Pushing Out of My Comfort Zone

On Sunday I wore a fitted red shirt.

It was strange to wear a garment that touches me. That has a shape that echoes my just beginning to emerge shape. It has seams that emphasize my waist. A lower neckline. It doesn't hang down to my thighs.

The way I fussed and worried and my heart beat fast in terror, you would think I had been forced to squeeze myself into an Herve Leger bandage dress. How strange to be so afraid of a simple piece of clothing. Stupid, really. But understandable, too if I think about it. I have worn nothing but huge, shapeless garments for over a decade. So huge that they were basically tents with sleeves. Tents that covered me, billowed around me (when they were loose enough to billow, that is...) that didn't allow any part of me to be seen.

Tents render me invisible. In a tent I don't draw attention. I am just a huge, shapeless blob. Nothing more than a blot on the landscape. I am not human. I don't feel. I am not worthy of notice. For a while, this realization broke my heart and dimmed my spirit. But in time it became a source of comfort. I was able to hide inside my huge, shapeless tops. I felt as if by so completely covering myself I became inoffensive. I no longer caused people discomfort by forcing them to see me.

Putting on my shaper to help firm my dunlapped a bit, zipping on my jeans and slipping into a figure enhancing blouse shouldn't be a big deal. I mean, millions of women do it every day. But for me it was. A huge deal. It was scary. I endlessly debated with myself whether or not I could go out of the house that way. I kept checking the mirror, doubt causing me to reconsider over and over. Should I? Should I change? Should I dare the outside world in a blouse that emphasizes my just beginning to emerge figure or should I take off my shaper and put my jeans back on and dive, once again back into the comforting invisibility of my big, blue top.

I was so terrified that I actually asked William over and over if I looked okay. If I wasn't hideous. If I didn't look disgusting. He assured me that I looked very nice. He was surprisingly patient with my hysterics. With my freaking out. It took some time but I finally began to calm down. And I finally decided to stay as I was and brave the world.

And I was okay. I was very self conscious for a while but as time went by, as people treated me normally, as mothers didn't grab their children and hide them behind their backs, as dogs didn't howl at my approach, as the sun didn't darken in the midday sky, I realized that it was really all okay. As the day went on I got more comfortable. I actually began to enjoy looking a little bit nicer than I have in so very long. And I was actually a little reluctant to change out of that outfit when I got home that day.

I'll be able to do this again. Hell, maybe I will finally have the guts to wear that cute pink top I have had lurking around here for so long. It fits me just fine. I just have to work up the nerve to rock it. Maybe I am a little closer.

It is so strange how much power a simple item of clothing can have over a person. How cloth and thread and buttons can cause so much doubt and fear. Then later, a glimmer of happiness. How it can take you from invisible, shrinking, retiring and silent to emerging. Present. Ready to let the world see you and deal with you.

Take a good look, world. I am no longer content to remain invisible. You will deal with me. You will see me. You don't like what you see? Too. Fucking. Bad. I am human. I am visible. Get over it.

I did.

Tuesday Afternoon

I am having a Moody Blues moment. :D

Moar laundry, today. I had a hamper full of darks and I wanted to wash all of my "new" clothes. My new to me stuff was nice and clean but they were stale and a bit fusty from being in storage and I wanted to freshen them up and get the wrinkles out.

I am still freaking out at how small everything looks to my eyes. I am so accustomed to huge and I do mean huge! garments. To any "normal sized" person, these clothes look huge. To me, they are pretty damned tiny. And I am having trouble adjusting my mindset and accepting the fact that this is my current size, that they do, indeed fit me and I don't have to be afraid of them. Yes, I feel like a total goofball, being afraid of my clothes. lol

It is another pretty, pretty day. Windows are open, my ceiling fan is whirring softly and the birdies are raising a ruckus out there. My eating is going very well, so far. Brekkie was my coffee and a flat egg white omelet kinda thing with a little sauteed onion. I also had some cubed cantaloupe and some left over sugar free canned pears. Yum. Water is going down well. I am halfway through my daily requirement.

