Wednesday, August 8, 2012

August, Already

Time flies when you are having fun.

Or not.

I have some yapping to do, and I'll do it, tomorrow. I have a migraine tonight and I am typing in Martain and having to go back and retype shit and I am in pain and I am going to bed.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Lazy Sunday

I need to get my ass in gear. I want to go out later and do a little running around. I need to get out of this house or kill someone. Either option would work for me, at this point.

I am over this humidity. Seriously. If it is going to be humid and stupid, can we at least get some fucking rain out if it? Please?

My head is pounding again.

I want more coffee but if I drink any more I will start vibrating and that might not be good.

William said that he was going to get up and take the dog out. Then he went back to sleep so I guess I had better do it before she pisses all over herself. 

I am so pissed that Loreal put chemical sunscreen in their new Magic Lumi True Match foundation. I have read so many great reviews of that foundation and I am dying to try it but I can't. Octinoxate: Just Say No! *sigh*

Bitch, bitch, bitch.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

The Witching Hour

IIt is quiet, right now. Except for the TV on in the background, that is. I just took Sabryna out for what I hope is the last time tonight and I am finally taking a little time to natter here.

I came in under 1800 calories for the day. I am calling it a victory.

It is quiet and I am still up because William and Patrick are doing a two time up and back to Bullhead City. Patrick recently bought a new (to him) car and he offered his Mustang to his uncle. My BIL jumped on it, he is having a tough time, right now, his job pays for shit and his wife works but isn't making bank, either and they need a dependable car. Their vehicles are in bad shape and they don't have much much money for repairs and so forth. If I had known what an asshole the person we sold the Jeep to would turn out to be (what a story that turned out to be...) I would have happily given it to BIL. Seriously. I would have rather gifted it to him than have had the thousand dollars form that asshole.

So, BIL is going to pay my son $50.00 a month for twenty month for the Mustang, which will bring Patrick's car payment down to just under a hundred dollars a month for that duration. Lucky brat, got a 2004 Chevy Trailblazer for $143.00 a month. It is a very nice vehicle, clean, runs great and he is thrilled with it. The payment is perfect for him, easy for him to afford and he loves his new SUV. A lot.

So anyway, BIL and the Mustang and why I am home alone... William and Patrick went up to Bullhead to get BIL, brought him here, did the necessary, went to the DMV to take care of the legalities and so forth, the guys went over to MIL's for dinner, then they all took off; BIL driving his "new" car home and William, being William decided too follow him home to be sure that the Mustang makes it safely all the way back. It should. The engine is in good shape and we put a bunch of money into it, made a lot of other repairs... Brakes, shocks, door locks, window motors, cylinoid, fan... A couple of tires... I know that I am forgetting something. I hope that the car runs beautifully for him for a long time. BIL could use a break. I wish that we could do more for him, but this is one thing we can do.

I enjoyed the opening ceremony of the Olympics. I fast forwarded through a little of it. The part about the teenagers and cell phones and shit... Bored me. Thank heaven for my DVR. lol The rest of it was really fun to watch, tho. The Olympic cauldron was genius. So creative and beautiful. And bravo to the director of the ceremony for the high energy, fast paced Parade of Nations. It was nice to see it go so swiftly and not drag on and on and on and on. Well done, overall. It was pretty and creative and yet had a restraint that is so very British.

Sabryna... She is getting worse. She is having increased trouble walking and keeps falling and hurting herself. We had to build a ramp for her to get in and out of the back door as she lost the ability to negotiate the steps to go out and go potty. But she is looking more gaunt and her appetite is on and off and today... Ugh. This morning, I took her out to go potty, then she went back too sleep and I high tailed it downstairs to take a shower, do my makeup and hair. I took a little extra time, played with some different eyeshadow colours and then stripped my bed, as I had decided to wash my sheets. I brought them upstairs and headed for the laundry room and found piles of barf. One on the floor by the water dish, half of it in my flopper. Ick. A pile, puddle, really, in front of my dishwasher and a big one in my laundry room in front of my dryer.

Gah!!!! I am a sympathetic barfer. You barf, I barf. Cleaning all of that up was a treat, let me tell you. It wasn't all her fault. She knows better than to throw up in the house and if she feels sick, she asks to go outside to throw up. She is really good about that. I was downstairs, so she had no choice. Luckily, when she got sick again around five, I was upstairs with her so I was able to take her out and let her do her gross business outside. Poor baby girl. She didn't eat, all day. She finally had a few bites of food, a little while ago and she is sleeping, now.

I want to ge to bed but I can't sleep with everyone gone. and I am afraid that if I go downstairs and go to bed, Sabryna will get sick and I won't be up here to help her. I probably will go soon, tho. I am tired.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Dusting off the Cobwebs

So, I woke up this morning, came upstairs and was greeted by dog shit. On. My. Floor.

Bitch. She couldn't wait? Hello!!! Heaven forbid I sleep until nine because I might be tired and need the rest. No, I have to be up very early every morning and upstairs and on the alert to any signal that that fucking mutt might have to go out and take a shit. The older that dog gets, the more high maintenance she becomes. I love her, don't get me wrong but I am frustrated by her.


So I am mad at my dog, I am wanting to blog, again but I don't have all that much to talk about, really.

Oh yeah. I had a bad gallbladder attack Friday night/Saturday morning. I ended up in the ER getting fluids and pain meds to cool it down so I could go home. I am feeling better and being careful about what I eat. Not a bad thing, as I have been eating like an asshole. I weighed at 316, last time I dared my scale.

I hate myself and I keep trying to get back on track. Maybe this episode will help.

I don't know.

I just suck.

I am going to remove my blogroll. Some asshole hacked the widget a while back and a bunch of blogs got malware alerts. Most of those who have active blogs have taken care of it but some older, inactive blogs haven't and my blogrolls on both blogs still alert me so bye-bye blogroll. I still read in Google Reader and I have actually gotten used to it and don't use my blogrolls, anyway so I am getting rid of this one, too.

And that is about it, for the moment.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Isn't it Ironic?

Yes, I know that there is nothing truly ironic in this song. ;) But the title fits so, calm your tits. :P

Once again I am a neglectful of this blog and it should take me out and sue me. But it won't. Because it loves me. I have been busy and didn't really think that there was a hell of a lot to talk about, as I am just about the most boring person on the planet. But yeah, lets see...

We finally bought a new washer and dryer. Ouch! More money than I really wanted to spend but they are good machines and should last us a long, long time. We needed them so, we had to bite the bullet. We also finally got a "new" car. It's a 2009 Hyundai Elantra. Surprisingly nice car. When William came in the house and told me that he had brought a car home for me to look at, I asked him what it was and when he said, "Hyundai", I said, "Oh... HELL NO!!!"

I was thinking cheap piece of tin shit Rodney King Hyundai junk car. But I went out to the driveway and took a look at it. And I have to admit, I like it. It isn't my dream car, by any stretch of the imagination but it is nice. It is solid, well built, quite pretty, with it's shiny silver paint and matte black trim and dark, dark tinted windows. It has all of the amenities we wanted, except for a moon roof. Power everything, fifty thousand air bags, rides and drives really nice. It only has 41,000 miles on a 100,000 mile warranty and it was really clean. Owned previously by an older couple who took very good care of it. It gets super mileage, too. It just sips the gas, unlike that freak of a Jeep we used to have. 

And, it has free XM/Sirious radio for as long as we own the car. Which kinda sorta a lot rocks. Paired with the CD player, we always have plenty of tunes. 

As I said before, a Hyundai is hardly my idea of a dream car but it is a good car that will serve us well and it was an excellent deal. We got a very good price on it, the payment, with gap coverage came in under our comfortable payment cap and by paying on this car, we are re building our shittastic post Ch. 13 credit ratings. The interest rate on the financing is pretty brutal. Thanks to the aforementioned shittastic credit. But thanks to the fact that William has a dependable job, has been there a long, long time a reputable lender took a chance on us.

