A good day has passed. I day in which I wasn't obsessing over bullshit I shouldn't eat. A day in which I felt good, calm and confident.
I hung a sign on my bedroom wall... It reads, "90 Pounds to Lasik!" If that doesn't remind me what I am working toward, I don't know what will. I have wanted to ditch my glasses and contacts for so. Very. Long. And I can, once I get solidly below 200 pounds. The money will be there, I just have to get to that point so that I can reach out, grab it and use it to fix my eyes.
It is still so hot. Heat advisories. Humidity. Hazy skies. We get clouds, a few rumbles of thunder from time to time but little rain. I doubt it is even measurable. It gets more and more dry.
Patrick made flavoured instant oatmeal, today and my house smelled like cinnamon, brown sugar and maple. It smelled like Fall. It smelled so delicious. I was wishing that I could look out the window and see the leaves changing.
Autumn will arrive soon enough.
I have finished knitting a dish towel and am about halfway through another one. Knitting keeps my fingers busy. It is hard to stuff junk in my mouth and knit, at the same time. Tho... I could probably figure out how to do it, if I really wanted to. ^^
So, my stupid cell phone finally killed off the last of it's memory, so it went back to the Verizon store and they ordered me another one, same model. I received the new one, yesterday. New one. Now, that is an interesting term. They sent me a "like new" reconditioned and inspected phone. So, get this... We bought a brand new cell phone. And a warranty that cover it for repair or replacement under just about any circumstances. Drop it and break it? Get a new one. Run over it with the car? Get a new one. Flush it down the john? Get a new one. Phone gets eaten by a Velocaraptor? Get a new one. I need a new phone. What do I get?
Someone else's piece of shit cast off "like new, inspected" old ass phone.
Granted, it is in lovely condition and everything but still... I am a little cheesed. I am cheesed that my old phone was such a piece of crap on a stick and my "new" one, the same model is already proving it's self to be more of the same. The memory is swiftly disappearing. If it holds up for two months, I will be shocked. If you want a 'Droid smartphone, whatever you do, avoid the LG Vortex like the plague. I hope that I will get to upgrade to something with better memory, more power, a better keyboard and more features, later this year.
I never thought that I would hear myself say that! lol Funny how things change.
You want to know what really annoyed me? It took me forfuckingever to find my Simple Calorie Count app, again (Android App Store has been totally redesigned and is an utter pain in the ass to navigate and find apps.) and I had to re install Angry Birds and start all over. Dammit! I was really rocking that game, too. I am getting through the lower levels faster than I did the first time around, tho.
My wedding band is dangerously close to falling off by it's self. If I shake my hand, it flies across the room. lol
Okay, that is about all I have to bore on about, for right now.
Thank you all so much for your lovely, supportive comments. You can't even begin to grok what they did for me. *squishes everyone in bloggyland*
So. Accountability. We all need to grow up, grow a pair and admit our shit. It is a part of being an adult and becoming the person we want to be, deserve to be. So, I will admit my shit.
It is hard to admit my shit.
I mean... I would rather be locked in a circular room for 48 hours with Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter and Michelle Bachmann with Sean Hannity on a continuous loop on a loudspeaker than admit my shit. But in the interest if being an adult and accountable, here it is: I got on my scale last night and... I am up. Two pounds.
Ouch! That sound you just heard was a baseball bat to my solar plexus. Thanks, life. I needed that. A reality check. Knowing. It is better. Now I can get back to work and check this before it becomes a spiral back into three-four hundred pound hell. Not going back there. I can't and I won't.
Frost Princess can bite by big, dimpled white ass. She has had her fun. We all need to. But her moment in the sun is over. I am not saying that the little bitch is banished. Sadly, she seems to like me and it appears that she isn't moving on, anytime soon. Too bad I can't get her and Drazil together. The two of them could ride off into the sunset on Sheniqua's ass. Then there would be two gals who would have an easier time of it. :D
Speaking of Drazil (Me, you need a screen name, dude. Calling you Drazil is not fair to you and calling you Me... Well... It is just... Confusing. lol) I read that fantabulous comment you left me about what was said between you and Jen. It made me run away for a while. But it also filed me with an incredible glow. I wanted to squish you both. Maybe one day I will get to.
