Monday, February 28, 2011

Just Quick Like

Last day of February. Thank heaven. I am hopeful that March brings Spring. I am sick of the cold, snow and Winter in general. The goundhog promised an early Spring. If that little fucker lied, I have a stew pot with his name on it.

Food and water good. Meds and vitamins down. My house is cleaned up, I just need  to do some laundry, which I will get to a little later.

Head is beginning to bang. Urgh!

Willy Dog was up tossing his cookies last night. He looked like death warmed over when he left for work, this morning. I suggested that he might want to stay home but he insisted on going in. Whatever. I am not his mama. He knows how he feels and it is his choice.

Pookey had that one day shit and puke thing. Now Willy Dog. I have a nasty, sinking feeling I might be next in line. Please, God, don't let me get this. PleaseGoddon'tletmegetthis!!!

Okay, I need to get that laundry started. I feel as if that is all I do, lately. Pile stuff into the washer, into the dryer. Haul it all up and down the stairs. Then do the same thing the next day.

Okay, off my ass and get to it.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Cats and Dogs...

Forgot to Post, Yesterday


I got on my scale, yesterday and was 294. So, I lost the pound I was up thanks to food fuckery and an additional pound.

I finally. finally dropped under 295. Not stellar, a one pound net loss but it is better than gaining another, instead. I am back on the groove and my scale is sliding in the right direction.

I e-mailed my weight to Allan for the challenge, yesterday. I am not getting on my fucking scale, today.



No way.

Not going to happen.

I am leaving well enough alone.

I'll pop on next Sunday.

We awoke to a pile of snow, this morning. There was nothing on the ground or falling fronm the sky last night when I went to bed and this morning, the light, powdery stuff was up to Sabryyna's belly. The trees are piled with fluffy pillows of snow. The sky was clear and bright. It is pretty. For about five minutes. Time for the day to warm up and that shit to melt, now.

Willy Dog and Pookey are going to head out in a bit and clear the drive so that we can get out. It shouldn't be too hard. The snow is light and powdery and there is no ice under it. And Willy Dog needs the exercise. He had his DOT physical the other day and while he is fine, overall, he is overweight and has been cautioned, once again to get the weight off, if he wants to stay that way. He chooses not to. Whatever. I'm not his mama. I am not going to tell him what to do.

I got into a little pissing match with a woman in the grocery store, yesterday. We wanted to go up the cereal isle so I could grab my oatmeal and this broad had her cart right across the entrance to the isle, dreamily reading labels, taking her time and just generally acting as if she owned the entire place. We stood, waiting for her to move. Finally she looked up, said, sarcastically, might I add, "Oh! I'll just move my cart". at which point I replied "That would be nice".  In an equally snarky tone. As we proceeded down the isle she dared chastise me for my tone, telling me that I shouldn't be sarcastic. Perhaps the fact that she was older made her feel as if she had the right to correct my behaviour. Whatever it was, she crossed my line. I said, very sharply that I will speak as I choose. Ma'am. Down the isle she called me a bitch. Okay, fine. I earned that one. :D My reply was, "Right back at ya, Sweetheart!" She kind of popped her eyes at that one and left the isle.

Geeze! She started it. I shouldn't have participated. I know better. But I had a migraine, I was trying to get the shopping done before the snow flew and I wasn't in the mood to tolerate a complete stranger crossing my boundaries and telling me how to behave. I get enough of that shit at home, thanyouverymuch. Add to that the fact that I was raised old school. I was taught from my cradle to respect my elders. So speaking to that woman the way I did went completely against everything I was taught and have lived all my life. A part of me wanted to track her down and apologise to her. I didn't. I felt horribly guilty for that. But honestly, I didn't spend much time looking directly at her and I didn't know exactly what she looked like, so... Screw her.

I'm trying a new night cream. Loreal Youth Code. I was trolling the drugstore shelves for some yesterday and I almost bought my usual Neutrogena cream but I saw the Loreal and was intrigued. It was usually $25.00 but it was on sale for $18.00 and I got Extra Bucks, too and I had a coupon so I grabbed it and brought it home. I applied it last night and this morning, my face feels nice and soft. Not greasy or dry. Just... Nice. We'll see how it works over the next few weeks. I am not expecting miracles, here. But it if makes my skin feel and look good, it will be a winner.and stay in my rotation.

Okay, I need to run along. I am wanting another cup of coffee and I am making eggs for brekkie and I am hongry so...

Later, gators.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Good Morning, Chickens

How is everyone this fine day? I am well. In a better head space than I was. :D

I have had my coffee and I am about to set up the old glider and get me exercise. Then I can have brekkie. I don't eat pre workout. If I do, I barf all over myself. Not pretty. Some people can fuel their exercise with food, I have to use caffeine.

I'll be back later to natter a bit and do BYOC. Draz came up with some interesting questions. I look forward to Fridays and seeing what questions come from her fertile, agile brain.

Okay, later, gators. :D

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Pampered and More Positive

I decided to lock myself downstairs in my little suite with a big bottle of water and just pamper myself a little. I did my promised pedicure, first. I really worked my feet over, removed a little dead skin, used cuticle remover on my toenails (boy! what a difference that stuff made!) then painted my toenails a soft, milky pink. Then I applied pretty flower decals to my big toe nails and topped everything with top coat. While it was drying, I took a good look at my manicure and it looked terrible after all that abuse. So, I decided to do a manicure, too.

I soaked off all the glitter and all my patches soaked off too. My poor nails looked all beat to shit and I didn't think that patching them up again would do much good so I grabbed a grinder and did what had to be done. After I shaped and smoothed them I painted my nails a pretty grey that looks quite smashing on short nails. I think that a little pampering and some time to myself was just what I needed. I heartily endorse it for anyone who is feeling a little stressed, tempted to stuff face or having a bad day. (Week...)