Other than that, there have been car rides, because I am like a dog with gasoline fever and I like to go for rides, I have been swatching a lot of polishes for my Nail Parlour, and just living life and being boring. 

I have this nasty sore throat. I got it Saturday morning. Ugh! It sucks! Hurts sooo bad. I hate getting a sore throat and have been getting a lot of them, lately. I was going to go see my doc, today but I was feeling better, earlier then after her office was closed, I was feeling a lot worse, again so I went to the Urgent Care and got seen. They did a rapid strep test. Negative. Yeah. I knew it wasn't strep. I've had strep. A couple of times. You know it if you get it. lol It's viral, I was instructed to take Advil PM and gargle with warm salt water. Gee, thanks, doc. I am still in fucking pain, here. Swallowing is hell, thankyouverymuch. Fucking virus.

He also said that my tonsils are big. Yeah. My doc also told me that. And that I might, like some ten year old, need them out some day. Good times. :P

So, after I want to Walgreen's to pick up my Advil Cold and Sinus, okay, want to know what a makeup whore I am? I checked out the displays on the way in and out. Oh, yeah. Sicker than a dog, can't swallow but by George, Revlon is BOGO !/2 so I grabbed one of the Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stains and a Color Stay Shadow Stick. I am a sick, sick woman, let me tell ya. 

And can I just talk about the process of getting Advil PM??? I had to get it from the pharmacy counter, give him my driver's license, have my signature run through some database just to buy an OTC medication recommended by my doctor. Thanks, meth cooking assholes.

So, we went to Circle K after I left Walgreen's so William could buy a couple of doughnuts and a lottery ticket. He got a crossword.

Guess what the fucking bonus word was?


Now, that's ironic.

Sunday, June 3, 2012


I got them done, yesterday.

In a salon.

For the first time in twelve years, I walked into an actual salon.

It was frightening for me. I sat in the car and debated with myself for a while before I got out and walked to the door. I was so afraid that the staff would take one look at me and everyone would suddenly be too busy, because no one would want to touch the freaky long hair on the big, ugly fat broad. I did have one of those moments. I went in as a walk in because I was too chicken shit to make an appointment and then dread it and cancel, as I am wont to do. So I just made myself go in. The gal in the station closest to the door was friendly but busy with a client. she asked me a few general questions about what I would like then suggested that I go back and ask the other stylist on staff if she could take me as she was just wrapping up her client and should have the time. When I went back, tho that stylist told me that she couldn't because she was leaving to go do something with her sons.

What I heard, briefly, in my sick, twisted mind was, "No fucking way do I want to bother with you, you hideous hag".

Nice of me to pin something like that on a total stranger, huh? A total stranger who was, even tho she didn't have the time to do my hair, herself, perfectly nice about it. Yeah. The games I play with myself. The things I say in my head.

The first stylist I talked to was able to fit me in a little later yesterday afternoon, so I went back and got my roots lightened. I was so uncomfortable, at first, but as my appointment went on I got more comfortable and started to relax and stopped fearing judgement and hatred, which I certainly did not receive in any measure; she was perfectly lovely and friendly to me. I really like the stylist who did my hair and made a return appointment for my next roots touch up. I think that I actually have a stylist, now. Isn't that funny? And kind of great?

I always assume that when people meet me they are going to hate me on sight. Not only because of the fact that I am less then fabulous, but because I am not very likable. Stupid holdovers that I believe from my childhood. A childhood in which I was relentlessly bullied in school and came to believe, deep in my core that I was, still am, the things they called me. Stupid. Ugly. Weird. Useless. Unworthy.

I am proud of myself for ignoring the voices in my head (not actual voices in my head... Don't worry lol) and doing something that I wanted to do. Regardless of my weight or the fact that I didn't have the "right" clothes or a huge pile of money in my wallet, I did it. And I had a lovely time and I have fresh, bright roots.


A small one, to be sure.

But it is still a win.

I wonder if there will ever come a time when I don't automatically believe that the moment someone lays eyes on me that they hate me, instantly? Will I ever find confidence in myself? Regain my free, fearless spirit? Are they gone? Or just buried? And how the hell do I find out? And get them back?

Maybe yesterday was one small step in that direction.

I hope so. Because I am so sick of the me that I've become. I want my old me back. The me before.

Where is she?

Friday, June 1, 2012

Happy June and All That Shit and... Oh Yeah... BYOC

So, June has arrived. Summer is here, for all intents and purposes and I still can't wear shorts. My own fucking fault and that is all I am going to say about that, right now.

I think that I did better blogging, last month and I am going too do even better, this month. I really allowed myself too neglect this part of my life routine this year and I am pissed at myself for it. I need to do this, even if it is just a few words or a music video or to pop in really quick and vent my spleen at what a dick Mitt Romney is being. Well, maybe I'll leave the political type rants out of it... This blog is supposed to be a fairly neutral place, but it is an election year...;P :D

Speaking of music videos...

A little something to listen to while I open the doors to my nuthouse. :D

 Okay, let's do BYOC, shall we?

1. Are you a daily purse switcher, an often purse buyer or a one purse kind of woman? What factors influence your purse buying?

This is a sore subject with me. I love handbags. I love beautiful materials, lovely design and the smell of fine leather when I carry a great bag. Sadly, I just don't have the money to indulge my passion. I do have one really "good" bag and a mid level bag that I have carried right into the ground. I would own a room full of gorgeous purses, if I could afford them. And, if I had them then I would swatch them up frequently. I believe that beautiful things should be used, not locked away. I have just a couple of nice bags, right now and I switch back and forth between them, from time to time. 

My budget definitely influences my purse buying. lol

 2. What’s your favorite board game?
 I love Battleship. I almost never lose. I have a natural knack for strategy and I can tap into that to sink all of your battleships. And I do. Swiftly. Ruthlessly. :D

3. Are you a sore loser who throws fits or a gracious winner? Are you competitive?

I am very competitive. I like to win and I enjoy the hell out of triumph. But I don't over celebrate or rub your nose in it. I am highly annoyed by all of the over celebrating you see in professional team sports, these days. Fireworks and dogpiles after a routine, mid season win? Teebowing? Really???? Please. Get over yourselves and be professionals and save the big rah-rah's for championships.

I am a very good sport and can be honestly gracious in defeat. I don't claim to be a paragon of perfection, by any means, I feel the sting of defeat just as sharply as anyone but I am capable of compartmentalizing it and being lovely to the person who just kicked my ass.

Unless it was at Battleship. Then you die. ;)

 4. Tell us something you are afraid of that is a physical item…like spiders, deep water, heights, snakes, thunderstorms, first dates, childbirth, etc.

Heights. I am absolutely terrified of heights. Just seeing the look down on TV or in a movie can freak me out and leave me sitting there petrified and frozen. If I see someone on TV being compelled to "face their fear" and bunjy jump or repel or something equally horrifying, I sit there, shaking and crying and hoping that they don't die. I will balk at the top of a strange staircase, grab the bannister and have to nerve myself up to take that first step down. It took me months to get comfortable with the stairs in my own home and I still get jittery of them, even tho I am up and down them over and over every day. I can't be in the vicinity of those stairs in the dark, as I am convinced that I will fall if I take a step. I grab the wall and just hang there, frozen, unable to move for fear I will die. Going up in a tall building is an ordeal for me, I can't go near windows if I am above the second floor, rooftops and glass enclosed indoor or outdoor elevators are unthinkable. Ladders? No freaking way and don't even ask me to climb up on a chair and change a light bulb. 

Want to hear something insane?  I love roller coasters and flying. Phobias are about perception of danger and I feel safe in roller coasters and airplanes. 

I am also creeped out by spiders, tho I can wade in and make them buy the farm if they dare darken my door. But I do it shuddering and squealing the entire time. And clowns creep me out. Big time. Clowns are nasty things and they need to just go away.