Okay, I need to go get the rest of my clothes out of the dryer, put William's in. When I get done, today I am not going anywhere near that frakking washer and dryer for at lest a few days! I am sick to death of doing laundry! Blech!

An Empty Container, Alteration Nation and... Am I a Cheater?

I went downstairs to gather up some laundry to do. *sigh* Yes... More frakking laundry, today. I might as well just climb into the fucking washing machine and live in there. :P Sad, but true. My life seems to be one long laundry session, lately. Anywhoozle... While I was down there I looked at The Container. The Big Orange Container that contained some smaller clothes. Clothes that last Fall, I couldn't really fit into. Clothes that a few of which I was able to sausage into. Clothes I honestly thought I still had no chance in hell of wearing.

Especially with my shitty efforts weight wise, lately.

But, on some crazy whim, I hauled that container out of my closet, hefted it up on my bed, opened it up and thought, "What the heck! Can't hurt to try..." And started trying stuff on. And, much to my shock and utter delight, a lot of it now fits. I felt, at first as if it were all too small, still. Feeling clothes actually conform to my actual anatomy is foreign to me. I am not used to it. And I was under the impression that everything was still too impossibly tight. But, looking in the mirror I learned that to the contrary, the garments fit. Properly. Comfortably. And are where they should be. Pants crotches actually fit my anatomical crotch, not hang nearly to my knees. Armholes are in the proper place, not hanging halfway to my waist and elbow.

Oh! And speaking of my waist? Believe it or not, I am actually beginning to get one. A hint of a figure is beginning to emerge. Curves are making themselves known. Bust curving in to waist out to hips, in to legs and down. Kinda freaky, when I think about it. I haven't seen a hint of a real figure on this bod for many, many years.

So, now I have more laundry to do. All those garments are clean, but smell a but fusty from being cooped up in a container for so long. I also need to take all of my now way too big Winter wear down and stash it away. I will eventually pass along or Freecycle it all. I am not going to wear it anymore. And, once I am comfortable with letting them go (which will be soon, I am already mentally preparing Freecycle listings), go they will, since I have absolutely no plans to ever need them, again. And keeping them? Nuh-uh! No way. I am not giving myself an out. Not hanging on to the possibility of "just in case". There is no "just in case". There can't be. I will soon, once again be past the point of no return with my clothes.

I have to admit... It feels a little scary. But it also feels so freeing. Just the thought of letting go of garments I have looked at and worn and hauled around with me for so very long is liberating. And will give me a sense of moving forward. Besides which, I have had some of those things for so long, that just the thought of putting them on, again makes me want to puke. I mean, it has been so long since I have bought any new clothes that knowing I am going to get to wear different things makes me positively giddy. lol

As you may or may not remember, I have been wearing some really nice Venetzia (or howeverthefuck you spell it lol) jeans that were gifted to my by a lovely, generous bloggy buddy. They are a seven, blue. I have learned that that translates to 26/28 curvy. They are getting a little loose... I am dreading the day I can no longer wear them. Not because I don't want to lose more weight but because I love, love, love those jeans so. much! To have to say goodbye to them just breaks my little heart. But, anyway, I tried on a cute pair of cotton pants, same maker, if I remember correctly; a size three and they fit! I was barely able to pull them up over my hips and gut, lat Fall. They are perfect, now. So, I have some fresh, pretty, casual pants to wear with a lightweight top for Spring and part of the Summer.

I am also able to finally wear a pretty pink top I bought a long time ago. And a bunch of others. I suppose I am going to have to go in to Lane Bryant or Catherine's or somewhere and find a new pair of jeans to hold me over, once the sevens just get too big. Then I can pass the sevens on.I suppose I can try a five? Maybe a four, too? It is so strange to me to think of having to size down. I am so used to looking for the biggest size and praying I can stuff my huge bod into it. This is just weird to me. lol

I also have hanging in my closet an old pair of jeans. I bought them back in... 1990? I think? It was back before vanity sizing ran amok, back when a size 26 was a lot smaller than it is, now. Those jeans look small. I mean, tiny to my eyes. They hang in my closet in my jeans section (yes, my closet is big enough for me to have clothes sections, heh heh) as an inspiration piece. I seriously doubt that I will actually wear them, when I do fit them because, well... They are pretty bad. Tapered legs, slight acid wash, some pleats... yeah. Maybe for working around, doing "dirty work". Certainly not to be seen in out and about. lol But I use them as a little "When I can wear those, again I will know I am making some rock solid, real progress" kind of thing.

