I am sitting here going crazy. I took the prescribed dosage (1/2 tablet) of Lasix yesterday and today? I am even puffier. Arrrgh!!! Today I bumped the dosage to a whole tablet. This shit has to work. It just has to. I can't do this shit. I am so tired of it. I just want my legs to look and feel normal. I want my hands to not swell. Is that too fucking much to ask? Am I demanding too much, not wanting to be swollen, my weight wildly flying all over the place? Is it too fucking much to have a consistent drop in weight, to reflect the work I do without puffing up and staying in the same place for weeks at a time?
*sigh* I know I did this to myself. I get that and I take responsibility. But I think I have earned improvement. And I want it, damn it!
Thus ends my poor little me rant for today. :P
So, I tried to transfer my music from my 'puter to my phone. Turns out I need a SD memory card. *sigh* That won't be in my budget until the 11th. Bummer. Oh well. I'll get a big, fat storage capacity so that I can download books onto my phone, too. That should salve my hurt widdle feelings very nicely. Oh! And I finally figured out how to move my apps from the roll list to my home panes. Turns out to be a snap. I also figured out how to move them around in their pane or move them from pane to pane. Fun. And I can't seem to leave them in their chosen spots. I am always shifting them around.
That Robo Stir thing looks like a piece of junk. Most things that need to be stirred constantly need to be kept moving and that thing looks as if it basically sits in one spot, leaving the food to stick and burn in the rest of the pan. Waste of money, if you ask me.
I am on track with food and water. I am about to start in on my third two quart pitcher of the day. *slosh*
Okay, I think that is all I had to yap about, at the moment.
Showing posts with label Puff Monster. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Puff Monster. Show all posts
Friday, February 4, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Attack of the Puff Monster
I got on my scale this morning and...
Nothing. No change. Same as last week. I knew that was likely to be as I am very puffy, this morning. My ankles and hands are swollen. Blech! Yuk! So, thanks to the puff, I am likely to report no change in weight, tomorrow. Even tho I am on track and obviously I lost fat, since this fluid weight has to be replacing something.
Fuck!
See, this is what you get when you fuck up your bod with obesity. Screwed up functions.
Blech!
I just have to accept it. And then dump the bloat and next week's fat and really blow the socks off my scale, next week. :P
Another sunny, pretty day. It should warm up nicely. I wish this cough would go away. It would be a nice day for a walk. I still can't exert myself without coughing my head off. Stupid 'flu.
Okay, I am going to start gulping water.
Later, gators.
Nothing. No change. Same as last week. I knew that was likely to be as I am very puffy, this morning. My ankles and hands are swollen. Blech! Yuk! So, thanks to the puff, I am likely to report no change in weight, tomorrow. Even tho I am on track and obviously I lost fat, since this fluid weight has to be replacing something.
Fuck!
See, this is what you get when you fuck up your bod with obesity. Screwed up functions.
Blech!
I just have to accept it. And then dump the bloat and next week's fat and really blow the socks off my scale, next week. :P
Another sunny, pretty day. It should warm up nicely. I wish this cough would go away. It would be a nice day for a walk. I still can't exert myself without coughing my head off. Stupid 'flu.
Okay, I am going to start gulping water.
Later, gators.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Ugh! Moar Snow!
So, it snowed some more. And now we are even more socked in, up here. I am never getting out. lol Trapped in mounds of snow. Forever. Truly an Ice Queen.
Bwahahaha! Drama, much? :P
It is going to be a pain for a day or three, but the temps are supposed to be up to fifty, in a couple of days, so this snow is going to melt away, fast and life will return to normal. :)
I took more pictures. And yes, I am going to torture you with them because this is my blog and I can. ^^
Bwahahaha! Drama, much? :P
It is going to be a pain for a day or three, but the temps are supposed to be up to fifty, in a couple of days, so this snow is going to melt away, fast and life will return to normal. :)
I took more pictures. And yes, I am going to torture you with them because this is my blog and I can. ^^
Backyard. Deeper in.
When there is no snow, there is a patio and a drop off to the ground, below. It is a foot at the wall, less by the tree.
Sabryna in the snow.
Drop off? What drop off?
The driveway, even more deeply covered, now.
Between the drive and the slope is a high curb. All that is visible of that curb is a slight, long bump in the snow.
