Tuesday Evening

A good day has passed. I day in which I wasn't obsessing over bullshit I shouldn't eat. A day in which I felt good, calm and confident.

I hung a sign on my bedroom wall... It reads, "90 Pounds to Lasik!" If that doesn't remind me what I am working toward, I don't know what will. I have wanted to ditch my glasses and contacts for so. Very. Long. And I can, once I get solidly below 200 pounds. The money will be there, I just have to get to that point so that I can reach out, grab it and use it to fix my eyes.

It is still so hot. Heat advisories. Humidity. Hazy skies. We get clouds, a few rumbles of thunder from time to time but little rain. I doubt it is even measurable. It gets more and more dry.

Patrick made flavoured instant oatmeal, today and my house smelled like cinnamon, brown sugar and maple. It smelled like Fall. It smelled so delicious. I was wishing that I could look out the window and see the leaves changing.

Autumn will arrive soon enough.

I have finished knitting a dish towel and am about halfway through another one. Knitting keeps my fingers busy. It is hard to stuff junk in my mouth and knit, at the same time. Tho... I could probably figure out how to do it, if I really wanted to. ^^

So, my stupid cell phone finally killed off the last of it's memory, so it went back to the Verizon store and they ordered me another one, same model. I received the new one, yesterday. New one. Now, that is an interesting term. They sent me a "like new" reconditioned and inspected phone. So, get this... We bought a brand new cell phone. And a warranty that cover it for repair or replacement under just about any circumstances. Drop it and break it? Get a new one. Run over it with the car? Get a new one. Flush it down the john? Get a new one. Phone gets eaten by a Velocaraptor? Get a new one. I need a new phone. What do I get?

Someone else's piece of shit cast off "like new, inspected" old ass phone.

Granted, it is in lovely condition and everything but still... I am a little cheesed. I am cheesed that my old phone was such a piece of crap on a stick and my "new" one, the same model is already proving it's self to be more of the same. The memory is swiftly disappearing. If it holds up for two months, I will be shocked. If you want a 'Droid smartphone, whatever you do, avoid the LG Vortex like the plague. I hope that I will get to upgrade to something with better memory, more power, a better keyboard and more features, later this year.

I never thought that I would hear myself say that! lol Funny how things change.

You want to know what really annoyed me? It took me forfuckingever to find my Simple Calorie Count app, again (Android App Store has been totally redesigned and is an utter pain in the ass to navigate and find apps.) and I had to re install Angry Birds and start all over. Dammit! I was really rocking that game, too. I am getting through the lower levels faster than I did the first time around, tho.

My wedding band is dangerously close to falling off by it's self. If I shake my hand, it flies across the room. lol

Okay, that is about all I have to bore on about, for right now.

Thursday

The day after Wednesday. The day before Friday. I am looking forward to the weekend. *sigh* I so need a weekend. A weekend, a little fun, a little shopping, a little girlie retail therapy. I am finally feeling well enough to get out and about and stir crazy is an understatement of what I am feeling, right now.

My housework is all done, save laundry, which is in progress and dishes, which are happily stewing in hot water, detergent and steam, as I type this. Damn, I *heart* my dishwasher. I scrubbed the bathroom, polished mirrors, scoured pet dishes, dusted, vacuumed the broadloom, swept hard floors, and all the thousand other little things that need doing. I actually got through most of my work without too much tightness in my chest, I hardly coughed and rattled. Is it possible I am beginning to get over this crap? I sure hope so.

Maybe, one day this decade I will once again be well enough to get out and take my walks, again. :P

Food and water are on track.

I am feeling an incredible amount of pressure to have a good weigh in this Sunday and I fear that my scale won't move (again!!!) and I am still getting puffy and a part of me wants to scream. And another part wants to binge away the fear and dread of failure. If I don't have a good number, I will feel like an incredible failure. And it is all going around and around in my head and I want to shut it down. I don't want to feel this. I just want it to go away. I want to make it go away. *breathe!* I don't want to fail and let myself down. More importantly, I don't want to fail and let everybody down. And show myself to be a big, fat, stupid sham. All talk, no action. All bullshit. No results.

A failure.

As usual.

*breathe!*

It is a pretty day, today. Sunny, clear as a bell and cool.

Oh! Cool NSV. I now fit comfortably behind the wheel of the Jeep and I am going to start driving, again. It will be nice to get out and about without having to ask my husband to drive me everywhere. I can also use the seat belts. It has been a long time since I could fit a seat belt around my huge bod. Now that it is a tad less huge, I can be safe, again. It is nice to know that if we have an accident, I won't be thrown around the cabin of the car like a rag doll.

