Summertime... And the Living is...

It just is.

Over a month. Yeah. I have sucked as a blogger, here. Again. I think about things I want to talk about, think that they aren't worth talking about and I don't. Or I figure that I am so nattery on Facebook why bother or whatever. But what the fuck? This is my blog. I'll write what I want, when I want.

Duh!

That was kind of liberating.

Speaking of which...

I got on the scale at a doctor's office last week and:

 

 Yeah, I know. What I didn't know, because I was too chicken shit to get on my scale was just how much... 

I am back up to 371.

Needless to say, I am madder than a wet hen at myself. I am doing something about it. Hence having been at a doctor's. More deets to come, as things progress. What I will say is I am back on track eating better. I am going to get back out walking next week. This shit has got to stop. It is going to stop. I am not getting any younger and I can't expect to keep dodging a bullet as far as my health is concerned, forever. Especially with my frightening family history!

We are still in the condo. I don't understand William's malfunction. I mean, seriously. He doesn't even seem interested in house hunting. Not even interested. WHY????????????????? I am so. Fucking. Over this place. Over it like a cat is over a bath. Over it. I am sick of opening my windows to enjoy the cool evening breeze and getting a face full of my neighbor's cigarette smoke. I am sick of not being able to sleep with an open bedroom window for the same reason. I am tired of being cramped into this small place. I need more room. I want one level. I would like all hard surface floors. We had the broadloom shampooed which has made this place more pleasant and a lot cleaner but still...

Broadloom is disgusting. And I am over it, too. 

Bitch, bitch, bitch. 

But seriously. I can't figure the hubbs out. I just can't. Why is he so in love with staying here? I mention hunting and he rolls his head, gets that muleish look, changes the subject. I am sick of his bullshit. Really. Sick of it. I am ready to throw something at his head. Something heavy and covered in spikes. 

With my luck I'd miss. I throw like a girl. 

Not an athletic girl. A wimpy, weak armed, mall crawler girl. 

So, Topmax. Or the generic,Topiramate. My cheap-ass insurance. It likes generic. Same shit, Whatever. Anywhoozle, it worked great for a couple of weeks. I only had a couple of auras and minimal, Cat. 1-2 pain. Now, not so much. But it helps me sleep which is good, my sleep rhythms go to hell in the Summer, for some reason and I sleep like shit, this time of year, and I don't want to stop taking it until I see my doc, again so I keep on, hoping it will magically start working, again. Ha! Fat chance. Migraines blow. They suck ass.

I can't wait until next Saturday. I have an appointment to have my hair done. I have roots out to here and my fringe needs trimmed.

Bringer of the Gushy Food

Marley has no use for anyone, as cats tend to do. Unless it is 7:00 in the morning and he wants his gushy food. He awaits me at the top of the stairs, having heard me stirring around and getting up. As I come out of my room, the meowing begins. Insistent, demanding. Sometimes loud and strident, others, barely audible, rusty, baby kitten starving to death without the strength to create actual sound. He dogs my footsteps as I move around my kitchen, putting on the water for my coffee, taking my morning meds and vitamins, feeding the dog, getting Marley his crunchies.

Crunchies he doesn't want. In the morning, Marley is all about the gushy food. He gets a quarter of a can of Fancy Feast Classic in a seafood variety of some kind. He insists that all gushy food be seafood; he will eat chicken, beef, turkey cooked or raw but won't tolerate it in his gushy food. Picky little snot. Anyway, until I get that quarter can into a small ceramic dish, properly mushed and fluffed just so, served up on his windowsill, he doesn't back off. How many mornings have I almost killed myself tripping over his little orange ass as I stumble around the kitchen in my sleep induced haze? You would think that he would know better than to come within a mile of me before my first cup of coffee but the pull of the gushy food is too powerful and he is totally willing to risk bodily injury to nag me into feeding it to him even faster.

My head is bad, this morning. It's so nice to have a cold and a migraine at the same time, lemme tell ya. 