Food is really good. I am well under. Water is going down. I'll end the day a little short, but I have swilled a gallon so I am calling it good. Dinner was some steamed cauliflower, salad and a shrimp dish I am working on. I think that I am getting close to a working recipe. I have a few ideas and I need to try them out. I am trying to get a lot of flavour without excess calories and sodium. The sodium thing is difficult... Soy is a part of the whole thing. Soy and shrimp are a match made in nom heaven.

It is supposed to rain and snow this weekend. Blech! Moar snow. Spring can't come too soon for me. I was perusing my new Burpee catalog and I want so many plants. I have no room for even a fraction of the ones I want. Condos aren't exactly huge garden spots. And... Let's face it. I am not the greenest thumb in the world. I can do a respectable job with easy to grow flowers like petunias, pansies, African daisies and so forth. I murder snapdragons and can't grow food to save my life. If I had to live on the produce of my garden, I would be damned skinny. lol

Tired. I am ready for a good night's sleep. And this sleeping so late business has to end. I didn't get up until eight, this morning. I am such a sloth. :P

Suck it Up, Bitch!

Rather than eating my feelings (I am not battling with old emotional issues, this is more current) I got on my glider and beat myself up for a while. After cool down and drinking a lot of water, I made lunch of salad, scrambled egg and whites and salsa and nourished myself with some filling, much needed protein. I feel better, now and less whiny.

While my shit is more current, it isn't going to be helped by whining and eating shit I have no business eating. Instead, I am trying to just let it go and move on. I am going to go take a long, hot shower in a bit. Clarify my hair and do a pedicure. That will make me feel even better. :D

Hugs to all of you.


I blew it again, last night. Calories were over 2000. Again. I got on the scale, this morning. I am up a pound.

I just want to cry. And binge. And cry, some more.

Allan, I know that this is cut week. If you need to bounce my ass, go ahead. No hard feelings. I am a failure.

I am going to have my coffee and then get on my glider. I don't know... Maybe some exercise will help my attitude.

Or... Maybe I'll eat myself into a coma. At this point, I just don't know.

Actually, I do know. I am not giving up and I am not going to binge.  But I am probably going to cry. lol

Okay, I am going to have my coffee, now.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Okay, So, Better

Yesterday went well, today is going well, as well. I have enough calories for a little something this evening. All of my water is down and I am feeling more positive and hopeful that this bullshit is finally over and I have things back in hand.

That frakking snow is melting. Just in time for it to come back in a few days. Bleargh. Winter sucks

Other than that, I don't have much to natter about, at present.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Another Day of Fun and Dancing

In my dreams.

It is another day to get my shit together and stay on track, tho. Enough of this shit, this Food Fuckery (to borrow a term from a fellow blogger) has gone on long enough. I am not gaining weight, I am not slurping pizzas, burgers and tons of Chinese food but even healthy food can stall your fat ass if you eat too many calories worth of the shit.

And, too many I have apparently been consuming, considering the failure to move the numbers on my scale. *sigh*

So, I am on track right now. I just have to stay that way, keep my goal foremost in my mind and remind myself that allowing myself to continue to slip, to justify "just an extra bowl of cereal before bed" is a great way to spiral out of control, gain all of my hard won weight loss and be in dire trouble with my health, again. I am so not going back to that so it is time to suck it up and get over it and get on with it.

The thing is, it is head hunger, desires for mouth parties, old habits trying to rear their ugly heads. I am not experiencing a need to numb out or forget or dull pain or anger. It is just... Food Fuckery. And it is time to reign it in.

Food is nicely on track and water is headed down the tubes at the proper speed. My house is shining clean, my bathroom sparkling and smelling faintly of bleach and cleaner, floors done, broadloom vacuumed, dishwasher washing and laundry tumbling. So that is all under control, anyway. :P

Whine. I think I need a little low fat cheese to go with it. Actually, what I need to do is stop making bullshit excuses, indulging my old, bad habits and do what I need to do. I know how. Obviously.

I have a feeling you are getting as sick of reading my bullshit as I am of writing it. And trust me, I am sick of it.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Moar Snow

It started raining, last night. I could hear it, now and again and it made me feel all happy, peaceful and ready to sleep. When I woke up this morning it was still raining and all was right in my little world. Until I started doing my nails after my shower late this morning. I was sitting at my dressing table down in my room, applying a teabag patch to my right pinkie finger nail when I glanced up and out my window and discovered much to my horror that it was snowing. The temperature had dropped and the white stuff was dumping down. Hard and furious. It kept up until just a few minutes ago. The sun is trying to break through. I hope this means that the snow is over and will melt away soon.

This Winter I have made a discovery. I hate snow. Seriously. Hate. It.

Oh, it's pretty to look at but it is such a pain in the ass to live with and frankly, I don't want the bother of it. I hate being trapped on this hillside because the driveway is too dangerous to traverse. I hate the cold and I am ready to move to say... Hawaii, if anyone knows of a nice little house in my price range I could rent. Something close to the shore, but away from too touristy areas... Close to or in a large-ish city, open to the trade winds, a hop, skip and a jump from Kilauea. Yes, I am a bit of a lava junkie. And no, I don't think I am asking for too much. lol

So, I got on my scale. 295. Stuck. Totally my own fault. I know why and I am not blaming the DDY plan, this was my doing. And I am rectifying it. Yes, I am struggling a bit. I'll work through it. A challenge is a bad time to have your head go all to hell on you but it is what it is. I am not saying it is acceptable and I am not making excuses or serving up bullshit. I am just coming clean. Being accountable and plugging on. I am not giving up. I hope that my fellow challengers don't give up on me.