I am never getting out of here... lol
My little view of a bit of Prescott
About caffeine and water? Personally, I think that I need more water to make up for the additional fluid loss from the natural diuretic in coffee. The coffee I drink and all the water I am drinking definitely help keep the puff down. It never really goes away, entirely... I have hopes that as I lose more weight, it will resolve and I will not have to worry about it, anymore. Or at least as much.
My chow is on track and I am right on pace with my water. My last load of laundry is in my dryer. Maybe I can just rest my back, this afternoon.
Okay, I am chattered out, now. Thank heaven, huh? :P
Saturday, December 11, 2010
BYOC is Back!
Never mind that I am a day late and a dollar short. I am so behind with my bloggy friends, right now that it is sad. And I am going to work hard today to catch up with all of you. In between trips to the bathroom (water! *blurp*) and loads of laundry.
1. It’s freaking Winter alright? Why then – may I ask – when driving home last night did I see not one, but two MEN – driving big “I’m a man with a small penis so I drive this HUGE truck with deer antlers on the front and playboy mud flaps and mufflers coming out of the box” trucks with their windows OPEN? Why do men do that?
Ah! The eternal question! I think that men just have to be "macho", show the little women that he is the capable, big hunter, the bringer of the food, the supplier of the superior genetic material. It is hard wired in their DNA. I also think that men tend to run a little hot blooded. My husband routinely drives around in his work truck in the dead of Winter, snow all around, with his A/C on.
Also, men are just weird and unexplainable. I stopped straining my brain over them a looong time ago. It isn't worth the pain. Oh! And thanks for the snotsicle visual. *gags and throws up brunch of eggs and mushrooms all over keyboard*
2. Is Richard Simmons gay? Is he straight? Has he ever come out? Does he have a lover?
I believe that Richard Simmons is gay. I can't say for certain; as far as I know, I have never heard or read a direct confirmation of his sexual orientation. I think that he has two very distinct lives. His public life and his private life and I don't think that he mixes the two very much. Perhaps he isn't "out" because of his fan base and fears that confirming his sexual orientation may alienate many of them? I don't really know. I am just shooting in the dark, here. I do hope that he has someone special in his life. I think that we should all have a loving wife/husband/significant other/partner... Whatever you want to call that person. For the record, it doesn't matter to me if he is gay or straight. He is a good hearted person. In my book, that is what matters.
3. What’s your favorite Cmas song?
That is a tough one. I adore Christmas music. But, if pinned down to one, it would have to be "O Holy Night". Preferably as performed by Luciano Pavarotti. I also love "Ding Dong Merrily on High", "Carol of the Bells", "Silent Night", "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer"... I could go on and on. "I'll Be Home for Christmas" makes me cry. Because of my brother, who can't come home for Christmas.
4. What is your most favorite and your least favorite Cmas movie?
I am not a huge Christmas movie fiend. Weird, huh? Considering I like everything else about the holiday and season. Most Christmas themed movies annoy the snot out of me. "A Christmas Story"? Bah! Get it away from me. That family should have been nuked off the face of the planet. Same with that horrid Chevy Chase Christmas movie. *shudders* I loved "It's a Wonderful Life" the first thousand times I saw it. I am now thoroughly over it. I like "Scrooged" and I adore "The Shop Around the Corner". *Waits for three ghosts to show up.*
5. To all my corporate buddies out there….I have an important question. My brother is interviewing for jobs in the corporate world. He has an impeccable resume and good, long, stable job history with many impressive accomplishments. However – no bites after he interviews. He’s convinced they are checking his credit record – which is not great. Now I’ve heard places do that…but really how common is it? I mean I work in a place where our work is completely for the government and classified and export-controlled and deals with citizenship and such and we do NOT check credit scores. How prevalent is this – especially when the jobs he’s applying for are not even in the financial industry?
Okay, this is a HUGE hot button issue of mine. Credit checks are for lenders to determine whether or not they are going to issue credit or lend you money. PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Credit checks to determine whether a person is employable is discrimination of the nastiest, most insidious kind and it should not be tolerated. Ever. A person's credit score is not a reliable indicator of what kind of employee they will be. There are a lot of qualified, reliable, dependable, hard working, good honest people out there who will do a fabulous job with trashed out credit ratings. There are a lot of reasons someone's credit rating goes into the toilet. Often it is beyond that person's control. Life, the economy, a lying, sneaky spouse (hello! Ice Queen, table for one) got in the way and their credit suffered. That doesn't mean that they won't do a fabulous job. IMO, credit checks should be taken out of the equation when making hiring decisions.
