Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Roid Rage

We had to shorten our walk, today. Poor Husband's rear was paining him something awful. (He would kill me if he saw this entry.) We got in a little over half a mile and I did do weights, earlier, so I got something done. If he doesn't feel like walking tomorrow, I'll just go by myself. I can't miss two walks in a row.

It's getting late and I need a shower. Better get to it before I get too tired and go to bed sweaty. Blech!

Oh, yeah... Yes, Drazil, I am on Facebook. I don't hang out there much, but if you would like to connect on Facebook, shoot me an e-mail at the addy in my profile. :D

BYOC Challenge ~~Day 2

In my BYOC last Friday I upped doing something to help my health and weight loss for one day to two, just for my own benefit. My challenge was to do work with light weights twice, this week.

Challenge met for the second day. I did all my arm exercises with one pound weights, added another exercise and more reps.

My house is clean and sparkling, pets cared for, load three of laundry is in the washer and I am now chilling under an air vent and watching my fucking ankles and feet swell. Bleargh! My feet are up and I am pounding water. Fat lot of good it is doing me.

I am so sick of this shit.

Seriously. It's bad enough to be fat. Why do I also have these swelly, puffy, nasty ankles and feet? I have been dealing with this since just before puberty and I am over it. *sigh*

Okay, I wasn't supposed to complain and whine, today. That went well. :p

It is very humid and the clouds are rapidly building and I have been hearing some thunder. I love thunderstorms. If it rains hard and soaks the trails out at the lake, we will just walk the sidewalks out on Willow Creek Road. You have to have a back up plan, dude. :D

A New Day

And a new attitude. I shook of the dog shit day and I am moving forward. It is important to me that I learn how to not wallow in silly little problems and allow them to drag my arse down. Including those stupid chips. lol

I did manage to stuff my swollen dogs into my walking shoes, get them laced up and get out on the trail. I wasn't terribly comfortable, my feet hurt and my left hip was singing, (I need to remember to take some Advil beforehand, tonight) but I got it done. I won't lie, tho... I was so happy to see the Jeep when we hit the end of the trail. lol

The thing is, I don't see walking as something I have to do. I see it as something I want to do. I enjoy getting out by the lake, breathing fresh air, seeing the birds, smelling the flowers and the life and watery depths of the lake. I like how I feel when I am finished, my blood is singing and I am energized and have a nice sense of doing something really good just for me.

It is humid again, today. I am swelling again, today. I do believe that there is a correlation.

I am being a bit of a lazy whore bag, this morning. I have a ton of stuff to get done and I am sitting here, watching Hell's Kitchen and playing on the blogs. :p I'll get it done... ^^

Okay, I need to get some water and start sluping. *drowns in a water glass*

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Some Days are Diamonds

Some days are dog shit.

On a stick.

I awoke to humidity. Heavy humidity and heat. Which of course... Results in swelling and puffiness and misery for little old me. By noon, I was so swollen that I was having serious doubts that I could put my walking shoes on my big, fat feet. I fired up the air, earlier and I think that the swelling is diminishing a bit. Hopefully by the time I am ready to suit up and hit the trail, I will be able to fit in my shoes. *bleargh!

Carolina B-B-Q potato chips is the devil and they are inhabiting my body. As if I need more frakking salt, today! I am not bugging over the calories... I blew about 300 on the chips and I will end the day just squeaking in my target range. And I made the conscious decision to have them. And I take responsibility for it. For the record, the chips were good, but I don't think that they were worth 300 of my precious daily calories. And I have had enough fun with them for a good, long time.

And, now I think I am paying with the fat aggravating my gallbladder. That'll teach me. lol

Please, let that swelling go down. Pleasepleasepleaseplease... I need to walk. I want to walk and I will walk, if I possibly can.

I decided to do my nails today and FAIL! Bubbles, bubbles all over the place. My polish looked like a nightmare. Then I got the brilliant idea to top it with some Sinful Green Ocean. Oh! Big mistake! Huge! That was one sickeningly ugly site. So, I had to go to the trouble of cleaning off two coats of base, two coats of enamel and two coats of flakies off while still wet. What a mess! I am wearing bare nails with just a good thick coat of clear base coat, since that is all I could manage without turning my poor nails into a bubble-fest.

And, my stupid head hurts and is banging like a jackhammer.

Okay. Somebody call the waahhmbulance.

'Nuff whining.

On the positive side of the crap coin is the fact that my hip isn't hurting me as much, today. It might rain, and anyone who knows me well knows how much I love rain. I have air conditioning on a hot, humid day when so many people are toughing it out with a swamp cooler or just a fan. My husband is still employed and my son is happy and healthy and full of piss and vinegar.

I have a lot to be thankful for. I just need to piss and moan, now and then. lol

Oh, one more thing to be happy about.

My boobs are shrinking. And if you had my boobs, you would know why this is such a wonderfully good thing.

Slurping water. Lots and lots of water. Maybe that will help...

Monday, June 28, 2010


Yuk! It is humid and still 85 degrees. Methinks the Monsoon is trying to get something going.

I could really feel the humidity during my walk, tonight. But I got it done. :D  It wasn't too bad, since we had a heavy, low, dark cloud cover and a bit of wind. Curtains of verga fell from the underside of the clouds tho none of the moisture was hitting the ground. A few tiny, very cool drops hit my arms, bringing the promise of rain, sometime in the future.

I am on track with my calories. I am not sure what I am going to have for dinner... Oatmeal, maybe? I don't know what I am in the mood for. We'll see when I actually start feeling hungry.

BYOC Challenge ~~ Monday

Soooo... I promised in my BYOC Challenge to do light weight work on my arms today and Wednesday.

Well, I almost forgot. But I did get it done. I did bicep curls, shrugs, triceps thingies (don't know the name but do know the exercise) and rows. I used one pound weighted gloves and worked for about ten minutes. I plan to slowly increase number of reps, sets, weight and frequency.

I am a little sore, already but I feel good, too. I got nice and warm and lightly sweaty. And I am glad that I didn't bail on this part of my challenge.

