Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Tuesday. Muggy. Hot.


So, how'z everyone this fine morning? I am okay. Not as funked out. Not so blue. My head is down to a Cat 1 for a change and I am out of hiding and I actually feel like blogging a little. Tho I don't really have all that much to talk about. Go figure. :p Life is boring. My life is really, really boring. The guys have left for their jobs, leaving me and furry ones home alone. Thank you Lord!!! Patrick was off, yesterday and it threw off my entire rhythm. lol

So, yeah. It is morning, I am drinking coffee and plotting murder what I am going to do, today. I actually don't have a whole lot I have to do. I worked my ass off around here, yesterday and the place looks pretty respectable. I can be a sloth, if I want. All I really need to do is run the duster, vacuum and make my bed. I can live with that. :D

I am still trying to eat right. *sigh* What the fuck is my malfunction, I ask you? (Not literally... You know what I mean.) I do really well, then I do not so well. It all adds up to maintaining my weight. No gain. (Thank God!) But no loss. I mean... I have lost, what? Thirteen pounds since January? Say whaaaaaat? Not exactly what I set out to do, here. I had expected to have nearly another fifty off by this time. And my doctor's appointment is on August second. She will no doubt be pleased that I haven't gained anything but dammit! I am so mad at myself. So pissed off at my weirdness and inability to just stay on track.

I am not binging. I am just eating stupid things, like some chips here, too much popcorn, there. Too much food at a meal. Healthy food still has calories and too many calories is too many calories. I know this. I know it when I do it. I know that I don't want to. I know that it isn't doing me any favours. Some days are diamonds. I do really well, some days. Some days are shit.

I need more diamonds. Less shit.

Yesterday? Diamonds. I need to build on that.

I am so sick of whining about this. I need to just get my head out of my ass and do it.

It wouldn't hurt to get my ass out and walk again, either. I miss my exercise. It has been so hot that I end up just chilling under the air vents. I am such a lazy slag.

It is all my own frakking fault that my jeans still fit the same way that they have for so long now.

I am thinking oatmeal for brekkie. Who's with me?

Make it a good, on track day, kiddies. I plan to. :D

Friday, June 24, 2011

I should...

I should do housework.

But I am sitting here, playing on my puter and watching TV.

I should take a shower, do my face and hair.

But I am sitting here, playing on my puter and watching TV.

I should do some laundry.

Which I will probably get to in a bit...


After I take a little more time to play on my puter and watch TV.

Apathetic, much?

I am just not feeling today. My head is still hungover from last night's horror show. I am feeling a little blue and I just feel like chilling. So I think I will. Nothing wrong with that, I think. Maybe I just need that. A stupidly lazy day. Hell... Maybe I won't even make my bed.

I am just going to close all of the blinds and fire up the air. I think that will help my aching head and I feel like hiding.

Okay, so I guess that is all I have, for now.

Monday, June 20, 2011


Thank you for the link, Stormy. <3

Monday, Monday and Getting Something Off my Chest

Good morning, everyone. I hope that you all had a great weekend. Mine was middling. Not stellar. Not awful. Saturday was a good day, yesterday was a little tough to take. Fathers Day is really bittersweet for me, since I lost my dad. This is the third one since he has been gone and it isn't a whole lot easier. Silly little things will just up and make me cry. But the nice thing is, others will make me smile, or laugh at a particularly sweet or funny memory, so it all balances out. 

Tis the way of life. We have to take the pain with the joy and learn to integrate all of it into our way of being and learn to move through the wold with them. It isn't always easy but I have to say, I would rather have my memories, my emotions and my feelings than not. Imagine how cold, sterile, empty life would be if we didn't allow ourselves to feel, to remember, to fully experience everything, good and bad that life has to offer us. 

I think back at all of the years I dulled my senses, my emotions, my very essence with food and I just want to grieve for myself. I missed out on so much because I couldn't, wouldn't allow myself to feel, to fully experience the very things that make me human. Some of the shit that has hit me in life wasn't good, wasn't right, shouldn't have happened. But, all of it, good, bad and indifferent has come together to help form and shape the person I am and continue to become. Sure, I would love to take a quick trip back and warn my younger self to zig when I zagged but I can't and rather then running from it, I have chosen to clean out the nasty bits, throw them away and focus on the positive, the good and the future. It makes living and feeling so much better, let me tell you. It frees me from the fear and allows me to more fully experience.