Willy Dog is on call this weekend and because of the snow all hell is breaking loose. He has been on the phone and running around since early this morning and it isn't letting up, yet. He is pissed. But resigned. I am delighted. Overtime is his friend and we could use the money. I have a head of hair that is in desperate need of a trip to a salon. :D

Oh noes! It is snowing again. Waaahhh...

Thursday, February 17, 2011

And... Breathe!

 Thank you for your comments, encouragement and understanding. I really felt the love and the care and it meant so much to me. I wanted to weep, reading your words. Thank you for giving them to me. I needed them so much. ***hugs all around!***

That walk was just what I needed. A fast, hard two miles on the trails out at the lake. Sometimes, I just need to expel some energy, get out, beat my bod up a little. Let my mind drift and breathe the fresh, crisp air and walk against the wind. I feel a little better. Clearer. And the extra exercise felt good, too. :D

It was chilly out there, today. I though it was a little warmer than it was. By the time we got out there, the sun was setting and the wind had freshened. The temps were in the forties, the wind made it feel colder. I swiftly regretted my short sleeved top. lol My poor forearms were cold and covered with goosebumps, my hands were red and cold. If we go tomorrow, and I hope we do, I will be sure to wear long sleeves and gloves. :D But I didn't let that deter me. I just walked and stomped and huffed and puffed and blew my mental house down.
 On the way back, we were nearing the turn to go up to the car and the Western horizon was so beautiful. The sun had set behind what passes for mountains around here and the wisps of mares' tails were crisp white, molten silver and shades of pink, lavender and slate blue. Jet contrails were brilliant silver slashes across the faded, pale blue sky. The hills were purple, mauve and grey. The water in the lake was deep silver grey and ruffled by the wind. The surface covered with ducks, riding the tiny swells, paddling madly and bobbing their little heads below the surface, looking for their dinner.

I was so happy to get in the car! Boy was I cold. Between being too lightly dressed and sweaty, I was more than ready to get out of that wind. I slarked down my entire Sub Zero bottle (one quart, if I remember correctly) of water on the way home. When I got home, I get right into a hot shower. Boy, did it feel good. :D All warm and happy, I finished making dinner and enjoyed baked chicken, green beans and a light cauliflower cheese kind of dish inspired by a recipe I read on Lyn's blog. Nom, nom, nom. I need to further refine the cauliflower cheese recipe, but I think that with a little tweakage, I have hit on a winner. I'll post it, when I get it just right. It is surprisingly yummy, rich and low in calories. Total win. :D

I think I am going to sleep well, tonight. lol Two workouts have about done me in. But in a good way. I need to do this more often. :D

Okay, I am going to read new blog posts. I'll yap at you all, soon.

Honestly, Sherry... It Freaked Me Out!


I don't normally sleep much past six or six-thirty. By that time, my bladder is crying to be emptied, the dog wants to go out (Willy Dog does that) the cat wants attention... So sleeping any later just doesn't normally work all that well. lol

So, yesterday. Was a bad day. I had a major food freakout. I ended up in front of my pantry cabinet with a big can of Pic Nik sticks in one hand, shoveling them as fast as I could with the other into my mouth. I was just shoving, chewing, swallowing and repeating until half a can was gone.

What. The. Fuck?

It felt desperate. Crazy. Bad. Sick. Weird. But I couldn't stop. I couldn't shut it down. I heard my brain screaming at me to stop. I wanted to stop. I needed to stop but I physically couldn't stop. Until I reached a point where I could. I was, for that time, utterly out of control. I was crazed in my determination to cram as much of those nasty fried potato sticks into my mouth as I could, as fast as I could and for as long as I felt I could get away with it.



I am not beating myself up over it. I am very mindful that I did some damage. And my number on the scale will reflect it on Sunday. I am puffed up like a poisoned rat, thanks to all the salt. And I feel like an abject failure. I am working though it all and I will carry on.

Food is much better, today. I am on track. Water is going down nicely. I will end the day over my quota. I worked out hard on my glider. Three miles, seventy minutes. Hopefully, I burned enough calories to help atone for my insanity, yesterday. Maybe Willy Dog will be in the mood to run out to the lake, when he gets home from work. A walk would be good. Burn a few extra calories and give me a chance to blow the shit out of my head and breathe some fresh air.

So folks, there you have it. I struggle, still. I wish I had the fortitude and the balls to never cheat. To never eat what I am not supposed to. To never find myself in front of my pantry, mind screaming, shoving food into my mouth like some person possessed. But alas, I don't. I strive for it. But I fall far short. I am not good enough, it seems. I am weak. I am flawed.

I wish I were perfect.


I do.

Life would be so much easier.

It is cooler, today. Kind of windy and partly cloudy. The promised rain is not coming down. It might, tomorrow. I am not holding my breath.

I think I'll give my husband a shout and see if he wants to go to the lake. If he does, I'll go get into my walk clothes and lace on my walking shoes. The more I think about it, the more I really do need to get out there.

Later, lovies.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The Biggest Loser: Godfather Edition

What the fuck is with these idiots on the Red Team? Are they so hungry for leadership that they will be sheep, allowing Jordan to make all of the decisions and run the team? Do everything he tells them, eliminate whomever he says to eliminate? They were stupid, getting rid of someone who is a strong performer for the team to keep "the family" (Jordan's Family) together. Huh? Don't these people get it? They are in a fight for their lives and they are allowing that bearded weirdo run the whole thing. Trust me, the bearded weirdo is out for himself. And he is a manipulative, controlling bastard who will do anything to achieve his objective. And these idiots are allowing him to do it.