5. I am going to ask my own question, this time... What would you say to your fourteen year old self?

It wasn't your fault. You have the right to release it. 

And... stay fearless. Don't ever lose that. Don't give it away and allow yourself to become so limited. You will live to regret it. 

 How the fuck do I get my font back to normal after copy and pasting the BYOC questions? I can change the colour but I can't get rid of the bold to save my worthless life. Gah! So stupid.

I love the cocktail inspired Crystal Light. I have the Appletini and I really like it. Now I need to get the other two flavours. Methinks I will enjoy them as well. 

Great. I have to pee, again.

Stupid water, anyway.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Four Days

That is how long it has been since I washed my hair. I have so much dry shampoo and hair spray in my hair that my hair is nearly standing up by it's self. And my scalp itches like a sonofabitch. I have been falling back on cheats, rather than washing my hair and I am desperate to shampoo. I'll do it, when I shower, in a few minutes. *scratchscratchscratch*

I have the Imitrex buzz. I don't like it but I hope it heads off this migraine. I ignored my aura, yesterday and had a migraine hit me like a freight train in the supermarket. Good times.

Say, have you guys tried this stuff, yet? It's kinda yummeh. I like it on a toasted whole grain sandwich thin. Nom, nom, nom.

I wish that I could get more flavours, locally. Stupid Prescott. If we get the good stuff, we get so little of it or such a limited selection that it is pathetic.

Have I mentioned that I hate living in Small Town America? Well, I do. I am an urban girl. I have traffic noise and smog in my blood and living in the clean mountain air in a large town that thinks it is still a small town is sucking the life out of me.

I must continue to be sucked, tho. (Oh. That came out so many kinds of wrong.) Leaving a place in which my husband has a steady job would be the height of idiocy and we aren't stupid.

Well, not most of the time, anyway. ;) 

I have to pee.

Friday, May 25, 2012


I think I have time for this... lol

1.  Tell me about your first childhood home that you remember.

The first one I can remember is the cottage in La Quinta California, where my brother was born. At the time we lived there, La Quinta was just a tiny date palm on the side of the road, not the tourist trap/enclave it is, now. My memories of that place are vague, indeed but I do remember it. 

  2.  What is hands down your favorite color on this Earth? 

Blue. I love blue. I love other colours, like pink, red... But yeah. I am a blue girl. 

3.  What kind of hair do you prefer on your significant other?  Or what kind of hair is a turn on to you?

Short, very well groomed. I have no problem with long hair on a man, as long as it is extremely well cared for and in beautiful condition. The naturally or assisted chrome dome is kinda sexy as hell but I really like a nice coif. But not TOO coiffed. And I don't care for the Sean Hannity look. (I don't care for Sean Hannity... ;))

 4.  Now that it's you mow your lawn or does someone else?  How long does it take you?  Do you hate or love doing it?

Uh... What's a lawn? This is Arizona. Lawns are few and far between, even in old, established neighbourhoods. You just don't see a whole lot of grass in this state. Except for the golf courses, of course. 

 5.  Repeat question:  Summarize your week.

Well, I don't get a snazzy vest like our Drazzie, but I did finally, finally get the Urban Decay Naked palette. had a 20% off Friends and Family sale and EBates had 13 % for their 13th Birthday celebration going on and it was too good a deal to pass up. So, yeah. Yay! I love it. :D

For the rest of my week, kindly see my previous post. :D   

Time's Fun When You're Having Flies

I meant to blog more often this week but every time I thought about it I didn't have time and when I had time, I was off in another world in my head and well... Yeah. Proof, once again that I suck.

So, did I ever talk about how my husband is the pushover of the world? I mean, just look as Marley. William hated cats. He met Marley, when he was just a tiny, wild thing living outside. I started feeding him and the next thing you know, William is coming home with fancy canned food and toys and a cat bed and a blanket for the little guy. And the moment he came in, one phone call netted a brand new litter box and litter and more toys and the cat hater was the cat lover. lol And he still adores Marley, to this day.

So, Mr. Soft Touch, Sucker of the Year and I decided to sell the Jeep and use the proceeds as a down payment on a different vehicle. Since our credit is crapola on a stick, thanks to being freshly out of a BK, we have to put down some money to get financed and we will be a little limited in our choices, this time around. But, in the future, as out credit improves, we will have more options. So, time to start at the bottom and work up, again.

Anywhoozles, the Jeep was listed for 1,750. A fair price, it wasn't new, by any means but it was a good, solid, dependable SUV, had imperfect but intact paint, no rust or dents and it was clean and had icy cold A/C (a real boon, in this neck of the woods). We got call on it and William and the man went around a bit about price and payment. The guy is having a bit of a tough time and is about to relinquish his present vehicle back to his lender and he really needed something else. At first, they agreed on 1,500. I thought it was fair and William was even going to let the guy pay $500 three times, park the Jeep in the garage and hold the funds until it was fully paid, to make it easier for the guy to buy it. Well, somehow that kind of fell through but then he called back late this afternoon and said that he was able to scrape together a thousand.

Here is where Mr. Soft Touch came back to life. And decided to just sell the Jeep to the guy for a thousand. Seven hundred and fifty dollars less than the asking price.


Soft touch.



Did the right thing.

And I am proud of him.

The sucker.

The buyer got the vehicle he very much needed and we have a grand towards our down payment. We'll have to come up with a little more but it's doable.

I just hope that William didn't get played. I don't think that he did. I don't get that feeling and I usually get feelings about people and situations. I was hoping to have the full down payment we needed and a few extra clams. There were some cute workout clothes on the Avenue site I kinda had my heart set on. They were even on sale, dang it. Oh well. I'll just go with what I have and it's all good.

We have been a little bit busy getting some projects done and doing the shopping and looking around at new places to live and so forth. We found one place that would have been terrific. Hardwood floors, three nice sized bedrooms, two baths, lovely kitchen, larger living room, pretty master suite for a very affordable rent (for this area, especially) but it was AAO. We could probably have talked them into letting us have the cat but the dog would have been out of the question. A couple of other possibilities also fell through for that reason. Also, Sabryna is having some tough days and we think that trying to move her would just be too hard for her to take so we have decided to just hang here until she throws off this mortal coil. She doesn't have too terribly long and we just want her remaining days to be as comfortable, happy and peaceful as possible. After she has moved on, we will begin the hunt, again. When the time is right something will turn up. It always does. And it is more important to us that Sabryna has this time in peace and comfort.

It has been mad windy all day today and it is supposed to be windy tomorrow and only in the mid sixties. Must have a little low moving through. As far as I know we aren't supposed to get any rain. Just wind and a few clouds. The cool break will be nice. The wind and cooler temps are lovely and I like not having to run the A/C.

William goes back to work on Tuesday. It hasn't been too heinous having him around but I am looking forward to the return of my peaceful and routine days.

I wonder if Draz did BYOC this week? I'll have to go reading and find out.

Monday, May 21, 2012

I Am In Hell

The smoke from that fire is so bad. My throat, nose eyes and lungs are burning. The sky looks like watered milk most of the time and it is hard to breathe. It is just miserable living here, right now. I would love to track down the asshole who started that fire and kick his ass. I hope that the forest service gets it under control and out, soon. I am soooo over this.

I had a fairly quiet day, today. Did some housework, a load of laundry and watched a lot of TV and bloated my wishlist on Amazon. Oh yes, I have the most exciting life.


Eating? Eh... Okay-ish.

I am looking forward to cleaner air so that I can goo walking, again. Right now I can barely breathe in my house I can't imagine trying to log miles out in that smoke filled soup we are calling air, right now.

