and a nice little breeze. That is just about weather that comes from a dream.

Okay, so I think that I have nattered enough, for right now. I'll talk to you all, later. :D

Oh! I think that oatmeal is on the menu for brekkie, this morning.

I'm Still Alive

2011-10-17T09:45:00.001-07:00

Really, I am. :p I am a dorkface and I thought that I didn't deserve to blog here because I have still been struggling and wasn't inspirational and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. I am a weird-o. But that is how I roll.

Life here is chugging along as normal. Boring. Stupid. Or I should say, I am boring and stupid, since I have strange ideas about deserving my blog and posting in it. lol I also feel stupid about posting all about my exciting days dusting and doing laundry and taking my dog out to pee. I am not "busy" and interesting and have things to talk about. So I don't.

But I miss my blog and my bloggy buddies and I want to write here.

See? Stupid.

It has been unseasonably warm, here. Like a second Summer. Highs in the eighties, tho it is supposed to gradually cool into the seventies through this week. Nights are gorgeous, cool. Perfect sleeping weather and cat under the covers to be my personal furry little hot water bottle.

So, I had a good day yesterday. I am planning to make today the same. I don't know where my weight is, exactly... My scale battery needs to be changed and I am in no hurry to acquire a new one at the moment. I am afraid of what I will see and that it will shatter me. I know that I am up a few pounds but my jeans still fit so it isn't terrible but still... I am so mad at myself. And I am not giving up! Ever!

Okay so, 'Nuff boring on and on and on. I am going to try to get over this silliness and blog more.

Anyway, hi! :D

Dear Biggest Loser,

2011-10-05T09:30:00.001-07:00

Is it really necessary to torture us with NFL kiss ass episodes?

Love,

Erika

Laundry day, today. Joy. #eatmysarcasm

Maybe I should e-mail this to my husband. ^^

We finally got some rain! It got windy, yesterday. Huge gusts tore through and ripped the cover off of my grill. It flew away, never to be seen again. When William came home for lunch, I had him move my grill down to the garage. And he got it down there just in time as shortly after he went back to work, the heavens opened up and rain dumped down in buckets. It actually rained for quite a while. If we get some more storms like this, the moisture deficit might just be rectified and the tinder dry land be refreshed.

Oh shit! I forgot to turn on my dryer. Fucking brilliant. Jeeze!

New brain, perhaps?

I think, perhaps, yes. I can't think of another thing to write about.

October First

2011-10-01T10:03:00.001-07:00

For your viewing and listening pleasure. :D I love this version. And the video is sooo Eighties-licious! :D

Good grief! October first! Already! When did that happen? And why is the year flying by so damned fast? lol I do love October, tho. This is the month when the temps begin to fall. At least... They are supposed to! I mean, it is still unseasonably warm and I had my A/C running, yesterday. It is humid, today and we are expecting thunderstorms, later. I thought that the Monsoon was over?!?!

The guys are off work today but William had to go in to the office and route his crew for today and Monday. Stupid, but that is how they do it. Then William and Patrick with take the in laws or, as Patrick calls them, The Goon Squad out to do all of their weekly shopping.

I skipped walking, yesterday. I had the Migraine from the Bowels of Hell and didn't want to breathe, much try to pound out miles on my feet. No, I haven't gotten new shoes and I won't, for a while. I am just going to make the ones I have work, for now. I think that asking for more shoes right now... Not a great idea. *sigh* Whatever.

Yeah... The sugar free chocs. If I watch how many I nom, I am okay. Overdoing it is a mistake, tho. I only go for the sugar free because the ones with sugar hurt my teeth. I really need to get in to see a dentist. But I hate going to the dentist so. much. that I keep putting it off. And putting it off. I suck! lol I'll go. Probably when driven by pain to do so.

I suppose I should go take a shower and get myself pulled together for the day. I'll talk to you all. later. :)

Sugar Free Chocolates

2011-09-28T22:50:00.001-07:00

Sooo good. Seriously. Dove dark chocolate ones filled with a lovely ganache truffle stuff. Yum! Russel Stover sugar free caramels. Yes, caramels. Rich, chewy, enrobed in chocolate caramels. I allow myself a couple a day. They are a nice reward for staying on track and it has been so long since I have had candy...

But.

There is a side effect.

Bleargh!

Did you know that luscious, smooth, creamy sugar free chocolates cause stomach rumbling, explosive, offensively stanky gas?

Neither did I.

I sure do, now. So does the rest of my household. I am busily getting revenge on my guys for gassing me out of house and home for all of these years.

Maybe I need to buy a few more bags... :P

In other news, we walked again today. We got a little farther before we had to turn back, thanks to encroaching darkness. It is about time to shift from the lake to the sidewalks along Willow Creek Road. Light is handy, when you are walking at night. I am happy to be walking, again. I feel so much better, already. And I want to stay on track to make it all worthwhile. And I need to stay on track and lose this frakking weight!

My feet hurt. Not too badly... I am going to see if I can get used to these shoes before I go whining for another pair. I just don't need the heavy weather involved in asking for new shoes so soon after receiving the last pair, you know what I mean?

Okay, I suppose I should wrap this up as I have nussing else to yap about.

Goodnight, chickens.

My Husband is Going to Kill Me

2011-09-28T10:03:00.000-07:00

When he finds out that I need another pair of new shoes. I thought that I loved my new New Balance runners. Turns out, not so much. I loved them in the store. I love them wearing them casually. They are fab for running around, shopping and so forth. But out on the trails they just don't work for me. The low profile toe box catches my toenails when my foot moves, the balls of my feet ache terribly, the outsides of my feet hurt and I keep getting blisters on my big toe and my heels. My difficulties with these shoes is one reason why I have been so reluctant to get out and walk.

We got out, last night. Walked nearly a mile and a half before encroaching darkness drove us back to the car. And my feet, this morning are aching. More than they ever did. I think that I need proper walkers for walking. I think that runners just don't have enough cushioning and support in the soles. So, I need another pair of shoes. And William is going to kill me when I tell him that. Until I can get them, I'll just have to make the New Balance shoes work. And take a little extra Aleve.

I did mention that we finally walked again. Haven't since... July? Geeze! No wonder I am sucking big green donkey dicks on the scale. Why I feel nasty and sluggish and just plain shitty. And a little bigger. Oh yeah. Bigger. My jeans are a little tighter. *sigh* But I am getting it back together. And that is going to change. It is changing. It has to. I have no choice.

At least the weather is perfect for walking in the late afternoon and evening. :D

I am working on another dish towel, once it is finished I will start on dish cloths. I love having a drawer full of them, available and ready for the tasks they must perform and not run out between laundry days. Speaking of laundry...

I don't have to do any, today. Yaaaaay!!!

Geeze! I have to pee. Again. Stoopid water.

Time for a blog redesign... I am bored with the grey and white.

Happy Fall!

2011-09-23T10:04:00.000-07:00

It's one of the best days of the year. :D

No leaves changing here, yet. They usually start in October and depending on the species go into November. Sometimes we get peak on some trees as late as Thanksgiving. I am so looking forward to the leaves. They are one of the most beautiful things ever.

You know what else Fall brings? Oh yeah... You know. You know what makes this TV junkie happier than a pig in fresh, wet mud. New shows, baby! And returning favourites. *sigh* I mean, what could make a TV addicted poor fool like me just vibrate with joy? A whole lineup of new stuff to fill my addled brain. This is the season when so much stuff is flooding the airwaves that my DVR smokes. I am test driving new series to see what I think of them and enjoying the season premiers of old friends. Oh! Amazing Race fans, the new season kicks off Sunday nights, check your local listings.

One of the shows that kicked off this week was of course, The Biggest Loser. I like this show. I make no apologies for that. Hell, I make no apologies for anything I watch... Including the Real Housewives franchise, of which I happen to be a huge fan. But I am annoyed with The Biggest Loser this season. And my annoyance all boils down to two little words. Anna Kournikova.

Would someone please tell me what the high holy hell some second rate former tennis player knows about the physiology and psychology of obesity? Okay, so she knows how to whip herself into shape for rolling around in steamy music videos with Enrique Iglesias, doing Maxim, FHM and Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition photo shoots and strangely suggestive sports bra adds. But how exactly does that qualify her to understand and even more crucially be able to in any way, shape or form identify with obese persons. Especially senior citizens?

Oh wait. I know. She's hot. Apparently, that is the sole qualifying criteria, nowadays if you are going to be on TV in any capacity. Hell, it seems to be vitally important if you are going to do anything, anywhere. If you are hot you are qualified to do anything. Never mind that her extremely limited professional tennis successes during her extremely short professional tennis career (not entirely her fault... she suffered an injury that cut her pro competitive career short) came on the doubles court. Let's forget that ESPN has named her number one on their most highly overrated athletes ever list and #18 on their list of the biggest athletic flops of the last 25 years. Let us forget, for just one moment that the girl hasn't been educated in exercise physiology. Has she spent even one moment in a classroom? Read books on the subject? Hell, can she even read?

Okay, maybe that last one was a little harsh.And I don't know whether or not she is educated in exercise physiology. Tho my guess would be a big, fat no. (If I am wrong, I will happily eat a huge, steaming plate of crow. Feathers and all. I am a big girl and I can freely admit when I am wrong. And apologize sincerely for being so.) And, since I am not a huge fan of the whole everyone must have a degree mindset that has pervaded our culture so thoroughly, I will give her credit for on the job training. But I still don't think that her accomplishments, her credits, if you will, qualify her to work successfully with obese persons. I can't see her getting into the nitty gritty of the complex nature of why a person is obese. I don't think that she has even a clue of how and why a person can get to the point where they need intervention for a severe eating disorder. An eating disorder that has taken them to the point of no return and is threatening to kill them.I am waiting with bated breath for her down and dirty talks with her team. It will be interesting to see if she has any ability to listen, identify, empathize. I doubt that she can. I really do.

But I could be wrong. And if I am, I will, once again munch nasty scavenger bird and shiny black feathers with alacrity.

Holy shit! I am watching Project Runway as I type this and Oliver just flat out offended his client! The look in Ewen's eyes when Oliver said the nasty things he did about him. I am so sick of Oliver's bitching about big people, plus sized people. Hell, having to dress anyone of normal size. He only wants to work with "model sizes" and waaahhh, waaahhh, waaahhh. I hope that he fails miserably and gets tossed out on his whiny little ass. We shall see.

Yessssss! Little Mr. Whiny I-Hate-Big-People! Pants Oliver is out. Finally.

Well, I guess I have had my catty little bitchfest for the day, hmmm?

Do I have anything else to natter about right now? Not really. So I am going to go. I have some stuff to get done and I am ears deep n a couple of little projects I need to finish. They both involve nail polish, but they aren't both on my nails.

Arrr!

2011-09-19T07:45:00.000-07:00

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day, Mateys!

It is a pretty Monday morning. Sun shining. Birdies singing. Skunk stink befouling my air.

Frakking skunks! Why can't they go spray in the woods?!?!

So, did you see the news coverage of the pumpkin harvest? Stupid hurricane wiped out a bunch of pumpkins. So there is supposed to be another shortage. Gah! I needs my pumpkins. Fresh. In cans. Fro Jack-O-Lanterns. This sucks. The last few years have been miserable for pumpkins. And this year is supposed to be the same.

Okay, that is about all I have to talk about, right now. Yes, my life is lame and boring.

Arrr!

Old Dogs

2011-09-16T07:08:00.000-07:00

We can be taught new tricks. Might take us a little while to get it, but we can learn. Yes we can. For instance, I learned, through uninstalling and reinstalling Firefox that it wasn't the program that was the problem. Turns out it was my bookmarks. They had been corrupted when my original version of Firefox got corrupted and crashed. I saved my bookmarks, thinking that the program was flawed. But every version of Firefox I tried gave me the same problem and I finally figured out that I needed to dump my bookmarks (waaah!!! Now I have to build a new list of bookmarks) and then install Firefox all over again.

And now it all works as it should.

Yepper. Just call me tech support. But don't call me because I can't help you. But now I have this profile attached to this browser again and am able to follow new blogs and so forth, again. Can't do that with Chrome, as that browser is attached to my other profile. Yes, each blog/profile has it's own browser. My profiles are oh-so-exclusive.

So, Frost Princess got out the other day... For a while. Sneaky bitch got past my Dragon. Don't now how. But I caught her and tossed her back in. She had damned well better stay there. I hope that I have a better number on the scale, tomorrow morning. Blech.

I think that the Monsoon is drawn to a close. It is less humid and clear. We have had the first harbingers of Autumn, around here. Cooler night time temps and chilly mornings. I have had to turn off fans in the morning and even closed the windows a couple of mornings. Marley tried to talk me into a fire, two mornings ago but it isn't quite that chilly. lol

I was up just before six. Couldn't go back to sleep so I got up, did a few little things, got my coffee going, put Sabryna out to do her business, fed the cat... That sort of thing. Made my coffee and Sabryna went into my laundry room to drink water then barfed it out all over the floor. So back out she went and William had to get up and clean the floor. Yeah. Mama doesn't do barf. :P Poor baby girl. Some days her tummy is just urpy. Some days she is fine. She has always been that way. Sweet dog. Good dog. Smart, loyal dog. Has a bad tummy. She is getting so old. She gets tanglefooted, slips on the kitchen floor, looses her balance, the other day she had a terrible time getting up off the floor. She sleeps a lot. More than she used to. She is winding down. I hate it when dogs get old.

Let's see... Anything else going on? Nope. Not really. I have some laundry to do and I want to swatch some polishes for my other blog. That's about it. Yepper. Boring. That is my life.