I am not completely fearless but I think that I am becoming more so. I am allowing myself to voice my feelings, express more of my emotions, even to the point of demanding I be heard more often. I am beginning to put my foot down and I am lifting myself up off the doorstep where I lay for so very long. It is a process and some days, I fall back down, flat and feel the feet on my back. I think it is important to know that I am taking the steps and I am not letting my stumbles turn into life killing defeat. I deserve better than that. 

And I think that I am, finally beginning to believe that, deep down where I really need to believe it. 

So, yeah.

Yay, me. :D

There is something that I need to talk about. Something that bothers the all mighty living hell out of me. Something that needs, I believe to be addressed. That something is the misuse of the words retarded and retard. Everywhere I read and hear people saying that this or that is "so retarded". Or that person is such a fucktard, or I am such a fucktard. Or that woman is a freaktard or whatever form of this insult the person can create in his or her mind. 

This blatant misuse, dare I say abuse of these words is not only inaccurate and inappropriate, it is downright offensive. Using retarded or retard as an insult of one's self or another person or an action or object is a blatant and direct insult to developmentally disabled persons. Retarded or developmentally disabled people aren't so because they lack talent, intelligence, style, skill or beauty. They aren't stupid, they don't lack skill because they are unwilling to learn or to practice. They are born as they are. They didn't ask for it, they didn't bring it upon themselves and they most certainly don't deserve, in any way shape or form to be used as a source of denigration. Or to be denigrated by this horrid word misuse.

Misuse of the words retarded or retard is just as nasty, just as offensive and just as harmful and soul destroying as any misuse of words or phrases that describe any person's race, colour, gender or sexual orientation. I seriously doubt that any of my gentle readers would use the n-word, or other racist epithets, I would hope that none of you use the word "gay" to describe something or someone or actions you don't like or find aesthetically or otherwise unpleasing. Using the words retarded or retard is just as wrong. And it needs to stop.  


Every time I see or hear this-tard or that tard or this or that is sooo retarded, it drives a dagger into my heart. It cuts to the very core of my spirit and causes me deep pain and anger. You see, my darling elder sister is developmentally disabled or, if you like, retarded. She was born this way. She didn't cause it, she didn't ask for it. She didn't do anything wrong. No one did. She isn't a mistake, ugly, nasty, stupid, untalented, unskilled, weird or a freak. She is a beautiful, gentle, delicate creature. She is human, formed of bone and muscle and blood. She feels, she hears, she sees, she walks and talks (after a fashion ;)) she knows. She loves magazines and catalogues and TV. She adores shopping. She collects and hoards hair accessories. She is, like her younger sister something of a freak for a great nail polish, and like her sister, has a collection. She loves music and is a rabid fan of Neil Diamond and a couple of boy bands (okay, I am going to have to ding her on the boy bands...lolol). She loves hamburgers and ice cream, puppies and kittens and any fabric that is soft, fluffy or furry. 

My sister is not a "tard" of any kind. Yes, she is retarded. Developmentally, in many ways, she is about... Three. Emotionally, a little older in some ways. She is not an insult. She is not insulting and she doesn't deserve to be used as such! 

So please, next time you think you might want to hit someone or yourself or something or an action with a whatever-tard (ed) type of put down, remember whom you are hurting. Remember that retarded persons are just that. Persons. And they don't need to be abused in this fashion. 


Speaking of whew! Word on the street is that it is supposed to warm up a bit around here. Guess it is about time. It is almost officially Summer. It was bound to happen sooner or later. 

Okay, I need to get rolling. I want another cup of java, I need to read your blogs, have some brekkie and get some stuff done, get myself into the shower and pulled together and so forth and I am not going to get all of it done, sitting here wearing my fingers out on my keyboard. 

Oh yeah... Been having pretty good days, with the food. Trying to do better with the water. I will do better with the water, by gum! Yes, I will. 

Okay, I'm out. :D

Friday, June 17, 2011

Poor Neglected Blog, I Fucked Up My Header! and BYOC

So, I just noticed I got the order of my mantra wrong on my header. And it is driving me crazy. I want to rip it down, take it back to Paint and fix it and I am not going to. For now, anyway. I need to learn to not allow little things like this to bother me so much. But the perfectionist in me is in a tizzy.