I have lost my writing flow. I had to pee while I was writing this and when I got downstairs, I decided to clean my Sanctuary so I scrubbed down my bathroom, dusted, vacuumed, fluffed my featherbed and made my bed, folded a basket of laundry and put it away, got another hamper full sorted and the first load in. Then, while I had a slice of sunshine, I grabbed my camera, lightbox and some nail polish gem jewelry that was sent to me for review and took some new photos. (The last batch I took were a super fail. *sigh* I hate my old, lameass camera. And I sooo need an Ott light! And a tripod. STAT!) Hopefully this batch will come out. It is now cloudy...
Stupid storm clouds! No rain, mind you. Oh, no! Just heat. Humidity. Clouds. No cool, refreshing downpours. No relief for the parched, thirsty land and trees. Dry storms, if the storms form at all. This Monsoon Season is, so far, a huge bust. See, I am always bitching about the weather. If it were raining a lot, I would probably be pissing and moaning about that, too. :P With the heat, humidity and general late Summer yuk, it is like living all snuggled up with Satan's nutsack.
So, where was I before I got off on this insane tangent? Oh, yeah. Accountability. I need to have more. And that means getting my lazy ass over here and blogging and getting it out on the screen instead of eating it. Yeah. I think that seeing an additional two pounds on the scale re firmed my resolve. Threw a bit of a scare into me. I admit, I expected the damage to be worse. If I hadn't been trying and restraining myself as much as I did, I would have done some serious fucking damage. If I had been chowing like I used to, I have no doubt that I would be right back up around the 300 mark. Or higher? Frightening, how fast, how easy it is to spiral out of control and have everything we work so hard for slip right through our fingers. I am not going there! I am not.
Okay, I hope that any of you who live anywhere up The Eastern Seaboard reading this who are in the possible path of Hurricane Irene are getting yourselves ready. Prepared and gassed up to get the hell out of Dodge. Please, heed the warnings, the evacuation orders and be safe! I do not want to hear about any of my bloggy buddies coming a cropper of this storm. Those who gas up and run away, live to blog another day! ;)
Time to go get that load out of the washer and toss it in my dryer and start the other load. Laundry. Dude! Where does it all come from?!?!
I suck as a bloggy buddy and support for my bloggy buddies.
I have just been sucking at everything.
I am on track, today. But I admit, I am afraid to get on my scale. I am afraid that it will show a small gain and I will go ballistic and spiral out of control and have a royal shitfit and then it will get really ugly.
I am afraid of everything, right now. I am afraid to fail. I am afraid to succeed. I am afraid to blog. I am afraid to read blogs.
I need to remember to pick up my knitting needles to keep my fingers busy and not pick up something I shouldn't be snacking on. I need dish towels. And they aren't going to knit themselves. After starting and frogging four dish towels, I am finally on a roll and getting this one going well. So I don't suck at that. lol
It is so hot. Hotter than Satan's nutsack around here. Just as nasty and sweaty and yuk. Summer sucks big green ones.
It is good weather to eat light and stay on track. So, I am going to try to suck less at getting my mojo back and get more of this weight off. My job isn't finished, yet! I still have, assuming a goal weight of 140 about 140 pounds to go. This is not the time to get burned out... Or should I say, pull out of my burn out and power on to the finish. I can do this shit. Hell, I have done it. I certainly know how to get it done. My block is mental, emotional, to a certain extent. I know that I am attempting to comfort eat, to numb out, again. It isn't my old issues. This is more recent and it is time for me to get over the need to feed my way out of it and move the fuck on.
I need to blog more and read more blogs, return to my support system and offer support. These are so important to me and I have been neglecting myself and my friends, here. I feel so bad about that. And so ashamed for not being the powerhouse I want to be that I just avoid, avoid, avoid. And avoidance is the last thing I should be indulging in.
So, I have to stop that shit, too. Get back into my rhythm and push on.
And be here for you. You have all been here for me and I appreciate that so much. And I am determined to do the same for you.