And that you all won't be landing on my doorstep with wet spaghetti noodles. ;)

It is humid, today. Rapidly clouding up, too. I wonder if we are going to get rained on while we are out walking, tonight. That should make Husband happy. He thinks that he will melt like a cake in Macarthur Park if he is outside when it starts raining.

What a wuss! lol

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Crispy Critter

We went out to the lake to do our two miles too early, today. We got there at six, the sun was still pretty high and it was still a little too warm. We walked but I wasn't too happy about it. I felt kind of sick during my last half mile. I haven't felt sick on any of my earlier walks. So I think it was the heat.

I did work up a pretty nice sweat, tho. lol

I told Husband that we really need to go a little later, that I just can't take the heat, yet. When I am better conditioned, I have no doubt that the heat will not bother me so much but for now... He agreed and said that we'll go later, tomorrow. Yeah, like seven or so.

I am glad that we got our walk in, tho. I was half tempted to just say, "Screw it! It's Sunday. We deserve a day of rest." My other half said, "Nuh-uh, bitch! Get your ass out on the trail and walk." So I did. :D

I am a little light on calories, today. Not terribly so. But it is getting a bit late to be munching. Popcorn sounds good, tho...

Geeze. What a chow hound I can be. lol

I have to pee again. Stupid water, anyway.

Good night, lovebugs.


Eating in target calorie range? ~~ Check.

Exercise? Walking two miles a day? ~~ Check.

Hydration? ~~ Checkity check.

Constructive self talk? ~~ Uh... Check?

It is still hard for me to speak gently to myself. I have formed a pattern of self hate and extremely harsh and hateful inner dialog and it is a pattern I am trying to break. But it is fighting me hard. I am catching some of it, tho. And trying to turn it around.

For instance, I will have a tough time climbing a hill on my walk and start berating myself, telling myself that I am stupid, worthless, too fat to live, that I can never accomplish my fitness goals because I am a pig who ruined my own life and on and on it goes. I have to actually tell myself to STFU and change the recording. Remind myself that while I did harm myself, I am not bad, I am not worthless, stupid or unworthy. That I am deserving of change and better health and that I can do this!

Change is slow. But I am encouraged by the fact that I am recognizing what needs to be changed and am working on it.

We are going to take Sabryna out to the lake in a while. She can take a short walk and go down to the water and dip her paws and bark at the ducks. I think that she will really enjoy it. Then later, we will go back out there for our two miles.

Oh! Speaking of two miles... I was able to shave almost ten minutes off my time last night. I had an overall faster pace, slowed down less and took fewer little breaks to catch my breath or drink water. One of these days, I will be ready to sail right on past our current stop point and go on to the next half mile post and then back, adding an additional mile to my walk. I am not quite ready, yet but the day will come that I am and on that day, I will just keep going, rather than turning up the little hill to the Jeep.

I am burping egg. Bleck. I had a hard boiled egg with breakfast and now it is making it's presence known. I don't get egg burps with Egg Beaters. I might just stick to them. lol

Chris, I think that you are right about having "fat eyes". My husband mentions now and then that I have lost weight. But to be honest, I am just not seeing it. I know that I weigh less. My scale tells me so. My clothes are looser and I am even wearing a smaller size in some garments but when I look in the mirror, I still see 400 pounds. I agree that it is going to take my gourd time to catch up with my reflection. Does it freak you out, at first?

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Caturday Afternoon

Hello loves.

It is a hot one, today. Thankfully, the humidity that rolled in the other day rolled right back out and it is a dry heat. It should be a bit cooler, by the time we hit the trails, tonight. There is a light wind so that will help. :D

I have received a few comments asking when I am going to post current pictures. I do need to do that and I am giving it some serious thought.

However, I am having a serious battle with my head games about it. As those of you who have read form early on know, I have a real hard time getting in front of a camera. It is almost painful for me. Just taking and posting the pics I have up, right now was an experience, indeed. I am also playing the "What if I don't look any smaller and everybody thinks I am a fraud and hates me and laughs at me and leaves?" head game. I think that one is even more powerful than my camera fear.

Sometimes it is hard to tell my gourd to STFU, you know? lol

But I will be taking some, pretty soon. I would kind of like to get to a solid fifty down, then take and post pics. Perhaps every fifty pounds? I think I could stand to get in front of the old snap box every fifty pounds.

So, that's the plan, at fifty, I am taking and posting new pics.

Let's see...

I started this odyssey and this blog at juuust about 400 pounds. (At my all time heaviest in 2008, I was 420, so I have a good idea of what 400 looked, felt and fit in my clothes on me.) I got a scale and weighed in at 388. I think I was a bit heavier than that when I took the pictures that are up, now. I weighed in at 358.4 on Friday. (See my latest Summer Challenge post for that whole bowl of nonsense.) So, when I hit 350, pics will be taken and posted.

I promise! :D :D

I will probably need to take a new profile picture then, too. I think my face is a little thinner, now.

Let's see... Oh, yeah. Dinner is all prepped so that it will be quick and easy when we get back from the lake. The Foreman grill is out and ready to be plugged in, heated and cook the steaks. We have thin cut lean sirloin ready to go. (Mmmm... Steak... I needs me a nice bit of cow, tonight. :D) Corn on the cob is shucked, at rest in a big pot of water and ready to just fire up the power burner. Small potatoes are wished, pricked (he, he, he, she said pricked!) and in the micro and a big, fresh salad has been made and is chilling in the fridge. Dinner will come together fast and easily, after we get back.

I know that most trainers and so forth will say eat first, wait a bit them exercise. That doesn't work for me. If I exercise after eating I get really sick. Even if I wait an hour or so. I am much better off exercising on an empty stomach.

And I know that some of you are asking, "Potatoes? Corn on the cob?" Yepper. I love, love, love both. Without reason. And I know that too much corn or white potatoes isn't good for us. However, once a week or so, in controlled portions and enhanced the smart way, they are a yummy treat and don't hurt my efforts. I am not willing to give up an ear of corn, now and then or a small baked potato with some buttery spray and a little light sour cream. When I forbid myself something, I want it. With a purple velvet passion. When I tell myself all is at my fingertips and I can have anything I want, any time I want it, I make the right choices.