I am in a foul mood, today.

I have been neglecting my poor blog. It isn't deliberate. I just... Have trouble writing. Things I want to talk about don't form and things I don't have intention of discussing here run endlessly through my head. I have started so. many. damned. entries and written a paragraph, two or fifteen and hit the back button. I write a bit, I panic and I run like a squirrel being chased by a slavering dog. I get like this, sometimes. I'll get over it. Trust me. Then I will be back to driving you all insane with my constant random nattering. :P

Did I mention that I am in a foul mood, today? I am in such a bad mood that I am pouting, I am not going to shower (don't worry, I am not gross... I took one last night before I went to bed, last night) I am not going to put any makeup on and I am not going to talk to anyone. I am, however determined to have another good day. I have had more good than bad, this week. Go me. *pffffft!* Every day should be a good one. I know this. Working on it.

Okay, howz about a little BYOC? Oh, and before I forget, Draz, your feathers are fab. I can't wait to see your blue ones. :D

1. Do you make your bed every day? Tell us about or show us a picture of your bed comforter?

I do make my bed, every day. It is an ingrained habit, from my earliest childhood. My bed isn't made, at the moment because I need to wash my sheets, so that is waiting to be done. Otherwise, yeah... My day doesn't start until my featherbed is rotated and fluffed to perfection, my sheets smooth and just as I like them and turned perfectly over the top of my blanket and quilt, pillows fluffed just so and stacked as I like them.

No, I am not going to show a pic. Sorry. :P Maybe when (if) I get a chance to get bedding I am proud to show off. 

2. Johnny Cash or Elvis? Thin crust pizza or deep dish? Coke or Pepsi? Beer or wine or neither?

Neither. I don't care for Country music in the least and Elvis is just frakking annoying on any level. 

If I am going to do pizza, (solidly in my No Fly Zone, at present!!!) it needs to be deep dish or  at least thick crust. Pepperoni, olives, mushrooms (extra mushrooms, please!) onions and extra cheese. Light on the sauce. Or pineapple and Canadian bacon. 

Great, now I want to call Pizza Hut. They deliver. Gah! Thanks a lot, Draz. :P

Ooops! Missed one! Pepsi, definitely. With lots and lots of ice, please. (If I drink a regular soda, which happens once or twice a year. Maybe.) Coke is gross. I seriously can't stand the taste of that stuff. 

No beer for me, thankyouverymuch. The only time I ever drink the stuff is when I am shooting pool. It has to be Coors Light in a long neck bottle, ice, ice, ice cold. I sip at it and as soon as the temp rises the least little bit, I have to chuck it and get a new one that fits the aforementioned requirements.  Otherwise, it is wine. I prefer white to red. Preferably sparkling. I like the bubbles to tickle my beak. And yes, I am one of those disgusting people who likes sweeter  wines, still or sparkling. 

3. I recently went through my list of blogs I follow and was at my limit so I unfollowed bloggers who haven’t blogged in at least 6 months. I want to start following some more new blogs. Who’s your fave lately? Funniest? Most inspiring? Can you link them for me??

Sorry, I am blog sucking, right now. But I know what you mean about having to take care of my blogroll. I need to do that here and over at my Nail Parlour. I hate to bounce anyone off my blogroll, I always hope that they will start posting, again. But there comes a time when I have to harden my heart and clear some away. If I see that they are popping up on other blogs, tho I will go ahead and add them back. :)

4. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

Already did. ;)

It's getting hot in here. I think I'll go fire up my A/C. And I have to pee like a racehorse. Did you know that if you take more Biotin than your body needs you pee bright, almost fluorescent green pee? True story. 

I am going to kill that asshole with the drums. 

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Tuesday Afternoon

Just in case you are in the mood for a little Moody Blues. :D

It is a nice, warm afternoon. It is 87, right now. Probably top out right around 90. Thankful for air conditioning, I am. It isn't too bad in here, right now but later in the afternoon when the sun swings over, our windows that face full West will enable Old Sol to heat this place up like a brick pizza oven. (Mmmm... Brick oven pizza... *drool*)

Where was I?