Sabryna is getting worse. She is having more and more trouble walking. I told William today that I felt that it is time that we make an end of life plan for her. He won't discuss it. I am so frustrated with him. I hate the thought that my dog is old and breaking down, rapidly but it pisses me off that he is acting like a kid about it, refusing to see the reality of the situation and supporting me in this. I have to be the heavy, the mean one, the one who thinks practically while he keeps insisting that she is doing fine and having more good days than not. She isn't. She is having more tough days than not. Her appetite is decreasing, she sleeps more and more and some days she just looks miserable. How much longer is he going to insist that everything is fine? He needs to grow the fuck up, yank his balls down where they belong and join me in being an adult about this.

After Sabryna passes on, I don't want anymore dogs for a good, long while. They are wonderful to have as part of the family but they get old and break down and it is so hard and so sad and I don't even want to think about going through it, yet again.

Only six days and William goes back to work.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Well, That Didn't Work

Well, my attempt to photograph the eclipse was a big, fat fail. All I got was balls of light, not eclipse. My camera sucks and so do I. I have a lot to learn and I need a better camera. I sat outside, in the heat, breathing the smoke from that damned fire and my neighbour's cigarettes hoping that I'd have fab shots to show off.

Oh well.

Chicken done on the Foreman grill for dinner, tonight. Nom, nom, nom.

My head. She is bad.

Sunday. Eclipse Day

I am going to try to get eclipse pics, tonight. The best viewing time for my area is supposed to start around 5:25. Since it is going to start then, I should be able to see the whole thing from my front balcony before the sun sets behind the hill and won't need to drive out somewhere. *fingers crossed* William hates to have to go out somewhere to see something and was resisting my plans to drive out Iron Spring Road to find a spot that had a clear line of sight all the way to the horizon with no hills in the way. I still think that I should go out there but...

I have lost my fight, when it comes to his stubborn assholeness. I am over trying. It is amazing how the human being has the capacity to just shut down and not feel, after a while, isn't it?

I am going to go get in the shower, get ready and go do a little shopping. I have a 30% award for CVS that has to be used today and a few other things to do. And if I don't get out of this house, I am going to go starkers.

Yesterday was a pretty goo day... I came in just under 1900 calories for the day. Not stellar but I am pleased with myself for maintaining some manner of control and not blowing it out. I am not going to punish myself for not being perfect. I am going to praise myself for doing better. Interesting concept, that.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Okay, So...

...I got my tripod set up, optimized my camera settings as best as my poor, old camera can be optimized and fired up Slacker on my phone, grabbed a bottle of water and settled in to watch and photographs the eclipse.

An eclipse that is supposed to happen tomorrow.  

Add to the idiot fest the fact that I tweeted and Facebooked the shit out of how excited I was to take photos of the eclipse and how I was all ready and then no one else seemed to be in on the fun and well...

Yeah. I feel like a perfect fool. 

Oh well. Now, I have just about optimized my camera settings and it is all set to roll, tomorrow. I hope that I get some good shots.

If I ever leave my house, again.


BYOC... A Day Late But Better Late Than Never

1. What religion were you raised as a child, if any, and are you still a member of that faith today? Why or why not?

I wasn't raised in any particular faith. The whole thing is a little convoluted, what with various influences, this, that and the other but the upshot is I was left to do my own searching and make my own decision. Something for which I am deeply grateful because when I did develop my faith (if you want to call it that) it came from the conviction of my heart and the Holy Spirit, not because it was drummed ruthlessly into me from infancy. 

 2. Do you have an all time favorite candy or do you change favorites often?

One word: Caramel. 

   3. Are you a green thumb? Do you landscape your yard or plant any flowers or a garden? Do you pay someone to do it for you? Do you not plant a single thing?

I am a ruthless murderer of all things living and green and leafy and flowery. Well... Not all things. I have one very pathetic little philodendron this is alive. After a fashion and, I can successfully keep a limited range of outdoor plants, like pansies, petunias and portulaca alive, as well. I am wholly unsuccessful at nurturing any other kind of plants and if I had to live on the produce I grew, I would have withered up and blown away long, long ago. 

To illustrate the severity of my black thumb,  the last time I went into a nursery, all of the plants were passing around a flyer with my photo on it and the words "Do Not Let This Woman Buy You! You Will Die!" printed on it in three inch tall bold font. 

 4. Let’s just say you were a tattoo junkie and you were planning your next tat and it had to be words only. What words would you choose? A quote? Phrase? One word? Would you do it in English or a different language?

This is a good question and one for which I simply do not have an answer at this time. 

   5. Repeat question: Summarize your week.

Busy. A couple of good days followed by a lot of ill advised munching and self hatred and all that fun shit. I did hold steady weight wise. And I am working on getting my mojo back. I am having a good day, today and for that I am grateful. I have gained back a total of thirty pounds since I reached my low weight of 282. And it pisses me off that I have to re lose lost weight. I feel strongly that that is fucked up in the extreme. But I am not quitting. Right now, I am just taking it hour by hour, going back to the fundamentals, even taking it minute by minute. 

The old Ball and Chain is on vacation until next Monday. Nine. Days. Of. Togetherness. Good times.

Beauty dot com is running a 20% Friends and Family sale through tomorrow and I splurged and treated myself to an Urban Decay Naked Palette. I can't wait to get it and play with it. I have been wanting that palette for a long time. And now, it will be mine. :D

Warm, the days are. Mid to upper eighties. We are expecting to hit ninety, this coming week. As long as it is breezy and cools down nicely at night, I don't mind it getting hot during the day. And we have air so it isn't as if we are suffering. 

I need to do my roots, soon. I think I am going to pop into a local salon that specializes in colour and see what it would cost me to have them paint the dye on my roots, for me. I love my hair colour and I am willing to do the work to have it but I dislike doing my roots, as it is difficult, with all of my hair to get the dye painted precisely on my regrowth, only. Especially in the back. Gah! It would be worth it to pay someone to do it for me. I can wait another couple of weeks, unless my hair gallops. So far, my roots are hidden by my hair's natural body and springyness. 

I really want to go house hunting. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cna't even open my bedroom window to enjoy the cool night air because my neighbour is out there smoking at all hours and polluting my sleep air with his noxious, choking smoke. I have had it. And I want out of here. 

There was something else I wanted to say but of course, idiot that I am, it slipped the surly bonds of my brain and flew into space. I'll probably recall it. 

When I an frakking ninety. 

Saturday, May 5, 2012


The sun is shining. The birdies are singing and my allergies are so crazy bad. Ugh! My beak is a mass of misery and my eyes are burning and sticky and I wish that it would rain and settle the pollen for a while. A little relief from the symptoms would be lovely.

I have my sheets in the wash and I need to wash my quilt, as well. Patrick is going to wash his later, too. It seems as if some days that poor washer never stops running! lol

I have another headache and I need to do my coupons so i suppose I should get to it.

I am eating well, in control and calm of mind. This is good.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Noms of the Day and May the Fourth Be With You

So here we are, again.

How's about some music while you read?

 Brekkie was Coffee, twice and a Fage Total 0% with some Truvia and an orange. 
Calories: 245.

Lemme just ask you, how much do you loooove Greek yoghurt? Mmm... 
Lunch was soup and a serving of Triscuit Thin Crisps and a Diet Pepsi. 

Calories: 440

Snack was popcorn. Forgot to take a photo. 

Calories: 240.

Dinner was a Lean Cuisine Mushroom Tortaloni bag with extra peas and some mushrooms and a salad and a big glass of Crystal Light. 

Calories: 495.

I had an orange, later for 65 calories. 

Total: 1450.

Did you know that today was Star Wars Day? 

Are you kinda surprised that I would know or care about that? 

I'm an onion, people. I haz layers. :D

I am beginning to feel "squishy"/ That means that fat is beginning to depart my zip code. Yay. 'Bout time I got it together and got squishy, huh? 

I need to get my coupons organized and make a shopping list, I have grocery shopping to get done and I need to hit the drugstore, too. Maybe I'll order a few polishes from Amazon as well. Because I don't have enough, you know... 

I should count my polishes.

Maybe not.