I remembered to move my hair appointment. This way I won't bring the plague in and infect everyone at the salon. I'm such an angel. I had to book for the seventeenth. I have roots-a-plenty now. My hair is going to look seriously jacked up by the middle of the month. *sigh* Oh well. That is what I get for having one of the most popular stylists in town. I get why she is in so high demand, she is good. And she respects how I feel about my hair. She never breathes a word of complaint about working with my masses of tresses, she never tries to pressure me into chopping my hair and she is happy to work with me as I grow it ever longer. And she doesn't charge me outrageous amounts of money. A roots touch up and tone is sixty-five bucks. Not bad for a higher end salon and the fact that my hair is thick and past my waist and needs precise attention to get just the right shade of blonde and not destroy the structural integrity of all of this hair. She is a treasure and it would be worth it at twice the price. My wallet is happy that it isn't that much, tho.

I wonder of those little fabric hoses are really as good as the commercials say they are? I should look up reviews and see what people are saying. They look good... And would be so handy to have around. I hate using the big, heavy hose we have, I'd love something lightweight and easy to handle.

It smells like pumpkin and spice in here, thanks to that candle. It must be strong for me to be able to smell it with my racked up beak.

Saturday!

The sun is shining. The birdies are singing and my allergies are so crazy bad. Ugh! My beak is a mass of misery and my eyes are burning and sticky and I wish that it would rain and settle the pollen for a while. A little relief from the symptoms would be lovely.

I have my sheets in the wash and I need to wash my quilt, as well. Patrick is going to wash his later, too. It seems as if some days that poor washer never stops running! lol

I have another headache and I need to do my coupons so i suppose I should get to it.

I am eating well, in control and calm of mind. This is good.

Noms of the Day and May the Fourth Be With You

So here we are, again.

How's about some music while you read?

 Brekkie was Coffee, twice and a Fage Total 0% with some Truvia and an orange. 

Calories: 245.

Lemme just ask you, how much do you loooove Greek yoghurt? Mmm... 

Lunch was soup and a serving of Triscuit Thin Crisps and a Diet Pepsi. 

Calories: 440

Snack was popcorn. Forgot to take a photo. 

Calories: 240.

Dinner was a Lean Cuisine Mushroom Tortaloni bag with extra peas and some mushrooms and a salad and a big glass of Crystal Light. 

Calories: 495.

I had an orange, later for 65 calories. 

Total: 1450.

Did you know that today was Star Wars Day? 

Are you kinda surprised that I would know or care about that? 

I'm an onion, people. I haz layers. :D

I am beginning to feel "squishy"/ That means that fat is beginning to depart my zip code. Yay. 'Bout time I got it together and got squishy, huh? 

I need to get my coupons organized and make a shopping list, I have grocery shopping to get done and I need to hit the drugstore, too. Maybe I'll order a few polishes from Amazon as well. Because I don't have enough, you know... 

I should count my polishes.

Maybe not.

I don't know why i am so tired. I didn't do squat, today. Seriously. William and Patrick straightened up the house for me before I even got up, this morning. The most strenuous thing I did was my nails. Maybe it is my head making me tired. It has been at about a Cat. 3 all day. Yesterday, I had a humongous aura flash and took an Imitrex and half an hour later, I felt as if a freight train smashed into the side of my head. That shit is weird. Sometimes when I take it, it works a little and takes the hell in my brain down to a dull roar, others, it doesn't do anything but make me feel weird. And headache-y. Others, like yesterday it seems to feed my migraine so that it can really go to town. I really shout talk to my doc about that. 

Someday. :P

Okay, I think I'll hit the sack and read for a while before I conk out. 

Happy Easter

I hope that everyone who celebrates is having a wonderful Easter. And for those of you who don't, a terrific Sunday. :D

It is sunny and warm, here. We are expecting the high to be in the mid seventies. Just a perfect Spring day. We don't really have any plans, a quiet, relaxing day sounds nice.

I have had my morning coffee, patched a cracked nail, repainted my accent nails and did a little simple nail art in Spring colours in celebration of the day and I am contemplating a late brekkie. Oatmeal? I don't know... I need to eat but I am not all that hungry.

My allergies and sinuses are driving me insane. Urgh! I had a migraine, yesterday. I took Imitrex, it helped a little but it just mostly made me feel weird. I get this odd, slightly floaty feeling and a tightening in my neck and chest. I am still not sure about that stuff. *shrug*

It's a beautiful day to be good to myself. Something I have done precious little of, lately.