I have had the headache from hell for two days, now. I am so ready for this one to abate. I had bad stabbies, last night. I was cutting out coupons and chatting with Patrick when they hit and nearly knocked me off my sofa. All I can do when the stabbies come is drop whatever I am doing, grab my head and try to breathe and stay alive. Thankfully, they don't last a long time. I usually get one or two episodes lasting one to three minutes. Sometimes three. They hit in rapid succession and are over then for a while. I never know when they are going to hit and I can't do anything to stop them. I do know that they usually hit when my headache is especially powerful and concentrated in the area above my right temple. But other than that, I have no control.

So yeah... Ready for this one to go buh-bye. I have had enough fun with this round, fo shizz. I probably have another three days or so then it should taper off a bit. Bleargh.

Okay, 'nuff of that shit.

Yesterday. Yesterday I had an encounter with a box of oyster crackers. I did manage to stop myself before I polished off the box. Or even half if it, amazingly enough. Still... Not good.

Today is going really well, I am dedicating myself to drinking more water, again. I had slacked off for a while, only getting in about two quarts a day. But I am making an effort to do better, again. I really do feel better when I drink more. I have a one quart stainless steel water bottle that I try to drink to empty four or five times in a day. It really isn't that hard. I just need to stop being an idiot and do it.

Just like I need to stop being an idiot and stay out of the fucking oyster crackers. I know what triggered that particular little episode. Light clam chowder. Methinks it is time to stop letting light clam chowder into my house for a while. I don't like it eat it without crackers and I can't stop myself at the proper serving so I need to not have the chowdah.

I am becoming more aware of my triggers, lately. I was just cruising along and not giving them too much thought but I need to. I need to learn more about how my head works, how something that, in and of it's self is perfectly acceptable to eat can be unacceptable because it is a trigger to eat something I shouldn't. I think that pinning that down will help me to be even more aware, mindful and make it possible for me to keep myself more solidly on track.

Geeze! Who forgot to tell me that this was going to be so damned much work? lolol But, in the long run it will be worth it. I need to know how to manage my food, not just for the short term but over the course of my lifetime. This is for ever, chickens. I am not "just on a diet". I am dieting, now to learn to be a healthy weight for the rest of my life.

And I would like that life to be as long as possible. I am kind of beginning to enjoy it, for a change. :)

Leafy One, I don't walk around nakie, either. lol I just like knowing that my ass is golden, rather than pasty white under whatever I am wearing. :D

Okay, I need to wrap this natter up. I am beginning to bore myself and my head is doing that brain pulse thing I love sooo much. (Not stabbies, this is the whoomp-whoomp-whoomp in time to my beating heart. Fun.)

Later, gators.

Geeze, I hate finding typos after I publish my post! I have to go back and edit as many times as it takes. Because you know I can't find the fucking things when I do my pre publish read through. They hide. That is all I can think of. They hide and like to pop out after the fact to drive me crazy and make me work too hard.

Stupid typos.

Or is it, stupid me? lol

Sunday, June 12, 2011

I Was Going to Title This "Sunday Morning" but...

It is now afternoon.

That is what I get for being a sloth and sleeping until almost ten.

Guess I needed the z's.

It is warm, today and breezy. Summer is beginning to show it's self during the day but it is still cooling down nicely at night. I don't mind hotter days too much when I know that the evening will be refreshing.

I don't really have a lot to natter about, right now. I had a pretty good day, yesterday. I did fall to the lure of some baked salt and pepper chips, but I controlled my portion, rather than crunching out of the bag and was in my target range so I am good. :D My head is bad, today. I was haloing a lot day before yesterday so I knew this was coming. Bleargh!

Okay, I have to get going. I have stuff to do, I need to shower and get some war paint on and so forth. I'll see you all, later.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Thank You

Thank you for your hugs, support and prayers for my mother. It means more to me than I can ever adequately express. <3

BYOC The Late Edition

I just ate the yummiest salad for lunch. Salad greens, some little yellow cherry tomatoes, some grapes and spritzer and some cold grilled chicken. Nom, nom, nom.

Okay, I guess I am ready to do BYOC. A day late, but better late than never. :D

1. How and why did you first start blogging? And how long have you been blogging?

I have been blogging on this blog for a year and four months. I came to Blogger quite by accident. Someone I know had breast cancer and started a Blogger blog to talk out her process, treatment and vent. I started a blog for the sole purpose of  having a GFC name so that I could read and comment on her blog. Happily, she is just fine! She had a fast cure and should live a long, healthy and happy life surrounded by her family and friends. :D  I posted here a little, here and there. I wasn't really sure if I was going to run with this. If I really wanted to. 