So, after a bit of a shit day, yesterday, today was great. I am determined to keep this stall from becoming a freefall. I am continuing to fight the good fight. I won, today.
Failure is not an option. I refuse to go back from whence I came.
It is so. Frakking. Hot. I hate August.
Okay. I am outie. My phone keyboard is driving me infuckingsane.
Good night, loves. :)
I should be doing laundry. I am going to do BYOC, instead.
After I run downstairs and grab a load to toss in my washer and pee.
Okay. I'm back.
Let's rock and roll.
1. I’m going to pick a person in your life – not knowing if you have a good or bad, existing or non-existent relationship with them – and your mission is to pick 5 words or traits or thoughts to describe them. Your paternal grandmother.
My paternal grandmother was:
Wise Kind Passionate Warm Generous. She passed her dark circles under her eyes and huge knockers down to me. What a gal, huh? ;) lol
2. What’s your all time favorite color to paint your nails? And your toes?
Uh... Have you seen my polish collection? lol But seriously, I would have to say blue. I own more blue polishes than any other single colour. I also adore red, pink, I have come to appreciate a great purple. Even green. Just about anything goes, for both tips and toes. Even black. (Black polish is very chic! It isn't just for goths or emo brats, you know... :)) Except brown. Any shade of brown, tan or cafe au lait isn't flattering to me and give me lobster claws.
3. Do you get along with your parents well?
My mother and I are, in the parlance of Forrest Gump, like peas and carrots. We are very close. In fact we share some kind of freaky psychic bond. My mother is my best friend, my mentor and has an elegance of self that I can only aspire to.
My bio father is dead. We didn't have much of a relationship. He wasn't that interested and I never saw him after my mother separated from him when I was nine. He died in 1996 of CHF.
My step dad, whom I considered my real dad died nearly three years ago from prostate cancer. We weren't closecloseclose but we had a really good relationship. I loved him and respected him so much and I think about and miss him every day.
4. Speaking of rainbows – rank the rainbow colors in the order you prefer.
Aw, geeze! Do I have to? Okay... Crap. What are the colours in the rainbow? My second grade science fled my poor, menopause addled brain long ago. (Back to Draz's post to refresh my memory.)
Blue Red Yellow Purple Orange Green
And because Draz did it, I am going to stick pink in there, too. Right between blue and red. Hey, if she gets pink in her rainbow, so do I! :P Neener! Neener!
5. Repeat question. How was your week in real life and in blog land this week?
Set your needle on my broken record and watch it spin, baby! (The first person to leave me a comment saying "What's a record and why does it need a needle?" is going to get punched in the boob. Or the onions. Whichever.)
It is hotter than Satan's nutsack, today. Thank heaven it isn't humid along with it. I would be ready for the crazy house, if it were.
One quart of water down... Two to go. Maybe three. We'll see how it goes. No more trying to force six quarts down the hatch. That is just too frakking much! Besides, I have other things I want to do. Like breathe. I don't need sucking down a gallon and a half of water and pissing it out to be the main focus of my life. That needs to be reserved for bad TV and YouTube videos. :P
Grok and grokking are in my spell checker! How fucking awesome is that?
Oh. Yeah... After a few not so great (but not disastrous) days, again yesterday was really good. And I am feeling good today, too. Why is it that I always seem to get on a roll when I start paying attention to what I am doing on a Saturday? I are a strange one. That's for sure. Now to get my lazy ass out to walk, again.
There is a spider living under my dressing table. It needs to die. But thanks to my trashed knees (I am screwed if I ever have to go squat in the woods and pee) I can't get down there to wade in and make him buy the farm. I may have to use a teeny bit of Raid. I don't like the idea of using that stuff in my room. Maybe I can talk one of the male pussies in this household to get down there and get him for me. If not... I am going to spray the little fucker. Because one way or another, he has to go. I can't have a spider living in my bedroom
Did you know that over the course of our lifetime we all eat several spiders in our sleep?
So, I was reading Stephanie's blog and she posted one of those get to know you survey-Q&A type thingies. I am a sucker for those things, so I decided to play. If you would like to do so, as well you can find it here. Or just copy and paste the questions from here. Duh!