Dumbasses. They aren't doing this for Jordan and what he wants, but they have been manipulated into thinking that is what they have to do. According to the numbers, it was time for Kaylee to go.

Of course, that is just my opinion. I may be wrong. :P

It is a cloudy, overcast day, today. Rain is in the forecast, for the next few days. As long as it doesn't snow. I am going to try to get in a good hike out at the lake, this afternoon since once it rains the trails will be muck and I will be on my glider until they dry, again. Why doesn't the city just build covered trails, so we can walk in all weather? :P

Half of my daily water intake is down the hatch *glurg* and food is on track. I have a few chores to do up really quick-like then I need to get on my glider. I would like to get a work out on it, then go walking this evening. Moar cardio means moar calories burned. Not a bad thing.

I slept late, until after nine (I almost never sleep in!) and it has thrown off my whole day. I need to go empty my dishwasher, scoop Marley's box, sweep, vacuum, dust then get my exercise. I'll see you all later. :)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Tired, Tonight

Yawn! When Willy Dog got home from work, we went out to the lake and did two miles. It felt good to get out and walk on the trails. The last time we were out there was Christmas Day. There were only a few others out there, I was expecting the trails to be busier, since it was a perfect afternoon for a walk. Sunny, breezy and sixty-five degrees.

I was walking along the lower tail of Normal Trail and found myself longing to run so I allowed myself to run a little. I still can't go very fast and and can't go very long, but I ran a little and when I felt like dropping back to a walk, I pushed myself to run just a little farther before resuming my walk pace. A part of me really, really wants to run. And run and run. I know that it is unlikely I will ever be able to run for any real distance, due to my hips and knees but a little now and then might be good for me. I am going to try to run a little every time I go out to the trails.

Food was much. much better, today. 1220 calories and I almost got all of my water, too. So, yeah... Better.

Yes, I will post pictures when I do finally get a chance to go have my hair done. :D

Lost in a Time Warp

Yesterday totally got away from me and went by in a flash. I got things done but didn't get much extra done or spend much time online. It was just a weird day. Kind of otherworldly

Yesterday wasn't a good day, food wise. I ended up at nearly 1500 calories. And didn't get all of my water. I was just careless and not paying attention. (Not whining to make you mental, Allen... ;) :P Just being accountable.) Shows to go me that I still have a shit load of work to do on myself and lessons to learn. Ongoing process. Maybe one day I will finally get it all right. lol My food is good, today and my water is going down as planned, as well. This will be a better day.

I don't get why I am struggling so much and so resistant. I am just going to have to work it out. My success and health are too important to not get this right.

On Sunday I decided that I wanted to take the downstairs master suite for myself and kick Pookey upstairs to the room I was inhabiting. I can now get up and down the stairs easily and decided that I wanted more space. And that big closet! Not to mention my own bathroom. Sharing one with a husband is bad for a marriage. Having my space downstairs also gives me a little much needed distance. A place where I can spread out a little and have my own time without thinking about the house, others persons in it and all of what I have to do on a daily basis. It is working out very nicely.

The switch wasn't without it's hitches. Moving Pookey's furniture up the stairs and mine down was a lot of work for the boyz. When they were bringing my dresser down, I heard them coming down the stairs with it and peeked out my door and there they are, nearly at the bottom and my dresser was upside down! And they didn't even notice. lol  Wow, such observant men I have, here. lol It was no biggie, as all that was in there is clothes. They just got tossed around and disorganized. I thought it was funny that they didn't see it, tho.

One thing that wasn't so funny was when I tried to take an armful of stuff down the stairs. I had a big basket with no handles full of stuff with some hangars balanced on top and my old HP lappie in a computer bag over my shoulder and was about to head down when I lost my balance. The basket and it's contents went flying, everything tumbling down the stairs. I thought, for one horrifying moment I was going to follow it but luckily I fell backward and landed hard on my ass. I gave my back a good, hard jarring and I was a bit sore, yesterday. My back feels better, today. Now, to let my knees adjust. They are griping a little but they are getting better, too. Going up and down those stairs so much is turning out to be really good for me. And I am adjusting to carrying loads up and down, too. No more falls. I should be a Sherpa, soon. :D

We are having a little bit of very lovely Springlike weather before the next storm comes barreling in later this week. Highs in the upper sixties, near seventy. Brilliantly sunny, soft breezes. Nice. The storm is supposed to bring rain. It had better just be rain! Snow... Do. Not. Want!

My washing machine is beginning to make strange noises on some cycles. So is my dryer. Lord, please don't let them break down anytime soon. That is not an expense I need at this point and time. Gah!

Okay, I have laundry going, I need to dust, vacuum my broadloom and do a few other things and I need a shower. I also need to make some time to do my nails and catch up with blogs.

Oh. I did a strand test to see if I could lighten my hair. Fail! It is just too dark and resistant. Long gone are the days when I could slop a box of dye on it and get perfect, shimmering blonde. It is time to go to a good salon and put my tresses in the hands of an expert colourist. I want my hair coloured but I just don't have the expertise to safely and successfully lighten and tone it on my own. Touch ups are tricky when you double process (and a huge pain in the ass, to boot!) and I don't want to screw it up and destroy my hair. Been there, done that, don't want to grow out yet another disaster. Besides, it would be nice to go in and have my hair done and get a little pampering on a regular basis.

Okay, must run. Stuff to get done. I'll catch all you fine folk later.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Current Weight

Current music: More Than This ~ Roxy Music


Two pounds down. I was expecting more, I won't lie. But two pounds is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Sorta. *sigh* Sometimes this feels like such a battle. Sometimes I feel as if I am fighting against the current and I am being swept backward a step for every few I struggle forward. Some days I am full of optimism and others, like today, I just want to go hide from it all until it is all over and I can emerge, changed. Then I think about how much farther I have to go, how much work there is to do and my head gets stupid.