I was teetering on the edge of making a huge change in my life and being led to Blogger gave me the push I needed to jump into the abyss and fly. I know that this is going to sound really weird and maybe a little sick, but it isn't meant that way; I am convinced that her cancer saved my life. I was in real trouble. I was over four hundred pounds and headed upward. Rapidly. Starting this blog, finding your blogs is what helped me to turn that around. I am deeply grateful to her and to all of you. 

You never know how, and in what way your life, your experiences  are going to touch others. Change and even save lives. All without knowing you are doing it. 

 2. Tell me about your perfect mate – if you could invent him/her?

Nope. Not going there, today. Sorry.

 3. Do you wear fake eyelashes? Do you want to? Do you use glue or self-stick ones? Do you like how they look?

I have worn fake eyelashes exactly once, in my life. They were part of a Hallowe'en costume and I loved them. Waving those big fans all over the place was just about the best fun I ever had with a beauty product. I have given a lot of thought to buying some lashes and wearing them. I like the look, maybe not for every day. But they could be fun for now and then. Lashes have come a long way from the ones I used so many years ago. They are more refined, more natural looking but still give that length and pow you want. They are also supposed to be easier to use. I'm just afraid that they would brush on my glasses. :P

 4. Let’s say money was no object and neither was time off to recover – are you an advocate of plastic surgery after weight loss?

 Hellz yeah! One of my biggest dreams is to have reconstructive surgery when I reach my goal. I know that some of what I am going to require will be covered by insurance, if my doc and I can build a solid enough case for it. The rest... Well I guess when the time comes, a few armored car heists should take care of it. (joke!!) But maybe, somehow it can happen. It is a ways away, so heaven only knows, I have plenty of time to think about it. 

I will need my gut, butt, legs, abdomen, boobs, arms and mons all done.  By that time my neck and face are going to need a little attention, as well. Big dreamer, I know. But hey, a girl has to have something to shoot for, right? :D

To have or not have plastic surgery is a deeply personal decision. While I am all for going under the knife to complete the work I am currently doing, not everyone feels the same way. I respect every choice, to or not to and I would never presume to insist that my choice would or should be yours. <3

5. Repeat question. Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

In blogland? The bitch is back. And she is loaded for bear and ready to kick her own ass. 

In real life, life goes on. I am a little busy and finding things to keep myself occupied, rather than wanting to sit on my ass snacking on stuff I have no business going anywhere near. I have been resting my trashed out knee. I hope to get out to start walking again, soon. 

I chopped a couple of inches off my hair, yesterday. I think that I have finally, after three. long. years rid my hair of the last traces of the Great Henna Removal Attempt Disaster of 2008. The final bit of peroxided horror that was my roots almost exactly three years ago were my ends and just looking at them made me mad, sad and in need of getting rid of them, once and for all. I hate to cut my hair. But I am happy to have those nasty, trashed ends gone! My hair was past the middle of my back, bra strap length on me and losing those inches really hurt. It is still long, by most peoples standards, about BSL on a normal gal with normal boobs and a normal bra that rides in the normal spot.  It will grow. And this time I can enjoy seeing the length increase instead of my poor ends just breaking as fast as my roots produced new hair.

I am having another good, strong day, today. I am eating well, putting my water down and my mind is clear, calm and things are good. I also figured out how to apply sunless tanning lotion (I am using and loving Jergen's Natural Glow, right now) to the parts of my back that I couldn't reach with my hands. Yay! Now the rest of my back will soon match the rest of me. 

Does anyone else tan their ass? I know it doesn't make it any smaller but I like to think that a nice, glowing, golden ass, as big as it is, is a bit less horrid than a big, pasty white ass. And I don't care what anyone says... Tanned batwings definitely look better than white, highly reflective batwings.  A tan makes my upper arms look a little less huge and floppy. And I need all the help I can get. lol

 Okay. I guess that is about it, for now. 

Oh yeah. If you are a public servant and you are going to publicly tweet (guess that idiot has never heard of Direct Messaging?) your junk to someone, you need to be prepared for the fallout. Resign, Representative Weiner.  You are a blight on our party and making us all look like a bunch of asses. (No pun intended... :p)

Okay. Now I am done.  

Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma'am

I have about five seconds and then I have to hit the ground running. I am going to do BYOC. Promise! I just need a little time.

Yesterday was a stellar day. Two in a row... Can we say that I am on a roll? Man I hope so. I am sick of this shit. And this fat.

Okay, I am out. I'll see all you gorgeous souls, later.


Friday, June 10, 2011

Has it Really Been a Week?

Boy... Talk about avoidance. I can do it well. And, was I ever. I knew that I was neglecting myself, I knew that I wasn't nourishing myself properly. I was making excuses, justifying this treat and that handful of something salty. And avoiding my blog just enabled my behaviour.

So, the avoidance went to ground, yesterday. I got on my scale. For the first time in a long time and... I was exactly the same weight I was last time I weighed, lo, so long ago. So, okay. I maintained. I feel as if I dodged a bullet. But not so much, really, when you think about it. I had to have lost a little then gained it back with my idiotic eating. So, winner? Uh... No.


Hell yeah.

Seeing 285 in glaring black and grey, not speculating, not justifying, not bullshitting myself gave me a little Come to Jesus moment and I had a stellar day, yesterday. I plan to do the same today. I am not going to think about tomorrow. I will deal with that when it comes.

My knee is better. I am planning to hit the trails tonight. And hopefully all will go well with that. I have had to rest this frakking knee for over a week and I need exercise. I need fresh air and I need to get back into my rhythm.

I had a nice, long chat with my mother, the other day. I was supposed to be cleaning my bathroom but I decided that I needed to hear my mother's voice more than I needed to be inhaling cleaner fumes so I give her a shout. I was only going to procrastinate on the phone for a few minutes but we ended up talking for over an hour and a half. She is doing fine. She still won't go get testing and treatment. She keeps looking us shit on the Internet and following what she reads. I finally broke down and told her how I truly feel about what she is doing. I couldn't hold back and thankfully, our relationship is good enough, our understanding of one another so deep that she gets that I needed to express my anger at the situation and my fear for her and not be offended or angered.

I needed to say the things I did. And she needed to hear them. It cleared the air between us and it took a humongous weight off my shoulders. A weight I wasn't even aware was there until I unloaded it. I love my mother. She isn't just my mother. She is my best friend, my closest kindred spirit and my hero. And I needed her to hear that and too hear that while I don't agree with her choices, that I want her to take an entirely different course, I love her, I respect her right to make her own choices about her body and her health and I support her. No matter what.

Shit! I'm crying, again. I went through this when my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. So, having another parent with cancer is a little much for me to absorb, sometimes.

Breathe! Okay.

It is going to be a warm one, today. Projected high is 89. It is 72, already. But with the windows open and the fans on it is nice, in here. Later, when the sun swings over and heats this joint up I will have to close the place down and fire up the A/C. The way this place is built, the sun beats down all day and by afternoon, it get stifling in here. I avoid using the A/C as much as I can but it is necessary in the afternoon. After the sin goes down and the house is cooled, we can usually turn it off, open the windows and be fine. A little warm but not too bad.

I think that Summer is ramping up, at last around here. It is nothing compared to the heatwave in other areas of the country, for sure. Any of you reading this (is anyone still reading? lol) in the superstupidhothothot areas stay cool and stay safe! Especially when you are out exercising. Go early in the morning or after the sun starts to set. That is a little wisdom from your friend in the Desert Southwest. ;)

So, yes. I am back. No more avoidance. No more bullshit. I need your blogs and words and support and I need to care enough about myself to keep on keeping on. I need to stop with the stupid excuses, justifications, laziness and avoiding my scale. I am worth staying my course, getting this job done and saving my life and my health. And I need all of your help. I can't stay away and do this all by myself.

Besides, I miss all of you. Terribly. And the longer I avoided my blog and yours, the worse I felt.

Okay I need to have my coffee and brekkie and catch up on blogs, here. I also need to do some housework, get my face on and do my nails. I got a new pretty in the mail yesterday and I am dying to get it on my nails. :D

Friday, June 3, 2011

The Best Laid Plans

I spoke about shattering preconceived notions in my earlier post. And I got another one shattered, today. You see, I went shoe shopping. I decided to hit Sears, since they usually have a pretty good selection of athletic type shoes and they are all on sale, right now. So, in I went. I had decided that I needed Reebok walking shoes, size 10 wide. I walked out in a pair of New Balance size 10 medium running shoes. lol But they are so perfect. So comfortable and supportive. And I love how light they are and the bounce and forward thrust I get from them. And they aren't white. They are grey, silver and trimmed in pink. I love how they look. No more huge-ass white land yachts on the ends of my legs. I am determined not to wear the same pair of shoes for over ten years, anymore. From now on, I am getting new ones when I need them.