Something Pretty... Something Ugly

2011-09-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

This weekend was busy and I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. But I did, indeed get on my scale on Saturday and snapped a pic of the number.

But first, I want to show off my pretty, pretty flowers. William's and my 23rd wedding Anniversary was on the ninth and William had a bouquet of huge, pink stargazer lilies delivered to me here at the house. What a surprise!

Aren't they gorgeous?!? I love stargazers and these are really lovely specimens.

Okay, as I said, earlier, I did, indeed get on my scale.

And I have to tell ya, folks. It wasn't pretty.

Up three. I can blame some of it on puff. But not all of it. My idiocy is to blame. And that bitch Frost Princess. Seeing that number threw a scare into me and I tossed Frost Princess into her tower room, threw all of her nasty junk food in with her, slammed and locked the door and put my Dragon on guard in the corridor. That little sneak isn't getting past my Dragon. If she does, I am screwed. And I don't want to be screwed.

Yesterday and Saturday were stellar days. Two in a row. Time for three. I am back to thinking day by day, even minute by minute, if I must. I let my guard down, I stopped my constant vigilance. It hasn't been working for me. So I needed to get back to something that I know does. *sigh* Still learning, still have work to do to change old patterns. Sometimes I wish that there was a magic... Something that could just poof! And my mental and emotional wiring was put right. Wouldn't that be nice?

It is finally starting to cool off a little around here. But it is stupud humid. We are expecting possible thunderstorms. We got a bit of a blow, last night. Some wind, a little rumbly and lightening and a sprinkle but I have to say, this year's Monsoon is, so far a total bust.

So what else? Not too much, really. Life is just ticking along and. Yeah.

Happy Wednesday, Hackers Suck and Homicidal Tendencies

2011-09-07T10:32:00.000-07:00

Hello gang. I hope that you all had a great Labor Day Weekend. Mine was meh. William was sick, we were broke (shocker) and so we just sat in the house, with the A/C on and stared at each other. Or would have, if he hadn't been hogging the TV and I wasn't face planted in my laptop. I didn't do too well, diet-wise over the weekend. I didn't binge or eat burgers, or anything but snacks... Yeah. *sigh* Frost Princess is a bitch and I grow weary of her shenanigans.

Joys. I haz dem.

My abcess is shrinking and the pain is dwindling. Thankful for little mercies, that is I. The antibiotic is doing it's job.

I kicked Frost Princess's ass, yesterday. And am planning to do so again, today. I have a weigh in coming up and I want to see the number on my scale move. In the right direction, thankyouverymuch.

Texas is burning down. Shit! They need rain so much. Maybe we should all get together at an agreed upon time everywhere we are and do a rain dance for Texas. They need it so badly.

Fucking hackers. They aren't just curious sprites playing in Cyber-Land, you know. They are dangerous, offensive criminals and they need to be stopped. Some of our bloggy friends have been attacked and infected. I am not going to bandy names, I am sure that they know what is what and are ding what they can. Hackers piss me off. They ruin things for other people for no better reason than they can.

So, I have this horrid headbanger, today. Every sound, every beam of light makes my brain want to implode and of course, this is the day that some dumb-assed crew decided to do some super noisy work, locally. They started at six in the morning. Banging and crashing and loud heavy equipment engines and beep-beep-beep-beep-beep and jackhammers and more banging and brakes squealing and oh. My. Sainted. Aunt. I am contemplating closing my windows and turning on my A/C just to get some dark and quiet. In fact, I am going to do that, right now.

That's a little better. Fuck the electric bill. I need quiet and dark or I will end up smashing my head against a wall to make it all go away.

What the high holy hell are they doing out there, anyway? It sounds as if they are tearing up the street and bringing in huge loads of metal and rocks and dropping everything everywhere. In between the clanging and the jackhammering.

So, we are getting our first breaths of Autumn. The last couple of nights and mornings have been so lovely and cool. I am talking turn the fans off cool. It is still very much Summer and the heat and so on will still linger for a good while, yet but I am certainly enjoying these few rare gifts of the coming season. It is making me want to get out my Fall decorations and change my blog background. But I am going to wait a couple of more weeks. Then begin redecorating my house. And my blogs. :D

Golly, I love Autumn.

I am lazy, today. I have laundry in a basket asking to be put away and the basket is just sitting by my dresser, ignored. I didn't make my bed. Just fluffed my pillows and pulled the covers up sorta straight. Didn't change the liners in my wastebaskets, dust, vacuum... Screw it. I am not in the mood and my head hurts too much. I did empty my dishwasher. So I can't call myself a total sloth. lol I'll probably change the wastebasket liners and put those clothes away in a bit. Probably the next time I hike downstairs. But they can wait, for now.

I have three dish towels knitted and number four is over halfway finished. This payday I need to obtain a couple more of those huge skeins of cotton yarn. After I finish knitting up as many dish towels as I want, I will start on dish cloths. I need new dish cloths, too.

That is all I have to yap about, at the mo so I will go.

Back From the Doc

2011-09-03T15:30:00.000-07:00

And I have just one question...

Why do they have to poke and poke at the sore spot? I mean, first the tongue depressor, sharp edge gouging into my big old abscess. Ow! Ow! Ow! Me, pulling back, recoiling. Then the gloved finger goes in and poke, press, poke, again. Then the fingers, poking outside on my cheek. A couple of times. The "OW!" and the reflexive shrinking from touch isn't enough of a signal that you are hurting me? I mean, you can tell by looking that the thing that it has to hurt... But still, you need to poke.

And poke.

And poke.

Gah!

I know... A doc needs to get the full scope of the situation. And that means poking. I just needed to bitch a bit. lol

I am now the proud owner of a bottle full of Amoxycillin (or howeverthefuckyouspellthat) capsules. I have taken my initial double dose and I am hoping that this kills this infection, fast. And yes, I am going to find a dentist. And make an appointment. And go. I now have no choice, do I? My mouth is trying to tell me something and it is time to listen.

I have to tell you, tho... I would rather have a sleepover with the Evil Triad than go to the dentist. :P

I am a badass black widow stomping bitch. We got home and there was a black widow in a web in the corner of the garage. The big, strong, tough-guy men were standing there, looking at it, talking about Raid and shovels and all kinds of ways that they could kill it without having to actually go near it. About that time she headed down web to go hide in the crack at the base of the wall. When she got closer to the floor, I just stomped on her ass and dragged the black, nasty spider juice out across the garage floor.

Job done.

Black widow vanquished.

Big, strong, tough-guy men safe.

You should have seen their faces. lolol They were fascinated and horrified. And William couldn't believe that I actually stomped the bitch. Hey, I just wanted her dealt with. And I didn't want her making babies that could come crawling into my house in the time it took those two pussies to debate spider extermination tactics. So, I took care of her.

Guess it would have sucked if, instead of stomping on her, she had got up my pant leg...

I am going to get a cup of java and some lunch. I am hongry. And I need coffee. So, I'll talk to you later. :D

Accountability

2011-09-03T10:04:00.001-07:00

Image Credit

I got on my scale, this morning. And I took a picture:

(No feet... My pedi is in sad shape and no one needs to see that! lol) Note the date stamp.

Time to kick this pig. I have lost fourteen pounds since January.

Fourteen.

That is fucking abysmal.

I have no one to blame but myself. No one held a gun to my head and forced chips, popcorn, peanuts or what have you, a handful here, a bowlful there down my throat. Oh no. I did that.

And it really needs to stop. No more dicking around. No more hiding. No nonsense.

I will weigh, with my camera on Friday or Saturday morning every week. (Whichever morning I am least puffy, urgh!) And I will post the photograph, date stamped. Good, bad or ugly. Accountability. I do better when I own it. I do better when I am actively showing how things are going for me right here, on my blog.

I am going to start a personal challenge. There is no start date, no end date. It is a challenge to remember to be accountable to the most important person in this whole endeavor. Myself. I am worth this and I am accountable to myself for my health and well being. And I am challenging myself to stay on track and stay accountable and stop the nonsense.

You are welcome to join me, if you like. If you want to, grab the above photo (not my eight one...;)) and post it, with a linkback to this post in your sidebar. Lets do this for ourselves! We deserve this. We are worth it.

Thank you for your sweet messages on my last post. Three years. This one, for some reason hit me kind of hard and I thought a tribute was a good idea. I don't do this every year. I am not a big believer in dwelling but sometimes I need to remember and feel. :)

Okay, I need to run. I have to get my lazy azz in the shower. I have a nasty infection in my gum and it hurts like a sumbitch and my face is all puffed up as if I got hit by a Mac truck so I am going to pop in to the Urgent Care and get me some Godzilla antibiotics to kick it. Then I need to get my procrastinating ass to a dentist and get my teeth dealt with. I hate going to the dentist but I really can't put it off any longer. But I can't hold out with this infection, any longer. Waaahhh!

Three Years

2011-08-31T08:02:00.000-07:00

R.J.M. 1941~2008

I love you Daddy. I will miss you, always.

Tuesday Evening

2011-08-30T20:27:00.000-07:00

A good day has passed. I day in which I wasn't obsessing over bullshit I shouldn't eat. A day in which I felt good, calm and confident.

I hung a sign on my bedroom wall... It reads, "90 Pounds to Lasik!" If that doesn't remind me what I am working toward, I don't know what will. I have wanted to ditch my glasses and contacts for so. Very. Long. And I can, once I get solidly below 200 pounds. The money will be there, I just have to get to that point so that I can reach out, grab it and use it to fix my eyes.

It is still so hot. Heat advisories. Humidity. Hazy skies. We get clouds, a few rumbles of thunder from time to time but little rain. I doubt it is even measurable. It gets more and more dry.

Patrick made flavoured instant oatmeal, today and my house smelled like cinnamon, brown sugar and maple. It smelled like Fall. It smelled so delicious. I was wishing that I could look out the window and see the leaves changing.

Autumn will arrive soon enough.

I have finished knitting a dish towel and am about halfway through another one. Knitting keeps my fingers busy. It is hard to stuff junk in my mouth and knit, at the same time. Tho... I could probably figure out how to do it, if I really wanted to. ^^

So, my stupid cell phone finally killed off the last of it's memory, so it went back to the Verizon store and they ordered me another one, same model. I received the new one, yesterday. New one. Now, that is an interesting term. They sent me a "like new" reconditioned and inspected phone. So, get this... We bought a brand new cell phone. And a warranty that cover it for repair or replacement under just about any circumstances. Drop it and break it? Get a new one. Run over it with the car? Get a new one. Flush it down the john? Get a new one. Phone gets eaten by a Velocaraptor? Get a new one. I need a new phone. What do I get?

Someone else's piece of shit cast off "like new, inspected" old ass phone.

Granted, it is in lovely condition and everything but still... I am a little cheesed. I am cheesed that my old phone was such a piece of crap on a stick and my "new" one, the same model is already proving it's self to be more of the same. The memory is swiftly disappearing. If it holds up for two months, I will be shocked. If you want a 'Droid smartphone, whatever you do, avoid the LG Vortex like the plague. I hope that I will get to upgrade to something with better memory, more power, a better keyboard and more features, later this year.

I never thought that I would hear myself say that! lol Funny how things change.

You want to know what really annoyed me? It took me forfuckingever to find my Simple Calorie Count app, again (Android App Store has been totally redesigned and is an utter pain in the ass to navigate and find apps.) and I had to re install Angry Birds and start all over. Dammit! I was really rocking that game, too. I am getting through the lower levels faster than I did the first time around, tho.

My wedding band is dangerously close to falling off by it's self. If I shake my hand, it flies across the room. lol

Okay, that is about all I have to bore on about, for right now.

Facing the Music

2011-08-24T11:48:00.002-07:00

I am a little obsessed with this: :D

The pipes on this gal! Yes, I am a fangirl. :)

Thank you all so much for your lovely, supportive comments. You can't even begin to grok what they did for me. *squishes everyone in bloggyland*

So. Accountability. We all need to grow up, grow a pair and admit our shit. It is a part of being an adult and becoming the person we want to be, deserve to be. So, I will admit my shit.

It is hard to admit my shit.

Seriously hard.

I mean... I would rather be locked in a circular room for 48 hours with Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter and Michelle Bachmann with Sean Hannity on a continuous loop on a loudspeaker than admit my shit. But in the interest if being an adult and accountable, here it is: I got on my scale last night and... I am up. Two pounds.

Ouch! That sound you just heard was a baseball bat to my solar plexus. Thanks, life. I needed that. A reality check. Knowing. It is better. Now I can get back to work and check this before it becomes a spiral back into three-four hundred pound hell. Not going back there. I can't and I won't.

Frost Princess can bite by big, dimpled white ass. She has had her fun. We all need to. But her moment in the sun is over. I am not saying that the little bitch is banished. Sadly, she seems to like me and it appears that she isn't moving on, anytime soon. Too bad I can't get her and Drazil together. The two of them could ride off into the sunset on Sheniqua's ass. Then there would be two gals who would have an easier time of it. :D

Speaking of Drazil (Me, you need a screen name, dude. Calling you Drazil is not fair to you and calling you Me... Well... It is just... Confusing. lol) I read that fantabulous comment you left me about what was said between you and Jen. It made me run away for a while. But it also filed me with an incredible glow. I wanted to squish you both. Maybe one day I will get to.

I have lost my writing flow. I had to pee while I was writing this and when I got downstairs, I decided to clean my Sanctuary so I scrubbed down my bathroom, dusted, vacuumed, fluffed my featherbed and made my bed, folded a basket of laundry and put it away, got another hamper full sorted and the first load in. Then, while I had a slice of sunshine, I grabbed my camera, lightbox and some nail polish gem jewelry that was sent to me for review and took some new photos. (The last batch I took were a super fail. *sigh* I hate my old, lameass camera. And I sooo need an Ott light! And a tripod. STAT!) Hopefully this batch will come out. It is now cloudy...