Don't worry, I am not spiraling into a fail or binge or anything idiotic. I am just indulging in a little mental pout. Getting all emo on myself. I'll survive. lol

Geting out of this house for a while today will help a lot.

Food and water are on course. Well, food is... If I drink too much water before I go out, I end up running into every public ladies room in town and for a gal with a bashful bladder, that can be an ordeal, let me just tell you. It's hell when you have trouble pissing in public, even when your bladder is about to explode. :P lol

It is a pretty day. Slightly hazy and warming up nicely. It is 57, right now. Should be nice and warm this afternoon. These lovely days having me jonesing for Spring.

Maybe I'll buy the shit I need to run strand tests on my hair, today. I am feeling the need to dye. I am so ready to go blonde. :D

Now playing: Poker Face ~ Lady GaGa :D

Saturday, February 12, 2011

A Pretty Day

Happy Saturday, everyone. It is a pretty day here. Sunny and mid sixties, today.

I am on track, food is good, water is going down and I did two miles on my glider this morning. I wanted to go longer but I just didn't have the time. I know... Working out is important and I have to learn to make the time. I do, most days. And I did exercise. So... :P Tomorrow is rest day. I'll get some exercise since I am planning to get out and do some shopping. I hope...

Other than that, I don't have much to talk about. I think I wore myself out, yesterday doing BYOC. lol

Friday, February 11, 2011

Mmmkay. BYOC, Then I am Done :D

1. What day of the week do you love and what day of the week do you hate?

I like Monday. The guys are gone and I have the house to myself, again. I don't like Friday. Because I know that the next day is Saturday.

 2. What is your middle name and is there a meaning behind it?

My middle name is Letitia. It is an ancient Germanic name that means Joyful One. It is an old family name passed down from mother to daughter for generations. Guess one of my cousins is going to have to continue that one... I couldn't very well name my son Letitia, now could I? :P

3. Since I’m dreaming of my next tattoo, I’m going to ask this one. Do you have any tattoos? How many? If you don’t have one – what would you get if you did have one?

I don't have any tattoos. Yet. I am considering one, when I reach my weight goal. I have an idea, a design in mind. It is going to include vines, leaves, flowers and a number. I want it to be in super soft pastels, so light that they are almost ghostly, with no outlines. So soft, so light that if someone were to catch a glimpse of it, they would have to ask themselves if they really saw what they thought they saw. It would be something very personal to me, for me. A whisper. Not a shout. 

 4. On that same theme of dirty little secrets…how many piercings do you have? Any you wish you had?

I have six piercings. Three in each ear. I am seriously considering a forth lobe piercing and also piercings up in the curl of my ear where little gemstones can live and peek and wink, when the light hits them just right. I wouldn't consider getting pierced anywhere else. I am too much of a chicken. lol I am very conventional in my appearance and my ear piercings are my small outward nod to my inner wild child.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your life in blog land and in real life.

Bleargh! This one always makes my brain explode a little. I always totally lame out on it. I suck so bad. lol Okay, in real life, I have rediscovered the joys of my glider and have racked up a few miles. And plan to wear that thing out, in the future. I am talking ride it until it is screaming for mercy. (Kinda like it does, now every time I step on it... ;) :P) 

I took a tiny bit of my power back away from my husband the day he brought my glider upstairs. He was setting it against a wall by the TV and there was a picture on the wall, in the way. He started in with his huffing and muttering and attitude and I just lost it. I screamed that I would come get the fucking picture out of his way since he obviously can't do two tiny things at once on hos own. And I stormed over, snatched the picture out of the way and hung it on a hook that is on a wall across the room. 

He had the nerve to shush me. To chastise me for being too loud and swearing, that there was a possibility that the neighbours could hear. Well, he blew it. Don't ever shush me. I will bite your fucking face off. And I took his off in short, loud order. I yelled at him, telling him that he had no. fucking. right. to speak to me that way. That he wasn't to ever tell me to shush. That I will say what I fucking please. When I fucking please. Where I fucking please. With any words I fucking choose to use.  At any volume I fucking please. I slightly lowered my volume and told him that I am not his control object, I am not a child who needs her behaviour corrected and I didn't have to do as he tells me. Then I lowered it a bit more and reminded him that I have to right to behave as I like in my home and if the neighbours don't like it they can bite my fat, white ass. And if he didn't like it, he could bite my fat white ass. Then I lowered my tone to normal and told him that he has to learn to respect me and stop crossing my boundaries. Then I walked out of the room for a while.

He is treating me with a little more respect. I think I finally got through to him, in some small way. He is a tiny bit less controlling, a tiny bit less sarcastic and doesn't mutter under his breath and shoot me hateful looks as much. I have a lot of work left to do. I need to impress on him that I won't stand for not being able to make more of the decisions around here. That I want to do my own grocery shopping and so forth. It was a start, tho. A tiny step in getting mine back.

In blogland... *sigh* What do I say? I am reading but not commenting much. I am here.

Okay, so there you have it. My insanity in pretty blue italic. 

In Brief

No feeling terribly chatty. (Nothing wrong, just not feeling the yap.)

On track.

Water is almost all down.

Rest day.

Laundry in the washer.

Sweet potatoes in my toaster oven.


Wednesday, February 9, 2011


My glider is an older model XL Glider that I bought from QVC many years ago. It languished in storage for a very long time. The biggest reason being that I was too heavy to use it. Anyhoozle, here is an updated version of mine. Mine doesn't have the thumb pulse thingie and is white. I paid about the same price as the model linked. This one is on evil pay, right now. If I remember correctly, it comes fully assembled. Just pull it out of the box, set it up and you are ready to go. It folds nice and flat so that you can stash it up against a wall or under a bed. Why anyone would want to stash one there, unless you wanted to forget it exists... lol I keep mine against the wall in my hall. It is out of the way and easy to get to when I am ready to use it.