So, just for shits and giggles, I grabbed those jeans, today and hauled them on. And haul I did. lolol I seriously doubted I would get them past my knees, to be perfectly honest. Well, I got them past my knees. Past my thighs and my hips and my big old hanging gut. I got those suckers up. Can't fasten them. Not even close. I would imagine the gap between metal button and button hole is a good... Seven inches or so. lol But I felt pride that I have come this far. I would like to be able to wear those jeans by Fall. Maybe sooner?

Maybe...

Okay so now, I just have a few "future wear" things left. Not enough for a big container, fo shizz. A little stack that fit neatly into part of a dresser drawer. So, I will use that container for some stuffies and a few other little sentimental to me things I want to keep. 

Oh! I tried on a pair of size 24 capris. Laughing at myself the whole time for my folly at thinking I could ever squeeze into a size 24. Until I got them on, comfortably fastened up and looked at them in the mirror. They are just a tad tight, in a couple of spots. But too loose in the waist. I am a classic hourglass and that is beginning to become a problem as my figure emerges. I should be able to wear those capris shortly but before I do, I am going to have to alter them so that they fit properly in the waist. I can't walk around with a huge gap there. lol

I also tried on a couple of tops that I like, mostly. But they need a little tweaking to become exactly what I want. A couple have long sleeves and it is getting warmer, so I am going to shorten the sleeves to 3/4 length or short. (I love 3/4 length sleeves, I just think that they look so ladylike. :)) And one top is going to get taken apart and reworked into a different thing, altogether. Projects. They keep my fingers busy and out of the snacks.And give me new things to enjoy. :D

Okay, before I wrap up this really, really long entry I want to discuss a subject near and dear to many of us.

Shapers. I admit, I own a couple. And I love them. I have had them for a long time. I haven't fit into them until just now, I got way to big for them for years. Now that I can wear them, again I plan to, when the outfit or occasion calls for it. I tried on pants today both without and with the shaper. And I have to admit, I like how they looked with, better. I know I am the size I am and no tight, knitted synthetic gut sucker is going to fool me or anyone else. But the shaper makes my clothes look a little better. It pulls my hanging gut in and up some, tightens and smooths it and my butt a little bit. I don't really shrink a size, or anything. I just look and feel better in my clothes in it.

So, is wearing a shaper cheating? Is it wrong to be so happy that my huge, hanging gut is a little less huge, less hanging, just a little less? Is it wrong or too vain? I mean, I don't have shapers for my batwings. They just have to fly free, declaring themselves to the world. And while I am not thrilled with them, I am even less thrilled by the gut hang and while I can live with the batwings without too much trouble (except that I have elbow overhang that I am not too thrilled about, but that is a different discussion for a different day) I just hate the gut hang with a purple polka dotted passion. And I feel better about myself with the shaper.

In this odyssey to rediscover me, myself, my truths, is wearing a shaper a lie? Is it cheating? Am I copping out? Denying myself? Denying my reality and who I really am?

Honestly, I don't think so. Am I any less who I am because I choose to tighten up my gut a little? No. Am I cheating, trying to pass myself off as something I am not with that particular underpinning? I don't believe I am. I mean, if good undergarments were a cheat, I would have to leave off my bras and let my boobs fly free. After all, my great, huge gajongas are also me. They are part of me. They are my truth. I can't deny them. Obviously. :P But I can damned well contain those bitches. I can put on an industrial strength brassiere that gets them up high, tight and where boobs should be. I can shape and mould them to look better, a little smaller. I can prevent them from flapping and flying around. I can keep them from giving me a black eye, taking out my kneecaps, breaking things or injuring the people around me.

And I do.