Someone really needs a new frakking brain. *sigh*
1. What is your occupation right now ?
2.What color are your socks right now?
Uh... It's August. In Arizona. I am barefoot, baby.
3. What are you listening to right now?
The Weather Channel on my TV.
4. What was the last thing that you ate?
Cantaloupe. Nom, nom, nom.
5. Can you drive a stick shift?
Yepper. But I prefer slime drive. (Automatic transmission.)
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
7. Do you like the person you stole this blog from?
Yeah... I think I do. :D
8. How old are you today?
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?
10. What is your favorite drink?
11. Have you ever dyed your hair?
Yes. But, for the first time since I was nineteen I have "virgin" hair. That shouldn't last that long... I am planning to douse it in chemicals, soon.
12. Favorite food?
Hmmm... That's a toughie. Obviously, I like to strap on the old feedbag and I like a wide variety of noms. I guess if pinned down, I would have to say a really fabulous steak.
13. What is the last movie you watched?
The Hangover. "What do you do when you're too fucked up?" Tee hee.
14. Favorite day of the year?
15. How do you vent anger?
Verbally and at high volume.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child?
My Wonder horse!
17. What is your favorite season?
Autumn. Summer is over and the days are cool, the nights crisp. Leaves are changing, sweaters come out, pumpkins are piled on store shelves and the Autumn and Winter holidays are all coming up. Alas... It is still Summer.
18. Cherries or Blueberries?
Cherries, please. Blueberries have a strange aftertaste that is exceedingly off putting to me.
19. Do you want your friends to blog this survey?
Absobloominglutely! I am a nosy biotch and I love reading these things. :D
20. Where is you favorite place to escape?
Into a good book.
21. Favorite Tv Show?
The Amazing Race.
22. Living arrangements?
We live in a rented condo, for the present. Early next year, we should be able to afford to rent a nice sized house. Finally. Yes, we rent by choice. Call us crazy, but we don't like home ownership. Been there, done that. Don't want to do it, again. We love the freedom and knowing that if something goes wrong, we pick up the phone and call the landlord. Crappy neighbours move in? We pack up and move on. House values plunge and property taxes go up? Who cares? Not us! :D
23. When was the last time you cried?
Sorry. Not discussing that.
24. What is on the floor of your closet?
I have a big closet. lol In the back, narrow storage area under the stairs is a few boxes and some packing and mailing materials. At the front of that area is my laundry basket and hampers. Then along one wall is a large container with some clothes that I am debating keeping or giving away. Across from that wall in the corner is my space heater for Winter. Then another container with some random shit in it, a big package of toilet paper, my one pair of shoes and my slippers.
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest?
My only friends are online. Yes, I am as big a pathetic, stupid loser as I sound.
26. What did you do last night?
Buried myself in the Internet until I could go to bed and sleep away eight more hours.
27. What are you most afraid of?
28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?
Cheese. And spice. When I bite my food, I like it to bite me back.
29. Favorite dog breed?
Right now... Australian Shepherd.
30. Favorite day of the week?
Monday. I get my house and solitude back.
31. How many states have you lived in?
Three. California, Nevada and Arizona.
32. Diamonds or pearls?
Both. I am greedy.
33. What is your favorite flower?
Do this! Please! Spill your guts and tell us all about yourself. :D
I think I was unfollowed by a couple of people who don't like cussing in blogs.
I felt the seasonal shift, yesterday. Autumn is on it's way!
I had a pretty good day with the food yesterday. The couple before? Not so much. But on I plow.
William forgot that he wore his sneakers out to a call out on Saturday and kicked a piece of equipment to straighten it. It didn't move. He ended up with very nasty bone bruises on his big toe and foot. But he didn't break anything. That should teach him to put on his work boots for all calls.
It is hot. Humid. Summer.
I have a little running around to do, later. Yay! I get to get out of the house for a little while.
The show Four Weddings... Talk about a bunch of catty biotches.
I was supposed to go to the doc, yesterday. I wasn't in the mood and I changed my appointment to September 14.
I am in the mood for chicken for dinner, tonight.
I am so boring and wrapping this shit fest up, now.