ETA: Yay!!! My favicon is finally showing up! The one I attached to my nail blog finally popped up, yesterday and this one just popped up. So, it just needs a day or so then it works. Good to know. :D

Well...

I don't know... Imitrex doesn't seem to be as effective as I had hoped. I took my dose the moment I had an aura but my head still hurt. Not as bad as usual but yeah... It still hurt. It is worse, this morning. I almost feel as if this is a rebound. I will rebound pretty hard after any pan reliever taken before or during a migraine. I am going to keep working with Imitrex for a bit and see if I can make it work but so far, I am not all that encouraged. Blast it. I'll discuss this with my doc next time I see her, which should be in the next few weeks or so... I need to have a confab with an ENT then go back to see my PCP and by then I should know if Imitrex is going to be my bitch or not.

It's a pretty morning. Sunny and up to 42, already. It is supposed to hit seventy for a high. Woo hoo! It should be a perfect afternoon to get out to the lake for a nice walk. I neeeeeed exercise. And fresh air. And out of this damned house.

My day is starting well, I've had my coffee and smoothie. Let's keep it on track until and through lunch, shall we? I am back to taking this hour by hour, meal by meal. I have sucked, strayed far off my path and I want to get back on it so it is time to re train my brain and my bod. Back to work. I still have a lot of it to do.

Okay, time to get my day started. Sunday... Can't help being lazy as shit on Sunday. :P

Of Auras and Imitrex

So, let's see if this shit actually works. I had an aura (mine consists of flashing pindots of light) and just took my first dose of Imitrex. Please work! I hope it kicks in soon, since my head is already hurting. We'll see...

Ahhh... Coffee... Nectar of the Gods!

I am in the process of downing my third huge mug of the day. Maybe I'll get some energy and vibrate and be happy, now. Coffee rules. I don't care what anyone says.

So, doctor's visit went pretty well. I was freaking out over, it is pretty certain, nothing. I do have issues and I do need to see an ENT specialist but it is because of my constant nasal allergies wreaking havoc in my throat. I have pitting and swelling and irritation and my poor old tonsils are huge. So, things aren't happy in there. My doc gave me a 'script for a nasal steroid that should help. It should ease my constant nasal allergies, soothe my sinuses and even help with my horrible deep, dark circles. I have dark circles that no amount of corrector and concealer can cover. Apparently caused by my allergies. So, I should be feeling better, soon. And the ENT can do whatever needs to be done for my throat and tonsils and I will be feeling better for that, soon too. Yay.

I also talked to my doc about my headaches. I now have an official diagnosis of migraine and she gave me 'script for Imitrex. 50 mg. I am to take it when I get an aura and it should abort my headache. Boy, do I ever hope it works. I could use some pain free days.

My blood levels are good. My "bad cholesterol" is a tad high, but nothing to worry about, if I just get my ass back on track and get some consistent exercise. That is a good reason to get my shit together, no? Other than that, things are looking pretty good. So, once I get this throat issue solved, I will be a happier camper. But it looks as if I don't have any reason to freak out and I feel a huge sense of relief. *whew*

It is so chilly and incredibly windy, today. Brrr!!! But it is supposed to warm up really nicely, soon. Seventies by early week, then cool back into the sixties. I can live with that, fo shizz.

Hey, the first day of Spring is this month, kiddies! We also make the penultimate Ch. 13 payment, this month! Holy shit, this time, next month, it will almost all be done. Just the last payment and that last stupid legally mandated  class (Thanks a lot, George W. Bush. You asshole.) and then discharge and our four year long nightmare will finally be over. From start to finish, this Ch. 13 has taken nearly four long fucking years. Anyone who dares to say to my face that bankruptcy is an easy out will get a face full of my fist, I swear to God.

Okay, Erika. Remember your blood pressure. *zen* *breathe* *ooohmmmmmm*

Still loving my hair colour. I am going to strand test and see if I can safely push my length a little lighter and banish more of the dark gold and the light reddish/strawberry tones. But yeah,,, Loving being a blonde, again. It just feels so right, so me. I am all for having the hair, whatever that hair might be that makes us happy. So, if you are a blonde, a brunette, a redhead or pink or purple haired in your heart, do it. Seriously. Life is too fucking short to not love your hair. :D

Think I'll have some lunch. I'm hongry.