I don't know why i am so tired. I didn't do squat, today. Seriously. William and Patrick straightened up the house for me before I even got up, this morning. The most strenuous thing I did was my nails. Maybe it is my head making me tired. It has been at about a Cat. 3 all day. Yesterday, I had a humongous aura flash and took an Imitrex and half an hour later, I felt as if a freight train smashed into the side of my head. That shit is weird. Sometimes when I take it, it works a little and takes the hell in my brain down to a dull roar, others, it doesn't do anything but make me feel weird. And headache-y. Others, like yesterday it seems to feed my migraine so that it can really go to town. I really shout talk to my doc about that. 

Someday. :P

Okay, I think I'll hit the sack and read for a while before I conk out. 

BYOC: Oh, Joy

It's Friday. Yay. Really. I just looooove weekends. Especially this one. William took a four day weekend.

Okay, let's get on with it.

1. Do you have any Mother’s Day traditions?  

I talk to my mother on the phone. William and Patrick do not, in any way, shape or form acknowledge this "holiday".  What else is new?

Next question.

 2. Do you take a daily vitamin? Why or why not?

A multi. Calcium and magnesium for my bones and to calm my frakking leg cramps. I take D, 5000 IU a day, as prescribed by my physician and a few others, on and off, depending on budget. 

  3. Do you wear perfume every day? If yes, what kind?

I use scented body wash, lotions and sometimes body spray daily. I wear perfume when I am going out or having company. I have to hoard what little I have, so I use it carefully.

  4. When you walk or run or work out outside – what do you take with you?

My cell phone and earbuds for music, a couple of tissues and lip balm. A bottle of water. I can't find an arm bad that fits my fatass arms so I have to wear a hand crocheted sash with a crocheted bucket bag at the end that holds my water bottle and a couple of pockets for my phone and lip balm. I look like an utter fucking fool, but it gets the job done and affords my fellow travelers a nice little laugh. To complete the mental picture for you, I tuck the tissues in between my bra and the tank I wear tucked up in my bra band to prevent band chafing and to cover my bra and straps. 

Charming, huh?

5. Repeat question. Summarize your week.

Bite me. (Not directed to anyone, personally. ;))

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Noms of the Day and Other Nattering

Let's just get right to it, shall we?

 Brekkie: A cup of my regular coffee then William brought home a latte. Oh, yeah! Sooo Good. Method Coffee, a local coffee house is as good as Starbucks. The falvours are different, of course but still, delicious. I will happily go to either. :D The cup was actually empty by the time I took this photograph. I sucked that latte down like someone was threatening to take it away from me. I also had some scrambled egg whites softened with a little water, mustard and Tabasco for flavour.

Calories: 285

 Lunch: A Lean Cuisine Mushroom Tortaloni with snap peas and sun dried tomatoes. (I love this bag of food like I love my mother, kids.) I added a serving of frozen peas, heated to the entree to bulk it up a little and to add a little extra veggie nutrition. Yum. Seriously. Yum. 

Calories: 380

Did I mention that stuff is yum?

 A vat of coffee with ff 1/2 &1/2 and Truvia. 

Calories: 80.

 Dinner: Salad. Then I piled on top of my salad a Smart Ones Sesame Chicken micro in the bag meal. Hey, I am well aware of the fact that I eat weird food combos. You are reading a blog written by a broad who thinks that French fries dipped in chocolate milkshake is the height of heavenly noms. So, weird tho it may look, it's delicious, all piled together. Don't judge. You do weird shit, too. lol

Calories: 440.

I just needed to snack snack: An orange. Isn't it freaky that there are fabulously delicious oranges in the store, right now? This time of year? And a serving of Triscuit Thin Crisps. These little crackers are da bomb. They are slightly cheesy, slightly herby, a little salty and full of win. 

Calories: 205.

Total for the day: 1390. I got plenty to eat, lots of yum and came in well under my 1500 calorie cap. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself. :D

So, to prove that Prescott, Arizona is the suckhole of the universe, I went into Big Lots in search of prime goodies as detailed in blogs I had read and had yapped about earlier and hoped that I would find, too. Ha! Know what I found? 

That's right. You see, our Big Lots is the Big Lots to which other Big Lots in better places send all of their random, useless, nobody-wants-this-shit shit that they don't want to try to sell. It is hard to find anything truly useful in that store. Once in a rare great while I score. But not very often. Usually it is just a pile of crap. Some of it overpriced crap. I saw some cute as hell lamps. Fifty clams a piece. Huh? At Big Lots? Knockoff lamps. At Big Lots. Fifty freaking bucks? Are you shitting me?

I also went to Ross hoping to score Color Club collections. Ha! Again. They had some but I already have them. I am looking for the Spring and Summer collections. I'll keep trying. I did find another palette to repurpose. I'll tell you all about that, another time. It's an ongoing project. :D

I found the prettiest pink eyeshadow at Walgreen's, tonight. It is a new Loreal Infallible shadow the colour is Pink Sapphire. Oh, buy is is ever lovely. I could see it working for eyes and for cheeks, maybe as a highlight along the top of the cheekbones. Over a pretty peach blush... Or with bronzer... Loreal is all BOGO 1/2 so I grabbed a lipstick from the display, as well. It is Rose Agate. Wow! Perfect Summer lippie. It's a subtle your lips but better rose packed with a gold fleck. So. Pretty.

Shit. My manicure is chipping. I'll have to change it, tomorrow. Early. I have a busy day, tomorrow.

Oh! Did I tell you that Patrick (my son) was awarded Employee of the Year for 2011? He was. *proud mama moment* He went down to the Valley today for a little company awards ceremony where all of the EotY for the region were honored, given plaques and had their picture taken with the president of the company.  He had a great time. Ate a ton of food and came home smiling ear to ear. I am so happy for him. <3

Tired, now. Must go nighty-night.

Removed Some Gadgets

I got a warning on my other blog that Shabby Blogs content could be dangerous due to malicious mallware on their site. I removed all Shabby Blogs content from that blog and from this one, including my grab buttons which used Shabby Blogs code. After I removed the button and code and the unfed Husband button from my other blog, the warning disappeared so hopefully that took care of the problem. My blogs should be safe, as they weren't directly affected, the warning was a cross post from Shabby Blogs.

Just thought that you guys who have Shabby Blogs content might like to to know. If you get the warning, remove any content/code fron Shabby Blogs and you should be okay. :)


I forgot to take my food pics, yesterday. Geeze. What a forgetful dork I am. My day was... Okay-ish. Not as good as it should have or would have been but not a total fail, either. With my complete lack of doing anything right, lately, I'll take it, since I have been sucking so hard, lately.

Today is going very well and I am remembering to grab my camera. Yay me. ?

William gave the dog a bath, today. Boy did that stanky old biotch need it. She smells so much better, now and isn't fouling the air in my house. lol She looks nice, too. All fluffy and soft and pretty. And pissed off. That dog hates water with a velvet passion. Oh, she'll drink the stuff but she doesn't want it applied to her body.

We received a letter from out Trustee, today. He has concluded our case and has no more say over our financial decisions. We can now make a purchase or whatever we want. We are waiting to receive our discharge and the letter from the court. that should take 45 to 60 days. I am hoping that it will be sooner. I am happy that we are finished with this phase, now. We just have a little more, waiting for the court to discharge then close out case and we will be finished, once and for all.

I swear, I am not doing this, again. Bankruptcy sucks eggs. Ass. Big green donkey dicks.

I think I am going to go do a little shopping, later. I need a few things and I want to see if Ross has any of the Color Club polishes I am looking for. I also want to pop into Big Lots. I read on a blog that some stores have some Philosophy cosmetics and Revlon polish duos of the Summer collection I missed out on last year, thanks to my local drugstores being dickheads and not ordering them. Maybe I'll get lucky. I love a good bargain hunt. :D

My hair is drying... I don't know what I am going to do with it. probably a braided updo. Something loose and easy and soft. Anchored with a Ficcare, maybe. :D

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Oh, and Draz?