Stupid storm clouds! No rain, mind you. Oh, no! Just heat. Humidity. Clouds. No cool, refreshing downpours. No relief for the parched, thirsty land and trees. Dry storms, if the storms form at all. This Monsoon Season is, so far, a huge bust. See, I am always bitching about the weather. If it were raining a lot, I would probably be pissing and moaning about that, too. :P With the heat, humidity and general late Summer yuk, it is like living all snuggled up with Satan's nutsack.

So, where was I before I got off on this insane tangent? Oh, yeah. Accountability. I need to have more. And that means getting my lazy ass over here and blogging and getting it out on the screen instead of eating it. Yeah. I think that seeing an additional two pounds on the scale re firmed my resolve. Threw a bit of a scare into me. I admit, I expected the damage to be worse. If I hadn't been trying and restraining myself as much as I did, I would have done some serious fucking damage. If I had been chowing like I used to, I have no doubt that I would be right back up around the 300 mark. Or higher? Frightening, how fast, how easy it is to spiral out of control and have everything we work so hard for slip right through our fingers. I am not going there! I am not.

Okay, I hope that any of you who live anywhere up The Eastern Seaboard reading this who are in the possible path of Hurricane Irene are getting yourselves ready. Prepared and gassed up to get the hell out of Dodge. Please, heed the warnings, the evacuation orders and be safe! I do not want to hear about any of my bloggy buddies coming a cropper of this storm. Those who gas up and run away, live to blog another day! ;)

Time to go get that load out of the washer and toss it in my dryer and start the other load. Laundry. Dude! Where does it all come from?!?!

I Suck

2011-08-22T12:06:00.001-07:00

I suck at staying on track.

I suck as a blogger.

I suck at exercise.

I suck as a bloggy buddy and support for my bloggy buddies.

I have just been sucking at everything.

I am on track, today. But I admit, I am afraid to get on my scale. I am afraid that it will show a small gain and I will go ballistic and spiral out of control and have a royal shitfit and then it will get really ugly.

I am afraid of everything, right now. I am afraid to fail. I am afraid to succeed. I am afraid to blog. I am afraid to read blogs.

Told ya.

I suck.

*breathe!*

I need to remember to pick up my knitting needles to keep my fingers busy and not pick up something I shouldn't be snacking on. I need dish towels. And they aren't going to knit themselves. After starting and frogging four dish towels, I am finally on a roll and getting this one going well. So I don't suck at that. lol

It is so hot. Hotter than Satan's nutsack around here. Just as nasty and sweaty and yuk. Summer sucks big green ones.

It is good weather to eat light and stay on track. So, I am going to try to suck less at getting my mojo back and get more of this weight off. My job isn't finished, yet! I still have, assuming a goal weight of 140 about 140 pounds to go. This is not the time to get burned out... Or should I say, pull out of my burn out and power on to the finish. I can do this shit. Hell, I have done it. I certainly know how to get it done. My block is mental, emotional, to a certain extent. I know that I am attempting to comfort eat, to numb out, again. It isn't my old issues. This is more recent and it is time for me to get over the need to feed my way out of it and move the fuck on.

I need to blog more and read more blogs, return to my support system and offer support. These are so important to me and I have been neglecting myself and my friends, here. I feel so bad about that. And so ashamed for not being the powerhouse I want to be that I just avoid, avoid, avoid. And avoidance is the last thing I should be indulging in.

So, I have to stop that shit, too. Get back into my rhythm and push on.

And be here for you. You have all been here for me and I appreciate that so much. And I am determined to do the same for you.

Okay. I want to suck less.

I will suck less.

*broken record*

Bite Me, Frost Princess

2011-08-17T23:31:00.003-07:00

So, after a bit of a shit day, yesterday, today was great. I am determined to keep this stall from becoming a freefall. I am continuing to fight the good fight. I won, today.
Failure is not an option. I refuse to go back from whence I came.
It is so. Frakking. Hot. I hate August.
Okay. I am outie. My phone keyboard is driving me infuckingsane.
Good night, loves. :)

Meh...

2011-08-15T08:13:00.000-07:00

I am still having trouble staying on track. Frost Princess has been in control, weak, snotty and self indulgent. I do great until late afternoon or evening and the snacking begins.

Gah!

Not looking for sympathy, here. Just venting my shit.

Meanwhile, it is hotter than hell, and I am so tired of Summer and I feel blah and just...

Meh.

I need another cup of coffee.

BOYC: Lazy Sunday Edition and a Bit of Trivia

2011-08-07T12:48:00.002-07:00

I should be doing laundry. I am going to do BYOC, instead.

After I run downstairs and grab a load to toss in my washer and pee.

BRB.

Okay. I'm back.

Let's rock and roll.

1. I’m going to pick a person in your life – not knowing if you have a good or bad, existing or non-existent relationship with them – and your mission is to pick 5 words or traits or thoughts to describe them.

Your paternal grandmother.

My paternal grandmother was:

Wise
Kind
Passionate
Warm
Generous. She passed her dark circles under her eyes and huge knockers down to me. What a gal, huh? ;) lol

2. What’s your all time favorite color to paint your nails? And your toes?

Uh... Have you seen my polish collection? lol But seriously, I would have to say blue. I own more blue polishes than any other single colour. I also adore red, pink, I have come to appreciate a great purple. Even green. Just about anything goes, for both tips and toes. Even black. (Black polish is very chic! It isn't just for goths or emo brats, you know... :)) Except brown. Any shade of brown, tan or cafe au lait isn't flattering to me and give me lobster claws.

3. Do you get along with your parents well?

My mother and I are, in the parlance of Forrest Gump, like peas and carrots. We are very close. In fact we share some kind of freaky psychic bond. My mother is my best friend, my mentor and has an elegance of self that I can only aspire to.

My bio father is dead. We didn't have much of a relationship. He wasn't that interested and I never saw him after my mother separated from him when I was nine. He died in 1996 of CHF.

My step dad, whom I considered my real dad died nearly three years ago from prostate cancer. We weren't closecloseclose but we had a really good relationship. I loved him and respected him so much and I think about and miss him every day.

4. Speaking of rainbows – rank the rainbow colors in the order you prefer.

Aw, geeze! Do I have to? Okay... Crap. What are the colours in the rainbow? My second grade science fled my poor, menopause addled brain long ago. (Back to Draz's post to refresh my memory.)

Blue
Red
Yellow
Purple
Orange
Green

And because Draz did it, I am going to stick pink in there, too. Right between blue and red. Hey, if she gets pink in her rainbow, so do I! :P Neener! Neener!

5. Repeat question. How was your week in real life and in blog land this week?

Set your needle on my broken record and watch it spin, baby! (The first person to leave me a comment saying "What's a record and why does it need a needle?" is going to get punched in the boob. Or the onions. Whichever.)

It is hotter than Satan's nutsack, today. Thank heaven it isn't humid along with it. I would be ready for the crazy house, if it were.

One quart of water down... Two to go. Maybe three. We'll see how it goes. No more trying to force six quarts down the hatch. That is just too frakking much! Besides, I have other things I want to do. Like breathe. I don't need sucking down a gallon and a half of water and pissing it out to be the main focus of my life. That needs to be reserved for bad TV and YouTube videos. :P

Grok and grokking are in my spell checker! How fucking awesome is that?

Oh. Yeah... After a few not so great (but not disastrous) days, again yesterday was really good. And I am feeling good today, too. Why is it that I always seem to get on a roll when I start paying attention to what I am doing on a Saturday? I are a strange one. That's for sure. Now to get my lazy ass out to walk, again.

There is a spider living under my dressing table. It needs to die. But thanks to my trashed knees (I am screwed if I ever have to go squat in the woods and pee) I can't get down there to wade in and make him buy the farm. I may have to use a teeny bit of Raid. I don't like the idea of using that stuff in my room. Maybe I can talk one of the male pussies in this household to get down there and get him for me. If not... I am going to spray the little fucker. Because one way or another, he has to go. I can't have a spider living in my bedroom

Did you know that over the course of our lifetime we all eat several spiders in our sleep?

Random Shit About Me... In Q&A Form

2011-08-04T11:56:00.000-07:00

So, I was reading Stephanie's blog and she posted one of those get to know you survey-Q&A type thingies. I am a sucker for those things, so I decided to play. If you would like to do so, as well you can find it here. Or just copy and paste the questions from here. Duh!

Someone really needs a new frakking brain. *sigh*

1. What is your occupation right now ?

Mad housewife.

2.What color are your socks right now?

Uh... It's August. In Arizona. I am barefoot, baby.

3. What are you listening to right now?

The Weather Channel on my TV.

4. What was the last thing that you ate?

Cantaloupe. Nom, nom, nom.

5. Can you drive a stick shift?

Yepper. But I prefer slime drive. (Automatic transmission.)

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?

My husband.

7. Do you like the person you stole this blog from?

Yeah... I think I do. :D

8. How old are you today?

46.

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?

Show Jumping.

10. What is your favorite drink?

Coffee!

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?

Yes. But, for the first time since I was nineteen I have "virgin" hair. That shouldn't last that long... I am planning to douse it in chemicals, soon.

12. Favorite food?

Hmmm... That's a toughie. Obviously, I like to strap on the old feedbag and I like a wide variety of noms. I guess if pinned down, I would have to say a really fabulous steak.

13. What is the last movie you watched?

The Hangover. "What do you do when you're too fucked up?" Tee hee.

14. Favorite day of the year?

Christmas Eve.

15. How do you vent anger?

Verbally and at high volume.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child?

My Wonder horse!

17. What is your favorite season?

Autumn. Summer is over and the days are cool, the nights crisp. Leaves are changing, sweaters come out, pumpkins are piled on store shelves and the Autumn and Winter holidays are all coming up. Alas... It is still Summer.

18. Cherries or Blueberries?

Cherries, please. Blueberries have a strange aftertaste that is exceedingly off putting to me.

19. Do you want your friends to blog this survey?

Absobloominglutely! I am a nosy biotch and I love reading these things. :D

20. Where is you favorite place to escape?

Into a good book.

21. Favorite Tv Show?

The Amazing Race.

22. Living arrangements?

We live in a rented condo, for the present. Early next year, we should be able to afford to rent a nice sized house. Finally. Yes, we rent by choice. Call us crazy, but we don't like home ownership. Been there, done that. Don't want to do it, again. We love the freedom and knowing that if something goes wrong, we pick up the phone and call the landlord. Crappy neighbours move in? We pack up and move on. House values plunge and property taxes go up? Who cares? Not us! :D

23. When was the last time you cried?

Sorry. Not discussing that.

24. What is on the floor of your closet?

I have a big closet. lol In the back, narrow storage area under the stairs is a few boxes and some packing and mailing materials. At the front of that area is my laundry basket and hampers. Then along one wall is a large container with some clothes that I am debating keeping or giving away. Across from that wall in the corner is my space heater for Winter. Then another container with some random shit in it, a big package of toilet paper, my one pair of shoes and my slippers.

25. Who is the friend you have had the longest?

My only friends are online. Yes, I am as big a pathetic, stupid loser as I sound.

26. What did you do last night?

Buried myself in the Internet until I could go to bed and sleep away eight more hours.

27. What are you most afraid of?

Heights.

28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?

Cheese. And spice. When I bite my food, I like it to bite me back.

29. Favorite dog breed?

Right now... Australian Shepherd.

30. Favorite day of the week?

Monday. I get my house and solitude back.

31. How many states have you lived in?

Three. California, Nevada and Arizona.

32. Diamonds or pearls?

Both. I am greedy.

33. What is your favorite flower?

Tulips.

Do this! Please! Spill your guts and tell us all about yourself. :D

Random Shit

2011-08-03T09:17:00.000-07:00

Twitter is fun.

I think I was unfollowed by a couple of people who don't like cussing in blogs.

I felt the seasonal shift, yesterday. Autumn is on it's way!

I had a pretty good day with the food yesterday. The couple before? Not so much. But on I plow.

William forgot that he wore his sneakers out to a call out on Saturday and kicked a piece of equipment to straighten it. It didn't move. He ended up with very nasty bone bruises on his big toe and foot. But he didn't break anything. That should teach him to put on his work boots for all calls.

It is hot. Humid. Summer.

I have a little running around to do, later. Yay! I get to get out of the house for a little while.

The show Four Weddings... Talk about a bunch of catty biotches.

I was supposed to go to the doc, yesterday. I wasn't in the mood and I changed my appointment to September 14.

I am in the mood for chicken for dinner, tonight.

I am so boring and wrapping this shit fest up, now.

BYOC Saturday

2011-07-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

Hey, everyone. How'z tricks? It is as hot and humid as the devil's ass crack again, today and I am sooo over Monsoon Season. Glargh! "nuff Summer, already. I am thinking that Autumn would be a nice idea, right about now.

I am going to do BYOC today, since I didn't get here, yesterday.

1. Sun or rain? Roses or tulips? Romantic movie or comedy?

Duh! Rain. Always. I love rain. I live for dark, grey, rainy days and the sound of rain at night is better than any sleeping pill on the planet, it will put me right into the best, most peaceful sleep. I am convinced that I really should be living in Seattle. :D

Tulips, please. Don't get me wrong, I love roses but tulips are my favourite flower.

How about a romantic comedy?

2. I've been sick lately and haven't eaten in two days - except for ice cream...which leads me to ask - what's your favorite ice cream flavor?