You can get a good workout on a glider, if you go at it the right way. If you just glide along, resting your hands on the handles, it is like a nice stroll. If you grip the handles and really push and pull, letting your weigh create resistance, you can work the heck out of your legs, arms, shoulders and back. I set mine up in front of my TV, turn on something good to watch and go to it. :D

Thank you for your positive and supportive comments, everyone. they are really helping me to stay motivated. :D

My Glider Rules :D

I ramped up my glider exercise to three miles/65 minutes. I got a great workout, lower and upper body. My muscles were all hot, my arms, back and shoulders worked just as hard as my legs. I went harder and faster today and I had an overall faster pace. I got nice and sweaty and I feel great, now. I think that I hit a bit of an endorphin release, near the end of my workout, I felt almost euphoric and a part of me wanted to keep on going. But I decided to stop at three miles. I Need to let my body work up to longer, harder exercise. But I am not going to take it too slow. I would like to be up to five miles in less than a month.

And my hips and knees still don't hurt as much as they do when I walk. And this is a good thing. :D

Good Morning, Blogland

How was your day, yesterday everyone? Mine was good. Calories were in target range and I drank aaaalmost all of my water. I was about two cups short, yesterday. What can I say, I ran out of the ability to slurp late in the day and I just couldn't go any further. Shoot me. I worked out on my glider, 2 miles. I was actually feeling as if I could go further... If I do, this morning I will. :D I am planning to glide while watching The Biggest Loser. :D

I only had enough coffee for one cup, this morning. Bleargh! I seriously needed two, today. Oh well... Maybe getting up and getting my blood flowing will  wake my bleary ass up.

Okay, I need to slurp more agua and then get my cardio on. I will be back later for some serious blog reading and catching up with all of you. I am neglecting and I don't feel good about it!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Tuesday Afternoon

I am worked out, my house is sparkling clean, I had lunch, I am slurping my water at a high rate and I am planning to go do my nails in a little bit. That will take up some time, keep my hands busy and keep me out of the kitchen.

I did two miles on my glider. It was easier, today. My feet hurt a little less and my muscles are quickly running themseoves back in as I am less sore today than I was yesterday. Hips and knees are okay-ish. My left is kinda singing at me. But it isn't bad. I don't feel the need to take anything for it. I am happy with myself, ding this two days running. Now I need to make it three. And four and five and... On and on. Alternating glider and walking should be really good for me and help me reach my goal. And get me those plane tickets to New York. ;)

You know, when this challenge reaches it's end, winning a great prize wouldn't hurt my feelings. But a prize isn't my prime objective. Getting this frakking fat off my body, getting healthy and getting my life back, getting myself back will be my prize. Plane tickets, spa treatments, iPods and Kindles are all well and good and I certainly wouldn't turn my nose up at any of them but if none of them come my way, I know that a much lower number on the scale will and that is enough for me. :D

No, my halo isn't that shiny. lolol  Really. But I am realistic and I have a goal for this odyssey. Anything else that might come my way as a result is gravy. And as far as gravy is concerned, I can take it or leave it. It is nice but not necessary.

Okay, I am going to pee and get to work on my nails. I am thinking Valentine's pink.. Maybe some glittah... A little stamping... A crystal or three? Overkill rawks. ^^

Good Morning

Up, drinking my coffee and drinking water. Then it is on my glider for two miles/50 minutes. Yes, I have to deviate from the set exercise packets. I have physical reasons for this and I make no apologies. I do what I can. Low impact cardio, upper body exercises with weights. When I am able to get on the floor, I can start with crunches and push ups. Lunges and squats are out of the question, my knees and hips simply can't take the stress. I can't lie on my left side so the side push ups can't happen.

Food and water were on track yesterday. I went online and found out that at a moderate, aerobic level, working out on my glider for 50 minutes burns 880 calories at my weight. 60 minutes would burn 1.053. Pretty respectable.

Okay, time to get to it. Later. :D

Monday, February 7, 2011

But Whenever Monday Comes

Hello everyone. How was your weekend? Mine was okay. I got a few things done, Moved a bookcase into my room, cleared out a few things, put a couple of items on Freecycle, went out and blew a few bucks on nail polish at Big Lots. I got five bottles of polish and a nail art striper for six dollars. Man, I love a bargain. :D Willy Dog bought some cheese popcorn, a bag of stadium peanuts and a back scrubbing brush. We spent ten bucks, altogether.

It is a pretty day, today. Sunny and it is supposed to warm up a little, later on. I am beginning to feel the first tiny stirrings of Spring fever. Sunny, pretty days like this, this early make me crave warm days, gentle breezes, rich soil and flowers. Open windows, lighter clothes, fresh air and pollen. Allergies. Sneezing. Runny nose. Itchy eyes.

All of it totally worth it.

But, there is still some Winter to get through and I need to get out of my fantasy land and back to reality. Reality is that I am having a good morning. I had Willy Dog and Pookey bring my glider up from the walk in downstairs and I got on it (yay! I have lost enough weight to use my glider, again!) and did fifty minutes/two miles. I used my arms hard during my exercise and got an arm, shoulder and back workout while I worked my legs. I like using my glider because I can get my cardio on and not put so much stress on my hips and knees. My hips hurt less after using my glider than when I pound it out on the street. Boy, am I ever going to be sore. My arm and shoulder muscles are already beginning to ache and I can feel it in my back, too. It is a good ache and it means I worked hard, burned calories and am doing good things for my bod.