My Head...

is bad.

Really, really bad.

I can't stand the light, sound is ripping my brain apart and I think that I am going to throw up.

I want my mommy.

Snow. Blech.

Snowed yesterday. Snowed last night. Snowed, today. Not large amounts, Just dustings, each time. Thank the heavens above. I have places to go and people to do, tomorrow. I do not need to be trapped on this hillside like a rat.

I really need to remember to write down all of my passwords in one place. I had to have my smartphone hard restarted, again. Forth time in less than a year, thankyouverymuch. Gah! Damned thing bleeds memory like a stuck pig does blood. It's super annoying. After that restart, I had to go in and re do everything. E-mail accounts, Twitter, Facebook... You get the drift. I was humming right along, getting everything back up and running. Remembered everything flawlessly with just a tiny, "Uh... Which e-mail is my personal Facebook attached t, again?" Until I hit Slacker. Yeah. Had to log in to that one several times until I hit on the right e-mail address/password combination. Yeah. Write it down, you addlepated old battleaxe.

So, what else is going on? Not a whole lot. I managed a fairly good day, today. Didn't dig into the big, greasy pizza that William and Patrick brought home for dinner. Not even a bread stick. Yeah. That was beginning to add up, let me tell you. Oh, I'll just have one. Yeah. Right. *rolling my eyes* I can't do even just one. time to keep remembering that.

My head has been hanging on the precipice of a major blow, all day, today, then tonight I started haloing. *sigh* I am in for it, tomorrow. Should be lots of fun. Especially since I can't just sit in the house with the blinds drawn. I have too much to do. So I get to go out and about, and pretend that my head isn't a nanosecond from imploding.

Say, Am I crazy for wanting a pink Christmas tree, this year?

Okay. I am going to bed. The right side of my head is about to blow like Mount Saint Helens. 

Tuesday Afternoon

Just in case you are in the mood for a little Moody Blues. :D

It is a nice, warm afternoon. It is 87, right now. Probably top out right around 90. Thankful for air conditioning, I am. It isn't too bad in here, right now but later in the afternoon when the sun swings over, our windows that face full West will enable Old Sol to heat this place up like a brick pizza oven. (Mmmm... Brick oven pizza... *drool*)

Where was I?

:P

I have had the headache from hell for two days, now. I am so ready for this one to abate. I had bad stabbies, last night. I was cutting out coupons and chatting with Patrick when they hit and nearly knocked me off my sofa. All I can do when the stabbies come is drop whatever I am doing, grab my head and try to breathe and stay alive. Thankfully, they don't last a long time. I usually get one or two episodes lasting one to three minutes. Sometimes three. They hit in rapid succession and are over then for a while. I never know when they are going to hit and I can't do anything to stop them. I do know that they usually hit when my headache is especially powerful and concentrated in the area above my right temple. But other than that, I have no control.

So yeah... Ready for this one to go buh-bye. I have had enough fun with this round, fo shizz. I probably have another three days or so then it should taper off a bit. Bleargh.

Okay, 'nuff of that shit.

Yesterday. Yesterday I had an encounter with a box of oyster crackers. I did manage to stop myself before I polished off the box. Or even half if it, amazingly enough. Still... Not good.

Today is going really well, I am dedicating myself to drinking more water, again. I had slacked off for a while, only getting in about two quarts a day. But I am making an effort to do better, again. I really do feel better when I drink more. I have a one quart stainless steel water bottle that I try to drink to empty four or five times in a day. It really isn't that hard. I just need to stop being an idiot and do it.

Just like I need to stop being an idiot and stay out of the fucking oyster crackers. I know what triggered that particular little episode. Light clam chowder. Methinks it is time to stop letting light clam chowder into my house for a while. I don't like it eat it without crackers and I can't stop myself at the proper serving so I need to not have the chowdah.