Dark chocolate swirled with caramel. Or coffee swirled with caramel. Aw, hell. Who am I kidding? Any ice cream swirled with caramel is going to qualify. :P

3. Are you a door locker - in your house and car?

I am not a door locker. I never have been. I have lived out in the boondocks in houses that didn't even have locks on the doors. Even when I lived in the city, I wasn't all that careful about locking up and I still am not. I figure that if someone is really bound and determined to get into my house or car, they are going to do it, locks or no.

William is like Rambo; if there is a lock on something, it is bolted down tight. William will actually follow me around, locking exterior doors and car doors after me. lol

4. In the spirit of my being sick and wanting to die - tell me your "go to remedies" for when you are sick?

Poor Drazzie.

I gulp gallons of hot soup and tea when I am sick. I can't tolerate cold stuff when I have a sore throat, anything I consume must be super hot. I know... Weird. :P I down Advil by the bottle and I make sure to constantly swill water to keep myself hydrated. I have read that hydration helps you beat a virus faster and I am all for getting well fast, as I hate being sick. I wear whatever is soft, comfy and will make me feel cocooned and pampered. I have very specific demands for comfort items and as soon as I feel the first watery sniffle, the first stab of discomfort in my throat, they must be fully stocked up and ready to go.

I need stimulation when I am sick. I am not one of those people who will lie in bed in a quiet room and suffer in silence. Oh, no. Not I. I have to be in the living room, surrounded by my comfort items, have my TV going, my 'puter on my lap, my phone close at hand. I want my family to dance attendance on me and I want everyone in a five mile radius to be painfully aware of just how horribly I am suffering. I want sympathy, I want to be waited on, petted, pampered and cosseted.

I love to shop online when I am sick. Knowing that I am getting pressies is one of the best home remedies I can think of. :D

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

In blogland, I am doing better to post more regularly. And read everyone, too. I suck at commenting. I know this. I am well adjusted about it, tho. ;P

In real life, I suck. Seriously. Frost Princess has been in control and the chips and popcorn have ruled my life for the past few days. As has bread. What the fuck was it about bread? Gah! But I am back on track, this morning and hoping that Frost Princess has had enough fun and is ready to stay away. I seriously need to get my shit together. I have been screwing around and losing like a loser (not a Biggest Loser) for almost a year, now. I should be close to if not under the 200 pound mark, by now. And, if I weren't such an self indulgent dumbass I would be. Totally my own fault.

William had to work, this morning. Why the techs on call can't handle this is beyond my understanding. But, oh well. Overtime is our friend. And it gets him out of my hair. Always a bonus. *is evil*

I am wired on too much coffee. I love it. :D

Late Night Misery

2011-07-26T10:56:00.000-07:00

I knew better. I knew from the stiffness in my ankles and shins to take extra potassium. I didn't. And boy, did I pay for it. At one in the morning my left leg cramped in circular waves and spasms from my hip to my toes. I had to massage my leg and hip for a while before it finally loosened up and I could walk to my bathroom to get my potassium. I took two, then high-tailed it upstairs and grabbed a banana and ate that. This one-two punch always works to keep my legs from cramping, again.

At least both of them didn't go. That is really fun, let me tell you! :P

I recently read that pickles or pickle juice is even better than a banana for leg cramps. I'll have to remember pickles when I go shopping. A good reason to keep them around. Never mind I love the damned things and can down them by the jar.

I got a late start, this morning. I was up late, then awakened with the leg cramps, slept like shit the rest of the night and finally went into a deeper sleep, this morning. My widdle eyes are burning and my dark circles have dark circles. I look and feel like Aunt Hagatha. lol

I have had my morning coffee... Only one cup. Methinks a second is in order, my brain is still fuzzy as a stuffed panda. Oatmeal is eaten and water is headed down the gullet in fast order. *burp* I definitely am going to grab that second cup of java as soon as I wrap up this bit of natter.

What is today? Tuesday. I think I will jump on my scale on Friday. See how things are going. Hopefully, I am beginning to pick up some of my old momentum. I have lost about 120 pounds. But I still have, by my calculations, another 140 or so to go. This is doable. I just need to stay my course. Be committed and remember that this is for me.

And I am worth it! :D

I love this song. I listen to it often and the message is clear. If the F-bomb offends you, don't click play. This is the original version of this song. It is NSFW, so if you are at the office, use headphones! lol I could have chosen the "clean" version, I suppose but censorship kind of pisses me off. :) I am posting the video with lyrics, in case you would like to read along as you listen.

You want to know what just occurred to me? I am almost halfway to my goal weight. Yeah, baby. In about twenty pounds, it is all down hill from there. :D

Okay, I have to run. That coffee is calling to me. And I need to get a load of whites into the washer and do some housework. Dragging my tired ass off the sofa, now.

Really.

I am going.

Really...

Blisters

2011-07-26T00:27:00.001-07:00

My frakking new shoes gave me blisters. Gah! They were so comfy, yesterday. After three miles-ish, today my poor feet are all beat to shit. I know that I need to adjust and break them in but, geeze! All I can say is that it had better happen soon. Ow!

Hobbling around sucks big green donkey dicks.
At least I got in a good walk, today. I left the guyz in the dust. And the hard uphills on Kickass are not as hard as they used to be. Pushing hard feels good (I wonder how many one handed surfers will be lured to my blog by that sentence? Lol) and I just need to keep it up. It has been a while since I walked on a regular basis and I am paying for my sloth. :P

Food and water were good. I did kind of go a little nuts on some cheese popcorn... But cals burned on the trails earned it. However, I can't make a habit of eating my burned calories. I need those burns to put the crop to the ass of my weight loss.

Yeah... I can just imagine the search phrases that will lead new "readers" here. Hee hee.

I am typing this on my phone. My keyboard drives me fucking nuts, my 3G phone is slower than molassas, half the time entries posted from my phone don't go through. Shit! These keys!!! Gah!!! I want a new phone. One that can actually keep up with me. And doesn't lag when am playing Angry Birds.

Is that too much to ask? I don't think so.

Oh! I took the obligatory sweaty picture fresh off the trail with my phone on our way home, today. When did I turn into such a Jurrassic fleshbag? I don't see it when I look in the mirror... I guess the camera doesn't lie. The arm and shoulder behind me is Patrick, the road is Willow Lake Road. Sorry it is blurry. Phone pics in a moving vehicle with a horrible, rough ride are hard to take. :)

Wish me luck that this posts.

Calling the Troops

2011-07-25T16:33:00.000-07:00

Our fellow blogger, Debbie needs our support, encouragement, a little tough love and a good ass kicking. If you have a little time, please go give her some fellow weight loss warrior love.

Thank you. <333

Just for Fun but Kind of Right On the Nose, Too (Post #2 for the Day. Can You Stand It? :P)

2011-07-24T15:35:00.000-07:00

You are Judgement

Happiness, Content, Joy.

Judgment is related to the Hebrew letter Shin, which is fiery and spiritual. A break from the past, going forward.

With Fire as its ruling element, Judgement is about rebirth or ressurection. The idea of Judgement day is that the dead rise, their sins are forgiven, and they move onto heaven. The Judgement card is similar, it asks the resurrection to summon the past, forgive it, and let it go. There are wounds from the past that we never let heal, sins we've committed that we refuse to forgive, bad habits we haven't the courage to lose. Judgement advises us to finally face these, recognize that the past is past, and put them to rest, absolutely and irrevocably. This is also a card of healing, quite literally from an accident or illness, as well as a card signaling great transformation, renewal, change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Kentucky Fried Fat Broad aka... Oops! I Did it Again!

2011-07-24T15:09:00.000-07:00

Yup. Stupid woman here went out today and fried herself.

Again.

Some people just never learn.

I wanted to be like Draz, I guess. Forgetting, of course that I am substantially older, heavier and much more out of shape than she is. Doy! Going out to the lake late this morning and walking in direct sun and rapidly rising temps turned out to be a really, really bad idea.

It was nice when we left the house. Almost eighty. Not so bad... Really... Or so we thought. We forgot that the sun was beating directly down on dry, hard packed ground and reflecting up. The temps were rising fast and the humidity is up a bit. Remember last Summer when we were stupid enough to hit the tails on a day like that? Well, it was worse, today. And I started out hard and fast. I had great tunes in my ears, I was rested and ready to roll, my feet were happier then a couple of pigs in shit in my fab new shoes and I just wanted to fly.

I started out in a fast walk and lifted into running for a little while. I still can't run far, but I was hauling some ass. Dropped into a walk when I couldn't run any longer and kept my pace fast. William couldn't catch up or keep up with me. A little over a mile from the car, I stopped under a tree to have a little drinkie-poo and hit the wall.

Hard.

I almost hit the deck.

I really wanted to go on to the park gate, but my bod was screaming no at me, so we turned around and headed back. The climb back up on the way back was a little slower than the climb then downhill out. At the bench about a half mile or so from the car, I had to stop and sit down. How embarrassing. I was having trouble breathing and my lips were numb and I stopped sweating. I sat there for a good ten minutes or so, William dumping his water all down my back to try to cool me down and drinking water. A lady going by on a bike asked me if I was okay and if I needed more water. Humiliation, again. Fat broad, fried, sitting in all her fat splendor on a bench, red and puffing. Nice. Jabba the Hut in a layered tank top, leggings and a stupid looking hand crocheted sash like thing holding my stuff, all worn out and resting. Gah!

After a while, I slowly made my way, with William's help back to the Jeep. By the time we got there, I could barely climb in and fasten my seat belt. I was weak, trembling, hyperventilating and my vision kept going crossed. I couldn't slow my breathing and I couldn't cool down.

I leaned into the air vents and tried to cool down but it was as if my inner thermostat was on the fritz and I kept getting hotter and having more trouble breathing. We stopped at Jacob's Well to fill water jugs and our water bottles and I kept putting down bottle after bottle and the water was just not doing anything for me. I started shaking, hard and I still wasn't sweating. My head suddenly started pounding hard and I had sparkles in my field of vision. This continued until we go home. I still don't know how I managed to get out of the car, into the house and up the stairs. Sheer force of will, I suppose. I was so weak I could barely walk and my vision was so crossed and the sparkles were so thick, I could barely see.

William fired up the A/C, brought Patrick's fan into the living room, brought me wet cloths, baggies full of ice and cold water. He took my shoes and socks off, to cool my feet and I sat there, with wet cloths and bags of ice on my chest and head, sipping cold water, sitting right under an air vent and fan for a good half hour before I started to feel cool and my breathing and vision normalized.

I should have probably sought medical attention. In fact, I think I remember mentioning it to William. But I just came home. As I started feeling better, I figured that in the ER, they would have done for me the same thing I did at home; cool me down and hydrate the hell out of me. They would have added oxygen, to slow and ease my breathing, but in time I was able to do that on my own. All those years of controlling my breathing when my asthma kicks up paid off, in the long run. :) It took a good hour for me to feel well enough to go downstairs and take a nice, cool shower. Now, a few hours later, I am just fine. I had lots more water and am still gulping it like it is going out of style and I had lunch and, yeah. I am just fine, now. :D

I think I came very close to full on heat stroke, this time around. Lesson learned. No more running until I am lighter. Seriously, my bod can't take it right now, even if my brain thinks it can! And, even more importantly, no more walking at the lake in the middle of the frakking morning in the Summer in the sun. I can't take it. I know that a lot of people can exert in that kind of heat in the sun, but I just can't take it. From now on until the weather cools substantially, Mama goes out to walk in the evening. lol

I can walk in the sun when the temperature is cool, just fine. It is when it is hot that I can't tolerate it.

One good thing that happened, I gave my new shoes a good run in. And I love them. They are so comfortable and supportive, they flex and roll with my natural stride, they have a little spring to them and boy, can I ever move my ass in those shoes! As I said earlier, William had a tough time keeping up with me, for a while, there. The difference between these shoes and my old ones are like having wings or concrete blocks on my feet. I didn't know that I could walk so easily, freely, with my feet so coddled and cradled. No more letting my shoes get old and broken down. From now on, I am getting new walkers (well, runners, actually! ;)) every six months or so. The difference is definitely worth the expense, IMO. And, Sears always has athletic shoes on sale, so it will hardly break the bank.

William was fine... A little singed and hot, he needs white t shirts and shorts and some new shoes, himself. He decided that after roasting in a heavy black polo and black jeans, today. lol Mr. Heatproof wasn't all that comfortable. And he would be much happier walking with better shoes, too. The ones he has aren't bad, but they aren't great for distance walking.

So, that was what happened, today. I am an idiot. I didn't listen to my intuition that was screaming at me to wait until this evening to go walking. And I got fried.

Lesson learned.

Until next year? :p

I ate well, yesterday. Came in under 1400. Food is good, today as well. I am drinking lots more water, again. And that helps. A lot.

Okay, I have to run to the bathroom. Again. lol

Headbangers and Mash

2011-07-23T12:05:00.001-07:00

My stupid head is bad, today. In fact, in the last month or so, my headaches have ramped up. A lot. They are hitting me more frequently and they last longer and they hurt more. Glargh! I think it is a combination of my idiotic snacking, not getting as much water, the heat and the fact that I haven't been taking Aleve for my hips and knees, lately.

Good reason to stay on track. And get all of my water, like a good girl. Ice Queen (no, I am not an egomaniac referring to myself in the third person, now... Promise! lol) has been playing Frost Princess (my inner lizard) lately and it is annoying. Frost Princess is, I believe aptly named. Like frost, her resolve is hard, cold, firm against all comers. Then the sun comes up and she melts at the touch of the rays of our star. I have been like that. I start my day resolved, strong and ready to rock and roll. Come afternoon, I am diving into toast or ships or popcorn. Gah!