Another little head game. But a good one, I think. It's working for me. :D

My stupid head is so. Bad. Today. Lots of stabbyness. Overall bang fest. Bleargh!

Okay, 'nuff nattering, for now.


G'morning, loves.

I hope that you are all having a great day and a smashing weekend.

It is sunny, warm and breezy, here. I have stuff to do... I need to run a couple of loads of laundry, run my dishwasher and I have to get my nails painted.

I need to get of this 'puter and get to it. I'll catch you all, later.

P.S. My day is starting well, coffee, light orange juice and oatmeal with a splash of fat free half and half. I am fueled up and ready to go.

Okay, Ice Queen out. :D

Friday, June 25, 2010

It's a Good Kind of Tired

I am tired, tonight. But, it is a good tired.

Tonight, we went to the lake and did our two miles for the fourth night in a row. They say if you do something every day for thirty days, it becomes a habit. This is a habit I can definitely enjoy having. Yes, I am still a little sore. But less and less, every day. My feet hurt. My walking shoes are ancient, the lovely spring and support has gone out of them and my socks are cheap and not the best for walking distances. But you know what... I am not willing to allow such small things to hold me back. No nonsense. Just go out and do it.

You might think I am crazy like a looney-bird but I could swear I am getting a little better and a little healthier, already. Yes, I am still slow... Two miles takes me about fifty minutes. But I know that my time will improve as I get lighter and my conditioning improves, so I am not sweating being The Turtle of the Trail System. One day, I will be flying. :D

What was I talking about? Oh, yeah... I must be doing a little better. I am having less difficulty with inclines. There is one steep, hard, tho not all that long uphill on our trail. The first time I walked it, I had to stop three times. Today, rather than stopping, I just put my head down a little more, shortened my stride, dug in and powered slowly and steadily right up that hill. I did need to stop briefly for my breath at the top, but I got up without stopping, dammit! I still drag ass the last half mile. But a little less drag, then my first out and back.

I a getting up and down the stairs in my condo better, too. I used to have to lean heavily on the handrail and slowly, one step at a time, planting both feet on each step inch my way down and up those stairs. And I felt as if my lungs were ripping out of my body, just climbing those stairs. Now, I fly down, hand lightly grazing the railing, step by step, one foot on each. Just as I used to, years ago. Coming up, I am faster, taking one step over the other and, yes, I still do puff, but I am not gasping, in pain, head pounding and roaring and having the sure and certain knowledge that I am going to drop, right there.

I still have so much weight to lose. But just what I have lost, so far has made such a difference in my health. My quality of life is improving steadily, with every pound lost. Walking, even for four days further enhances how much better I feel. I want to continue feeling better and better. I have had a taste of what is to come. Now, I want the whole damned carton.

And this is a carton that I can greedily consume, totally guilt free! :D


Boy, if ever there was a good day for this...

Yepper. I haz me some crazy, today. The scale rocked my world and not in a good way. Probably my own fault... Salt! Gah!


On to the questions.

1. How many piercings do you have?

Just six. Three in each ear. I am seriously considering a fourth in each ear and perhaps a fifth... I like the idea of having four lined up my lobes then one high up, in the curl of the ear, where a pretty, sparkly can peek and wink. (I don't know that name for that particular piercing, I just like the way it looks.) I only pierce my ears... I am all for freedom of choice and everyone doing their own thing with their own bods, but the thought of piercing anything else on mine just squicks me out. lol

2. How many tattoos do you have? If you don't have any, would you get one and what would it be?

I don't have any tattoos. Yet. But I am thinking about one. Since it is something that I want to do when I hit goal, I have plenty of time to think about it and decide exactly what I want. I do know that it will involve flowers, vines. Soft, delicate colours. So soft, so delicate that, if anyone does happen to catch a peek of it, they will wonder if, like a ghost, they really saw it, or not. I love the idea of a tattoo that is strictly for me. One that whispers. Doesn't shout. :D

3. If you have ever suffered from a weight loss plateau, what is your best advice to get past it?

I have never had a plateau.

Hey... Don't start lobbing tomatoes!  I suppose that it is because I have never gotten to that point. I have no doubt that this odyssey will bring me to at least one. When I hit it and get past it, I will be sure to let you know. :D

4. BYOC Challenge. Pick just one thing that you want to do for one day this week to give your weight loss a push.

Besides getting my frakking sodium intake in check? (Puffy old biotch that I am...)

I will do some upper body, arm work with light weights, two days this coming week. Monday and Wednesday. And report it here. If I don't, you may all come and string me up and beat me into unconsciousness with a wet spaghetti noodle.

5. Repeat question: What blog entry or comment really touched you, meant something to you, this week?

That's an easy one. This entry really touched my heart, this week.

So, there you have it. My Friday crazy.

On a stick. :D

Okay. Now I'm Pissed!

What. The. FUCK???

Please, God. Tell me this is fluid retention.

Because I don't understand how I can gain .2 pound in a week while staying perfectly within my calorie range, staying hydrated and exercising.

This has to be fluid retention. There is no other explanation.

Arrrrrgh! Why does my scale play this crazy game with me? A great weigh in one week, absolute devastation, the next. It is enough to make me want to throw the damned thing against a wall.

I am not going to let this get me down. I know that it is fluid retention and that I am doing all the right things. ***Except maybe eating a bit too much salt? *** That is probably what it is. I had a handful of pistachios in the shells yesterday and I used a good bit of salt at dinner... Me and my salt thing. Time to dial it back, methinks. 

Okay, Erika. Shake it off. Move on. This isn't the end of the world. Next Friday, the number should plunge.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

The Y? It Isn't Happening

Okay, I thought that the Y was supposed to be uber affordable so that anyone and everyone in the community could take advantage of the benefits and programs.

Boy was I in for a shock.

I looked up our local Y and was gobsmacked at the membership fees. For my husband and I it would be nearly $600.00 a year. Uh, no. That isn't affordable for us. So, I will just continue walking for free.