I am becoming more aware of my triggers, lately. I was just cruising along and not giving them too much thought but I need to. I need to learn more about how my head works, how something that, in and of it's self is perfectly acceptable to eat can be unacceptable because it is a trigger to eat something I shouldn't. I think that pinning that down will help me to be even more aware, mindful and make it possible for me to keep myself more solidly on track.

Geeze! Who forgot to tell me that this was going to be so damned much work? lolol But, in the long run it will be worth it. I need to know how to manage my food, not just for the short term but over the course of my lifetime. This is for ever, chickens. I am not "just on a diet". I am dieting, now to learn to be a healthy weight for the rest of my life.

And I would like that life to be as long as possible. I am kind of beginning to enjoy it, for a change. :)

Leafy One, I don't walk around nakie, either. lol I just like knowing that my ass is golden, rather than pasty white under whatever I am wearing. :D

Okay, I need to wrap this natter up. I am beginning to bore myself and my head is doing that brain pulse thing I love sooo much. (Not stabbies, this is the whoomp-whoomp-whoomp in time to my beating heart. Fun.)

Later, gators.

Geeze, I hate finding typos after I publish my post! I have to go back and edit as many times as it takes. Because you know I can't find the fucking things when I do my pre publish read through. They hide. That is all I can think of. They hide and like to pop out after the fact to drive me crazy and make me work too hard.

Stupid typos.

Or is it, stupid me? lol

I Was Going to Title This "Sunday Morning" but...

It is now afternoon.

That is what I get for being a sloth and sleeping until almost ten.

Guess I needed the z's.

It is warm, today and breezy. Summer is beginning to show it's self during the day but it is still cooling down nicely at night. I don't mind hotter days too much when I know that the evening will be refreshing.

I don't really have a lot to natter about, right now. I had a pretty good day, yesterday. I did fall to the lure of some baked salt and pepper chips, but I controlled my portion, rather than crunching out of the bag and was in my target range so I am good. :D My head is bad, today. I was haloing a lot day before yesterday so I knew this was coming. Bleargh!

Okay, I have to get going. I have stuff to do, I need to shower and get some war paint on and so forth. I'll see you all, later.

Ahhh...

My head is back down to a calm Cat 1. Relief. :) Hopefully it will stay quiet for a bit. I could use a breather. lol

Thank you all for your hugs and love. You all help me to feel better. *hugs*

I am having a really great day, food and water wise. I did decent, yesterday. Not stellar but better. I really am trying very hard to turn this slump around. Yo-yoing in the same area, losing only ten pounds since January is hardly impressive. And it makes me feel pretty crappy. I really want to see how close I can get to the one hundreds by the end of this year and I am not going to get there with shenanigans. I need to do the work, not just pay it lip service. Oh yeah. I have become good at that bullshit, lately. Allowing a slip because I have done so well and one won't matter. Until I do it again, the next frakking day.

That is the kind of fucked up thinking that has sent me into a total spiral and gain it all back plus more more times than I can count. And I have no interest in doing that, again. So, I am taking myself to task and not allowing anymore crap thinking and slipping. "Just this once." Just this once, my big, dimpled, white ass.

Anywhoozle, today is pretty fab. I am sitting at 1228 calories. And almost five quarts of water down. Now to start a streak. :D

It got up to almost seventy, today. It is still going to be in the thirties at night... Yuk. But at least it is warming up a bit, again.

I was so pissed at William last night that I almost chopped my hair off. I got out my scissors to cut out coupons and I had them in my hand and had this insane urge to just weed whack my hair. I am sooooo glad I didn't give in to that urge! I hate my hair short (I am not saying I hate short hair, you close cropped beauties, out there. I just hate it on me. :)) and would have been kicking myself from here to Pluto if I had cut it. Almost every time I have chopped my hair off it has been an emotional reaction to something that has really upset me. Usually thanks to my husband.

Man just isn't good for a serious dyed in the wool longhair like me. :P

Once stupid face gets his shit together, I need to get into a salon and get it coloured. I am so. sick of looking at it like this. Blech! Dirty dishwater just doesn't inspire me. I don't even want to style it, right now. I just wash and condition it, twist it up in a big jaw claw and ignore it. That is how meh I am about it, right now.