Frost Princess has had me cowering in a corner, rocking and crying like a pussy. And it needs to stop. I am certainly stronger than that shit. And my Dragon, (my inner strength and fire) is certainly far, far more powerful. Time to keep that power going and take the little bitch, Frost Princess down.

Today is going well, so far. I have to survive the stretch between two and five this afternoon and I will be fine as frog's hair. That afternoon slump has been kicking my ass hard, lately. And is the biggest reason for my slllooooooow weight loss, lately.

I should be at least fifty pounds lighter than I am, right now. Fifty.

I suck.

I am thinking of making mashed cauliflower to go with my dinner, tonight. Chicken is on the menu. :)

In other news, it is hotter and more humid than the devil's ass crack, today. The clouds are building up fast, towers are going up and the air feels as if it is vibrating. I have a tension inside that is waiting for something to break. Whether that will be a storm or my brain, I have yet to learn.

A good thunder boomer with lots and lots of slashing rain would suit me just fine, thankyouverymuch. :D

I am off to locate me lunch. I am not sure what I want... Soup? Salad? Tuna? I dunno... I'll figure it out when I hit my kitchen.

Time To Get My Crazy On

2011-07-22T10:48:00.001-07:00

Yes, kiddies. It is Friday. Friday means one thing... BYOC! If you don't know what I am nattering on about, clickety-click to get your nutty self into the fray. It is fun. Try it. You'll love it. :D

1. Alright – forgive me – we’re gonna get a little personal here. I was flipping through my organizer and saw in big bright letters “ANNUAL PHYSICAL DUE” coming up soon. Then I remembered that last year my lady bits doc said that since I haven’t had a bad pap in so many years – that I don’t have to come back for another 3 years if I don’t want to. What the what? Did you guys know that?

No speculum in the vaginulum?

Anywhoozle – it sounds all good but really – do any of you follow this medical rule? Do you go every three years if you’ve never had a bad pap?

Yes, I did know that if a gal has had normal paps in the past, she doesn't need them yearly. Every three years seems to be good.

Since I am no longer possessed of a uterus or cervix, (I had a total hysterectomy in 1998 to take care of severe endometrial hyperplaysia and abnormal, possibly precancerous cells) I don't need pap smears, any longer. However, my doc is of the opinion I need a vaginal to be sure I am not growing anything in there I shouldn't be. I'll probably let that happen. One day. Since I have no symptoms, I am keeping my vag to myself, for now. :p

2. If you read, what are you reading right now? Or how about what is your fave music right now?

I have several books going, at present. My taste in reading material could best be described as eclectic. I will read just about anything from sci-fi to Harlequin romances. I enjoy non fiction and chic lit and I adore Jane Austen.

My taste in music is just as eclectic. I have recently fallen in love with Adele. Girl has some pipes. :D I can listen to Mozart one minute and Eminem the next. I especially like Eminem when I am walking. His cadence is perfect for my stride and speed.

The only genera I seem to have no patience for is gangsta rap and country/bluegrass. Oh! And boy bands and pretty boy soloists. No. Thank. You!

3. Name some of your favorite smells.

Vanilla. It is so warm, soft, sweet.

Ozone in the air after a lightening strike. The air when the rain begins to fall; that dusty, cool, wet scent.

Roses.

The smell of coffee. When I walk into a Starbucks the scent intoxicates me, wraps around me and makes me never want to leave.

Horses. They smell so good. And tack. Have you ever walked into a tack room and just... Inhaled?

Cantaloupe. The scent of a perfectly ripened cantaloupe is so gorgeous.

4. Showers or baths? Shampoo only or shampoo & conditioner? Shave daily or just when you start feeling and looking like an ape?

At present, showers only. Knees and difficulty getting down and up so low are still keeping me cleaning myself standing up. But I will be back in bubble baths, one day! I guarunfuckingtee it.

Shampoo, conditioner, leave in, sometimes smoothing milk if I am doing a blowout and shine spray for additional gleam. I am kind of a smooth, shiny hair freak.

Pits every couple of days. Why the hell does underarm hair grow so frakking fast? Is it on it's own steroids pump, or something? I swear, deforestation of the pits, one day and the next, I am hacking through the jungle, again. Gah! Face, hands, arms, legs all get done once a week. The hair in those areas is so fine and light, that is all that is necessary to stay nice and smooooth.

Yes, I shave my face. It gets rid of that pale blonde peach fuzz that shows up if the light is behind me, my face looks and feels smoother and my makeup slides on better and looks better, too. And no, the hair doesn't get darker, thicker, coarser. If it did, I would have a thick, black 5:00 shadow, by now. Who the hell came up with that idiotic old wives tale, anyway? Oh! And shaving exfoliates, too. It is actually good for my skin. :)

Okay... What's next?

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blogland.

In real life, I am stupid and boring.

In blogland, I am stupid and boring.

Summarized. :D

Fun BYOC. I liked the questions.

Laundry day. Yay. laundry is fun. Laundry is life affirming. Laundry is a goodness.

I am so full of shit.

Leafy One, I doctor my egg whites with a Tablespoon of fat free half and half, salt, pepper, Tabasco, mustard and a little garlic powder. They taste good that way, and they are yellow, so it kind of fools you into thinking that you are nomming on whole eggs. :)

Tostada night, tonight. The boyz are eating them with hamburger and corn shells. Mine will be made with veggie crumbles (love those things!!!) and served up to me on a bed of lettuce. I will probably break up one flat shell for a little crunch. Yum. I need to call William and have him get me some lo cal cheese. I can't do tostada night without cheese. Well, I suppose I could... But I am unwilling to do so.

Geeze! I have to pee! Again!

Stupid water, anyway.

What the fuck is with my font size? It is all over the place. Weird. And annoying in the extreme.

Good Morning

2011-07-21T07:41:00.000-07:00

Blech! It is hot, already! I am sweating and sorely tempted to fire up the A/C but I am determined to wait a while. It is just too early! I refuse to be a pussy and cave in until it gets hotter. Part of the problem is the humidity. Yuk! I am over Summer, now. I am beginning to think longingly of Autumn. No humidity. Cooler days, crisp nights... Mmmm... :D

I am currently gulping coffee and about to shag off into the kitchen to obtain another cup. I am also debating between eggs and oatmeal for brekkie. Methinks oatmeal. I am not really in the mood to screw with separating eggs (I eat the whites and give the yolks to my dog), chopping and sauteing onion, mixing additions into my egg whites and cooking it all together. Dumping some boiling water into a bowl of instant oatmeal sounds more my speed, this morning. The eggs is just too much like cooking.

Okay. I am off to get that second cup and read blogs. I'll talk to you all, later.

Just Pretend It's Friday, Mmmkay?

2011-07-20T08:14:00.001-07:00

I am catching up on blogs and when I saw one of the questions on Draz's latest BYOC I knew I had to do BYOC, right now! even tho it is Wednesday of the next week.

Yes, I know I suck! I am not blogging as I want to... I have serious writer's block and everything I think about writing just ends up sounding lame and stupid to me so I just don't click my link to even come here. I am so weird. :P

But anyway, I am chewing over a post... I think I have something to say. It is stuff I have been giving a lot of thought and it is inspired by our BYOC Mistress of Ceremonies. Yes, Draz strikes, again. Sometimes I wonder if we were sisters in another lifetime. Tho we have some fundamental differences, obviously, we seem to kinda grok one another. Kindred spirits, maybe.

Okay, now that I have spouted this bit of crazy, here is the rest of it:

1. Let’s do something crazy….I’m going to list the rainbow colors and you type the first FOOD item that pops into your head that symbolizes that color for you…..here’s mine:

Red: Apple
Orange: Clementine
Yellow: Summer Squash
Green: Baby Peas
Blue: Frosting
Purple: Blackberries
Brown: Caramel
Black: Steak (After being grilled by me.)

2. What is on your kitchen table right now?

A large doily hand crocheted by a friend of mine and a cut crystal bowl filled with apples.

3. What movie do you watch again and again and again? Not like what movie have you seen 5 times…but like what movie have you seen 30 times or more?

Mmm... I have a few of these. But if I have to name one? Always. I love that movie.

4. If Satan had a last name – what would it be?

Kardashian!

(In case you didn't guess, that is the question that hooked me!)

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blogland and in real life.

In Blogland I have sucked major ducks. I am not reading or blogging as I want to. And I am about out of stupid, lame ass reasons. I think about coming here and I peruse online shopping sites or watch YouTube videos or lose myself in senseless fluff. I think I am looking for escapism. In fact, I kind of know that I am.

In real life, I have finally stepped on the scale. I was honestly afraid that I was up a few pounds. Nope! I hit the scale late in the day yesterday and even full of water and puffed up like a poisoned dog, I am down two pounds so, yeah. Not the disaster I was expecting. Not stellar. I am not impressed but hey, at least I am not on the fast track to re gaining everything. :D I am still trying to eat well and it seems, even with my idiotic slippage, I am just squeaking in under maintenance calories. So I am not a total loser dumbass fuckup.

Okay, so I wat to talk more but I need another cup of java and I want to go finish catching up with Drazziepoo, so I will see you all later. <3333

Sorry about the font size... I didn't do that. It just... Happened. Honestly! lol

An Infrequent Visitor

2011-07-12T12:39:00.000-07:00

Not by design. I blogged fast and hard here for a long time and I am just hanging back a little. I am not off the rails I am not tired of my blog. I am just... Still boring. Seriously. There isn't anything really worth writing about going on right now and I am tired as you are of the same old whining. lol

I am eating well. Having more good days than bad and I am gaining some of my old momentum back. I am feeling more enthusiasm for losing more of this flab and I think I am beginning to see some results, again. Which is good. Heaven knows I stalled myself long enough. I feel a little smaller, I look a little smaller. I still haven't stepped on my scale. I am afraid that if I do and I don't see what I need to see I am going to lose it and do something stupid as hell. And I don't want to do that to myself. So, avoidance is my watchword as far as my scale is concerned, for now.

I might weigh soon. Or I might wait until my appointment with my Doc in August. We'll see.

My ankles are puffy as hell. *sigh* yesterday, they looked almost perfectly normal. In fact, last night, I looked down at my right leg and was stunned at how skinny (in comparison) it looked. Shock moment! :D But a good shock, if you know what I mean.

My head has been bad. Really bad. The last two weeks has been torture. The pain and stabbing in the left side of my head is about to drive me over the edge. I hope I will get some relief, soon. Maybe I need to start taking Aleve on a regular basis, again. When I take it daily, my head seems to be a little less awful. I don't know. I just know it is a bad, bad spell and I am weary of it. Ugh!

It is warm here. Not hothothot, like other parts of the country. It's humid, tho. Really humid. Clouds are building and I am hoping it will storm, later. I could use some thunder and lightening and rain. :D

Okay, I have to run. I need to pee... Water, you know. And I am hongry and in need of a little lunchipoo.

I'll be back in a bit to read up on all of you.

I'm Melting! Melting! What a World! What a World!

2011-07-06T15:10:00.000-07:00

It is hot. Humid. Sticky. Nasty. I think I am going to melt into a little puddle of goo before the day is over. When I do, just get out the hose and wash me away. lol

I stayed at 1200 calories, yesterday. Go me! I am doing well today, too. I am so sick of this stall I put myself in. Only I can pull out if it. If there is any comfort, it is that I haven't gained anything. Small comfort but comfort, none the less.

I am so swollen. Even with the Lasix, my legs feel puffed and heavy. My hands feel swollen, too. Heat and humidity does this to me. I need to talk to my doc when I see her next month and see if there is any more relief she can offer. 'Cause I gotta tell ya, it is damned uncomfortable.

Let's see.. What else? I am doing laundry. Yay. I didn't make my bed and I am unlikely to do so. Did the other stuff I needed to, tho so I am not a total lazy slag, today. lol

Heh! Heh! Reminds me I need salad stuff.

So Begins the Dog Days

2011-07-05T17:21:00.000-07:00

Well, the fun part of Summer is over. Now it is just left to trudge through the rest of the Dog Days until Autumn comes a calling. Wow. That was cheerful. :P

The Fourth was nice. Quiet around here. We just chilled, did dogs on the Foreman and then watched the tube until it was time for fireworks. The city of Prescott put on a halfway decent display for a yukky podunk town. There were some pretty rockets and the show lasted twenty five minutes. The man made display was enhanced by great streaks of vertical and horizontal lightening. The sight of the huge balls of multicoloured sparkle back lit by the artistry of Mother Nature was a sight I have never seen before.

As the show ended and the traffic on Willow Creek Road swelled from near dead to a solid line of cars a man was walking up and down the road frantically calling for Bear. I assume his dog. It probably ran during the fireworks. I guess that he doesn't know that dogs should be indoors during fireworks. Well, most dogs should.

Sabryna was out on the deck with us during the display and she lay peacefully at my feet through the entire thing. Marley, who spent last Fourth of July hiding under the bed was up on the back of my sofa in the open window to the deck, separated from us by a mere screen. He stayed in place through the fireworks. They didn't bother either animal.

The thunder later at night, tho? Ha! It had them curled up together down the hall against the bathroom door. Like a couple of chickens. lol The thunder earlier in the day must have been what had Marley hiding under the bed during the day.

The man who lost Bear wasn't finished searching for him. At one thirty in the morning, he was back out, walking around screaming for the dog at the top of his lungs, over and over and over. Whistling and clapping and calling. At onefuckingthirtyinthemorning!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good golly! He finally left Willow Creek and faded off into the neighbourhoods down over the way. I hope that someone shut the idiot up. I get that he was frantic to find his dog. My dog is a member of my family and if she disappeared, I would be frantic to find her. But I wouldn't be walking through residential areas screaming for her at the top of my lungs at one thirty in the morning. He needs to give the dog a chance to calm down and maybe find his way home, then start checking the animal shelters and Animal Control. If he is diligent, he should find his dog. And I should be able to sleep.