I had coffee, a Fage and an apple for brekkie. I'll do something full of protein for lunch. Probably a can of tuna and salad. And I might just trat myself to a glass of Crystal Light to go with it. I am not drinking mearly as much Crystal Light as I used to... It is water, water, everywhere for me. lol

Okay, I have to pee and I need a shower. I smell like a camel and my hair is manky, so...

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Wham Bam

Just a quickie, right now. Yesterday finished on a very good note. I was just under 1200 calories and got all of my water down. *gurgle* Head was clearer, more quiet and I was a little more mellow. Less cranky and irritated.

I am irritated right now, tho. I submitted a Freecycle offer and when it posted in my e-mail I noticed that my properly capitalized and punctuated post had been altered by the mods and there wasn't a capital letter to be found. Anywhere! And there was a note at the bottom of my post reminding me not to post in all caps. WTF??? I didn't post in all caps. I proofread my post carefully and it was properly capitalized. Anyone who has known me any length of time is aware that all caps or all lowercase writing irritate the living shit out of me. Use your frakking shift key, already. So I know that I didn't submit that Freecycle post in all caps. I sent them a passive aggressive little e-mail "apologizing" for my mistake and telling them that my post, as they edited and submitted it was rather offensive to my eyes.

I wonder if that is going to get me kicked out of the Freecycle community? ^^

Okay, I have to run. I need to get into the shower, slap on a little war paint and put my hair up.


***Oh, and my above rant about capitalization is in no way a rant against any of my readers or their blogs. I am very live and let live about blog postings... Your blog, your sandbox. I am talking about e-mails, message board posts and so forth.***

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Three Day Freak Out

The last three days are solidly in the Fail column. I got to or slightly exceeded 2000 calories each day. Oh, yes. You read that right. I know that 2000 calories won't put weight on my frame. But it sure as hell didn't do me any damned good. Add in my fucking edema and I am back  up to 298, this morning.


I don't know why I got into the head space I did. I think that part of it was the pressure I was putting on myself. I tend to do that. Then when I release it... Implosion. Something new I have learned about myself. Ease up on the pressure I place on myself, stop fretting and just accept the fact that I can do this and I am doing this and I don't need to allow what anyone thinks make me put additional pressure on myself.

Speaking of pressure... *tongue in cheek, here* I am in it for Allan's Phase Five. In spite if my crying about pressure, I like structure, I can do 1200 calories a day (in spite of the last three days throwing a big black mark on my record) and I am competitive. And I want the prize for highest percentage of weight loss.

That leads me to yes, I am back on track. Mentally, I am calmer, no longer freaking out, not fighting bullshit cravings, not feeling pressure. Just level, again. I am still waiting for the Lasix to kick in. I take it, every day with the potassium and drink huge amounts of water and wait. If I reach Monday with no joy, I will call my doctor.

Brekkie was a cup of coffee, a Mackintosh apple and a Fage with a little Splenda. I am drinking my water. I fell a little short, yesterday. Only five quarts. *sigh* Fail, again.

I didn't write the above for sympathy or validation. I am not looking for anyone to tell me it is okay. It isn't. I get that and I am just working through it. I still have a lot of work to do. But I am learning, building on my successes and my failures are hitting less and less often. I am not perfect. I never will be. But that is a hard lesson for me to get through my thick skull. And when I try, it messes with me a bit. But I am getting there. 

Stupid head games I play with myself.

Okay, I need to flip on a little heat and warm it up in here so I can take my shower. Then I need to do my nails.

Friday, February 4, 2011


I am sitting here going crazy. I took the prescribed dosage (1/2 tablet) of Lasix yesterday and today? I am even puffier. Arrrgh!!! Today I bumped the dosage to a whole tablet. This shit has to work. It just has to. I can't do this shit. I am so tired of it. I just want my legs to look and feel normal. I want my hands to not swell. Is that too fucking much to ask? Am I demanding too much, not wanting to be swollen, my weight wildly flying all over the place? Is it too fucking much to have a consistent drop in weight, to reflect the work I do without puffing up and staying in the same place for weeks at a time?

*sigh* I know I did this to myself. I get that and I take responsibility. But I think I have earned improvement. And I want it, damn it!

Thus ends my poor little me rant for today. :P

So, I tried to transfer my music from my 'puter to my phone. Turns out I need a SD memory card. *sigh* That won't be in my budget until the 11th. Bummer. Oh well. I'll get a big, fat storage capacity so that I can download books onto my phone, too. That should salve my hurt widdle feelings very nicely. Oh! And I finally figured out how to move my apps from the roll list to my home panes. Turns out to be a snap. I also figured out how to move them around in their pane or move them from pane to pane. Fun. And I can't seem to leave them in their chosen spots. I am always shifting them around.

That Robo Stir thing looks like a piece of junk. Most things that need to be stirred constantly need to be kept moving and that thing looks as if it basically sits in one spot, leaving the food to stick and burn in the rest of the pan. Waste of money, if you ask me.

I am on track with food and water. I am about to start in on my third two quart pitcher of the day. *slosh*

Okay, I think that is all I had to yap about, at the moment.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Drumroll, Please!

 Okay, so the drawing has been done and the winner of my $35.00 CSN gift certificate is: Sunshine's Heart!

Congratulations, girl. :D

Thank you, everyone who entered my drawing. I so appreciate that you read, follow and participated.

Holy Shit! I Have Been Blogging Here for a Year!

Today is my one year Blogoversary. :D

In that time I have lost a pile of weight. I have learned so much about myself, my heart, mind and what I really want for myself. I have finally learned how to get my head in what I am doing so that I can keep on keeping on. I have learned that I don't have a run clock, anymore. And I can continue. I don't have to quit. I don't want to quit.