And I don't see why it should be any different for my gut.

For the record, my "new" things fit as well without the shaper as with, I just like how everything looks with it, a bit better. ;)

Okay, I have some crocheting to get to. I am working on something. A prototype, if you will. I'll let you know if it works out.

Later, lovebugs. And, if you waded through all of this babble, I am passing you a yummy sugar free butter cookie.

Real Jeans

Not the super stretchy, elasticized waist feans. (Faux jeans.) But the kind with a fixed waistband and a button and zip. I wore them, today. :D It felt good. It felt really good. The last time I had on a pair of real jeans was 1993. Since then, it has been feans, all the way. And it always made me sad. It always made me feel different, separated, not as good, less.

I don't have to feel like that, anymore. As anyone who reads regularly knows, I received a couple of pair of Venetzia jeans from a lovely, generous fellow blogger a while back. When I first unpacked them I tried them on. And was delighted to actually get them on and fastened. But they were far too tight. They didn't look well and I couldn't sit down in them. No way would I even consider wearing them out of my house. I packed one pair away in my "future clothes" container and the other pair went into a drawer to hang out while I worked on losing more flab. Every now and again I would take them out and try them on. Every time I did, I got a little bit closer to them fitting me properly. I knew that some day I would be able to put them on, they would look good and I would wlk out my door in them.

Today was that day. I was getting ready to run out to the store and I thought that, just for shits and giggles, I would try my jeans. See if I was any closer. With half held breath, I pulled them out of the drawer, placed one foot in a leg and puled them a little way up. Put the other foot through the other leg and pulled them easily, smoothly up my legs, up over my hips until they settled right in at my waistline. No wiggling, no bouncing, to tugging, no chipped nails. I brought the two sides together without sucking in, tugging or having to apply any force. The button slipped right into it's waiting buttonhole, the zipper went up. I actually had a little room in the waist! :D

Gentle readers, I wore those jeans, today. They were comfortable, they looked nice and they felt wonderful. The size? Size seven or 26-28. I know... That is a size that most of you started at. I had to lose almost a hundred pounds to wear that size. At my heaviest, I couldn't squeeze into a size 34WT pair of stretchy feans. I had to lose a bunch of weight to get into those. Then I had to lose more weight to get into my 32WT feans. I gave away the 34WTs. Guess it is time for the 32WTs to go, as well. I don't need them, anymore.

I don't want them, anymore. I never want to put them on, again.

I don't have to!

Geeze! I am so wordy! All that raggle baggle to say I wore a pair of jeans, today. Maybe I need to get over myself? lol

My food is good, today. I am right on track and I have 160 calories left to play with, if I so desire. Water is just about all done, too. It felt good to get out of the house and move around a bit, even if it was just to pop into a couple of stores. Not exactly heavy duty all out walking. But I think that I will be ready to get out there, very soon. I have a followup with the doc at the Urgent Care about my shingles tomorrow and I am hoping that he will give me the all clear to get out there.

Willy Dog has decided to get back on the bandwagon. He is eating 1600 calories a day and is giving up sugary soda. He has about seventy pounds to lose and if he stays on track and incorporates some exercise, he should be able to reach his goal (180) by June. He has asked me to help him and to track his calories so he knows where he is each day. He refuses to drink large amounts of water... He says it makes him sick to do so. Whatever. As long as he gets enough fluids one way or the other, cuts out the sugar packed soda and eats better, he will be doing himself a huge favour. He needs to dump the weight, last time he went to the doctor, he was told that he was boderline diabetic. This will be good for him.

Okay, so I suppose I have nattered on and on and on long enough. 

Doing Better

I think I just needed to grab myself by the scruff of the neck and give myself a little shake. I am doing much better, today. I feel calmer, more in control and not freaking myself out and letting stupid thoughts talk me into bad for me actions.