So, Casey Anthony is found not guilty of killing her daughter. What. The. Fuck? I am unable to comprehend how anyone could believe that that baby died accidentally. And her body was disposed of in a fit of panic. No! When a child dies accidentally, parents panic by calling 911. Or they scream until someone comes to their aid. Or they try to give CPR or artificial respiration or they pick up the child, run for the nearest car and take the little one to the ER. They don't just throw the child's body away in the weeds, go party, get tattoos, get laid, participate in sexy body contests and lie about the child's whereabouts.

She was convicted on charges of lying to police. She could walk after sentencing. How long after she goes free until she births and kills another child? Anyone feel like taking bets?

Okay, I am going to go get a few things done. And I should make dinner.

Happy Fourth of July!

2011-07-04T09:42:00.001-07:00

Happy Fourth of July, everyone! I hope that all of my fellow Americans are having a safe and fun holiday.

Boy, did time fly, from last year to this! Wasn't last Fourth just the other day? Or is it just me?

I have been up since six, this morning. I woke at that time and couldn't go back to sleep. I lounged in the sack for a while, petting Marley and reading then I finally got up, had my coffee, brekkie, did some housework and so forth. I am just waiting for my top coat to finish drying and then I can get into the shower and make myself presentable for the day.

We don't really have any plans for today. We aren't going anywhere or anything. Just hanging around the house, chilling and I get to sit here while William does his dance with the remote. Thank God I have my computer or someone would meet his end in a very bad way. :p lol

I am going to grill dogs for dinner, tonight. Regular Hebrew National for the guyz and the fat free version (40 calories per) for me. I have fresh watermelon to go with them.

Oh geeze! I just read back over this dreck. I should just shut up, now. I suck that bad. lol

Okay, Because I Know That Draz (My Fellow Purse Ho) is Curious...

2011-07-03T17:56:00.000-07:00

Yes, I did get my new purse, yesterday. It was still there, on the rack at Ross when I went in to buy it. I looked around the store and carried it around for a little while, to be sure that I really liked the purse before I took it up and paid for it. I decided I did. :D

It is a Bebe Fashionista Mini Bowler. The outside is fabric and faux leather. The fabric is quilted in a pretty floral pattern. The liner is a soft, silky smooth synthetic satin. The hardware is all gold tone. Do you know how hard it is to find a pretty handbag with gold tone hardware? Especially at an affordable price point? It is not easy. Everything is silver. I know that silver is "the metal colour" but I am a gold girl. All of my jewellery is gold and I wanted a bag with gold, as well. I finally found one. :D I also like the shorter handles. They are perfect for hand carrying my bag or putting it over my arm at my elbow.

You know what else I like about this purse? It isn't practical, made of sturdy materials or made to wear for years. It is cute and frivolous and I bought it simply because I wanted it. I didn't need it. I already had a beautiful handbag. I just wanted something different and new.

If you like this bag and want to try to track one down, I found mine at Ross and it was $29.99.

Sunday, Muggy Sunday

2011-07-03T10:33:00.000-07:00

So... How is your Sunday?

Mine is fine. I am trying to stay cool and survive the humidity. Blech! Thank the Lord for air conditioning.

I have had my coffee, brekkie and I am slurping water like a mad woman. My dishwasher is running, Patrick is at work, William is on the sofa drowsing and hogging the remote, Sabryna is sprawled all over the floor trying to stay cool and Marley is somewhere around here, probably downstairs on my bed snoozing. And here I sit. I have to shower and get myself pulled together. I want to do a Fourth of July manicure. I should make my bed. After I shag the cat off of it.

But here I sit.

I think I'd rather read blogs and hang out. I can do all that other stuff later. It isn't as if I have to be anywhere. And it isn't as if anyone gives a hot shit if I don't make my bed, right this moment. So, I am going to sit here, slurp water and read blogs for a while. Then I will get to the rest of it. Hell, maybe I'll skip makeup, today. William doesn't look at me and my pets could care less whether or not my face is all painted up.

Let's see. What else is going on?

Notafrakkingthing.

See? Boring. :p

BYOC: A Day Late and a Dollar Short

2011-07-02T16:29:00.001-07:00

Hey kids! Howz your holiday weekend shaping up? Mine? Okay, I guess. William is off for four days. He is underfoot until he goes back to work on Tuesday. Lord grant me patience. lol

I have been doing much better with the food, lately. I am also drinking plenty. Of water. I need it! It is hotter than the hinges of Hades around here. And it is a little humid today making it even worse. Blech! I don't mind the heat as much as I do humidity.

So, what else? I am doing laundry. Four loads. Good times. Did a little running around, yesterday. I am still mentally obsessing over a purse I saw in Ross. It was so pretty. And only thirty dollars. I am dying for a new purse. I really, really want to go get that one. If it isn't gone, already. In fact, I am going to head up there, later and see if it is still there. I have most of the asking price in cash, William has agreed to contribute the rest. So, new purse coming up. If it isn't gone.

I just want something new. Horrid and selfish, when the budget is so tight. When we have to buy a new battery for the other car. And I am already beginning to feel really bad and guilty about it.

I don't know.

Okay, so on to BYOC, I suppose.

1. Let's stick with the pictures/exercise and shoe topic and post a picture of (or describe) your work out shoes.

BRB. I need to go grab my camera and fire off a shot of my shoes.

Okay. I'm back. Here you go:

Yes. I have huge ass feet. :p

New Balance 580 running shoes. Love these. They are sooo comfy and light and have a wonderful spring.

2. Again with the summer/hot theme of the week....what does your current swimsuit look like?

You hear that noise? That is everyfuckingbody on the face of the planet laughing like a pack of hyenas at the very notion of me in a swimsuit.

3. Do you lay out, fake bake, sunless spray tan or use tanning lotion?

I get a little sun when I go walking and I get a little golden. If I want to amp up the glow, I use sunless tanning lotion. My current fave is Jergen's Natural Glow in Medium/Tan. It gives really nice colour, is moisturizing and it doesn't smell as fonky as a lot of sunless tanners I have used. There is still that "tanner smell" but not nearly as bad as some. My batwings don't look nearly as obnoxious when they are nice and tanned.

4. Describe your week in blogland and in real life.

Already covered real life, above. In blogland, I am still being a neglectful ass of this blog. Not because I want to. I just don't feel as if I have anything substantive to say. I try to post, freak out and run. *sigh* I am such a weirdo.

So, there you have it kiddies. BYOC. And what I am up to. Not a hell of a lot of anything, really. lol

It is Fourth of July Weekend. I am really looking forward to the fireworks on Monday night. It is fun to sit out on our front deckony and relax, watch all the crazy ass traffic and ooooh! and aaaah! over the fireworks.

Okay, I should run along. I need to get dressed.

Tuesday. Muggy. Hot.

2011-06-28T08:09:00.000-07:00

Yepper.

So, how'z everyone this fine morning? I am okay. Not as funked out. Not so blue. My head is down to a Cat 1 for a change and I am out of hiding and I actually feel like blogging a little. Tho I don't really have all that much to talk about. Go figure. :p Life is boring. My life is really, really boring. The guys have left for their jobs, leaving me and furry ones home alone. Thank you Lord!!! Patrick was off, yesterday and it threw off my entire rhythm. lol

So, yeah. It is morning, I am drinking coffee and plotting ~~murder~~ what I am going to do, today. I actually don't have a whole lot I have to do. I worked my ass off around here, yesterday and the place looks pretty respectable. I can be a sloth, if I want. All I really need to do is run the duster, vacuum and make my bed. I can live with that. :D

I am still trying to eat right. *sigh* What the fuck is my malfunction, I ask you? (Not literally... You know what I mean.) I do really well, then I do not so well. It all adds up to maintaining my weight. No gain. (Thank God!) But no loss. I mean... I have lost, what? Thirteen pounds since January? Say whaaaaaat? Not exactly what I set out to do, here. I had expected to have nearly another fifty off by this time. And my doctor's appointment is on August second. She will no doubt be pleased that I haven't gained anything but dammit! I am so mad at myself. So pissed off at my weirdness and inability to just stay on track.

I am not binging. I am just eating stupid things, like some chips here, too much popcorn, there. Too much food at a meal. Healthy food still has calories and too many calories is too many calories. I know this. I know it when I do it. I know that I don't want to. I know that it isn't doing me any favours. Some days are diamonds. I do really well, some days. Some days are shit.

I need more diamonds. Less shit.

Yesterday? Diamonds. I need to build on that.

I am so sick of whining about this. I need to just get my head out of my ass and do it.

It wouldn't hurt to get my ass out and walk again, either. I miss my exercise. It has been so hot that I end up just chilling under the air vents. I am such a lazy slag.

It is all my own frakking fault that my jeans still fit the same way that they have for so long now.

I am thinking oatmeal for brekkie. Who's with me?

Make it a good, on track day, kiddies. I plan to. :D

I should...

2011-06-24T11:34:00.000-07:00

I should do housework.

But I am sitting here, playing on my puter and watching TV.

I should take a shower, do my face and hair.

But I am sitting here, playing on my puter and watching TV.

I should do some laundry.

Which I will probably get to in a bit...

Maybe.

After I take a little more time to play on my puter and watch TV.

Apathetic, much?

I am just not feeling today. My head is still hungover from last night's horror show. I am feeling a little blue and I just feel like chilling. So I think I will. Nothing wrong with that, I think. Maybe I just need that. A stupidly lazy day. Hell... Maybe I won't even make my bed.

I am just going to close all of the blinds and fire up the air. I think that will help my aching head and I feel like hiding.

Okay, so I guess that is all I have, for now.

Bravo!

2011-06-20T15:23:00.001-07:00

Thank you for the link, Stormy. <3

Monday, Monday and Getting Something Off my Chest

2011-06-20T08:31:00.001-07:00

Good morning, everyone. I hope that you all had a great weekend. Mine was middling. Not stellar. Not awful. Saturday was a good day, yesterday was a little tough to take. Fathers Day is really bittersweet for me, since I lost my dad. This is the third one since he has been gone and it isn't a whole lot easier. Silly little things will just up and make me cry. But the nice thing is, others will make me smile, or laugh at a particularly sweet or funny memory, so it all balances out.

Tis the way of life. We have to take the pain with the joy and learn to integrate all of it into our way of being and learn to move through the wold with them. It isn't always easy but I have to say, I would rather have my memories, my emotions and my feelings than not. Imagine how cold, sterile, empty life would be if we didn't allow ourselves to feel, to remember, to fully experience everything, good and bad that life has to offer us.

I think back at all of the years I dulled my senses, my emotions, my very essence with food and I just want to grieve for myself. I missed out on so much because I couldn't, wouldn't allow myself to feel, to fully experience the very things that make me human. Some of the shit that has hit me in life wasn't good, wasn't right, shouldn't have happened. But, all of it, good, bad and indifferent has come together to help form and shape the person I am and continue to become. Sure, I would love to take a quick trip back and warn my younger self to zig when I zagged but I can't and rather then running from it, I have chosen to clean out the nasty bits, throw them away and focus on the positive, the good and the future. It makes living and feeling so much better, let me tell you. It frees me from the fear and allows me to more fully experience.

I am not completely fearless but I think that I am becoming more so. I am allowing myself to voice my feelings, express more of my emotions, even to the point of demanding I be heard more often. I am beginning to put my foot down and I am lifting myself up off the doorstep where I lay for so very long. It is a process and some days, I fall back down, flat and feel the feet on my back. I think it is important to know that I am taking the steps and I am not letting my stumbles turn into life killing defeat. I deserve better than that.

And I think that I am, finally beginning to believe that, deep down where I really need to believe it.

So, yeah.

Yay, me. :D

There is something that I need to talk about. Something that bothers the all mighty living hell out of me. Something that needs, I believe to be addressed. That something is the misuse of the words retarded and retard. Everywhere I read and hear people saying that this or that is "so retarded". Or that person is such a fucktard, or I am such a fucktard. Or that woman is a freaktard or whatever form of this insult the person can create in his or her mind.

This blatant misuse, dare I say abuse of these words is not only inaccurate and inappropriate, it is downright offensive. Using retarded or retard as an insult of one's self or another person or an action or object is a blatant and direct insult to developmentally disabled persons. Retarded or developmentally disabled people aren't so because they lack talent, intelligence, style, skill or beauty. They aren't stupid, they don't lack skill because they are unwilling to learn or to practice. They are born as they are. They didn't ask for it, they didn't bring it upon themselves and they most certainly don't deserve, in any way shape or form to be used as a source of denigration. Or to be denigrated by this horrid word misuse.

Misuse of the words retarded or retard is just as nasty, just as offensive and just as harmful and soul destroying as any misuse of words or phrases that describe any person's race, colour, gender or sexual orientation. I seriously doubt that any of my gentle readers would use the n-word, or other racist epithets, I would hope that none of you use the word "gay" to describe something or someone or actions you don't like or find aesthetically or otherwise unpleasing. Using the words retarded or retard is just as wrong. And it needs to stop.

Now.

Every time I see or hear this-tard or that tard or this or that is sooo retarded, it drives a dagger into my heart. It cuts to the very core of my spirit and causes me deep pain and anger. You see, my darling elder sister is developmentally disabled or, if you like, retarded. She was born this way. She didn't cause it, she didn't ask for it. She didn't do anything wrong. No one did. She isn't a mistake, ugly, nasty, stupid, untalented, unskilled, weird or a freak. She is a beautiful, gentle, delicate creature. She is human, formed of bone and muscle and blood. She feels, she hears, she sees, she walks and talks (after a fashion ;)) she knows. She loves magazines and catalogues and TV. She adores shopping. She collects and hoards hair accessories. She is, like her younger sister something of a freak for a great nail polish, and like her sister, has a collection. She loves music and is a rabid fan of Neil Diamond and a couple of boy bands (okay, I am going to have to ding her on the boy bands...lolol). She loves hamburgers and ice cream, puppies and kittens and any fabric that is soft, fluffy or furry.