Oh! Speaking of hair... I was asked if I would like to hold a giveaway sponsored by a hair styling tools company over on my other blog. If you would like to enter to maybe win a new hair straightener, here is my giveaway post. I am not into using a straightener, myself (I can get about the same look with a blowout, so I don't really need one) but I know that a lot of gals really like them. This is supposed to be a good one. It retails for $129.00 and has tourmaline ceramic plates that are supposed to get your hair really smooth and shiny. So, please come on over and enter, if you like. :)

Well... I can't really think of a lot more to talk about, at the moment. I hope that everyone has a great night. <3

Tuesday Morning

Thank you girls, for your sweet comments on my last post. They helped me feel better. *hug*

My light cold has about run it's course, thank heaven. My allergies are kicking up a fuss, but that is par for the course. lol My head is a little better, today. I can actually think, again. Draz, honestly... I don't know what my triggers are. It seems to be random. Something that triggers me one day, might not, a week from then. It just hits when it hits. I always get warnings and they tell me what I am in store for, if I pay attention. Clocking how many times I see flashing, how bright it is the colours and how long between episodes gives me a good indication if I am in for a Cat 1 or a Cat 5. Sunday was a 4, yesterday it had lowered to a 3. I am at about 2.5 but my head is tender... too much light or movement and I get spikes. Headaches suck big green donkey dicks. On a stick. I am about to the point where I might just talk to my doc about them when I go in for my checkup in August. I don't like the thought of adding another med but some relief might be worth it. :)

Great, now my cat is half on my laptop, on top of my arms. As if my typing isn't bad enough. I have a big, long, orange, purring heap of cat making it even more fun.

Okay, I lied about my head. Stabby-stabby. You know, those sharp, sudden pains in one side of your head that feel as if someone has plunged in a knife? Ugh! I am in for that, today. I don't get those with every headache. They are a special treat, reserved for when I am an especially good girl.

William is on my shit list. I won't elaborate, suffice it to say he royally ticked me off, yesterday. I have to just swallow my ire, as usual. If I express it, I am the baddie. The uncooperative, not understanding, un supportive one. It is easier to just bury it than to fight about it. It doesn't get me anywhere. He is unable to reason as he should, he is muleish and it is what it is. *scream*

I need another cup of coffee. and to get to slurping my water. It is supposed to be a nice day, today. Nearly seventy. Yay! Spring is back! It is partly cloudy but I can live with that.

Later, gators.

On Top of My Cold

I got slammed with a migraine, today. I was completing a post on my other blog when the right side of my head imploded. Gah! I am now having waves. It gets really bad and I can't even think, then cycles back a little and I can breathe and then blammo! I am obviously in a calm period, since I can actually type, right now. lol I am hoping that a good nights sleep will help.

It snowed, last night. Just a little. We woke to clear skies, wind and stupid cold temps. It didn't warm up much, but it was warm enough for the snow to go bye-bye. Huge banks of puffers came sailing in, then cleared again as the sun went down. Now, we are expecting warmer and warmer temps, from here on out. Hopefully, this was our last slice of Winter. I am sick of that pie. I want Spring, for real. :)

Thank heaven tomorrow is Monday. I had both guys. Both guys in this house all weekend. All frakking weekend long. They both go back to work, tomorrow. I am so ready to have my house back. I have some laundry to do and some cleaning to catch up on and I need to measure my stride and calibrate my pedometer. And, I might sit down with Knitting Help videos and work on knitting in the round on two circular needles. I will conquer that skill! I will. I just need to dedicate myself to learning the procedure and practicing. Once I get it down, I can get to using all that lovely sock yarn I bought. I have enough for several pairs of socks. :D

My beak is stuffy and runs nonstop. I am burning through Kleenex at an alarming rate and my poor nose and the skin between my nose and upper lip are rubbed raw. I have it all slathered with Carmex. It helps.

Okay, my head is beginning to implode, again so I am going to go before I start typing in Martain. Have a great night, all. I'll see you all tomorrow.