There is no such thing as buying too many OPI polishes.

Just saying.

And I need deets on the haul. ASAP.



And doing laundry. Fun.

Coffee is going down and I am watching the finale of The Biggest Loser. I am annoyed about two of the finalists but what can I do about it? Nothing. I just have to be annoyed. Pudding Head and The Mouth Breather did the work. Too bad they were so unlikable and such asshats in the process. I am rooting for Kim.

Okay, I need to go put in another load and get my coffee and oatmeal. I also have a ton of photographs to edit for my nail blog. Back later with my Noms of the Day. :D

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

May Day

No, I'm not going down in flames. Almost did. But no. lol

I decided to do something new, for me. Take pictures of the food I eat in a day and then post it. I know that this is something that helps a lot of people so I thought that I would try it, too.

So, here are my Noms of the Day.

 Brekkie was two cups of coffee lightened with fat free half and half and some Truvia. A protein shake made with unsweetened almond milk, protein powder and a little yoghurt rounded out my morning meal. Calories: 385.

 Lunch was scrambled egg whites cooked with some sauteed onion and orange pepper lightened with a tiny bit of ff 1/2 & 1/2 and some mustard for flavour and colour and some generous dashes of Tabasco. I made a chopped salad and used some of the tomato from my salad to top my egg whites, too. Calories: 250.

Some canned pear slices (no sugar added) with cinnamon. Calories: 80.

Dinner was a big salad (I ate late and was hangry so I decided to make a big salad) and a microwave entree. Chicken with curry and rice and a few beans. I know... Microwave meals are teh evil but I don't care. They taste good and I am a lousy cook so... I eat them. :P Calories: 480.

I did popcorn (Calories: 240.) but I forgot to take a picture. I guess that will take some getting used to. My total for the day is a very respectable 1355. I feel good abut what I accomplished, today. And I don't feel like a bloated tick. Or guilty. Or full of shame and self loathing. I like feeling like this. Not like that.

I had a pretty productive day, today. Did my housework, (except for laundry) and did my roots and a fresh manicure. I spent a lot of time goofing around online, as well. More than I really should have but some days, I just let the time get away from me. 

I am hoping that soon, I can work salon visits for my colour upkeep into the budget. I like my colour but I don't like painting it on my roots. I wasn't as precise as I should have been, this time around and got some overlap. My hair doesn't seem to have suffered but it can't take too much of that or I will end up in a pickle, for sure. It would be worth the money to let a pro precisely paint the dye just perfectly on my regrowth. While I relax and navel gaze a bit. Yep. That sounds nice. 

I'm thinking of fringe and a few face framing layers. I feel as if my updos are a bit severe, with no softness around my face. Slicking my hair back when I was younger was okay but now, it looks and feels a bit harsh. I don't know... I will think on it a bit more. I don't make spur of the moment decisions abut my hair, any more. When I did, I made bad ones then ended up crying my eyeballs out and regretting them so now I enforce a long wait and think period before anything gets done. There is no hurry. 

It was a little cooler, today. Windy and cloudy. If there had been rain, it would have been a perfect day. :D

Sunday, April 22, 2012

In the Home Stretch

We made the final BK payment this week and today we took the pre discharge online class. We will have our certificates tomorrow morning then as soon as our trustee posts our final payment, we can fax the last few documents to our attorney, get our discharge, close our case and we will be finished. I hope that all said and done, this will be completely over some time in July. By the time our case closes, we will have been in Chapter 13 hell for almost four years. We are finally nearing the end of a nightmare that has lasted longer than I care to remember and I feel an immense sense of relief that it is almost over.

Anyone who says Bankruptcy is an easy way out, a way to live high then run out on your debts, immoral or wrong has clearly never needed to file. We didn't file to take the easy way out or to run out on our bills. We, like a lot of people, got bitchslapped by the economy and started drowning, financially. We weren't living high. Just the opposite. We were just trying to survive. We didn't have new cars, fancy clothes, a slick house. We didn't take vacations, we didn't send our kid to a private school. We just wanted to pay our bills and keep food on the table. And as time went on, that got harder and harder. We got caught in an evil cycle and, no matter what we did, how hard we tried there was no pulling out of it.

Bankruptcy for us was a very last resort after we exhausted all of our other options. You don't go into a Ch.13 lightly. A large number of people who file Ch.13 never complete the process. It is hard. It is hell. But we got through it. And we are coming out the other end. Yes, we will get a discharge for much of our debt but we also, in the last three years, paid a lot of it, through the plan. We didn't get off easy. We didn't get off for free. We are not ashamed of what we did and we make no apologies. Bankruptcy saved us and is giving us a chance. That is all we ever wanted.

I think that I can finally dare to breathe, again. It is a pretty fantastic feeling. One I haven't enjoyed for many, many years.

Hot it is, today. We are enjoying near record warm temps. Thanks to the way our condo is built, we have had to start using our A/C. I wouldn't normally run it for days that are in the 80's but it gets like an oven in the upstairs main living area and it is necessary to keep from frying out our brains. I am looking forward to finding a house, better built, better insulated, maybe with some trees around it? Whoever said that it is cool up here in Prescott fucking lied.

I need to go out for a walk. Hopefully I can talk doofus brain in to it. 

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Pulling Myself Up By My Bootstraps

I had a pretty fantastic day, yesterday. I ate on track and walked and had a calmer mind and spirit and didn't tell myself that I am a fat, stupid, ugly, worthless, undeserving pig who should just fall into a dark hole and stay the fuck there. I still believe that I am those things. But I am trying to teach myself that I shouldn't say them to myself. Maybe once I stop saying them, I can begin to stop believing them. What say? Is it possible? We shall see.

I am working hard to do as well, today. 306 on my scale scared the shit out of me. I have to go in the right direction and stop this spiral back into my former hell. I don't want to go back there. I won't.

I am dating a new camera. William picked it out and brought it home to me. I was not happy with it. I still am not. I didn't want another Fuji. They are bad about having focusing issues and this new camera is no exception. I am frustrated by my inability to get it to give me the quality photos I need. I am still working with it, it is a better camera than my old point and shoot and would be a good bridge camera to hold me over until I can afford the one I really, really want. I have received a few tips and I am going to try them. I need this camera to work for me.

I am not happy with William, either. Once again, he went against my wishes and made a decision for me. I appreciate that he wanted to get me a new camera. I don't appreciate that he got the one I didn't want them insisted that I was wrong for being angry at him for once again taking what little control I have in my life away from me and doing what he thought should be done. Regardless of my feelings about the situation. He actually made me feel like a raging shit bitch for being upset. He made me feel guilty and as if I had hurt him, ruined his experience. I didn't get to shop and compare and fuss and hem and haw and read reviews and go back and forth and all the stuff I love, love, love to do when making a purchase of this importance. He took all of that away from me then made me feel like the lowest scum on the face of the planet when I didn't thank him for it.

And a part of me hates him for that. And a part of me hates myself for once again, bowing to his manipulations and letting him make me feel like dogshit. Again.

Anywhoozle, I have a little time before the camera has to be returned so I am trying to make it work for me. If I can't, back it goes. And fuck William or what he thinks about it. *deep breath*

I'm drinking my water. I hope that all of you are, too.

Anyone watch the latest The Biggest Loser? Whiners, much? Big, fat, babies who are so entitled and spoiled and snotty and disregarding the fact that they are adults who read and signed a contract and knew that twists like the one presented (or was going to be presented to them) happen on that program. Stop being four year olds and grow the fuck up, get over yourselves and get on with it.

Then there is Jeremy, the ogler of women waaaay out of his league (I am not referring too his weight, his maturity level and personality, only) who thinks that he is all that and actually stands a chance. He was one of the whiners, the babies crying and complaining about one of the at home players being brought back. He packed his bags and threatened to leave because it wasn't fair. He deserved the final. Not who had been eliminated.