I don't know that I am quite ready to start darkening the doors of a gym yet, anyway.

Oh well. It was an idea.

Not Too Bad, Really

Hi-dee-ho everyone! I hope that you all had a restful night's sleep and are not roasting too much, today. :D

The following is a lot of rambling and I wouldn't blame you if you skip it. Seriously, I am just nattering out loud, here. lol

I am well. I expected to be more stiff and sore than I am, this morning. I am just a tad more so than yesterday. I can definitely live with this. And no need to chew and gulp Advil. Yeah... Draz, not happening. lol I busted an Advil Liqui-Gel in my mouth, once. It tasted disgusting and my entire frakking mouth went numb for a long time. Not going to do that, again.

It is going to be a warm one, today. The Weather Channel is calling for a high of 95. Thankfully, it isn't humid, yet. It is "officially" the Monsoon Season but it hasn't fired up here, yet. But we are seeing it on the radar along the New Mexico/Texas border and moving Westward so, we will probably be getting some, soon. Ugh! I hate humidity! It drives me insane in a bad way. But I am determined, this year not to let it stop me from doing what I have to do.

One thing I really need to do is find alternate walk sites. Sites that have long runs of sidewalks that will be dry and safe, when the trails out at the lake are wet after Summer storms or icy in the Winter. I think I will look into whether my local mall has a mall walkers program. That would be ideal for the times it is too hot or too cold/snowy/icy to walk outdoors. I am also thinking of looking into the Y, for use of treadmills and so forth. I think that the Y is less expensive than a gym membership? Need to find out.

I also need a pedometer. I would like to be able to keep better track of distance. Especially if I am walking in alternate sites that don't have half mile markers.

I am going to go out to walk in a tank top, tonight. I normally cover up my fat arms, as they are not a lovely site. But you know what? I am thinking that it is no body's business but my own what my upper arms look like and if people are offended by them, they can look at the surrounding countryside. Same thing for me going out to walk without makeup. I don't normally leave my house without a full face of makeup but for exercise, it isn't good for my skin to wear all my war paint. Yes, I am very self conscious about my post acne discolouration and some melasma I have. I am also prone to a bit of redness, here and there and I get really red when I am exerting myself. Yeah... Not pretty. But again, if people don't like it they can look at something else. I am out there for me, not them. Screw what they think.

I need to go shopping for some better quality socks for walking. The socks I have have little nobbies in them at the toe seam and one has rubbed a little blister on my right big toe. It isn't a bad one and I should be able to put a bandage on it and be just fine. But dang it! I can't have my socks causing me pain. Until I can get some new ones, I m going to see what I can do with my socks to smooth those nubbies down so that they don't hurt me, anymore.

I am looking forward to jumping on my scale in the morning. Hopefully I won't be too puffy and I will see some downward movement in the number. However, if I don't I will know that it isn't a lack of fat loss. With my fluid retention issues, I am sure it will water weight related. Especially considering my upswing in exercise and staying on track with my eating. I am hanging well within my calorie target range, some days running a little low but nothing drastic... I am not ending below 1000 on any day. If I am a little low, I push it over with a Skinny Cow fudge pop or a yoghurt or some fruit or something.

What is really funny to me is my attitude towards food. It is undergoing a drastic change. I now savour and look forward to eating lean protein, whole grains, lots of fresh veggies and fruits and melons. I rarely drink diet soda anymore. I haven't "given it up", I just choose water and my beloved Crystal Light peach tea. I still drink my fully leaded coffee every morning and I have no intention to stop. I love my coffee and it isn't leaving my life.

I do eat processed frozen light dinners. I am not much of a cook and they give me some variety and flavour without my having to try to cook stuff I just can't make myself. And they are fast and easy. I would rather fire up my microwave than my stove, any day. lol While I am not nomming on nearly as much sugar as I used to, I still eat a little and even a bit of (GASP!!!!) HFCS. I know that it is The Evil *insert echo, here* but it is in my favourite lo cal salad spritzer and since I am not giving that up, I will just have to live with a little HFCS creeping around here. I don't ingest nearly as much as I used to, so I am not going to drive myself insane over it.

Oh! Long time readers of this blog may remember the pictures I took and posted months ago of a cat going after a big raven in a tree. Well, that tree was cut down, today. I am dismayed to see it go but I suspect it was necessary. It wasn't looking too healthy, this season and I suspect it was sick and had to be removed. Now I am happy I have pics of it. :D

Well, methinks this is already mind-numbingly long and boring enough so I suppose it is time for me to STFU for a while. I think I'll go read and catch up with all my loverly blogroll inhabitants.

Later, loves!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Ow Ow Ow Ow!

Well, tonight I am hurting. lol

We went out to Willow Lake and we turned left. Yowza! That trail kicked my ass. It was easy and level and fun... For a while. Then we got a lot of uphill and downhill and repeat. A lot. lol

The last half mile I kept playing Jillian yelling, "Unless you faint, puke or die, keep walking!" over and over in my head. And I did. I made it. I dragged serious ass the last half mile. But I am glad that I did it and I do feel good. (Under the sore muscles... lol) Yes, I am sore tonight and tired out, too. I should sleep well. Especially after I take a couple of Advil PM.

I think I am going to stick to the easier trails, for a while. I need to challenge myself but I don't want to end up lying in a heap out in the middle of the Willow Lake trail system. It would be hard to move me out of there... ;) lol

Okay. I am wiped and falling asleep while typing this so I am going to sign off and hit the sack.

If the above post made any sense at all, I will be shocked.


I am brain dead, right now. lol


Funny thing. I fully expected to be madly, seriously sore and stiff, this morning.

I'm not.

I thought that rolling out of the sack was going to be misery.

It wasn't,

I have a little soreness in my upper thighs and a few muscles in my back and shoulders. But it isn't major. I am not gulping Advil and tottering around, as I thought I would be. I feel good, I have more energy and I am moving around better than I have for a long time. My hips, which have been hurting me worse and worse over time actually feel better, today. I have less pain and discomfort.

