Zits? What The? And Revealing Something Major to Me...

Really?

At my age?

I'm forty-frakking-eight and in the last week I have had no fewer than three huge, juicy zits. I don't break out anymore. I just don't, And well I shouldn't. I mean, I am dealing with the early signs of Crone; fine lines, a few wrinkles popping up, a little saggy action here and there, hooded eyes... It happens, I accept it and I am okay with it. I lied, I'm not but yeah, whateves. I don't think that I should be forced to put up with zits, too. I just don't. I think it should be zits or wrinkles. 

Not both. 

Oh no. 

Not both. Not fair. Not acceptable. 

So, the last couple of days were good. I ate well, got my water. I am planning to start walking again, soon. Once I get over the initial goofy-ness. I always go through a phase where I feel a bit light headed, weak and strange and unwell-ish as I get on track and my bod adjusts. I go through it, every time. I know that I need to get past it then I am good. 

I'm not flawless... I munched a couple of handfuls of nasty store brand potato chips, yesterday and killed a single serving bag of Doritos, today. I logged the calories. I am not beating myself up. I am human. I am flawed. And so it goes. 

I am not doing this on my own, this time. I am getting help. 

Big help. I made a momentous decision and have decided to go forward with having WLS. I had my first appointment at True Results in Scottsdale, last week to see about getting a Lap Band. The appointment was a good one, I qualify, (duh!) my insurance covers it. I have a documented history, co-morbidities, a frightening family history and a terrible personal history at weight loss attempts. I have some hoops to jump through before my insurance will approve; actually, it is my husband's company. go figure. Whatever. If they want to me to jump, I'll jump. I have to do four months of supervised by the center dieting, have a psych eval, (that should be fun, I've never done that, before) have a consult with a nutritionist. True Results is in network and everything is covered. Yay!

I am not going into this lightly. I have done my research, time and again. My eyes are wide open. I understand the benefits, the risks, the statistics. I have gone over this six ways from back and forth. Debated it, debated it, again. I tried on my own. Tried so hard and I thought, I really thought I had it beat. But I didn't. I just didn't. I need help. And I am not too proud to admit it and I am not too proud to reach out and take it. So that is where I am with that. I have officially begun my four month hoop-jump.

I don't expect everyone to agree with my decision and that is just fine. I know what some people will think:

 I haven't. Trust me. I know that in the past I was outspoken that I could do this on my own. I thought that I could. I really thought that I could. But I also said that I wasn't opposed to WLS, that I fully respected anyone who made that decision for themselves. I still feel that way. I feel that everyone needs to do what is right for them, make the decisions, choices that are right for them, that work for them. I don't dictate, I don't judge. I am not living in someone else's body or life, I am not going to tell them how to care for that body or live that life.

I feel very good about this decision. I have no nervous feeling about this decision, no doubts, no second thoughts. I am calm, steady, this is right.

My cat is bugging me for treats. Greedy little orange fuzzbutt anyway.