Still Not Feeling Chatty

I'm okay, tho. On track and drinking my water. If my scale doesn't move on Sunday morning I am going to

I am having far more good days than bad, lately. I seem to be getting past my food fuckery and my head is more in the game. *sigh* I just need this to get a little less intensely hard than it has been, lately. I need a chance to put this all in auto pilot and just coast for a while. I am weary of constantly battling and thinking about it and worrying about Sunday morning. 

My head is bad. I need to close that blind before my brain explodes and get some more water. *slurp*

Mmmkay... I'm outie. Later, gators. :)

Tuesday Evening

Thank you all for your sweet comments. *hugs everyone*

I have had headaches all of my life. When I was a child, I would sit in the classroom, trying to concentrate on the blackboard and what my teacher was saying while my head pounded and my brain throbbed and pulsed. Sometimes my vision would go wonky and all I could do was put my head down and bury it in my arms to shut out the world. My teacher would come by, poke me in the shoulder, snap at me to straighten up and pay attention and on it would go. I would beg my mother to let me stay home because my head hurt. No dice. I don't blame her... Really I don't. It wasn't until I was an adult and we were discussing headaches one day and what I went through as a child that she finally believed that I was actually having them, not using them as an excuse to get out of chores or school. lol

I will definitely ask about that diuretic. If it can banish the Puff Monster from my life, I will be all over it. :D

I finally got all my laundry done. Took a while and since I started it later than I normally do, it felt like an all day project. Laundry is sooo much fun.

Day one with my new foundation and so far... So good. I'll give it a few days, tho and see how I really feel about it. I do know that this concealer isn't going to be the thing. It is fair when first applied but by late this afternoon, it was sunk in and my dark circles had come back out to play. I'll continue to use it until it is gone, but the search for the perfect concealer to banish my dark circles continues.

Okay, I need to go wash my face. I have enough calories left for a nice little snackipoo. Maybe a Skinny Cow? I am in the mood for something sweet.

'Night, all. *kisses*

Holy Shit! Is it February First, Already?

Time marches on.

I am beginning this new month with a monster migraine. My frakking head is so bad I just want to hide in a hole and never come out. But I have stuff to do. I have to get brekkie, clean my house, take a shower and test drive my new foundation, do a pile of laundry... Bleargh!

I'll live. I always do. lol

Doctor appointment, tomorrow. I get to go in and find out just how screwed up I really am. I am going to talk to her about this puffy shit, too. Maybe she can help me. I would love, love, love to beat this puff, if I can. And if it means taking a medication to do it, well... I'll do that, as much as I hate taking shit. That is how bad I want this dealt with.

Food was really good, yesterday as was water. I need to start slurping water, now. Oatmeal for breakkie, methinks.

My giveaway is now closed and I will be drawing and announcing the winner, soon.

Later, gators! :D

Release the Kraken!

Thank you, everyone for your lovely comments, yesterday. :D Today is a better day.

I ended up at just over 600 calories for the day, yesterday. I just wasn't all that hungry, then I ate a big pile of broccoli. Too much, it turns out as I got sicker than a dog, gas that wanted to kill me. Ugh! I definitely couldn't eat anything after that. Just the thought of broccoli right now makes me shudder. It will probably be a while before I eat broccoli, again.

My husband has to die. He brought home Doritos. Put them in my pantry in my kitchen. What the fuck was he thinking? He knows those things are crack in a mylar bag to me. *sigh* Seriously, did he really need to bring those damned things in the house? I just need to steer clear. I can do it.

Food and water are on track. Other than the evil in the pantry, I am good, today. Head is calm, I am level. Water, lots and lots of water help, I admit. And I am looking forward to a good weigh in this coming Sunday.

I am also looking forward to seeing my doc on the second of next month. I don't know what is with my chest, lately. Just making my bed or vacuuming my broadloom leaves me gasping for breath, coughing, chest rattling. I am hoping that she can help me to feel better, breathe better and get back to a more active life. I miss being able to do my housework, walk, climb my stairs. I am so. sick. of. being. sick!!!!! Efuckingnuff, already.