Thank you Miz Draz for the great questions and discussion! :D
Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.
I am having a good day. My mind is in the game, my bod is soaked with water and good protein and I am feeling pretty damned good, again. I have to pee. BRB
Since I got myself back on track and started slurping incredible amounts of water, I feel so. Much. Better. I have banished much of the puff, I feel smaller, tighter, my clothes are a little looser. I am moving better, my joints feel more fluid, hell, my hips are not hurting as much and my knees feel a little better and are crackling less. Another fab side effect is that my irregularity (read constipation) seems to have corrected it's self, without chemical assistance. Imagine that.
Stupid, sneaky snacking is just stupid. Eating stuff I shouldn't just makes me puffy, sick to my stomach and unhappy. It binds me up, slows me down, makes my joints hurt and makes my spirit cry. It abuses me and punishes me. And I don't deserve any of that. I deserve to be nourished, nurtured and cared for. My body is my temple and deserves the best I can give it. I deserve the best I can give myself.
I am worthy.
And chilly! Some days, I have such a tough time warming up. Even tho it is freakishly warm for the time of year. Oh well. Shivering and working to warm ones self burns calories. Bring on the brrrr.
*glugglugglugglug*
Time to go get the clothes out of the dryer, toss in the smalls and start the towel load. Later, gators. <3
1. It’s freaking Winter alright? Why then – may I ask – when driving home last night did I see not one, but two MEN – driving big “I’m a man with a small penis so I drive this HUGE truck with deer antlers on the front and playboy mud flaps and mufflers coming out of the box” trucks with their windows OPEN? Why do men do that?
Ah! The eternal question! I think that men just have to be "macho", show the little women that he is the capable, big hunter, the bringer of the food, the supplier of the superior genetic material. It is hard wired in their DNA. I also think that men tend to run a little hot blooded. My husband routinely drives around in his work truck in the dead of Winter, snow all around, with his A/C on.
Also, men are just weird and unexplainable. I stopped straining my brain over them a looong time ago. It isn't worth the pain. Oh! And thanks for the snotsicle visual. *gags and throws up brunch of eggs and mushrooms all over keyboard*
2. Is Richard Simmons gay? Is he straight? Has he ever come out? Does he have a lover?
I believe that Richard Simmons is gay. I can't say for certain; as far as I know, I have never heard or read a direct confirmation of his sexual orientation. I think that he has two very distinct lives. His public life and his private life and I don't think that he mixes the two very much. Perhaps he isn't "out" because of his fan base and fears that confirming his sexual orientation may alienate many of them? I don't really know. I am just shooting in the dark, here. I do hope that he has someone special in his life. I think that we should all have a loving wife/husband/significant other/partner... Whatever you want to call that person. For the record, it doesn't matter to me if he is gay or straight. He is a good hearted person. In my book, that is what matters.
3. What’s your favorite Cmas song?
That is a tough one. I adore Christmas music. But, if pinned down to one, it would have to be "O Holy Night". Preferably as performed by Luciano Pavarotti. I also love "Ding Dong Merrily on High", "Carol of the Bells", "Silent Night", "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer"... I could go on and on. "I'll Be Home for Christmas" makes me cry. Because of my brother, who can't come home for Christmas.
4. What is your most favorite and your least favorite Cmas movie?
I am not a huge Christmas movie fiend. Weird, huh? Considering I like everything else about the holiday and season. Most Christmas themed movies annoy the snot out of me. "A Christmas Story"? Bah! Get it away from me. That family should have been nuked off the face of the planet. Same with that horrid Chevy Chase Christmas movie. *shudders* I loved "It's a Wonderful Life" the first thousand times I saw it. I am now thoroughly over it. I like "Scrooged" and I adore "The Shop Around the Corner". *Waits for three ghosts to show up.*
5. To all my corporate buddies out there….I have an important question. My brother is interviewing for jobs in the corporate world. He has an impeccable resume and good, long, stable job history with many impressive accomplishments. However – no bites after he interviews. He’s convinced they are checking his credit record – which is not great. Now I’ve heard places do that…but really how common is it? I mean I work in a place where our work is completely for the government and classified and export-controlled and deals with citizenship and such and we do NOT check credit scores. How prevalent is this – especially when the jobs he’s applying for are not even in the financial industry?