Now, if my frakking knee would just feel better. It is still sore but I can walk and shop and so forth with much less discomfort. I am going to continue to rest and pamper it for the rest of the weekend. I am hopeful that I will be out on the trails in my new shoes Monday afternoon. :D

I am going to get a rare weekend day to myself, tomorrow. William and Patrick are going down to the Valley with my BIL to see a ballgame at Chase Field. They got tickets for a luxury suite from William's employer and they are going to have a guy's day. They will watch the game in air conditioned splendor with comfy, padded chairs and all the food and drink they can stuff and guzzle. Patrick will love that. He can eat himself into a coma. lol The last time they saw a game in a suite was about five years ago. So this will be fun for the boyz. And here at home it will just be me and the furbags. Ahhh... Peace. :)

Oh! Remember the neighbours I was bitching about? He of the big, loud mouth and both of them of the obnoxious cigarette smoke? Well, she got transferred and they have moved out! They loaded up the last of their shit today and they are gone! Yay! At least I think they are gone... They left two outdoor chairs out on their front deck. I am hoping that they just left them behind and that it doesn't mean that they are coming back for any time. They aren't bad people and I could even live with his loud mouth but the smoke... Yuk! I am over it and happy to not have my house filled with it, all the time.

I am so pissed, I broke a nail while I was shoe shopping, today. I got careless, lacing on what felt like my thousandth pair and took a chunk out of my left thumbnail. Shit! And I had my nails at the perfect length for me, they were shaped just as I like them and I had no patches. Now this. *sigh* So I will be filing all of my nails down and growing them all out, again. Bleargh!

Oh well. They'll grow.

Okay, I guess I am about yapped out.


Obviously, it is Friday. Time to release a little of my nut-y-ness on you all.

1. If you could pick any name on Earth for yourself – would you change yours and what would it be?

I am pretty happy with my name. It isn't terribly common but it isn't so rare as to be an oddity to some ears. When I was a kid, I honestly hated my name, I got teased mercilessly by the endless parades of Kathys Susans and Billys about my "weird, no one has a name like THAT! name". While my name isn't all that rare, it does have a different spelling, which sets me a little apart. I have no desire to change my name. I think it suits me. :)

 2. If you’re a worker-outer…what time do you partake in such activities? There are SO many theories about when it’s best and not best to work out….like the morning is better since you have an empty stomach or the night is not good because you won’t be able to sleep…etc, etc. – so I’d like to hear your theories.

I prefer to walk in the morning but my routine isn't friendly to walking in the morning so I do it in the late afternoon or early evening, most of the time. As long as I do it, I guess... I have to exercise on an empty stomach. I know that the experts say to have a little something a little while before a workout but if I eat before exercise I will throw up. I sleep just fine after a late afternoon or evening walk. Sometimes, I think people just pull shit out of their ass and spread it as workout gospel. Remember, people are different. We all need to do what works for us.

   3. If you drive a car – what kind is it and if you could drive any car – what would it be?

An old gas guzzling Jeep Cherokee. I hate that car. But it is paid for and it gets us from point A to point B and is reliable so I can't complain. In reality, I would like to have another Nissan Pathfinder or something similar. I love foreign SUVs. They run beautifully, are comfortable and drive like a dream. I like an SUV because it is roomy for all the things I need to do with a car but it isn't a truck or a van. It is just... Perfect. :) My fantasy car is a Bently. One I go to England to personally design to my exact specifications and have shipped home to me. Now... To dump my husband and go find me a sugar daddy. ;)

 4. Can you be totally honest in answering this next question and tell me what you think of tattoos? More importantly – what do you think of the people who have tattoos – specifically women?

I think that tattoos are, like anything else we do with our bodies a deeply personal choice. While I think that there are a lot of people out there getting ink because it is trendy and rebellious, I do believe that a large segment of those who are tattooed are so because it is deeply meaningful for them. Tattoos tell their story, express their love, desire, fear, joy. They are memorials, family trees and portrait galleries. And yes, just plain fun. 