This is good. :D

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I Feel Good!

Da na na na na na na.

Like I knew that I would, now.

Da na na na na na na .

I feeel good!

Da na na na na na na na na.

Like I knew that I would...

Da na na na na na na.

So good! So good!  OoooWWW!

I walked two miles!

Da duh du duh da!

(That song running in an endless loop through your gourd, yet? ^^)

This evening we jumped in the Jeep and drove the few minutes to Willow Lake and walked on one of the many tails that surround it. I have been wanting to go out there and walk for a long time and I finally convinced Husband that we should go. It was a lovely walk. The lake is surrounded by many miles of smooth, maintained trails that you can walk, run, ride a bike or a horse on. And there are markers at half mile points so that you know how far you have gone.

We started out on Willow Lake Road and hit the trail and walked along the lakeside. The plant life was so lush and full, flowers were blooming everywhere. As we walked along, thousands of tiny, iridescent dragonflies rose from the greenery and flew along with us for a pace or two, then settled back into their plants. A ways off the trail, a rattling sound drew my attention. (Rattling sounds in this state can mean trouble... lol) It was this big, honking big mama-jama dragonfly. It looked to be the diameter of a small salad plate. It was stunning.

As we progressed we came to a spot where huge glacial boulders had formed a natural narrow spot, soft with sand and shaded by the huge rock formations and some big trees. There is a bench for those who would like to sit and enjoy their surroundings or contemplate their navels for a little while. As we passed the bench, a few annoying bugs started to buzz my ears. My ponytail came in handy at that point. A quick switch of my head and no more bugs. :S

We continued past there and soon saw the first half mile marker. Then we walked along, in the shadow of Glassford Hill and enjoyed the beauty and the swiftly setting sun. A ways further on, the trail took a sharp downhill and then leveled out and crossed a bridge. A little while later and we were at the "official" trail head where there were signs telling you what you could or couldn't do, a doggy doo-doo bag dispenser and a map. At this point we were a mile from the car.

I really, really wanted to go on. I was enjoying myself so much but I was already beginning to flag a little and I knew that the smartest thing to do would be to head on back. The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak. lol The walk back was a little harder, but I was still enjoying it and able to talk as I walked. The only difficult part was that one hill. I just took it at my own pace, stopped when my body told me to, gathered a new reserve and kept on. We walked at a pretty good pace, but I freely admit that I was dragging some pretty serious ass the last half mile. lol

But I made it! All 358 pounds of me made that two miles in decent time and feeling mighty fine, if a little breathy, by the time we got to the Jeep. I drank water during and after my walk and I am amazed at how fast my breathing returned to normal and my heart rate went back to resting. My body felt light and my blood was singing. I had worked up a nice little sweat. Nothing like our Drazil did, today but respectable, none the less. Boy, did I ever have a lovely time. :D

I love the trails at Willow Lake. They are wide enough for two to three people to walk abreast, they are quite smooth and well maintained. And they are fairly level. There are just enough up and downhills to gently but steadily challenge me, but not too steep, except for that one hill that they are too much for me. It really is the perfect place for walking. And we are planning to go every night that we can.

The temp was nice for walking. Warm, but not hot and a lovely, steady breeze keeping us comfortable and happy. As we headed abck to the car, the breeze blowing across the lake gave us the softest, cool little kisses on our faces. Lovely.

I didn't enjoy having to carry that danged water bottle. Time to haul out the old knitting needles and a ball of acrylic yarn and run up a bottle bag with a nice, long strap that I can sling cross body. That way I can have my hydration and free hands, too. :D Sweet Son of mine carried my water bottle back for me. And came back and gave it to me, every now and again so I could drink a little then continue. What a great guy he is. <3

Other than that, my eating is right on track. I haven't been having binge urges and I am feeling pretty level, at present. I am a bit hungrier than usual. That walk sharpened my appetite a bit. But I am not starving. I do think I need a little pre walk fuel up. Tomorow, before we head out, I'll grab a yoghurt or something. A little protein, a little carb. A little energy and verve for my exercise.

Ooof! Mama needs some Advil. lol

Okay, Okay, I Did One

According to the rules for bloggers, I have written and posted a disclosure policy. It resides at the bottom of the page.

Guess I should have done this sooner, huh? :S

Blog Business

Okay... I finally got the right profile to come up and, wonder of wonders, I am now following everyone on my blogroll with my correct profile.

'Bout frakking time.


If any readers are not currently on my blogroll or not being followed and would like me to add you, please drop me a comment with your URL.

 I know that I have a few followers that I have still not located your blog. I am not always good at tracking them down. (I need a huge, flashing neon link guiding me there! lolol) If that is the case for you, please leave me your URL in a comment and I will get it done and add you. :D

Monday, June 21, 2010

A Small NSV

Yesterday, I put on a smaller top. A top I haven't worn. Ever. Always too small.

It fit.


Tickled, I am.

And happy to have something "new" to wear.

I am sooooooooo sick of the clothes I have and have been wearing over and over and over and over for years, now.

Onward. :D

Saturday, June 19, 2010

My New Little Addiction

Hi everyone! I hope that you all had a great day and are staying cool. :D

Okay, I am probably the last person on the Blogosphere to try The Laughing Cow wedges. Why, oh, why! did I wait so long?

Part of it is that I was afraid. I mean, light? Swiss? Spreadable? Didn't sound all that great to me. And let's face it, the little round of wedges isn't exactly cheap. But after all of the raving I have read here and there and everywhere, I finally decided that today was the day to take the plunge.

It didn't hurt that Fry's had it marked down a little bit and I had a coupon. So, I bought me some Laughing Cow, brought it home and decided to take it for a test drive.

But with what?

Mmm... How about a few pretzel sticks?

Yeah. Pretzel sticks.

So, I got a few pretzel sticks, opened up a wedge and started in. Yum! Mild, creamy and pleasant to eat. I like.

Later, I decided to have another wedge on my steamed summer squash.