I have met a pile of wonderful people. Diverse, funny, sharp, caring, silly, endearing, inspiring people. People who have an endless capacity to support, uplift and encourage and I have learned that I have that, as well. I doubt I would have discovered that, had I not decided to start this blog.

So raise your glasses, everyone. I want to thank each and every one of you for becoming a member of my circle. For being my peeps, my posse, my friends. I wouldn't have come this far without all of you!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Home From the Doctor

And the verdict is...

I am astonishingly healthy. :D I do have a few issues but they are controllable, easily handled. All of my blood work checked out very well. My cholesterol is 177. I almost fainted dead on the floor when she told me that! My cholesterol was 240 when I was 24. So, I am older and heavier but my cholesterol is normal. :D My "good cholesterol" number is a little low, but it is not worrisome and will increase and improve as I continue to lose weight, eat right and exercise. My liver functions are right on the money, kidneys are perfect.

I was tested for diabetes and happily, I don't have diabetes. My blood sugar is perfectly normal. (Whew!!!!! :D) No anemia, thyroid function is good. I am vitamin D deficient and will have to take a high potency prescription and a lower OTC vitamin D supplements for the rest of my life.

My blood pressure is perfect. In fact, it is a tiny shade low. This gives me hope that I can dump the Lisinopril one day soon. I discussed the terrible puffiness I suffer with my doctor and showed her my poor, swollen legs. She prescribed Lasix and a high potency prescription potassium I have to take with it when I need it. I can use it at my discretion. Hopefully, this will banish the Puff Monster from my life. ***pleasepleaseplease***

My heart and lungs are good. My lungs are nice and clear, once again and my doc has cleared me to exercise. Yay!

My spleen is slightly enlarged. My doctor isn't too concerned about it, at this point. She is pretty sure it is due to my current weight and isn't worried and sees no reason to chase zebras, at present. We will keep an eye on it and see how it goes, as I go. My gallbladder is chronic. And will have to come out, sooner or later. Unless I have an acute attack, she wants to send me to a surgeon after I reach 250 pounds. Which is fine with me. It isn't acute, right this moment and the lower your weight, the safer surgery tends to be. I am content to wait. I do have stones in my common bile duct but they aren't causing me too terribly much grief at present so... I am good, for now.

So, yeah... She told me that I am doing everything exactly right and to just keep on doing what I am doing. That is validation to me that capping my calories, drinking a gracious plenty of water, exercise and digging the shit out of my head and heart is a damned effective way to lose weight, get a healthy body and a calmer, clearer, happier mind. And, unless I have a specific problem, I don't need to go back to my doctor for six months.

I am pretty damned pleased, today. And pretty damned pleased with myself.

They forgot to weigh me. They just went by my last Sunday weigh in. lolol

It is colder than a witch's lunch bucket today. Windy and crystal clear. It was seventeen, an hour ago. I had to run the furnace, last night, this house was freezing. Marley actually climbed under the covers and curled up against me to get warm. lol My furnace was on, earlier and my fireplace is going, right now and I am still chilly. I may fire up my heat just long enough to warm it up a bit more. I have goosebumps all over.

I also have housework to get done. Not too much, the place actually looks pretty good. I am halfway tempted to be a total slacker, today. I might just have to do that... ^^

Okay, I need to fetch myself some more water. I'll catch all you losers (I totally mean that as an endearment and a complement!) later.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Tuesday Evening

Thank you all for your sweet comments. *hugs everyone*

I have had headaches all of my life. When I was a child, I would sit in the classroom, trying to concentrate on the blackboard and what my teacher was saying while my head pounded and my brain throbbed and pulsed. Sometimes my vision would go wonky and all I could do was put my head down and bury it in my arms to shut out the world. My teacher would come by, poke me in the shoulder, snap at me to straighten up and pay attention and on it would go. I would beg my mother to let me stay home because my head hurt. No dice. I don't blame her... Really I don't. It wasn't until I was an adult and we were discussing headaches one day and what I went through as a child that she finally believed that I was actually having them, not using them as an excuse to get out of chores or school. lol

I will definitely ask about that diuretic. If it can banish the Puff Monster from my life, I will be all over it. :D

I finally got all my laundry done. Took a while and since I started it later than I normally do, it felt like an all day project. Laundry is sooo much fun.

Day one with my new foundation and so far... So good. I'll give it a few days, tho and see how I really feel about it. I do know that this concealer isn't going to be the thing. It is fair when first applied but by late this afternoon, it was sunk in and my dark circles had come back out to play. I'll continue to use it until it is gone, but the search for the perfect concealer to banish my dark circles continues.

Okay, I need to go wash my face. I have enough calories left for a nice little snackipoo. Maybe a Skinny Cow? I am in the mood for something sweet.

'Night, all. *kisses*

Holy Shit! Is it February First, Already?

Time marches on.

I am beginning this new month with a monster migraine. My frakking head is so bad I just want to hide in a hole and never come out. But I have stuff to do. I have to get brekkie, clean my house, take a shower and test drive my new foundation, do a pile of laundry... Bleargh!

I'll live. I always do. lol

Doctor appointment, tomorrow. I get to go in and find out just how screwed up I really am. I am going to talk to her about this puffy shit, too. Maybe she can help me. I would love, love, love to beat this puff, if I can. And if it means taking a medication to do it, well... I'll do that, as much as I hate taking shit. That is how bad I want this dealt with.

Food was really good, yesterday as was water. I need to start slurping water, now. Oatmeal for breakkie, methinks.

My giveaway is now closed and I will be drawing and announcing the winner, soon.

Later, gators! :D