Okay, off to pay attention to my laundry and drink more water. And read blogs. :D

Oh! Don't forget about my $35.00 CSN Stores gift certificate giveaway. Please click the link or the CSN Stores logo at the top of my right hand column to travel to my giveaway post and enter. 

Major NSV!

For anyone who is or has ever been very heavy, something as simple as putting on your shoes and tying them, applying cream to your feet, whatever can be difficult. Extremely difficult as the bulk in your stomach and legs makes it impossible to accomplish these tasks in a normal fashion.

I am a good example of this. For years and years, I had to sit on my bed, turn to the side, hitch a leg up to the side and strain to reach my foot. At my heaviest, this even was almost impossible. Seriously, I was almost to the point where I wasn't going to be able to put my own shoes and socks on. Never mind taking care of my feet or doing a pedicure. It sucked. And it horrified me to think that I might have to ask my husband to put my socks and shoes on me. Talk about humiliation.

Last week, I sat down to put on my socks and shoes and I started to turn to the side and hitch my leg up as "normal" when I decided to try just bringing my leg up and balancing it on the other one. You know... Like normal people can do. And ya know what? I could! I can! I can put my shoes and socks on like a normal person. I can sit down and put moisturiser on my feet and my night socks on without having to turn to the side, hitch up one leg, do one foot, then put my leg down, stand up, turn in the other direction, sit, turn to that side, hitch my other frakking leg up to the side and repeat.

It was exhausting. Hell, I am exhausted just writing about it! It was demoralizing. I didn't dare attempt to go into a store and try on shoes. After all, they don't have big beds I could do my turn and hitch and turn and hitch routine on. Besides, that wasn't anything I wanted anyone in public to ever see me doing. Shit, I didn't even want my family to see me doing it. I made sure that my husband and son were never, ever in the room when I was putting my socks and shoes on.

Now, I can go and shop for and try on shoes in a store. No humiliation. I might still be fat, and that isn't the prettiest thing to see all contorted to do the shoe thing, but at least I can do it normally. Yeah, baby!

My hips and thighs are not too terribly happy about this new ability of mine. I have done it the other way for so long that my body has adjusted to it. And putting my legs up front causes some discomfort and shaking. Less, the more I do it. Several times a day, I sit down, bring my leg up on the other, pull it up as much as I can with my hands and hold, stretching my muscles and getting my joints used to doing it the right way, again. I imagine it will take a little time for my bod to adjust fully. Until then, I will just keep working at making it easier and more natural. Kind of like my own form of homespun physical therapy. lol

Good Lord it feels good to do such a simple "little" thing, again. And maybe... One day, I will actually be able do it without having to tell myself to. And that I can.

I suppose I should go take my rollers out of my hair and finish getting ready, now.

I Can Haz Ankle Bones

Hello chickens. How is everyone? All is well, here. I have been up to my usual tricks. Housework and so forth. I am also keeping up my water intake and I made an interesting discovery, today. I have bones in my ankles.

Who knew?

I have spent so many years with puffy ankles that I rarely ever see/saw the bones that reside there. Especially in my left ankle, which is by far my worst ankle. My swelling isn't completely gone and I doubt it will be until I get a significantly higher amount of weight off. Hell, it might be with me, in some way or other for the rest of my life. But it is better. So. Much. Better. Drinking the water and keeping my feet up as much as I can. Fabulous. :D

I slugged about five quarts of water, today. Only one cup of coffee, one mug of sugar free cocoa and no Crystal Light. Not too shabby. Do I need five quarts of water? Is three enough? Four? I don't know that I can sustain five, especially on days when I have to be out and about. I mean, really, spending all of my time running from bathroom to bathroom isn't my idea of a terrific day out. But on days I am home... Definitely doable.

Food is good... I am in under 1500 for the day. I wanted to be closer to 1200 but I am still in my target range so, good enough. I would be lower if I hadn't decided to indulge in a big mug of cocoa. I used sugar free, but made it with two packets, added a quarter cup of fat free half and half and a little swirl of Reddi-Whip. About 200 calories. Not my best decision, today. Not catastrophic, but not a disaster. Definitely treat material, not for every day.


I have the finale of The Biggest Loser recording. I need to stay clear of Yahoo and so forth until I watch it. I had the finale of The Amazing Race spoiled for me. I have it stashed on my DVR and was going to watch it, tomorrow then I saw the result on the Yahoo page. Shit! I will still watch it. 'Cause I love it.

Is anyone else bugging over how fast this month is passing? Before you know it, it is going to be the New Year.