Okay, this is a HUGE hot button issue of mine. Credit checks are for lenders to determine whether or not they are going to issue credit or lend you money. PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Credit checks to determine whether a person is employable is discrimination of the nastiest, most insidious kind and it should not be tolerated. Ever. A person's credit score is not a reliable indicator of what kind of employee they will be. There are a lot of qualified, reliable, dependable, hard working, good honest people out there who will do a fabulous job with trashed out credit ratings. There are a lot of reasons someone's credit rating goes into the toilet. Often it is beyond that person's control. Life, the economy, a lying, sneaky spouse (hello! Ice Queen, table for one) got in the way and their credit suffered. That doesn't mean that they won't do a fabulous job. IMO, credit checks should be taken out of the equation when making hiring decisions.
Thank you Miz Draz for the great questions and discussion! :D
Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.
I am having a good day. My mind is in the game, my bod is soaked with water and good protein and I am feeling pretty damned good, again. I have to pee. BRB
Since I got myself back on track and started slurping incredible amounts of water, I feel so. Much. Better. I have banished much of the puff, I feel smaller, tighter, my clothes are a little looser. I am moving better, my joints feel more fluid, hell, my hips are not hurting as much and my knees feel a little better and are crackling less. Another fab side effect is that my irregularity (read constipation) seems to have corrected it's self, without chemical assistance. Imagine that.
Stupid, sneaky snacking is just stupid. Eating stuff I shouldn't just makes me puffy, sick to my stomach and unhappy. It binds me up, slows me down, makes my joints hurt and makes my spirit cry. It abuses me and punishes me. And I don't deserve any of that. I deserve to be nourished, nurtured and cared for. My body is my temple and deserves the best I can give it. I deserve the best I can give myself.
I am worthy.
And chilly! Some days, I have such a tough time warming up. Even tho it is freakishly warm for the time of year. Oh well. Shivering and working to warm ones self burns calories. Bring on the brrrr.
*glugglugglugglug*
Time to go get the clothes out of the dryer, toss in the smalls and start the towel load. Later, gators. <3
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Roller Coaster
I am riding a roller coaster this week.
Again.
One day I do a stellar job, the next, I am struggling to stay under 2000 calories. Then back, again. *sigh* What the fuck is my malfunction?
If I register a loss, this week, I will die of shock. I am not anticipating doing so. The Puff Monster has me firmly in his clutches, again.
I am so sick of this shit.
The thing is, I know what do do about it and I know how to do it. Obviously. I just keep running up against a brisk wall of mental resistance. It is mental. I am not hungry, but I snack. I am not bingeing and I suppose that is a victory. But it doesn't feel like on when I snack and graze, instead.
I am aware of the problem. Now I have to implement an action plan.
Like staying the fuck on track.
Yeah.
Look at me.
The rocket scientist.
I suck
Again.
One day I do a stellar job, the next, I am struggling to stay under 2000 calories. Then back, again. *sigh* What the fuck is my malfunction?
If I register a loss, this week, I will die of shock. I am not anticipating doing so. The Puff Monster has me firmly in his clutches, again.
I am so sick of this shit.
The thing is, I know what do do about it and I know how to do it. Obviously. I just keep running up against a brisk wall of mental resistance. It is mental. I am not hungry, but I snack. I am not bingeing and I suppose that is a victory. But it doesn't feel like on when I snack and graze, instead.
I am aware of the problem. Now I have to implement an action plan.
Like staying the fuck on track.
Yeah.
Look at me.
The rocket scientist.
I suck
Monday, October 4, 2010
Howz About a Thunderstorm?
Good Monday evening, my little chickadees.
I am in thunderstorm heaven, right now. Dark, low clouds, gusting winds, thunder, lightening and lots of rain. Mama like. :D
Would you all like to see my thunderstorm? I made a few little videos of the storm. My little digital camera can do one minute silent videos, so I did a few. My shooting sucks, I am warning you, right now. And the picture quality isn't top notch. But I think I captured a little of an Arizona thunderstorm.
