Honestly, Sherry... It Freaked Me Out!

Seriously.

I don't normally sleep much past six or six-thirty. By that time, my bladder is crying to be emptied, the dog wants to go out (Willy Dog does that) the cat wants attention... So sleeping any later just doesn't normally work all that well. lol

So, yesterday. Was a bad day. I had a major food freakout. I ended up in front of my pantry cabinet with a big can of Pic Nik sticks in one hand, shoveling them as fast as I could with the other into my mouth. I was just shoving, chewing, swallowing and repeating until half a can was gone.

What. The. Fuck?

It felt desperate. Crazy. Bad. Sick. Weird. But I couldn't stop. I couldn't shut it down. I heard my brain screaming at me to stop. I wanted to stop. I needed to stop but I physically couldn't stop. Until I reached a point where I could. I was, for that time, utterly out of control. I was crazed in my determination to cram as much of those nasty fried potato sticks into my mouth as I could, as fast as I could and for as long as I felt I could get away with it.

In-fucking-sane.

Yeah.

I am not beating myself up over it. I am very mindful that I did some damage. And my number on the scale will reflect it on Sunday. I am puffed up like a poisoned rat, thanks to all the salt. And I feel like an abject failure. I am working though it all and I will carry on.

Food is much better, today. I am on track. Water is going down nicely. I will end the day over my quota. I worked out hard on my glider. Three miles, seventy minutes. Hopefully, I burned enough calories to help atone for my insanity, yesterday. Maybe Willy Dog will be in the mood to run out to the lake, when he gets home from work. A walk would be good. Burn a few extra calories and give me a chance to blow the shit out of my head and breathe some fresh air.

So folks, there you have it. I struggle, still. I wish I had the fortitude and the balls to never cheat. To never eat what I am not supposed to. To never find myself in front of my pantry, mind screaming, shoving food into my mouth like some person possessed. But alas, I don't. I strive for it. But I fall far short. I am not good enough, it seems. I am weak. I am flawed.

I wish I were perfect.

Really.

I do.

Life would be so much easier.

It is cooler, today. Kind of windy and partly cloudy. The promised rain is not coming down. It might, tomorrow. I am not holding my breath.

I think I'll give my husband a shout and see if he wants to go to the lake. If he does, I'll go get into my walk clothes and lace on my walking shoes. The more I think about it, the more I really do need to get out there.

Later, lovies.

Birthday, Feeding Frenzy, Cat Barf and a Boiled Snatch

My cat gave me the perfect Birthday present. A pile of barf under my dressing table.

Husband gave me a card.

I had a feeding frenzy, earlier. I got a hair up my ass and went off on myself a bit. Ya want to know what is fantastic and weird? Feeding frenzy is as far as I could go. I am no longer physically capable of bingeing. Cool, huh? I had too many calories, this afternoon but nowhere near the damage I had decided to do. All in all, it came in under 1000 calories. Some feeding frenzy, huh? lol I am over my snit and back on track.

Dinner will be a good healthy meal. Chicken, a little rice, veg.

Guess my Birthday freaked me out a bit more than I thought it would. lol Food didn't help. Lesson learned. Next time, try vodka. ;) :P

This danged face cream is going back! So is that useless eye roller goo thingy. Garnier skincare... Sucks. Big green donkey dicks. The cream is blah, makes my face red and my eyes itch and burn and the depuffing eye roller is useless. I don't know why I bought that... I don't have puffy eyes. I have dark circles. Anyhoozle, that is over twenty bucks going back into my pocket. And I can get my lovely Neutrogena. I am also returning that crap nail polish I applied, yesterday. If you see it in your local drugstore, Confetti nail polish is garbage. I am not a polish snob... I have a ton of inexpensive drugstore polish that I just adore. This particular brand blows.

So, have you ever boiled your snatch? I did, today. I was in the rare mood for a really hot shower, as hot as I could stand it and a nice steam. So, I fired up my shower and got my lobster on. Turned my little bathroom into a right proper swamp and enjoyed every moment of it. Until I went to rinse my lady bits. I went in with my handheld to take care of the job and... Eeeeeeeeyowch! Boiled snatch. Dumbass me forgot to turn the water temperature down before rinsing that most delicate of areas. I won't make that mistake, again. I still feel a little scalded.

I am glad that this day is almost over. I think I have had enough fun.

Time to go check my rice and chicken. I must be recovering from this afternoon, dinner actually smells good and my stomach is growling.

Later, gators. :)