He got eliminated.

Guess who is going to compete his ass off to get back into the game?


I seriously doubt that pudding brained idiot is going to say that it would be unfair for him to get back in the game after being eliminated, that he doesn't "deserve" the chance and bow out. Oh no. He will go for it and if he gets back in, crow about how fabulous he is.


If either he or his mouth breathing, whining, entitled, backstabbing sister win, I will not be happy. I can't stand either of them. Conda really pissed me off when she reacted the way she did to Kim winning the weigh in and the car and Jeremy being ousted. She showed her true colours, her true self that time. And it was deplorable. And if I hear her whine about how she and her brother "deserve" this one more time...

Am I the only one who thinks that the word "deserve" is overused? You don't "deserve" a win or a place in the finals. You earn it.

Wow. Not that I am bitchy or anything.

Okay. So. I have to pee and I have some photos to edit and some other stuff to do. I also need to get out for a walk, later. We are going to try the trails out by the park. The lake trails are just too buggy. I inhaled ten pounds of gnats, last night. I actually had to wash some out of my teeth with my water. Yuk!!!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012


So, a whole boule of sourdough bread  and three quarters of a jar of peanut butter, bags of chips, huge plates of not so healthy foods, dedicated inactivity. No wonder I stepped on my scale this morning and saw 306.6. Yeah. That was a dash of ice water in my face. Reality check. Check.

In one year I managed to put 24 pounds back on. Fuck.

I don't blame anyone else. It was entirely my own fault. No one held a gun to my head and forced me to gorge and binge and stuff food and my feelings and my frustrations and so forth down my greedy assed pie hole. 

I did well, food wise, yesterday and walked. I can do better, and will. I can walk every day possible and will because I can't. I won't.  Continue this horror spiral. I don't deserve it and I am not going to continue to abuse myself this way. I have to use more positive and not food centric ways to deal with my pain, anger and fears. Stuffing them down with food only exacerbates my pain, both physically and mentally and it is only further damaging my health. So, I mustmustmust keep my shit together and do the right thing for me.

I had coffee and oatmeal with sliced strawberries for brekkie. I am drinking my water and chewing sugarless gum when the urge to chew hits me. Time to re educate myself and get back on my healthy track and back into my rhythm that worked so well for me. Correction. Works so well for me. My success isn't in the past. It is my future.

Yes, it is.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Happy Easter

I hope that everyone who celebrates is having a wonderful Easter. And for those of you who don't, a terrific Sunday. :D

It is sunny and warm, here. We are expecting the high to be in the mid seventies. Just a perfect Spring day. We don't really have any plans, a quiet, relaxing day sounds nice.

I have had my morning coffee, patched a cracked nail, repainted my accent nails and did a little simple nail art in Spring colours in celebration of the day and I am contemplating a late brekkie. Oatmeal? I don't know... I need to eat but I am not all that hungry.

My allergies and sinuses are driving me insane. Urgh! I had a migraine, yesterday. I took Imitrex, it helped a little but it just mostly made me feel weird. I get this odd, slightly floaty feeling and a tightening in my neck and chest. I am still not sure about that stuff. *shrug*

It's a beautiful day to be good to myself. Something I have done precious little of, lately.

ETA: Yay!!! My favicon is finally showing up! The one I attached to my nail blog finally popped up, yesterday and this one just popped up. So, it just needs a day or so then it works. Good to know. :D

Saturday, April 7, 2012

White Space

I have really become enamored of very simple blog designs, lately. Weird, for me, the Empress of Overkill. I am just really liking a sleek, simple layout and crisp font and lots of white space on my blogs. That may change, one day but for now, Yeah. :) Also, I have started to fall in love with the new interface. I have spent some time playing with it and it kinda rocks. I am having trouble with the favicon feature. I uploaded my image and it isn't working and I can't find any help in the help forums. That is one area where I am not happy. The help feature is pretty shitty, now. Worse than it was. Blech!

Tradeoffs, I suppose.

It's a nice, warm day and I am listening to music through my new earbuds. Did you know that those things can die? My old set did. I was only getting sound into one ear. Yikes! Not pleasant, lemme tell ya. Eh... ten bucks for a year of hard use. I guess I got my money's worth.

Patrick went out and bought himself a new pair of sneakers. He has big feet. His new shoes are white. His feet look like ginormous land yachts. I'm surprised that he isn't tripping and falling over those enormous things.

Happy Easter, tomorrow to everyone who celebrates. <3

Friday, April 6, 2012

I Blame the Painters!

I had to file my damned nails back. Again. You see, we have to lock the cat in my room, downstairs to keep him from bolting out of the open doors while the painters are doing their thing. Today, we locked Marley in my room, as usual. Unfortunately, when I went downstairs to go in to use my bathroom, he wasn't hiding under my bed, as usual. He was lurking right by the door and when I opened it, he bolted. I tried to grab him but I missed. Marley went streaking up the stairs and I came up empty handed and with a broken nail.


I was unable to repair and patch my nail so I was forced to grab my files and Mambo buffer and take all ten of my nails down.


I am so sick of filing my nails off! Since I had a bad break in January, I haven't had any success in growing my nails. I get them out a bit and something befalls them and I have to file them down, again. *sigh* Thankfully, shorties can be cute, too. They are lilac, today. :D

The painters are finally finished. Poor Marley is so freaked out by being locked in my room for hours on end for three days that he doesn't trust anyone and keeps running from us and hiding. I feel so bad for the little guy. It isn't fair that he had to be made so upset.

Okay, I have to run. I have places to go and things to do.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Strangers Amung Us

So, the landlord thought that this Spring is the perfect time to repaint our building. I have a perfect stranger coming into my house to prep and paint the doors. Do not like. I am not comfortable with this and I wish that I could have left for the day. Not happy. I feel as if I am in a fishbowl and I am unable to even eat my breakfast.

Okay, am I the only one who hates the new Blogger interface?

I know that this isn't much of an entry. I am trying, here. I am digging out. I really want to. :)

I am currently obsessed with this song. :D

I am not going to switch back to the old interface. I am going to force myself to get used to this one. :D

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Out Like a Lamb

So, I finally go over the flu. I still have a residual cough, but it is getting better, slowly, every day. I hope to shake it completely, soon. I am still blowing thick, green goo out of my head, too. Yuk.

I have hit 300. again. I feel like such a total cow. A pig. A horror show on wheels. I need to get my shit together and get back to where I was before I took this long, idiotic detour and do it fast before I really end up in trouble. I hate myself, right now.

The weather is beautiful... Warm and sunny. Seventies. It is supposed to be in the mid fifties, tomorrow then warm back up as the week progresses.

I did my roots, the other day and applied dye all over my hair. My colour is smoother, lighter and the choppy and uneven spots are all blended away and I am even happier with how it looks.

I feel as if I don't deserve to blog. I need to get over that and get back to blogging.

I hate this new interface. I suppose I will have to get used to it, as stupid Blogger seems to think it is Facebook. Blech.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Germ Bag

My fucking husband gave me the fucking flu.

That is all.


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Bob Harper; Hipster at Large

Anyone watch the busted up all over the place episode of The Biggest Loser last night? Did you get a load of Bob's getup at the weigh in? WTF? Really, Bob? bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that I wasn't the biggest loser this week. Well, I was a loser but not the right kind of loser. :P gag

I am still working with Imitrex. I have used it three times, so far and it was somewhat successful, once. I took it the other night just as I got an aura and it stopped the worst of my headache. I slept really well, that night, had weird dreams and then the next afternoon I had a rebound that hit me without any warning and almost put me to bed. I don't know... *sigh* I'll keep up with it for a while, I think that some med need to be worked with a bit but so far, I am hardly impressed.