In other bloggy type news... Not too much going on. I cleaned the house like a maniac, yesterday so I had an easy day, today. Which is nice, considering the fact that my head is up to a 3.5. Urgh! Food is right on track. But I need to crack down on my sodium intake, again. I am not expelling puff as I should be. *sigh*
I slept terribly, last night. I had seriously weird dreams and woke exhausted. I have been dragging ass all day and am so ready for bedtime.
I am enjoying this rain and cool air. Now, it is beginning to feel a little like Autumn. Oh! In my first video, did you see that some of the leaves are beginning to change?
Guess I am not going walking, tonight. lol
I am in thunderstorm heaven, right now. Dark, low clouds, gusting winds, thunder, lightening and lots of rain. Mama like. :D
Would you all like to see my thunderstorm? I made a few little videos of the storm. My little digital camera can do one minute silent videos, so I did a few. My shooting sucks, I am warning you, right now. And the picture quality isn't top notch. But I think I captured a little of an Arizona thunderstorm.
In other bloggy type news... Not too much going on. I cleaned the house like a maniac, yesterday so I had an easy day, today. Which is nice, considering the fact that my head is up to a 3.5. Urgh! Food is right on track. But I need to crack down on my sodium intake, again. I am not expelling puff as I should be. *sigh*
I slept terribly, last night. I had seriously weird dreams and woke exhausted. I have been dragging ass all day and am so ready for bedtime.
I am enjoying this rain and cool air. Now, it is beginning to feel a little like Autumn. Oh! In my first video, did you see that some of the leaves are beginning to change?
Guess I am not going walking, tonight. lol
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Running Myself In, Again and... The Difference Between Overeating and Binging
Ah, that lovely feeling of soreness, the achy feet and stiff, sore hips. Thus are aspects of the running in. Breaking in and getting over the initial owies of getting back into an exercise program. I went through this in June, when I first started walking and I am rather pissed at myself that I am having to do it, again because I was Slacker Supreme for nineteen days.
Nineteen days. That is all it took to get almost back to the beginning with my physical conditioning. I am not all the way at the beginning, obviously... But I am amazed how just three weeks ruined me. Any fitness fades fast. You have to keep up with it and you have to work hard at it all the time. Because it is fleeting.
Record breaking heat again today. Blech! I am so over this! I am puffy. cranky, sweaty and all that shit and I just want the air to cool, already. Oh, and the nasty humidity that has decided to roll in? Maybe it can roll the hell back out, again? Thankyouverymuch!
I am riding the Puff Monster hard, right now. I am not even going to bother getting on my scale until that is over. I should depuff, pretty soon. Puff seems to cycle for me. And weighing myself when I am in full puff just doesn't make any sense, since I will only record a bounce. Bleargh!
I don't have "real" cycles, anymore thanks to my hysterectomy and oophrectomy almost twelve years ago. But my bod seems to have held on to it's memory of how to retain water. lol
Kristin at Kreating Kristin asked for guest posters on the subject of overeating versus binging. I kind of wanted to offer a guest post but the very thought of even going there scared the shit out of me and made me ask myself who the hell I think I am, presuming to contemplate such a thing. So, I will give my answer here.
There is a huge difference between overeating and binging. Overeating would be something along the lines of one too many slices of pizza, a second helping of mashed potatoes, half a bag of potato chips. A big, greasy cheeseburger, a large fry and a big chocolate milkshake. Eating patterns that will, in time pack a shit load of weight on your frame and turn your arteries to concrete, clog your heart with fat and stroke you out. Overeating is bad habits set in over the course of years. But it is reversible with some work and determination. I still overeat, now and then. But it doesn't scare me. I can and do make overeating my bitch.
Binging is an entirely different animal. Binging is frenzied. Binging is unthinking. Binging is fevered, desperate and wild. Binging is eating to forget. To dull pain. To numb ones self out. Binging is a drug. It is therapy. It is love. Binging is a headlong rush through the kitchen, store or drive through, gathering all the food one can carry, then consuming it in vast quantities until the pain is dulled and the screaming in your mind is quieted. Binging is stuffing yourself until you are high, soothed and calm. Artificially high, calm and soothed. Numb. Exquisitely, sweetly numb. Unable to feel. To think.