My sister is not a "tard" of any kind. Yes, she is retarded. Developmentally, in many ways, she is about... Three. Emotionally, a little older in some ways. She is not an insult. She is not insulting and she doesn't deserve to be used as such!

So please, next time you think you might want to hit someone or yourself or something or an action with a whatever-tard (ed) type of put down, remember whom you are hurting. Remember that retarded persons are just that. Persons. And they don't need to be abused in this fashion.

Whew!

Speaking of whew! Word on the street is that it is supposed to warm up a bit around here. Guess it is about time. It is almost officially Summer. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

Okay, I need to get rolling. I want another cup of java, I need to read your blogs, have some brekkie and get some stuff done, get myself into the shower and pulled together and so forth and I am not going to get all of it done, sitting here wearing my fingers out on my keyboard.

Oh yeah... Been having pretty good days, with the food. Trying to do better with the water. I will do better with the water, by gum! Yes, I will.

Okay, I'm out. :D

Poor Neglected Blog, I Fucked Up My Header! and BYOC

2011-06-17T11:16:00.001-07:00

So, I just noticed I got the order of my mantra wrong on my header. And it is driving me crazy. I want to rip it down, take it back to Paint and fix it and I am not going to. For now, anyway. I need to learn to not allow little things like this to bother me so much. But the perfectionist in me is in a tizzy.

I am in a foul mood, today.

I have been neglecting my poor blog. It isn't deliberate. I just... Have trouble writing. Things I want to talk about don't form and things I don't have intention of discussing here run endlessly through my head. I have started so. many. damned. entries and written a paragraph, two or fifteen and hit the back button. I write a bit, I panic and I run like a squirrel being chased by a slavering dog. I get like this, sometimes. I'll get over it. Trust me. Then I will be back to driving you all insane with my constant random nattering. :P

Did I mention that I am in a foul mood, today? I am in such a bad mood that I am pouting, I am not going to shower (don't worry, I am not gross... I took one last night before I went to bed, last night) I am not going to put any makeup on and I am not going to talk to anyone. I am, however determined to have another good day. I have had more good than bad, this week. Go me. *pffffft!* Every day should be a good one. I know this. Working on it.

Okay, howz about a little BYOC? Oh, and before I forget, Draz, your feathers are fab. I can't wait to see your blue ones. :D

1. Do you make your bed every day? Tell us about or show us a picture of your bed comforter?

I do make my bed, every day. It is an ingrained habit, from my earliest childhood. My bed isn't made, at the moment because I need to wash my sheets, so that is waiting to be done. Otherwise, yeah... My day doesn't start until my featherbed is rotated and fluffed to perfection, my sheets smooth and just as I like them and turned perfectly over the top of my blanket and quilt, pillows fluffed just so and stacked as I like them.

No, I am not going to show a pic. Sorry. :P Maybe when (if) I get a chance to get bedding I am proud to show off.

2. Johnny Cash or Elvis? Thin crust pizza or deep dish? Coke or Pepsi? Beer or wine or neither?

Neither. I don't care for Country music in the least and Elvis is just frakking annoying on any level.

If I am going to do pizza, (solidly in my No Fly Zone, at present!!!) it needs to be deep dish or at least thick crust. Pepperoni, olives, mushrooms (extra mushrooms, please!) onions and extra cheese. Light on the sauce. Or pineapple and Canadian bacon.

Great, now I want to call Pizza Hut. They deliver. Gah! Thanks a lot, Draz. :P

Ooops! Missed one! Pepsi, definitely. With lots and lots of ice, please. (If I drink a regular soda, which happens once or twice a year. Maybe.) Coke is gross. I seriously can't stand the taste of that stuff.

No beer for me, thankyouverymuch. The only time I ever drink the stuff is when I am shooting pool. It has to be Coors Light in a long neck bottle, ice, ice, ice cold. I sip at it and as soon as the temp rises the least little bit, I have to chuck it and get a new one that fits the aforementioned requirements. Otherwise, it is wine. I prefer white to red. Preferably sparkling. I like the bubbles to tickle my beak. And yes, I am one of those disgusting people who likes sweeter wines, still or sparkling.

3. I recently went through my list of blogs I follow and was at my limit so I unfollowed bloggers who haven’t blogged in at least 6 months. I want to start following some more new blogs. Who’s your fave lately? Funniest? Most inspiring? Can you link them for me??

Sorry, I am blog sucking, right now. But I know what you mean about having to take care of my blogroll. I need to do that here and over at my Nail Parlour. I hate to bounce anyone off my blogroll, I always hope that they will start posting, again. But there comes a time when I have to harden my heart and clear some away. If I see that they are popping up on other blogs, tho I will go ahead and add them back. :)

4. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

Already did. ;)

It's getting hot in here. I think I'll go fire up my A/C. And I have to pee like a racehorse. Did you know that if you take more Biotin than your body needs you pee bright, almost fluorescent green pee? True story.

I am going to kill that asshole with the drums.

Tuesday Afternoon

2011-06-14T13:24:00.003-07:00

Just in case you are in the mood for a little Moody Blues. :D

It is a nice, warm afternoon. It is 87, right now. Probably top out right around 90. Thankful for air conditioning, I am. It isn't too bad in here, right now but later in the afternoon when the sun swings over, our windows that face full West will enable Old Sol to heat this place up like a brick pizza oven. (Mmmm... Brick oven pizza... *drool*)

Where was I?

:P

I have had the headache from hell for two days, now. I am so ready for this one to abate. I had bad stabbies, last night. I was cutting out coupons and chatting with Patrick when they hit and nearly knocked me off my sofa. All I can do when the stabbies come is drop whatever I am doing, grab my head and try to breathe and stay alive. Thankfully, they don't last a long time. I usually get one or two episodes lasting one to three minutes. Sometimes three. They hit in rapid succession and are over then for a while. I never know when they are going to hit and I can't do anything to stop them. I do know that they usually hit when my headache is especially powerful and concentrated in the area above my right temple. But other than that, I have no control.

So yeah... Ready for this one to go buh-bye. I have had enough fun with this round, fo shizz. I probably have another three days or so then it should taper off a bit. Bleargh.

Okay, 'nuff of that shit.

Yesterday. Yesterday I had an encounter with a box of oyster crackers. I did manage to stop myself before I polished off the box. Or even half if it, amazingly enough. Still... Not good.

Today is going really well, I am dedicating myself to drinking more water, again. I had slacked off for a while, only getting in about two quarts a day. But I am making an effort to do better, again. I really do feel better when I drink more. I have a one quart stainless steel water bottle that I try to drink to empty four or five times in a day. It really isn't that hard. I just need to stop being an idiot and do it.

Just like I need to stop being an idiot and stay out of the fucking oyster crackers. I know what triggered that particular little episode. Light clam chowder. Methinks it is time to stop letting light clam chowder into my house for a while. I don't like it eat it without crackers and I can't stop myself at the proper serving so I need to not have the chowdah.

I am becoming more aware of my triggers, lately. I was just cruising along and not giving them too much thought but I need to. I need to learn more about how my head works, how something that, in and of it's self is perfectly acceptable to eat can be unacceptable because it is a trigger to eat something I shouldn't. I think that pinning that down will help me to be even more aware, mindful and make it possible for me to keep myself more solidly on track.

Geeze! Who forgot to tell me that this was going to be so damned much work? lolol But, in the long run it will be worth it. I need to know how to manage my food, not just for the short term but over the course of my lifetime. This is for ever, chickens. I am not "just on a diet". I am dieting, now to learn to be a healthy weight for the rest of my life.

And I would like that life to be as long as possible. I am kind of beginning to enjoy it, for a change. :)

Leafy One, I don't walk around nakie, either. lol I just like knowing that my ass is golden, rather than pasty white under whatever I am wearing. :D

Okay, I need to wrap this natter up. I am beginning to bore myself and my head is doing that brain pulse thing I love sooo much. (Not stabbies, this is the whoomp-whoomp-whoomp in time to my beating heart. Fun.)

Later, gators.

Geeze, I hate finding typos after I publish my post! I have to go back and edit as many times as it takes. Because you know I can't find the fucking things when I do my pre publish read through. They hide. That is all I can think of. They hide and like to pop out after the fact to drive me crazy and make me work too hard.

Stupid typos.

Or is it, stupid me? lol

I Was Going to Title This "Sunday Morning" but...

2011-06-12T12:16:00.000-07:00

It is now afternoon.

That is what I get for being a sloth and sleeping until almost ten.

Guess I needed the z's.

It is warm, today and breezy. Summer is beginning to show it's self during the day but it is still cooling down nicely at night. I don't mind hotter days too much when I know that the evening will be refreshing.

I don't really have a lot to natter about, right now. I had a pretty good day, yesterday. I did fall to the lure of some baked salt and pepper chips, but I controlled my portion, rather than crunching out of the bag and was in my target range so I am good. :D My head is bad, today. I was haloing a lot day before yesterday so I knew this was coming. Bleargh!

Okay, I have to get going. I have stuff to do, I need to shower and get some war paint on and so forth. I'll see you all, later.

Thank You

2011-06-11T16:44:00.002-07:00

Thank you for your hugs, support and prayers for my mother. It means more to me than I can ever adequately express. <3

BYOC The Late Edition

2011-06-11T14:49:00.001-07:00

I just ate the yummiest salad for lunch. Salad greens, some little yellow cherry tomatoes, some grapes and spritzer and some cold grilled chicken. Nom, nom, nom.

Okay, I guess I am ready to do BYOC. A day late, but better late than never. :D

1. How and why did you first start blogging? And how long have you been blogging?

I have been blogging on this blog for a year and four months. I came to Blogger quite by accident. Someone I know had breast cancer and started a Blogger blog to talk out her process, treatment and vent. I started a blog for the sole purpose of having a GFC name so that I could read and comment on her blog. Happily, she is just fine! She had a fast cure and should live a long, healthy and happy life surrounded by her family and friends. :D I posted here a little, here and there. I wasn't really sure if I was going to run with this. If I really wanted to.

I was teetering on the edge of making a huge change in my life and being led to Blogger gave me the push I needed to jump into the abyss and fly. I know that this is going to sound really weird and maybe a little sick, but it isn't meant that way; I am convinced that her cancer saved my life. I was in real trouble. I was over four hundred pounds and headed upward. Rapidly. Starting this blog, finding your blogs is what helped me to turn that around. I am deeply grateful to her and to all of you.

You never know how, and in what way your life, your experiences are going to touch others. Change and even save lives. All without knowing you are doing it.

2. Tell me about your perfect mate – if you could invent him/her?

Nope. Not going there, today. Sorry.

3. Do you wear fake eyelashes? Do you want to? Do you use glue or self-stick ones? Do you like how they look?

I have worn fake eyelashes exactly once, in my life. They were part of a Hallowe'en costume and I loved them. Waving those big fans all over the place was just about the best fun I ever had with a beauty product. I have given a lot of thought to buying some lashes and wearing them. I like the look, maybe not for every day. But they could be fun for now and then. Lashes have come a long way from the ones I used so many years ago. They are more refined, more natural looking but still give that length and pow you want. They are also supposed to be easier to use. I'm just afraid that they would brush on my glasses. :P

4. Let’s say money was no object and neither was time off to recover – are you an advocate of plastic surgery after weight loss?

Hellz yeah! One of my biggest dreams is to have reconstructive surgery when I reach my goal. I know that some of what I am going to require will be covered by insurance, if my doc and I can build a solid enough case for it. The rest... Well I guess when the time comes, a few armored car heists should take care of it. (joke!!) But maybe, somehow it can happen. It is a ways away, so heaven only knows, I have plenty of time to think about it.

I will need my gut, butt, legs, abdomen, boobs, arms and mons all done. By that time my neck and face are going to need a little attention, as well. Big dreamer, I know. But hey, a girl has to have something to shoot for, right? :D

To have or not have plastic surgery is a deeply personal decision. While I am all for going under the knife to complete the work I am currently doing, not everyone feels the same way. I respect every choice, to or not to and I would never presume to insist that my choice would or should be yours. <3

5. Repeat question. Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

In blogland? The bitch is back. And she is loaded for bear and ready to kick her own ass.

In real life, life goes on. I am a little busy and finding things to keep myself occupied, rather than wanting to sit on my ass snacking on stuff I have no business going anywhere near. I have been resting my trashed out knee. I hope to get out to start walking again, soon.

I chopped a couple of inches off my hair, yesterday. I think that I have finally, after three. long. years rid my hair of the last traces of the Great Henna Removal Attempt Disaster of 2008. The final bit of peroxided horror that was my roots almost exactly three years ago were my ends and just looking at them made me mad, sad and in need of getting rid of them, once and for all. I hate to cut my hair. But I am happy to have those nasty, trashed ends gone! My hair was past the middle of my back, bra strap length on me and losing those inches really hurt. It is still long, by most peoples standards, about BSL on a normal gal with normal boobs and a normal bra that rides in the normal spot. It will grow. And this time I can enjoy seeing the length increase instead of my poor ends just breaking as fast as my roots produced new hair.

I am having another good, strong day, today. I am eating well, putting my water down and my mind is clear, calm and things are good. I also figured out how to apply sunless tanning lotion (I am using and loving Jergen's Natural Glow, right now) to the parts of my back that I couldn't reach with my hands. Yay! Now the rest of my back will soon match the rest of me.