Thank you all so. much! for your support and encouragement and ass kicking and just being here, whether you comment or not. You are all my lifeline. And I couldn't do this, as well as I am without all of you. <3 <3 <3

Well, I took a step past the point of no return, today. I cleared out some of the 5X and 6X tops out of my closet, five of them and offered them on Freecycle. I received five replies, but one lady's e-mail really touched me. So much so that I decided to offer her one of my fleece jackets and a pair of stretch denim pants, as well. I think she will probably accept the additional items. I just wish I had more to shre with her, right now because I think that she really needs these things.

Anyway, the step past the point of no return is that I have a pair of identical pants a couple of sizes smaller to the pair I offered to this gal. I discovered the other day that much to my delight that they now fit me. (I haven't worn those pants in years.) So I am wearing them out and about and the larger pants were just hanging in my closet, taking up a much needed for other stuff hangar. If the gal to whom I offered the larger pants accepts them, they will be gone. Forever. No going back. No safety fatter pants. No fallback. I am committed to staying on track, because going heavier will not be an option. I won't have anything to cover my arse, if I do.

Incentive, indeed. People don't need to be seeing my bare arse. Waaay too much cottage cheese action, going on back there. Not a pretty sight. lol Besides, it is Winter-ish. I would freeze my ass off. And, I might not like the size of my ass, right now but I still kinda need it. It has a job to do. :P

Day after tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day, here in the states. Do all of my fellow turkey gobbling Americans have your Thanksgiving plans firmed up? Your calorie coping strategies in place? Healthy options ready to place on your table, or pack up to haul over the river and through the woods so that you can get through the day the best way you can? I do. And I am looking forward to the holiday. I will have both of my guys here and I have kitteh treats for Marley and a huge Ultimate Busy Bone as a Thanksgiving treat for Sabryna.  It is going to be just the five of us, this year. A quiet, laid back, easy day, for a change. I love and enjoy the all day cookathon and I love, love, love to entertain and have company but a more intimate holiday will be a lovely, welcome respite. :D

Oh, speaking of Sabryna... She is feeling fine. She has always had a goosey tummy, has always been prone to tossing her cookies. It is a pain in the ass and gross, in the extreme. But it is how she rolls. She actually knows to ask to be put outside when she feels as if she is going to hurl and most of the time, I can get her outside before she blows. But I was asleep, when she was sick, this morning so she had no choice but to lose it all over my floor. Poor baby girl. I know that she didn't want to barf in the house.

Now, if I could just teach Marley to hack up his frakking hairballs in his litter box, instead of under my dressing table or my bed... :P

I Knew Better

But I did it, anyway. I tried everything on. And the result wasn't great. Everything is too small and is now resting in my "later container". Some I should be into hopefully by the first of the year, others are going to take more time. *sigh*

I tried a pair of cotton pants, Merona size three (whatever that means... it has been so long since I was in a clothing store, I don't even know sizes, anymore) that I thought wouldn't go on at all. They did but they are a bit too tight for public wear. There are also two pair of jeans, Venetizia, size 7, (again, don't know what that means) that I thought for sure were miles too small. I started to put one pair on and got one leg in and almost gave up, thinking that there was no way in hell I could get both legs in. But I tried and I did get both legs in. And then I thought I would never get them over my thighs. But they did go up over my thighs. I was convinced that they would never go up over my hips. To my utter astonishment, they went all the way on and I was able to button and zip them. No lying on my beg or sucking n required. :D They are just a tad too tight for what I would consider appropriate to wear out. But I will be wearing them very soon.

I know that when I started this odyssey, there is no way I would have been able to put any of those clothes on, even to try them, they would have not even gone onto my body. And I need to pull out of my little funk and remember that progress is being made and that I am 80+ pounds smaller than I was nine months ago. That those jeans that did go up and buttoned and zipped today probably wouldn't have gone past my knees when I weighed 400 pounds.

I have even more incentive to stay on track and keep on keeping on.

It is sunny, 61 degrees and windy, right now. It is supposed to get to 67 by Thursday then back into the 50's and possibly rain, by the weekend. I hoe that we do get some rain. I know it isn't going to happen but I am hoping for rain on Thanksgiving.

