Friday, November 12, 2010

Birthday, Feeding Frenzy, Cat Barf and a Boiled Snatch

My cat gave me the perfect Birthday present. A pile of barf under my dressing table.

Husband gave me a card.

I had a feeding frenzy, earlier. I got a hair up my ass and went off on myself a bit. Ya want to know what is fantastic and weird? Feeding frenzy is as far as I could go. I am no longer physically capable of bingeing. Cool, huh? I had too many calories, this afternoon but nowhere near the damage I had decided to do. All in all, it came in under 1000 calories. Some feeding frenzy, huh? lol I am over my snit and back on track.

Dinner will be a good healthy meal. Chicken, a little rice, veg.

Guess my Birthday freaked me out a bit more than I thought it would. lol Food didn't help. Lesson learned. Next time, try vodka. ;) :P

This danged face cream is going back! So is that useless eye roller goo thingy. Garnier skincare... Sucks. Big green donkey dicks. The cream is blah, makes my face red and my eyes itch and burn and the depuffing eye roller is useless. I don't know why I bought that... I don't have puffy eyes. I have dark circles. Anyhoozle, that is over twenty bucks going back into my pocket. And I can get my lovely Neutrogena. I am also returning that crap nail polish I applied, yesterday. If you see it in your local drugstore, Confetti nail polish is garbage. I am not a polish snob... I have a ton of inexpensive drugstore polish that I just adore. This particular brand blows.

So, have you ever boiled your snatch? I did, today. I was in the rare mood for a really hot shower, as hot as I could stand it and a nice steam. So, I fired up my shower and got my lobster on. Turned my little bathroom into a right proper swamp and enjoyed every moment of it. Until I went to rinse my lady bits. I went in with my handheld to take care of the job and... Eeeeeeeeyowch! Boiled snatch. Dumbass me forgot to turn the water temperature down before rinsing that most delicate of areas. I won't make that mistake, again. I still feel a little scalded.

I am glad that this day is almost over. I think I have had enough fun.

Time to go check my rice and chicken. I must be recovering from this afternoon, dinner actually smells good and my stomach is growling.

Later, gators. :)


  1. Seriously - best blog title ever. Freaking funny. Not so much for you but fun to read.

  2. Sounds like bday sex is out of the question. YIKES! I guess you better pack some ice up in there until the swelling subsides.

    oh hey - Happy Birthday!

    Sounds like the feeding frenzy was fun. I think I tried to have one the other day myself, but then I realized "I'm going to really have to work myself up to that amount of eating slowly if I'm ever going to be able to do that again". WTF kinda crazy talk is THAT? I miss it tho. The false sense of comfort. Even shopping doesn't really do that for me anymore. Still no real comfort - so I miss the fake stuff. Dammit.

  3. Any sex is out of the question... :P lol

    The feeding frenzy wasn't actually all that much fun. Just stupid, really. Now I have to swill gallons of water and work the calories and salt off. Bleach!

  4. You had me at Boiled Snatch!

    Happy b-day!

  5. Happy Birthday, Erika. Nice presents, LOL. My birthday was a couple of weeks ago on the 1st. Dail got me a generic card for "Mom". Not romance at all. My feelings were very hurt. He also bought me a bakery cake. WTF? Later he told me he was leaving me. Not a great day. However, I got a couple of nice present early this year: a pair of Curves Toning Sneakers and the soundtrack for Eclipse.
    PS One of our cats just barfed up a hairball on my grandsons play rug. Gross.

  6. HI Erika, I found your blog from a link on Michele's site. The title got me.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I'm sorry your special day was less than stellar, but your post is delightful, and I look forward to reading more! Hope your new year starts out on an up note, and things get better soon!!

  7. LMAO - boiled snatch!

    Great job on not going to the binge crack house. That is a huge victory.

    Happy Birthday. I wasn't online much yesterday.

  8. hahah getting your lobster on, love it!
    Garnier DOES suck. I reaaaaaaaaaallly cheap out on makeup and personal care products, except my face cream, which is amazing. It's by Dior and I think it's in the hydrating "sorbet" line or something like that. However, I have found that about 6months after eating extremely well,exercising, giving up certain bad habits AND drinking loads of water, I don't even need cream except in winter. It's all a marketing myth that you need it, a healthy diet and loads of water is the best way to go, and invest in a really nice cream you can use when your skin is particularly dry... that's my suggestion of the day!

    Happy birthday Erika, keep rewarding yourself with great health!! And maybe a little piece of cake.

  9. Too funny. You boiled your crustacean. HAHAHA.

    As for your next birthday-yes, voldka is pretty low cal. ;-)

    Polar's Mom

  10. been with a lot of cock. not one big green donkey dick. you must really be a ho. happy birthday ho girl! :)

  11. Happy Birthday and sorry about the burned lady bits. Ouchie!


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