Does anyone else tan their ass? I know it doesn't make it any smaller but I like to think that a nice, glowing, golden ass, as big as it is, is a bit less horrid than a big, pasty white ass. And I don't care what anyone says... Tanned batwings definitely look better than white, highly reflective batwings. A tan makes my upper arms look a little less huge and floppy. And I need all the help I can get. lol

Okay. I guess that is about it, for now.

Oh yeah. If you are a public servant and you are going to publicly tweet (guess that idiot has never heard of Direct Messaging?) your junk to someone, you need to be prepared for the fallout. Resign, Representative Weiner. You are a blight on our party and making us all look like a bunch of asses. (No pun intended... :p)

Okay. Now I am done.

Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma'am

2011-06-11T09:02:00.000-07:00

I have about five seconds and then I have to hit the ground running. I am going to do BYOC. Promise! I just need a little time.

Yesterday was a stellar day. Two in a row... Can we say that I am on a roll? Man I hope so. I am sick of this shit. And this fat.

Okay, I am out. I'll see all you gorgeous souls, later.

Kisses!

Has it Really Been a Week?

2011-06-10T08:34:00.000-07:00

Boy... Talk about avoidance. I can do it well. And, was I ever. I knew that I was neglecting myself, I knew that I wasn't nourishing myself properly. I was making excuses, justifying this treat and that handful of something salty. And avoiding my blog just enabled my behaviour.

So, the avoidance went to ground, yesterday. I got on my scale. For the first time in a long time and... I was exactly the same weight I was last time I weighed, lo, so long ago. So, okay. I maintained. I feel as if I dodged a bullet. But not so much, really, when you think about it. I had to have lost a little then gained it back with my idiotic eating. So, winner? Uh... No.

Idiot?

Hell yeah.

Seeing 285 in glaring black and grey, not speculating, not justifying, not bullshitting myself gave me a little Come to Jesus moment and I had a stellar day, yesterday. I plan to do the same today. I am not going to think about tomorrow. I will deal with that when it comes.

My knee is better. I am planning to hit the trails tonight. And hopefully all will go well with that. I have had to rest this frakking knee for over a week and I need exercise. I need fresh air and I need to get back into my rhythm.

I had a nice, long chat with my mother, the other day. I was supposed to be cleaning my bathroom but I decided that I needed to hear my mother's voice more than I needed to be inhaling cleaner fumes so I give her a shout. I was only going to procrastinate on the phone for a few minutes but we ended up talking for over an hour and a half. She is doing fine. She still won't go get testing and treatment. She keeps looking us shit on the Internet and following what she reads. I finally broke down and told her how I truly feel about what she is doing. I couldn't hold back and thankfully, our relationship is good enough, our understanding of one another so deep that she gets that I needed to express my anger at the situation and my fear for her and not be offended or angered.

I needed to say the things I did. And she needed to hear them. It cleared the air between us and it took a humongous weight off my shoulders. A weight I wasn't even aware was there until I unloaded it. I love my mother. She isn't just my mother. She is my best friend, my closest kindred spirit and my hero. And I needed her to hear that and too hear that while I don't agree with her choices, that I want her to take an entirely different course, I love her, I respect her right to make her own choices about her body and her health and I support her. No matter what.

Shit! I'm crying, again. I went through this when my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. So, having another parent with cancer is a little much for me to absorb, sometimes.

Breathe! Okay.

It is going to be a warm one, today. Projected high is 89. It is 72, already. But with the windows open and the fans on it is nice, in here. Later, when the sun swings over and heats this joint up I will have to close the place down and fire up the A/C. The way this place is built, the sun beats down all day and by afternoon, it get stifling in here. I avoid using the A/C as much as I can but it is necessary in the afternoon. After the sin goes down and the house is cooled, we can usually turn it off, open the windows and be fine. A little warm but not too bad.

I think that Summer is ramping up, at last around here. It is nothing compared to the heatwave in other areas of the country, for sure. Any of you reading this (is anyone still reading? lol) in the superstupidhothothot areas stay cool and stay safe! Especially when you are out exercising. Go early in the morning or after the sun starts to set. That is a little wisdom from your friend in the Desert Southwest. ;)

So, yes. I am back. No more avoidance. No more bullshit. I need your blogs and words and support and I need to care enough about myself to keep on keeping on. I need to stop with the stupid excuses, justifications, laziness and avoiding my scale. I am worth staying my course, getting this job done and saving my life and my health. And I need all of your help. I can't stay away and do this all by myself.

Besides, I miss all of you. Terribly. And the longer I avoided my blog and yours, the worse I felt.

Okay I need to have my coffee and brekkie and catch up on blogs, here. I also need to do some housework, get my face on and do my nails. I got a new pretty in the mail yesterday and I am dying to get it on my nails. :D

The Best Laid Plans

2011-06-03T23:22:00.000-07:00

I spoke about shattering preconceived notions in my earlier post. And I got another one shattered, today. You see, I went shoe shopping. I decided to hit Sears, since they usually have a pretty good selection of athletic type shoes and they are all on sale, right now. So, in I went. I had decided that I needed Reebok walking shoes, size 10 wide. I walked out in a pair of New Balance size 10 medium running shoes. lol But they are so perfect. So comfortable and supportive. And I love how light they are and the bounce and forward thrust I get from them. And they aren't white. They are grey, silver and trimmed in pink. I love how they look. No more huge-ass white land yachts on the ends of my legs. I am determined not to wear the same pair of shoes for over ten years, anymore. From now on, I am getting new ones when I need them.

Now, if my frakking knee would just feel better. It is still sore but I can walk and shop and so forth with much less discomfort. I am going to continue to rest and pamper it for the rest of the weekend. I am hopeful that I will be out on the trails in my new shoes Monday afternoon. :D

I am going to get a rare weekend day to myself, tomorrow. William and Patrick are going down to the Valley with my BIL to see a ballgame at Chase Field. They got tickets for a luxury suite from William's employer and they are going to have a guy's day. They will watch the game in air conditioned splendor with comfy, padded chairs and all the food and drink they can stuff and guzzle. Patrick will love that. He can eat himself into a coma. lol The last time they saw a game in a suite was about five years ago. So this will be fun for the boyz. And here at home it will just be me and the furbags. Ahhh... Peace. :)

Oh! Remember the neighbours I was bitching about? He of the big, loud mouth and both of them of the obnoxious cigarette smoke? Well, she got transferred and they have moved out! They loaded up the last of their shit today and they are gone! Yay! At least I think they are gone... They left two outdoor chairs out on their front deck. I am hoping that they just left them behind and that it doesn't mean that they are coming back for any time. They aren't bad people and I could even live with his loud mouth but the smoke... Yuk! I am over it and happy to not have my house filled with it, all the time.

I am so pissed, I broke a nail while I was shoe shopping, today. I got careless, lacing on what felt like my thousandth pair and took a chunk out of my left thumbnail. Shit! And I had my nails at the perfect length for me, they were shaped just as I like them and I had no patches. Now this. *sigh* So I will be filing all of my nails down and growing them all out, again. Bleargh!

Oh well. They'll grow.

Okay, I guess I am about yapped out.

BYOC Time

2011-06-03T11:17:00.000-07:00

Obviously, it is Friday. Time to release a little of my nut-y-ness on you all.

1. If you could pick any name on Earth for yourself – would you change yours and what would it be?

I am pretty happy with my name. It isn't terribly common but it isn't so rare as to be an oddity to some ears. When I was a kid, I honestly hated my name, I got teased mercilessly by the endless parades of Kathys Susans and Billys about my "weird, no one has a name like THAT! name". While my name isn't all that rare, it does have a different spelling, which sets me a little apart. I have no desire to change my name. I think it suits me. :)

2. If you’re a worker-outer…what time do you partake in such activities? There are SO many theories about when it’s best and not best to work out….like the morning is better since you have an empty stomach or the night is not good because you won’t be able to sleep…etc, etc. – so I’d like to hear your theories.

I prefer to walk in the morning but my routine isn't friendly to walking in the morning so I do it in the late afternoon or early evening, most of the time. As long as I do it, I guess... I have to exercise on an empty stomach. I know that the experts say to have a little something a little while before a workout but if I eat before exercise I will throw up. I sleep just fine after a late afternoon or evening walk. Sometimes, I think people just pull shit out of their ass and spread it as workout gospel. Remember, people are different. We all need to do what works for us.

3. If you drive a car – what kind is it and if you could drive any car – what would it be?

An old gas guzzling Jeep Cherokee. I hate that car. But it is paid for and it gets us from point A to point B and is reliable so I can't complain. In reality, I would like to have another Nissan Pathfinder or something similar. I love foreign SUVs. They run beautifully, are comfortable and drive like a dream. I like an SUV because it is roomy for all the things I need to do with a car but it isn't a truck or a van. It is just... Perfect. :) My fantasy car is a Bently. One I go to England to personally design to my exact specifications and have shipped home to me. Now... To dump my husband and go find me a sugar daddy. ;)

4. Can you be totally honest in answering this next question and tell me what you think of tattoos? More importantly – what do you think of the people who have tattoos – specifically women?

I think that tattoos are, like anything else we do with our bodies a deeply personal choice. While I think that there are a lot of people out there getting ink because it is trendy and rebellious, I do believe that a large segment of those who are tattooed are so because it is deeply meaningful for them. Tattoos tell their story, express their love, desire, fear, joy. They are memorials, family trees and portrait galleries. And yes, just plain fun.

I don't think that people who have tattoos are trash. Honestly, I used to. And that isn't something I am proud of. Like many people, I was raised to believe that bikers, druggies, lowlifes and nasty old sailors were the only people who got tattoos. And a woman with a tattoo? She wasn't to be mentioned. Much less associated with. I look back at that I and I am horrified. At those who taught me those biases and at myself for buying into them.

A lot of my perceptions about people with tattoos were changed when I worked in a Laughlin casino in the late 80's, early 90's. There used to be a yearly event, (I don't know if it is still going on. In recent years, there has been a lot of trouble with hardcore gangs infiltrating the event and causing serious trouble and even some shootings) a charity run by bikers, mostly from the Southern California area called the River Run. They would descend on us every year. Bike motors growling, leather squeaking, they would gamble, drink, carouse, (but rarely ever cause any real trouble) raise money for good causes, then roar out of town, leaving us all reeling in their exhaust fumes.

Our biker guests were almost all tattooed, some a little, some a whole hell of a lot. They wore hardcore garb and took no shit off of anyone. And, much to my surprise, most of them were professionals. Doctors. Surgeons. Attorneys. Accountants. High powered executives, some of Fortune 500 companies. Bigwigs in the movie biz. The odd actor or rocker. Okay, so the rockers being tattooed wasn't much of a surprise. lol But, to see that so many very "mainstream" people were not only dedicated bikers when time permitted but dedicated tattoo enthusiasts, as well shocked my preconceived notions of what "those people" were. And gave me a whole new perspective.

I know a lot of lovely, lovely people, both men and women who are inked. People who are both on the fringes and swimming happily in the mainstream. Some have only a tiny, hidden, deeply meaningful tattoo, others have full sleeves, their backs, chests and legs all canvasses for their own form of self expression and everything in between. I have come to see the beauty in tattoos. And to appreciate just how meaningful they really are.

I don't have any tattoos, at present. But I haven't ruled out the possibility of having one done. In fact, I have an ongoing design in progress in my head, transforming and changing until it is perfect, waiting for the day that I may finally decide to have it done. I know what I want, the colours I would choose and the reasons behind it. It will likely be my one and only tattoo. I am just waiting for the right time for me.

Draz, if you feel the need and desire to get another tattoo, do it! It is your body! Your skin! Your choice what you do with it. I have seen pictures of some of your tattoos and I think that they are beautiful. But what I think doesn't really matter, love. It is what you think. What you want. Let people judge, if that is what they need to do to feel better about themselves and get through life. You know your truth about who you are. That, my dear friend is all that matters.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

Life goes on. I am still only blogging a couple of times a week. I am not disinterested or off the rails. Just not too chatty, right now.

In real life, I kind of killed my poor left knee on the trails. I was up to nearly four miles and really rocking it. Then my knee went to hell on me. It was hurting me and I should have listened to it and rested a day but I went out. And I only got in a mile and a half. By the time I got back to the car I was limping. By the time we went to Jacob's Well to fill my water jugs and got home, I was nearly unable to walk. I have been resting it and tottering around here for the last couple of days, praying it will feel better, soon. It still hurts. I am still resting it and hoping I can get back out there by the first of the week. I really need to get these fucking knees of mine dealt with. This is bullshit.

I ate like a bit of an idiot, the last two days. Feeling sorry for myself and thinking, if I can't walk, what is the point kind of excuses. Idiot. I am back on track. Walk or no, if I do my job I can still lose fat, I just have to do the right thing by myself. A bad knee is not an excuse. Geeze, I can be such a major fuckup, sometimes. Needless to say I don't want to mess this up, now. I have come too far and I still have a hell of a long way to go.

I am hoping to get out and get some new walking shoes, later on. I need them desperately. My old ones let dirt in through the soles, there is no cushioning or support left. And there are holes at the bend points. Yuk. Plus, I just want a new pair of shoes, dammit! It has been years and years since I bought myself a new pair of shoes. I think I have earned one, don't you think?

Okay, so there you have it.

I am going to finish my coffee and go get my ass in the shower. I have places to go, later. I want to get shoes and I need to pop into Ross and see if they got more polish in and I just need to get out of this house for a while. If I don't, someone is going to be bleeding. And that someone won't be me.