Okay. I am going to find some lunch. I will talk to you all, later. :)

Smoke, Rising

I don't like seeing smoke rising. I grew up in NorCal and have had experience with forest fire and thick, rising smoke means everything bad and frightening to me. We lived out in Highland Pines (out in the direction from which the smoke today is coming) for almost five years and if we were still living out there, I would be freaking the hell out, right now.

Every time there was a fire, every time I saw smoke I would start running through my bug out plans. I would gather leash and carrier, pet food, get my document organizers out and ready to grab, shut down my laptop and put it in it's bag and put it and my purse and keys by the front door. I would shower, put on my makeup, do my hair and dress, so that I wouldn't look like a refugee, should we have to run. And the whole time I would be praying pleasedon'tletitbeafire!Pleasedon'tletitbeafire! We were lucky, every time I readied to run, there was no reason to do so. But I am done with being afraid. I am done living in the trees. I love, love, love living in town. :D

I won't be walking, tonight. No, my hip is fine. But before you blast me, let me 'splain, Lucy. I have asthma. I am lucky, it is chronic, not acute, so I don't take daily controller meds but I can and do have attacks. Mine are triggered by environmental factors, smoke, smog, chemical fumes, humidity. Stress can also do me. And I just don't relish the thought of trying to do two miles in this smokey air. Collapsing by the side of the road and lying there while paramedics pump me full of oxygen and drugs isn't exactly my idea of a lovely evening. lol The last time I had a major attack, I was working in Laughlin. I went downstairs while I was on break and someone was mopping the employee dining room with a very strong bleach solution. Next thing you know, yours truly is gasping like a beached whale, the paramedics had to be called and I got to leave work early. In an ambulance. Do Not Want. lol

I am still doing laundry. Yay. I am down to three loads. Some sweaters, Some regular darks and a load of fleeces. I didn't realise until I went through everything how much fleece I own. lol I have four jackets, my "new" vest, a long robe. That doesn't include the micro-fleece (soooo soft!) warmie tops I already washed and hung up in my closet.  I should be plenty cozy and warm, this Winter.

I suppose some mention of how my day is going, eating wise might be in order, since this is, first and foremost a weight loss blog. Calories are good. I am sitting at 710, so far. I am nicely satisfied and not hungry. That is thanks to the lovely hunk of grilled chicken I nommed for lunch. I had it with grilled Summer squash. I could eat grilled squash almost every day.

Say, have you tried a grilled apple? I was prepping food to grill the other night and was casting around, looking for stuff to grill and my eyes fell on a ripe, red delicious apple. At first I thought, naw! It wouldn't work. Then I thought, why not try? So, I quartered and cored it, sprayed it lightly with Pam and tossed it on my grill. It got a blackened in spots, which wasn't bad, as those spots just slid right off and the fruit underneath was perfectly cooked. It was scrumptious.

I think that my dog and my cat should be very afraid. ^^ lol ;)

My, I am chatty, today...

Laundry, Laundry, Laundry

Warning: A lot of nattering ahead! lol

Hello, my little cream puffs. How is life treating all of you?

Things are pretty tolerable around here. I am not screaming or feeling as if I am going to kill someone, so I am counting that as a win. lol

It is a pretty day, sunny, warming up but certainly not hot. The cicadas are raising a ruckus in the the cottonwoods, birds are singing and my dog is all flaked out on her beddies and my cat is soaking up a square of sunshine.

I am hip deep in laundry. Not only did I have tow stuffed full hampers, yesterday I finally got up the nerve to dig out the containers of clothes I had in my closet and started trying on stuff. Yippee! a lot of it fits, again. These are things that have sat, folded or hung in a dusty closet for forever, unworn because I was too big to wear them. It is saying something when you get too big to wear a Roman's size 4X, people. When a 5X is tight. When you blew the button off a size 6X shirt one day when you tried to bend over to pick up something you dropped in Walmart. Oh, yes... That is where I was, at my heaviest.

So, I went through the containers. There is about half a container of stuff that I still need to lose into and are stashed in my closet. I have a pile that I am just about into and they are going to fit in about ten pounds or so, so they are getting washed and hung up to inspire me and to be ready when I can wear them. And I have a bunch of stuff that I can wear, now. A lot of them are Winter things and will need to wait a bit, until it gets cold, but some are wearable, now. A tad outdated, but classic, in very nice condition and something "new" to me. A change of pace from the few things I have worn for so long, due to being so very heavy.