I am so ready for Spring. It is cooler, today. It was chilly, yesterday, there was zero humidity and so crazy windy that I feel dessicated, today.I feel as if I have been through a dehydrator and turned into fruit leather. Blech! I am drenching myself in oil and lotion and moisturizer and I am still dry as a cracker. I need warmer days and milder nights. Nao!

Okay, the Red Team and the Black Team are all a bunch of idiots. They can't see the danger right in front of them. They can't see that Conda worked them, that she is just out to protect her brother and that they have a plan to be one and two and to hell with the rest of them. None of them can see Conda's working both teams and none of them saw her smirking and grinning behind her hands, running to the other team to work her plan. They are all idiots and blinded by the "feeling of family" and she is sucking it all up like a vampire. They all deserve what they will get at her hands.

Anywhoozle. I have stuff to get done and had better get to it. 

Brekkie: Coffee and a protein and fruit smoothie.

Sunday, March 4, 2012


I don't know... Imitrex doesn't seem to be as effective as I had hoped. I took my dose the moment I had an aura but my head still hurt. Not as bad as usual but yeah... It still hurt. It is worse, this morning. I almost feel as if this is a rebound. I will rebound pretty hard after any pan reliever taken before or during a migraine. I am going to keep working with Imitrex for a bit and see if I can make it work but so far, I am not all that encouraged. Blast it. I'll discuss this with my doc next time I see her, which should be in the next few weeks or so... I need to have a confab with an ENT then go back to see my PCP and by then I should know if Imitrex is going to be my bitch or not.

It's a pretty morning. Sunny and up to 42, already. It is supposed to hit seventy for a high. Woo hoo! It should be a perfect afternoon to get out to the lake for a nice walk. I neeeeeed exercise. And fresh air. And out of this damned house.

My day is starting well, I've had my coffee and smoothie. Let's keep it on track until and through lunch, shall we? I am back to taking this hour by hour, meal by meal. I have sucked, strayed far off my path and I want to get back on it so it is time to re train my brain and my bod. Back to work. I still have a lot of it to do.

Okay, time to get my day started. Sunday... Can't help being lazy as shit on Sunday. :P

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Of Auras and Imitrex

So, let's see if this shit actually works. I had an aura (mine consists of flashing pindots of light) and just took my first dose of Imitrex. Please work! I hope it kicks in soon, since my head is already hurting. We'll see...

Friday, March 2, 2012

Post Number Two of the Day: BYOC Yeah, Baby! Let's Get Cray-Cray

1.  Since I talked about psychics this week - I'm curious....if you could see one for free and you could only ask one question - what would it be?

*  "Will I ever be free of my marriage?"

2.  What's your favorite ice cream flavor and topping?

* Butter Pecan ice cream is like a frozen little orgasm on my tongue. Toppers? Uh... Caramel. Duh! Top butter pecan ice cream with caramel (salted caramel?!?!?!) and I won't just eat it, I'll rip off all of my clothes and roll in it. In public. Moaning in ecstasy the whole time.

3.  What's your preferred method of working out?  DVDs, an external gym, gym inside your home, classes?

* Walking. I am a walker. I like to walk. When I was younger, I would take off and walk for hours, all day, sometimes. I didn't care where I went, I just wanted that freedom, the fresh air, the time alone with my thoughts and the songs in my head. (Yes, I am certifiable.) I still like to walk. I love getting out of this damned house and feeling the breeze on my face, seeing the sky, the clouds and listening to the tunes from my phone pouring into my ears as I log mile after mile. I love the way it makes me feel, how it makes my blood sing. 

A very dear and generous friend <3 recently sent me some workout DVDs and I am going to dig into them and see what I can do and make work for me, they should help me get exercise when getting out to the trails isn't an option.

4.  If you work outside the home or if you ever did or will in the future - do you think it's better/easier to work with men or woman?  Who do you work mostly with now?

* I am a housewife, so obviously I don't work outside the home, at present. When I did, I worked with more men than women. When I did work outside the home, the majority of my co workers were men, almost all of the management were men. But more and more women were infiltrating and even moving into positions of authority (I worked my ass off and gained one of those positions) and now, there are a lot of women in that industry. But the top jobs are still predominately occupied by men. *sigh* We are still fighting for our rights and the respect that we, as humans deserve. But this isn't a rant about women's rights. ;) lol

I actually like working with men. I feel comfortable with men in a professional setting and I gel well with them on the job. It isn't about sex, it is just about my personality; mine groks men, in the workplace.

5.  Repeat question.  Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.

* In real life, I am working with my doc to get my health issues squared away. It doesn't seem to be anything major, just chronic and hopefully, I will be feeling much better, soon. I also got a 'script for Imitrex for my migraines. I am keeping my little fingers crossed that it is going to help my poor, embattled head. I have been fighting falling into a bad depressive spell. I am trying really hard to hold it together, get my shit together and get my ass back on track. I need this. And I will, some way, make it happen. I can. I have. And I fucking will. 

In blogland, I am just drifting in and out. I tend to withdraw into myself when things get heavy and things have been heavy in my head and in my fears and I haven't been talking them out, I have been internalizing and withdrawing. Not healthy, I know. I need to reach out and express, not hold it all in. I tried, in my last couple of entries. Maybe I'll do better. 

Wow. Just wow. I can't seem to shut up, today. And look, I answered the last question. Proof that I am running off at the mouth. So to speak...

Ahhh... Coffee... Nectar of the Gods!

I am in the process of downing my third huge mug of the day. Maybe I'll get some energy and vibrate and be happy, now. Coffee rules. I don't care what anyone says.

So, doctor's visit went pretty well. I was freaking out over, it is pretty certain, nothing. I do have issues and I do need to see an ENT specialist but it is because of my constant nasal allergies wreaking havoc in my throat. I have pitting and swelling and irritation and my poor old tonsils are huge. So, things aren't happy in there. My doc gave me a 'script for a nasal steroid that should help. It should ease my constant nasal allergies, soothe my sinuses and even help with my horrible deep, dark circles. I have dark circles that no amount of corrector and concealer can cover. Apparently caused by my allergies. So, I should be feeling better, soon. And the ENT can do whatever needs to be done for my throat and tonsils and I will be feeling better for that, soon too. Yay.

I also talked to my doc about my headaches. I now have an official diagnosis of migraine and she gave me 'script for Imitrex. 50 mg. I am to take it when I get an aura and it should abort my headache. Boy, do I ever hope it works. I could use some pain free days.

My blood levels are good. My "bad cholesterol" is a tad high, but nothing to worry about, if I just get my ass back on track and get some consistent exercise. That is a good reason to get my shit together, no? Other than that, things are looking pretty good. So, once I get this throat issue solved, I will be a happier camper. But it looks as if I don't have any reason to freak out and I feel a huge sense of relief. *whew*

It is so chilly and incredibly windy, today. Brrr!!! But it is supposed to warm up really nicely, soon. Seventies by early week, then cool back into the sixties. I can live with that, fo shizz.

Hey, the first day of Spring is this month, kiddies! We also make the penultimate Ch. 13 payment, this month! Holy shit, this time, next month, it will almost all be done. Just the last payment and that last stupid legally mandated  class (Thanks a lot, George W. Bush. You asshole.) and then discharge and our four year long nightmare will finally be over. From start to finish, this Ch. 13 has taken nearly four long fucking years. Anyone who dares to say to my face that bankruptcy is an easy out will get a face full of my fist, I swear to God.

Okay, Erika. Remember your blood pressure. *zen* *breathe* *ooohmmmmmm*

Still loving my hair colour. I am going to strand test and see if I can safely push my length a little lighter and banish more of the dark gold and the light reddish/strawberry tones. But yeah,,, Loving being a blonde, again. It just feels so right, so me. I am all for having the hair, whatever that hair might be that makes us happy. So, if you are a blonde, a brunette, a redhead or pink or purple haired in your heart, do it. Seriously. Life is too fucking short to not love your hair. :D

Think I'll have some lunch. I'm hongry.