It is a pretty, sunny day. Crisp and cool but it should warm up a little, this afternoon. I am looking forward to Spring. My hands are beginning to itch to dig in rich, dark soil, plant flowers, water them, nurture them and watch them grow and bloom. I can't grow food to save my life. But I can rock flowers. Except snapdragons. For some really weird reason, snapdragons and I don't get along. I follow the directions for growing them and they die on me. Every time. It is going to be nice to have warm days, breezes blowing through my home, no more shivering.  Until it gets really hot and humid and I start bitching about that. ;) :P

My headache has calmed down a lot. I am hurting, but my brain isn't vibrating and throbbing, today. An improvement, to be sure.

I need to go take a shower and do my nails. Hmmm... What colour do I want to wear, today? :D

Cold, Today

It was supposed to be warmer. It is cooler and partly cloudy. And windy. Brrr.


I am having a good day, food wise, right on track and water is, as well. I have to admit, my weekend wasn't what it should be. I did decent on water but I went over on calories. 1500 two days in a row. I was struggling, fighting hardcore binge urges and chewing over some crap in my head. While I don't consider those two days to be a total washout, I do feel as if I failed to stay on my chosen track. And it is my chosen track. 1200 calories a day is plenty. And I do just fine with it. I don't feel deprived or as if it isn't enough. Most of the time I am not even hungry and have to remind myself to have my meals.

But this weekend was an exception. Part of it was the puffiness getting to me and part of it was, as I said before, just needing to chew over some crap that was trying to get to me. I work it over and worked it out and I am feeling better about everything, now. Being on track is one again easy.

So, there you have it. Yep. I struggle. And some days I don't fly along, making this look easy and smooth. And that kind of pisses me off. I get really frustrated at being human, fallible. The perfectionist in me chafes against any hiccup in what I am trying to do. I want it all to be smooth, flawless and when it isn't, I have a tough time pulling myself up, straightening myself out and getting back in line. I have to really fight with myself, take myself in hand, kick my ass and make it happen.

My ass is now duly kicked and I am chastened and now I am fine. :D

I am scheduled for a hida scan in the morning. I have to fast for twelve hours beforehand. No food, no water. I am going to defy the no water thing a little bit, like I did, last time. Small sips when I am thirsty, coughing a lot or need my medication shouldn't make that much difference. And if it does... Well... Too bad. :P

I am still coughing like a nut. My chest is really tight, today and any exertion leaves me gasping for air for some time, afterward. I had to pop down the stairs to bring in a package the mail carrier dropped off and I was gasping and coughing when I got to the top of the stairs. And that kind of scares me because normally the stairs don't phase me one little bit, anymore. I guess I am still recovering from that 'flu. Blech!

I am so worried about my craptastic weigh in extending to next Sunday, too. I know, on one level that it won't but the other part of me is scared that I am somehow failing myself, not doing it well enough, doing something very wrong. That I am flawed and not good enough to succeed. Bad, stupid, negative thinking that doesn't accomplish anything but to wind me up and get me doubting myself and make me look where I shouldn't to calm my head and soothe my wrought up emotions. Man, it is so stupid, the way I have screwed myself up. And the way I was trying to make it better.

I am just telling myself that if I follow the plan, I have no choice but to succeed. That the weight has to come off. That it is coming off. I just need to calm down and trust myself and the program. Stay on track, drink my water and it is going to work.

Okay. Sorry about all that ragglebaggle. Guess I just needed to get it out, here. I really do feel better, now. lol

My head is on a bad tear. I am flashing and haloing like mad and my headaches are pounding in, one after the other after the other. No chance to rest or breathe. No relief. When this happens, I am almost tempted to beg my doc for drugs to make the headbangers stop. But drugs... I don't like them. And don't want to take anything I don't absolutely have to.

I have a Sony Viao laptop and every time I go online, I get this stupid, fucking little popup in the lower corner on my screen from Sony Viao trying to get me to buy some discounted software. And every time that fucking thing pops up, it brings anything I am doing to a dead stop. It actually makes my screen freeze so that I have to pay attention to the fucking popup! And it pisses me off. I tried to set it so that it wouldn't come back, but I wasn't successful. It is driving me crazy. I don't want the fucking software! Even at 70% off! Just leave me the fuck alone, already!!! Does anyone have any idea how to make the damned thing go away, for good? Gah!

How many times did I use the word fuck in the last paragraph? lol