I love November. It is, in my mind quintessential Autumn. Around here, November is the month in which the trees really go riot, the temps (usually! lol) really drop and the air just feels... Wonderful. November is when the run up to the holidays begins. Thanksgiving and decorating for Christmas.
And, November is my birth month. And this year, rather than just one day, I am going to celebrate all month long. Let's face it, I am getting a little long in the tooth and I don't have as many Birthdays before me as I used to so my new motto is, celebrate the hell out of every damned one of them! :D
Yesterday was Hallowe'en and not one morsel of candy passed my ruby lips. I am really pleased with myself for this. In the past, I would buy several bags of my favourite chocolate bars... Hundred Grand, Milky Way Dark, Mars and so forth "for the Trick-or-Treaters" who never materialized (duh!) and then I would get to eat the "leftovers". All three or so bags of "leftovers". No frakking wonder I ate myself to 400+ pounds. Several bags of chocolate bars will help a person along that path very nicely.
I was walking through my house the other day and caught a glimpse of myself in a large mirror and had a bit of a shock moment. Most of the time, when I see my reflection. I still see good old 400 pound Erika. But, every now and again, I see a glimpse of what I actually look like, now. Smaller. And it is shock. Like many obese persons, I wear a pretty impressive pair of fat goggles. I am able to easily see past reality to what had become my reality. But isn't so much, any more. Look, I get that I am still obese. lol But I am less obese. I am smaller. But it isn't easy for me to see. So, when I do have a flash of reality and see what really is, it brings me up short. I enjoy the thrill of it while it lasts until the goggles slip back into place.
And I am "just me", once again.
I see, in that brief flash, a glimmer of who I am, who I can be, who I am meant to be. I don't know who that woman is... But I know that she isn't who I am, now.
Well, that was all as clear as mud. :P
Okay, I need to get me some brekkie. My stomach is begging for food and I want to cruise my blogroll and see what you are all up to. And what you didn't get up to, last night. ;)