Getting to Know You... All Over Again

So, I was in my bathroom this afternoon, brushing my choppers. I don't normally brush after lunch but I had fish for lunch and nothing says fresh, minty breath quite like a hunk of salmon. Yeah... Not. lol So, anyway, I was in there, brushing away and I had my left hand fisted and propped on my hip. I looked in the mirror and saw something unfamiliar on my left arm. A lump? A bump? I lifted my arm and gazed, trying to figure out what it was.

Then it hit me. Holy shit! It was my wrist bone!

Welcome back, old friend.

It's been a long, long time.

It's nice to see you, again. :D

It is another sunny day. It was a tad warmer than yesterday. We have the dining room window hanging open, right now. And it is likely to stay that way for a while, since I am going to bake off another batch of frozen cherry turnovers for my husband and son.  Husband keeps chewing on cherry turnovers and he is going to have problems. Add the sugary soda and other stuff he has reintroduced to his repertoire and he is just asking for trouble. That borderline diabetic diagnosis is going to be bumped up to diabetes. Full stop.

Oh well. He has life insurance.

And I look good in black.

Why yes, I am a sick, twisted bitch. Thankyouverymuch for noticing.  :P

Look, my husband is a big boy; he is capable of making his own decisions. He knows what he should do and he chooses to do something else. I know where he is with this. And I also know that until he feels the need to do something different, for his own reasons, for himself, he isn't going to do it. And I can't control that. I can only control my own eating habits. When or if he wants support and help, he knows where he can find it.

My eating is on track. I still need to have dinner... Probably soup. Maybe some popcorn, for dessert. We'll see. I am not too hongry, I don't feel the need to feed all that much. I'll play it by ear.

Okay, time to go put the turnovers in the oven.

Dude...

It just occurred to me that I don't have to try to suck in my gut, squeeze against the wall and tilt my dining chair forward when I need to slide in behind it to manipulate the (ugly fucking) vertical blind. I now fit in that space easily.

When the hell did that happen? ***For the record, that furniture is in the same place as it always is. I move it for vacuuming and dusting then put in the exact same spot. I have to... My dining "room" is teeny tiny.lol ***

And why didn't it hit me until yesterday?

Hee!!!

Talk about an NSV. It feels good to know that I officially displace less air than I used to.

That is all until later; I am off to watch The biggest Loser and eat my oatmeal and have another cup of coffee.

And maybe I will go slide in behind the chair a few times and just revel in the easy. :D

S A T U R D A Y Night!

Another week draws to a close.

Son goes back to work tomorrow and Husband on Monday. Thank. God. Too much togetherness is just...

Too much. lol

It has been a pretty good week for me, food wise. I did have a rough Day or two but nothing too tragic and I seem to not be suffering any ill effects from them. Not even puffy. Imagine that. :D

I am walking, again. I kinda chose to slack a bit, this week since the guys were running to the Valley so many days. Bad to make excuses. I should have laced up and hit the bricks out on Willow Creek. Slacker. But we have walked the last two days and barring any unforeseen problems, should for a while, now.

I am in the process of laundry. Whee! So. Much. Fun. I am washing sleeveless tops that didn't come near fitting me just a short time ago. I wore one out on the trail, today. It fit. I almost fell over. Now I have more top options while slogging on the trails out at the lake. A little NSV. :D

I need to order a couple of pair of leggings for walking once it is cooler. And I think I am going to refashion one of my fleece jackets into a vest for that purpose, too. With long sleeved tees, gloves for my hands and a calorimetry, I should be cozy and happy when it gets cold.

We had a thunderstorm roar in at 4:30 this morning and it rained on and off for almost the whole day. Walking out at the lake was a trip. The trails were pretty wet. Not ankle deep in nasty mud, but pretty wet. And walking along was a bit more work than usual. Parking on the side of the road was a nightmare, it was all goopy where we normally park. And I almost ended up going ass over teacup going from the trail up to the Jeep. Now, that would have been a lovely sight. Ten tons of fat broad eating it in the mud by the side of Willow Lake Road. lol

Okay, that is about all I have to jabber about, at the moment.

Oh, have you entered my CSN Stores gift certificate giveaway, yet? If not, click! Enter! If you are not a follower, it is easy, peasy. Just click the follow button in my sidebar. Then drop me a comment with your e-mail address.

A Small NSV

Yesterday, I put on a smaller top. A top I haven't worn. Ever. Always too small.

It fit.

:D

Tickled, I am.

And happy to have something "new" to wear.

I am sooooooooo sick of the clothes I have and have been wearing over and over and over and over for years, now.

Onward. :D