I think I just created a monster. lol

I have also been rethinking Thursdays. Frankly, I think I am over the weekly Subway nosh. Don't get me wrong, I like Subway and will continue to eat some, now and again but this weekly sandwich thing is not doing me any favours. I have been splurging on 12" sandwiches with avocado and cheese and light mayo and that adds up to a lot of calories. Calories that slide altogether too easily down the old throat. 900 calories is a lot to expend on one meal, even on a higher calorie day. So, the subs will be a treat for days when we go out and I need something healthy and yummy and don't want to be tempted by say... Burgers.

I think that from now on, Subway Thursday is going to just be Thursday.

And I am perfectly happy with this decision. :D

Friday, June 18, 2010

Summer Challenge Weigh In

Good morning, chickens. :D

It is weigh in day, once again. I am happy to report a four pound fat loss. Whew! As you will see by the date stamp on my scale photo, I weighed and took the photograph of my scale, yesterday. I have decided that since my higher calorie day of the week is on Thursday, weighing in on Friday is a sucker proposition. One day isn't going to make much difference, fat loss wise to me but weighing in the day after my higher cal day of the week could make a big difference, fluid retention weight wise, since I tend to swell up like a poisoned dog. (Golly, isn't that a lovely visual?)

And I was right. When I jumped on my scale this morning just to see how much fluid I have retained, it was three pounds. Urgh! I think I need a new Thursday plan. lolol

Here is my scale pic:

I am out of the 360's. :D

Progress is being made and I am pleased as punch.

So, challengers, don't forget to weigh in and post!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Feeling Hot, Hot Hot

Our lovely little cool down has ended, temps are rising and the A/C is humming and blowing chilly air down the back of my heated neck.

Welcome to Summer in Arizona.

In other news...

I am doing well. I am eating well, staying well within my calorie range. In fact, lately I have been running a little low. But I got just over 1200, yesterday and should get there, today as well. I seem to have pulled away from my brief nuttiness and haven't had any more binge urges or needs to feed too much.

My head is bad, bad, bad, lately. I had an easy time of it and my headaches are back with a vengeance. Such is life. I'll live. lol

I am a little puffy, today. I had soy sauce with my veggies, the other day and I knew that was a mistake. I am trying to flush out the sodium before Friday. Blech! It sucks to get old and salt sensitive. lol

Tho I suppose it would suck more not to get old... :S

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

A Few Funny Pictures

Would you like a few giggles? :D

Best Tattoo Evah!!!

Family Unity at it's Finest!

Proof Positive That Kids These Days Are Truly the Most Brilliant Creatures on the Planet!!!

I hope that these made you smile, laugh or just ***snort***. Copy and pass them along, if you like. :D :D :D

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Better, Today

Okay, I am not so freaked out, today and my perspective has shifted back into normal. I guess I needed to have a little meltdown, throw a tantrum to appreciate just how much better my life is, even after such a short time a such a small loss.

It takes an afternoon of unadvised eating to drive home just how happy I am eating right and taking better care of myself. :D

I had my customary two cups of leaded and some cantaloupe and yoghurt for breakfast and I am drinking lots of water. Weather permitting (we have a thunderstorm going, right now) I plan to take a walk, later.

It is cooler, today. Cloudy and thundery. I have most of my windows closed, it is that cool. I woke up this morning frozen under my sheet and ultra lightweight wool and silk blanket. I may have to toss my duvet back on my bed just for the next night or two. My cat agrees, he was all curled up against my body, trying to get warm when I woke up. lol

I got more followers blogs added to my blogroll. If you are a follower and don't see your blog on my blogroll, please, leave me a comment with your url and I will add you. I am not clicking follow, because stupid Blogger is confused and follows blogs for this site with my other Blog profile and I don't want to confuse my readers or clutter their blogs with my profile madness. lol But I am reading and adding you . I promise. :D :D

Friday, June 11, 2010

Instead Of...

...being an idiot, I should have come here, read your lovely, supportive and helpful comments and read blogs. I would have been so much better off.

Thank you for your caring and your support and I am going to flush with water, get some exercise and I will bounce back.

*Hugs* to all of you for taking the time and caring enough to rally around and help me. Without all of you, I would certainly be lost.

Lessons Still to Learn

So, after my disaster of a weigh in this morning, I pouted, sulked, obsessed and wanted to cry for about five hours. I managed to do some housework, eat a good breakfast, get some exercise, drink a lot of water and have a healthy, sensible lunch.

I also rambled into my kitchen repeatedly, looking for comfort and something to make me feel better. And resisted until I was finished with lunch.

Then I lost it.

As binges go, it wasn't all that impressive. I crunched a lot of mini pretzels, a good deal of light sour cream and salsa. About 1700 calories worth.

It only made me feel better until my stomach started to hurt like crazy and my mouth was blech and I wanted to puke.

I still feel unhappy in the tummy and with myself. I can rebound from this easily, physically. Mentally and emotionally, I still have work to do. While I am going longer and longer lengths of time between binges, I am not cured of them, by any means. When I am sad, angry and upset, I still want to run to my usual security blanket and curl up in it and let it soothe me and make me forget, just for a few minutes why and at what I am upset.

I went thirty five days without a feeding frenzy/binge, this time. I am doing better and that is what I am choosing to focus on. My next meal, when I do feel hungry, again will be on track and healthy and I move forward, from here.

No more self abuse. I don't suck. I had a rough time and it is done. Time to let it go.

Summer Challenge Weigh In Day


No change. No fucking change!

I suck.

That will teach me to eat salty stuff the day before a weigh in, I guess.

I just suck.

I am so angry at myself and I want to cry. And binge. And scream. And throw my scale against a wall.

I probably won't do any of those things, tho.

Rather than moping and pouting and feeling sorry for myself, I need to get my fat ass out and walk. This evening after the sun sets, a nice walk would relieve the crap I am feeling and maybe get this bod to doing what it is supposed to be doing.

Perhaps cutting back on the salt wouldn't hurt, either?

I still suck.

Thursday, June 10, 2010


Is weigh in day for the Summer Challenge. Don't forget, you Challengers. I have my scale and camera ready to hit it, first thing in the morning.