I don't think that people who have tattoos are trash. Honestly, I used to. And that isn't something I am proud of. Like many people, I was raised to believe that bikers, druggies, lowlifes and nasty old sailors were the only people who got tattoos. And a woman with a tattoo? She wasn't to be mentioned. Much less associated with. I look back at that I and I am horrified. At those who taught me those biases and at myself for buying into them. 

A lot of my perceptions about people with tattoos were changed when I worked in a Laughlin casino in the late 80's, early 90's. There used to be a yearly event, (I don't know if it is still going on. In recent years, there has been a lot of trouble with hardcore gangs infiltrating the event and causing serious trouble and even some shootings) a charity run by bikers, mostly from the Southern California area called the River Run. They would descend on us every year. Bike motors growling, leather squeaking, they would gamble, drink, carouse, (but rarely ever cause any real trouble) raise money for good causes, then roar out of town, leaving us all reeling in their exhaust fumes. 

Our biker guests were almost all tattooed, some a little, some a whole hell of a lot. They wore hardcore garb and took no shit off of anyone. And, much to my surprise, most of them were professionals. Doctors. Surgeons. Attorneys. Accountants. High powered executives, some of Fortune 500 companies. Bigwigs in the movie biz. The odd actor or rocker. Okay, so the rockers being tattooed wasn't much of a surprise. lol But, to see that so many very "mainstream" people were not only dedicated bikers when time permitted but dedicated tattoo enthusiasts, as well shocked my preconceived notions of what "those people" were. And gave me a whole new perspective.

I know a lot of lovely, lovely people, both men and women who are inked. People who are both on the fringes and swimming happily in the mainstream. Some have only a tiny, hidden, deeply meaningful tattoo, others have full sleeves, their backs, chests and legs all canvasses for their own form of self expression and everything in between. I have come to see the beauty in tattoos. And to appreciate just how meaningful they really are.

I don't have any tattoos, at present. But I haven't ruled out the possibility of having one done. In fact, I have an ongoing design in progress in my head, transforming and changing until it is perfect, waiting  for the day that I may finally decide to have it done. I know what I want, the colours I would choose and the reasons behind it. It will likely be my one and only tattoo. I am just waiting for the right time for me.

Draz, if you feel the need and desire to get another tattoo, do it! It is your body! Your skin! Your choice what you do with it. I have seen pictures of some of your tattoos and I think that they are beautiful. But what I think doesn't really matter, love. It is what you think. What you want. Let people judge, if that is what they need to do to feel better about themselves and get through life. You know your truth about who you are. That, my dear friend is all that matters.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

Life goes on. I am still only blogging a couple of times a week. I am not disinterested or off the rails. Just not too chatty, right now. 

In real life, I kind of killed my poor left knee on the trails. I was up to nearly four miles and really rocking it. Then my knee went to hell on me. It was hurting me and I should have listened to it and rested a day but I went out. And I only got in a mile and a half. By the time I got back to the car I was limping. By the time we went to Jacob's Well to fill my water jugs and got home, I was nearly unable to walk. I have been resting it and tottering around here for the last couple of days, praying it will feel better, soon. It still hurts. I am still resting it and hoping I can get back out there by the first of the week. I really need to get these fucking knees of mine dealt with. This is bullshit. 

I ate like a bit of an idiot, the last two days. Feeling sorry for myself and thinking, if I can't walk, what is the point kind of excuses. Idiot. I am back on track. Walk or no, if I do my job I can still lose fat, I just have to do the right thing by myself. A bad knee is not an excuse. Geeze, I can be such a major fuckup, sometimes. Needless to say I don't want to mess this up, now. I have come too far and I still have a hell of a long way to go.

I am hoping to get out and get some new walking shoes, later on. I need them desperately. My old ones let dirt in through the soles, there is no cushioning or support left. And there are holes at the bend points.  Yuk. Plus, I just want a new pair of shoes, dammit! It has been years and years since I bought myself a new pair of shoes. I think I have earned one, don't you think?

Okay, so there you have it. 

I am going to finish my coffee and go get my ass in the shower. I have places to go, later. I want to get shoes and I need to pop into Ross and see if they got more polish in and I just need to get out of this house for a while. If I don't, someone is going to be bleeding. And that someone won't be me.