I also went through my dresser drawers and shit canned a bunch of really ugly, old, raggedy stuff. It felt so. good. to toss that crap. I have worn them enough and I can't stand the sight of them, any longer. I then moves larger, but still in good condition tops from my "going out" to "just everyday, around the house type" wear. I kept two old, floppy, ugly tops for wearing when doing heavy duty cleaning. When I clean, shit flies everywhere. Bleach, cleaning supplies land all over me and I don't want to wreck decent looking stuff with bleach.

Oh! I tried on a pair of 30WT pants that have been in cold storage for at least nine years, unwearable, couldn't even squeeze into them. I got them on easily. They are still a teeny bit tight for wear in public, but in ten or fifteen pounds... Those bad boys will be beck in action. :D

I think I will be doing laundry until the rest of my hair turns grey. (I am about 40%, now...lol)

I got out the fleece jacket I wanted to convert to a vest, yesterday and took care of that little task. It turned out great. My little sewing projects are taking time, since I don't own a sewing machine. I do all of my mending and sewing by hand. Which I don't mind doing, but it is a bit time consuming. lol One day, I would like to get a nice sewing machine. I had an old, half busted down Brother machine that kinda worked and I got a lot of use out of it until it completely died on me. I would like my next one to be a bit nicer. lol

Smoke in the air and it is getting heavier. There is either a forest fire nearby or the frakking Forest Service has decided to start their yearly controlled burns. When they start burning, the air is heavy with smoke for weeks and weeks and it is miserable. Hell. My asthma acts up, I cough and cough, have trouble breathing, my eyes burn and am a real cranky puss. I know that controlled burns are a necessary evil. they get rid of underbrush that feed wildfires and keep the forest healthier, but dayumn!!!!

I think I am going to fire up my grill and cook my chicken. I also want some grilled summer squash for lunch. And I think I will cook some rice in chicken broth to go with dinner, tonight. Husband and Son both like rice, so I make it pretty frequently. We can have it with chicken and veg for dinner. :D

Shit! That smoke is making me sneeze and cough and my eyes are starting to burn. Waaahhhh!!!!

I'll be back to do BYOC, later. Time to fire up my grill. :D

S A T U R D A Y Night!

Another week draws to a close.

Son goes back to work tomorrow and Husband on Monday. Thank. God. Too much togetherness is just...

Too much. lol

It has been a pretty good week for me, food wise. I did have a rough Day or two but nothing too tragic and I seem to not be suffering any ill effects from them. Not even puffy. Imagine that. :D

I am walking, again. I kinda chose to slack a bit, this week since the guys were running to the Valley so many days. Bad to make excuses. I should have laced up and hit the bricks out on Willow Creek. Slacker. But we have walked the last two days and barring any unforeseen problems, should for a while, now.

I am in the process of laundry. Whee! So. Much. Fun. I am washing sleeveless tops that didn't come near fitting me just a short time ago. I wore one out on the trail, today. It fit. I almost fell over. Now I have more top options while slogging on the trails out at the lake. A little NSV. :D

I need to order a couple of pair of leggings for walking once it is cooler. And I think I am going to refashion one of my fleece jackets into a vest for that purpose, too. With long sleeved tees, gloves for my hands and a calorimetry, I should be cozy and happy when it gets cold.

We had a thunderstorm roar in at 4:30 this morning and it rained on and off for almost the whole day. Walking out at the lake was a trip. The trails were pretty wet. Not ankle deep in nasty mud, but pretty wet. And walking along was a bit more work than usual. Parking on the side of the road was a nightmare, it was all goopy where we normally park. And I almost ended up going ass over teacup going from the trail up to the Jeep. Now, that would have been a lovely sight. Ten tons of fat broad eating it in the mud by the side of Willow Lake Road. lol

Okay, that is about all I have to jabber about, at the moment.

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