It is fleeting. And soon, the numb wears off. The high dissipates and the pain and the screaming in your mind returns. Your stomach begins to empty a little and you find yourself with an overwhelming urge to do it all again. Like a drug, binging is addictive, seductive and compelling. And it can be just as tough to kick out of your life. Binging scares the shit out of me. It shadows me. Binging haunts me, calls to me. When I experience an upset, when my husband lies to me or I get some bad news or my past demons try to rise and hassle me, I feel the need to feed. I want to run to the kitchen and stuff food. I want to eat and eat and eat until I feel sufficiently numb, punished, quieted. I want to eat until I am shaking, sick, disgusted with myself. I crave it. I crave the pain, both physical and emotional. I crave the mental chaos and the self recriminations. Most of all, I crave the numb. That fleeting moment of absolute peace I know that I can't allow myself to fall into that morass. No matter how much I might both dread and cry out for it. It is dangerous and it will kill me.
That is, in my experience the difference between overeating and binging.
Nineteen days. That is all it took to get almost back to the beginning with my physical conditioning. I am not all the way at the beginning, obviously... But I am amazed how just three weeks ruined me. Any fitness fades fast. You have to keep up with it and you have to work hard at it all the time. Because it is fleeting.
Record breaking heat again today. Blech! I am so over this! I am puffy. cranky, sweaty and all that shit and I just want the air to cool, already. Oh, and the nasty humidity that has decided to roll in? Maybe it can roll the hell back out, again? Thankyouverymuch!
I am riding the Puff Monster hard, right now. I am not even going to bother getting on my scale until that is over. I should depuff, pretty soon. Puff seems to cycle for me. And weighing myself when I am in full puff just doesn't make any sense, since I will only record a bounce. Bleargh!
I don't have "real" cycles, anymore thanks to my hysterectomy and oophrectomy almost twelve years ago. But my bod seems to have held on to it's memory of how to retain water. lol
Kristin at Kreating Kristin asked for guest posters on the subject of overeating versus binging. I kind of wanted to offer a guest post but the very thought of even going there scared the shit out of me and made me ask myself who the hell I think I am, presuming to contemplate such a thing. So, I will give my answer here.
There is a huge difference between overeating and binging. Overeating would be something along the lines of one too many slices of pizza, a second helping of mashed potatoes, half a bag of potato chips. A big, greasy cheeseburger, a large fry and a big chocolate milkshake. Eating patterns that will, in time pack a shit load of weight on your frame and turn your arteries to concrete, clog your heart with fat and stroke you out. Overeating is bad habits set in over the course of years. But it is reversible with some work and determination. I still overeat, now and then. But it doesn't scare me. I can and do make overeating my bitch.
Binging is an entirely different animal. Binging is frenzied. Binging is unthinking. Binging is fevered, desperate and wild. Binging is eating to forget. To dull pain. To numb ones self out. Binging is a drug. It is therapy. It is love. Binging is a headlong rush through the kitchen, store or drive through, gathering all the food one can carry, then consuming it in vast quantities until the pain is dulled and the screaming in your mind is quieted. Binging is stuffing yourself until you are high, soothed and calm. Artificially high, calm and soothed. Numb. Exquisitely, sweetly numb. Unable to feel. To think.
It is fleeting. And soon, the numb wears off. The high dissipates and the pain and the screaming in your mind returns. Your stomach begins to empty a little and you find yourself with an overwhelming urge to do it all again. Like a drug, binging is addictive, seductive and compelling. And it can be just as tough to kick out of your life. Binging scares the shit out of me. It shadows me. Binging haunts me, calls to me. When I experience an upset, when my husband lies to me or I get some bad news or my past demons try to rise and hassle me, I feel the need to feed. I want to run to the kitchen and stuff food. I want to eat and eat and eat until I feel sufficiently numb, punished, quieted. I want to eat until I am shaking, sick, disgusted with myself. I crave it. I crave the pain, both physical and emotional. I crave the mental chaos and the self recriminations. Most of all, I crave the numb. That fleeting moment of absolute peace I know that I can't allow myself to fall into that morass. No matter how much I might both dread and cry out for it. It is dangerous and it will kill me.
That is, in my experience the difference between overeating and binging.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
The Puff Monster Cometh
Actually...
The asshole is already here. As evidenced by my scale, this morning.
I am up 2.8 pounds.
Gah!
I was expecting it... I can see and feel the swelling. And I know that at least one weigh in out of every few is going to be a bad one, thanks to the puff.
So, yeah...
I am not too upset. Not really...
I knew it was going to be like this and I know that I didn't eat to gain 2.8 pounds of fat in a week, so it is okay. And I believe that next week will show me a much more favourable number, so it's all good.