Sometimes I have the "Why Me?" mentality. Why am I fat? Why was I born, conditioned, whatever to be this way? Why couldn't I have been wired to be "normal"? Why do I have to suffer with this? What did I do to deserve this?

Silly, I suppose. I don't think I did anything to deserve obesity. I think I have a genetic predisposition along with early conditioning and my own disordered thinking about life and how I cope with it to thank for my obesity.

So, now I am trying to change that thinking. Let go of the "Why Me?" and embrace "Not Me". I don't have to be a victim of my genetics or my past or my early conditioning. I can choose to move in a different direction and take control.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Just a Quickie

I don't really have all that much to yap about. I am doing fine, eating is on track and I am flying straight and level. :D

It is hot, in the mid nineties tho we are expecting a refreshing little cool down, this weekend. Maybe we can keep the aor off for a day or two. That would be a nice break for the electric bill.

So, that is about all I have at the moment. If I think of anything worth writing, I'll be back to natter.

Off to read your blogs and catch up with everyone.

Ta, for now!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Forty Things About Me

I was reading Katie J's blog and she did a Q&A. I decided to play and copied the questions to my blog to answer.

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

Closed. When I am trying to sleep, open closet doors creep me out.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?

I take them. They are provided to the guests for their use, so I snag those suckers. :D

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

Out. I need complete freedom of movement.

4. Would you rather be attacked by a bear or a swarm of bees?

A bear. I stand a better chance, since I am allergic to bee stings.

5. Do you have freckles?

No. A few sun spots, but no real freckles.

6. What is your biggest pet peeve?

Rude behaviour. Would it kill people to use a modicum of courtesy in their dealings with others?

7. Have you ever peed in the woods?

Yes, I have. Many times. lolol

8. Do you ever dance if there’s no music playing?

Yes, as long as I am alone.

9. Do you chew your pens and pencils?

Ew! Gross!!! No! Never!

10. Is it ok for guys to wear pink?


11. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?

Hot mustard, baby!

12. What is your favorite food?

Chinese food.

13. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

Gone With the Wind, Always, Star Trek, Down Periscope. (Oh, shut up! lolol)

14. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

Girl Scout.

15. Can you change the oil on a car?


16. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

I plead the fifth...

17. Ever ran out of gas?

A couple of times.

18. Are you lazy?


19. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?

The usual... Ghost, witch, princess, Laura Ingalls Wilder.

20. How many languages can you speak?

I only speak English. I took conversational French in Jr. High and had a natural aptitude for the language but I didn't continue to learn it.

21. Who is better…Leno or Letterman?


22. Do you sing in the car?

Doesn't everyone? It's the only place besides the shower I dare sing. I got sick of being classified as noise pollution.

23. Ever eat a pierogi?

A what???

24. First concert?

Alabama. Which still confounds me, since I have no love for Country music.

25. Where would you be able to spend hours and be happy?

On a cold, wild, deserted beach with a book, a camera and a huge Thermos of coffee.

Then I could add peeing on a beach to my list of accomplishments. ;) lol

26. What’s your favorite kind of doughnut?

Anything made by Krispy Kreme. Preferably with caramel in and/or on it.

27. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

No tattoos... Yet. ;) I have three piercings in each ear.

28. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

My husband.

29. Are you still friends with the people you knew in middle school or high school?


30. What is the last thing you ate?

Sugar free, fat free Popsicle brand fudge pop. (It was actually quite good. :D)

31. What did you want to be when you grew up?

Interior designer.

32. Name three things that are close to you:

A bottle of water, my Kleenex and my computer.

33. What was your best subject in school? 

English, I suppose. And social studies.

34. What is your favorite restaurant?

Any really, really, really good Chinese restaurant.

35. Any hidden talents?

I am very creative, almost freakishly patient and a very good listener.

36. What is your favourite girl’s name?


37. Would you rather be a rock star or a famous athlete?

Rock Star!

38. What are you wearing right now?

Hey, what kind of questionnaire is this, anyway? lol

I am wearing cotton granny panties, knit capris, a loose, floppy old, stained ugly shirt and I am barefoot and freeboobing.

39. Did you graduate from college?


40. Do you have any nicknames?

Shermie. Bitch. Kardo.

So, there you have it. Random, useless facts about your's truly. :D

Saturday, June 5, 2010


Hello gentle readers I hope that you are all having a terrific weekend.

So, yesterday wasn't a total blowout and I didn't do as much damage as I feared. I landed in under 1800 calories, which, at my weight isn't a big deal. But the fact that I allowed myself to slip into disordered thinking and eating, if only briefly, is. But I am learning from my mistakes and I hope that in the future, I will be even less likely to do something to harm myself. :)

It is a lovely day, here. It is going to be hot. Today's high is supposed to be 94 degrees. I suspect it might end up going a bit higher. We are now officially into air conditioning season and the lovely electric bills that go with it. APS charges a fortune for electricity in this state and in the Summer, they jack up the rates. It sucks and if I had another choice for power, I would go for it. Unfortunately I am stuck with these wallet draining vampires.

Well, I need to get some breakfast and get into the shower. I'll be back later to read blogs and perhaps yap at you a bit more.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Salty, Crunchy Things

Still trigger me, as I learned much to my dismay earlier, today.

Husband brought home a bag of cheesy puff balls. I ate a few. Then a few more and before I knew it... I had downed the whole bag. *sigh* I knew better but I made the choice. I would have been better off with a bowl of popcorn.

It isn't the calories (480 for the bag) that bother me so much as the fact that I allowed myself to slip back into an old, harmful habit. I didn't stop at enough. I went for the whole bag. So, I am thinking that I need more work on dealing with trigger foods. I am doing fine with the sweets. The salty, crunchy stuff in bags is definitely a hurdle. One I will clear. I just need to work at it, think through what I am doing and why and reason out how to deal with it. I'll get there. Until then, salty, crunchy things need to not inhabit my home on a regular basis.