I just needed to whine a little. lol
Okay. Off to get me coffee and then read some blogs.
Later, gators. :D
The asshole is already here. As evidenced by my scale, this morning.
I am up 2.8 pounds.
Gah!
I was expecting it... I can see and feel the swelling. And I know that at least one weigh in out of every few is going to be a bad one, thanks to the puff.
So, yeah...
I am not too upset. Not really...
I knew it was going to be like this and I know that I didn't eat to gain 2.8 pounds of fat in a week, so it is okay. And I believe that next week will show me a much more favourable number, so it's all good.
I just needed to whine a little. lol
Okay. Off to get me coffee and then read some blogs.
Later, gators. :D
Monday, August 9, 2010
Return of the Puff Monster
The Puff Monster sucks.
I hate the Puff Monster.
I am trying to kill the Puff Monster.
With pretzels?
Seriously? WTF was I thinking? Salty pretzels don't banish the bloaty bloat bloat. They kind of make it happen. Pretzels are Puff Monster food. I didn't touch pretzels for over a week and no puff. Eat a small bowl of pretzel sticks and I am sucking down waaaay too much water to make me happy, keeping my feet up and watching my stupid ankles and feet slowly, steadily expand.
*sigh*
Of course.
I can't wait to get on my scale, on Thursday, if this keeps up.
Okay, somebody call the Waaahmbulance. I feel a serious pity party coming on. "Whiny, complaining biotch, party of one, your table is ready!"
I have been feeling increasing rumblings from my old self. My old, confident, fearless, outspoken self. She is beginning to chip away at the thick wall of reinforced concrete that has held her back for so very long. Sometimes, Former/Future Me overtakes Current Me and the most astonishing things happen for a brief, shining moment. Then I manage to stuff her back behind her wall. I need her to remain quiet for a while longer. I need to remain Current Me; keep the peace, keep everything on an even keel. I need time. I need to prep for her arrival. Because when I do cut that bitch loose, all hell is going to erupt everywhere and I will need to be fully her to deal with it.
And I have to tell ya... Hell or not, I am looking forward to the fireworks. I think it is going to be fun. It will certainly be entertaining.
Have you entered my CSN Stores sponsored $40.00 gift certificate giveaway, yet? If not, please click the link, travel to my giveaway post and enter in comments. The giveaway is open to public followers in the US and Canada.
Okay... That is about all I have to yap about, at the moment. I have thoughts swirling but can't seem to make them come together and flow through my fingertips to my keyboard. I suck so hard at writing. lol
I hate the Puff Monster.
I am trying to kill the Puff Monster.
With pretzels?
Seriously? WTF was I thinking? Salty pretzels don't banish the bloaty bloat bloat. They kind of make it happen. Pretzels are Puff Monster food. I didn't touch pretzels for over a week and no puff. Eat a small bowl of pretzel sticks and I am sucking down waaaay too much water to make me happy, keeping my feet up and watching my stupid ankles and feet slowly, steadily expand.
*sigh*
Of course.
I can't wait to get on my scale, on Thursday, if this keeps up.
Okay, somebody call the Waaahmbulance. I feel a serious pity party coming on. "Whiny, complaining biotch, party of one, your table is ready!"
I have been feeling increasing rumblings from my old self. My old, confident, fearless, outspoken self. She is beginning to chip away at the thick wall of reinforced concrete that has held her back for so very long. Sometimes, Former/Future Me overtakes Current Me and the most astonishing things happen for a brief, shining moment. Then I manage to stuff her back behind her wall. I need her to remain quiet for a while longer. I need to remain Current Me; keep the peace, keep everything on an even keel. I need time. I need to prep for her arrival. Because when I do cut that bitch loose, all hell is going to erupt everywhere and I will need to be fully her to deal with it.
And I have to tell ya... Hell or not, I am looking forward to the fireworks. I think it is going to be fun. It will certainly be entertaining.
Have you entered my CSN Stores sponsored $40.00 gift certificate giveaway, yet? If not, please click the link, travel to my giveaway post and enter in comments. The giveaway is open to public followers in the US and Canada.
Okay... That is about all I have to yap about, at the moment. I have thoughts swirling but can't seem to make them come together and flow through my fingertips to my keyboard. I suck so hard at writing. lol
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