I am gulping water and Crystal light and coffee to flush the salt rush. Blech! My tummy isn't happy. I can still taste those dreadful little puffs in the back of my throat. Hours and hours later. I hate that. It is like a constant reminder of my being an idiot. lol But maybe the reminder is a good thing. Perhaps it will help to teach me that I don't want to do this. That it is just a bad pattern that I need to allow to break for good.

Today, I sucketh. lol

BYOC Friday

Draz has a new set of questions for us crazies. I thought that I would answer them, this week. :D

1. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? And why?

That's an easy one. On the ocean. Preferably the Pacific. It doesn't really matter if it is California, Oregon or Washington or even Hawaii. The ocean speaks to me. It pulls me. I don't know what it is but I feel such peace, power and utter contentment when I am on the shore.

2. How old were you when you got drunk for the first time?

Another easy one. I was nineteen. It was my Birthday and a couple of friends took me out and got me plastered. We drank, danced, flirted with boys and then wound up the night by going to one friend's mom"s house, raided her t.p. stash and t.p.'d our boss's house, yard, trees and driveway and cars. And did we ever do a thorough job! He said, later that he got up that morning and actually thought it had snowed. In Phoenix.  lolol

For the record, the getting of me drunk was perfectly legal. I turned nineteen in November of the last year that was the legal drinking age in Arizona.

3. What was your favourite toy growing up?

My Wonder horse! It was a big, plastic horse mounted on springs on a tubular metal frame. I loved that horse. I got so much fun and joy out of that simple, uncomplicated toy.

4. What's your favourite season? And why?

Autumn. I love Autumn. The leaves turning, the temps getting cool and crisp. The feeling and smell in the air. Ripe, red apples and fat, orange pumpkins. Hallowe'en and the anticipation of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Evenings and early mornings by the fire. I could go on and on. :D

5. Repeat question... What blog or blog comment spoke to you or stuck with you the most, this week.

Actually, a couple come to mind. These gals are struggling so much, not just with their diet but with life and everything that is coming down on them and I just want to scoop them up and Help them. And I can't and that frustrates me and I just cry, instead. I read their blogs and I want to comment. I click the comment button and sit there, mind blank while my cursor blinks at me and I just can't form a proper response. I am so lame.

So, there you have it. My Friday Crazy. :D

Summer Challenge Weigh In

Good morning, everyone. Hey, fellow Summer Challenge participants, don't forget that today is weigh in day! :F

I had a good week, methinks. I jumped on my scale this morning and had happy news.

362.2 pounds. Down 3.8 pounds for the week. I'll take it. :D

Yes, I am a bit puffed, this morning. I knew I would be... It is weigh in day, after all. lol Whatever. The scale is just a tool. Not my be all and end all.

It is a lovely day. It is warming up but not hot, yet. I am sitting here in my lightweight cotton knit tank night shirt drinking coffee and enjoying the soft breeze from my ceiling fan. I have some stuff to get done but honestly, I am in the mood to be lazy, today. I'll get to it. I might just take my time.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Doing a Little Redecorating

Hey there. :D

I decided to pop in a new background, for a bit. There are so many beautiful backgrounds and changing them is so easy that I have decided that I am going to give my blog a new look from time to time. I hope I don't confuse anyone with all the changes. :D

I have blogs to follow and to add to my blogroll. I have them faved an am reading them. I just need to take a few minutes and move them to my blogroll. That takes time... For some reason Blogger doesn't like it when I try to add too many at once and I end up doing one at a time so that I don't try to add a bunch, have the function fail and then have to start over. Grrr!

Today went pretty well. It wasn't too warm, open windows and fans kept my comfy all day. The less I can get away with running the A/C, the better. Electric rates in this state are scandalously high and it costs a pretty penny to keep cool, around here.

I was a little hungry/munchy today. I didn't get out of control but I did feel a little as if I could slip out of control. I suppose that I am going to feel this way, from time to time. I need to get used to it, not let it scare me and learn to deal. I didn't do any out of line eating, but did make a couple of high-ish calorie choices. Including a big bagel for about 300 calories. It was good, but not 300 calories good.

I finished out my day at 1626. Acceptable. :)

Up Too Early

I woke early, this morning. I needed to run to the loo then I couldn't get back to sleep so I lay in bed for a while, read and petted my cat. I decided to get up at six, as my back and hip were feeling stiff. Now I am drinking coffee and thinking that I was nuts to drag out so early.

By the way, it is June. Is it supposed to be so danged cold, in the morning? lol Normally, I would be griping about how warm is is, so early in the morning.


I can't help bitching about the weather... No matter what it is.

Alarms are going off all over the house... Upstairs to rout out Husband, downstairs to rout out Son. Soon, they will both be headed out and I will finally have my house to myself, again. I needs my solitude. I love my family but I can only take so much togetherness. That sounds horrible, doesn't it?

But I have always been that way. As a child I would sneak off and hide and spend hours alone. As a teen, I would go for walks and be gone for hours and hours. When I was working outside the home, I was in casino gaming, a very customer oriented industry and on my breaks I would be desperate for just a moment of solitude. I knew where all the great little hiding places were and would escape to them on some of my breaks.

I am not anti social and I don't hate people. In fact, when I want to be around people, I love being around them. I love to entertain, throw dinner parties and have a house full of family and friends for a holiday or other special occasion. But I have to balance togetherness with long stretches of aloneness. (Yeah, yeah... I know. Not a word. So sue me. lol)

Yep. I am crackers.

I know it.

I accept it.

I am very well adjusted in my nutzoness. :D

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A New Month

A new entry count. :D

I am happy to have another holiday under my belt. Not literally... I didn't really eat any different that I normally do. I am just happy that it is over.

My day landed at 1280, yesterday. That included a handful of potato chips and a lot of watermelon. My big splurge... lol

I seriously need a new food scale. My old one is not in the mood to be adjusted to zero, any longer. Dial scales are evil and don't deserve to live amongst us any longer. Digital food scale, here I come.

I don't know why I am nattering, right now. I really don't have all that much to talk about. I did have something in mind, earlier but as usual, I can't remember it, now.