Thursday, September 30, 2010

Running Myself In, Again and... The Difference Between Overeating and Binging

Ah, that lovely feeling of soreness, the achy feet and stiff, sore hips. Thus are aspects of the running in. Breaking in and getting over the initial owies of getting back into an exercise program. I went through this in June, when I first started walking and I am rather pissed at myself that I am having to do it, again because I was Slacker Supreme for nineteen days.

Nineteen days. That is all it took to get almost back to the beginning with my physical conditioning. I am not all the way at the beginning, obviously... But I am amazed how just three weeks ruined me. Any fitness fades fast. You have to keep up with it and you have to work hard at it all the time. Because it is fleeting.

Record breaking heat again today. Blech! I am so over this! I am puffy. cranky, sweaty and all that shit and I just want the air to cool, already. Oh, and the nasty humidity that has decided to roll in? Maybe it can roll the hell back out, again? Thankyouverymuch!

I am riding the Puff Monster hard, right now. I am not even going to bother getting on my scale until that is over. I should depuff, pretty soon. Puff seems to cycle for me. And weighing myself when I am in full puff just doesn't make any sense, since I will only record a bounce. Bleargh!

I don't have "real" cycles, anymore thanks to my hysterectomy and oophrectomy almost twelve years ago. But my bod seems to have held on to it's memory of how to retain water. lol

 Kristin at Kreating Kristin asked for guest posters on the subject of overeating versus binging. I kind of wanted to offer a guest post but the very thought of even going there scared the shit out of me and made me ask myself who the hell I think I am, presuming to contemplate such a thing. So, I will give my answer here.

There is a huge difference between overeating and binging. Overeating would be something along the lines of one too many slices of pizza, a second helping of mashed potatoes, half a bag of potato chips. A big, greasy cheeseburger, a large fry and a big chocolate milkshake. Eating patterns that will, in time pack a shit load of weight on your frame and turn your arteries to concrete, clog your heart with fat and stroke you out. Overeating is bad habits set in over the course of years. But it is reversible with some work and determination. I still overeat, now and then. But it doesn't scare me. I can and do make overeating my bitch.

Binging is an entirely different animal. Binging is frenzied. Binging is unthinking. Binging is fevered, desperate and wild. Binging is eating to forget. To dull pain. To numb ones self out. Binging is a drug. It is therapy. It is love. Binging is a headlong rush through the kitchen, store or drive through, gathering all the food one can carry, then consuming it in vast quantities until the pain is dulled and the screaming in your mind is quieted. Binging is stuffing yourself until you are high, soothed and calm. Artificially high, calm and soothed. Numb. Exquisitely, sweetly numb. Unable to feel. To think.

It is fleeting. And soon, the numb wears off. The high dissipates and the pain and the screaming in your mind returns. Your stomach begins to empty a little and you find yourself with an overwhelming urge to do it all again. Like a drug, binging is addictive, seductive and compelling. And it can be just as tough to kick out of your life. Binging scares the shit out of me. It shadows me. Binging haunts me, calls to me. When I experience an upset, when my husband lies to me or I get some bad news or my past demons try to rise and hassle me, I feel the need to feed. I want to run to the kitchen and stuff food. I want to eat and eat and eat until I feel sufficiently numb, punished, quieted. I want to eat until I am shaking, sick, disgusted with myself. I crave it. I crave the pain, both physical and emotional. I crave the mental chaos and the self recriminations. Most of all, I crave the numb. That fleeting moment of absolute peace I know that I can't allow myself to fall into that morass. No matter how much I might both dread and cry out for it. It is dangerous and it will kill me.

That is, in my experience the difference between overeating and binging.


  1. Girl! You nailed it! Binging is a drug, it's your crack, gets you high you come down and want it again! Man, you nailed it! I love your blog!

  2. Thank you, Love. Sounds as if you know the bitch very well.

    Thank you for your kind words about my blog. And for hanging out with me. :D

  3. I'm about to start my walking program, and I am actually looking forward to the owie stage .. she says NOW, before actually beginning. :D The nice part is that you won't take long to regain your conditioning. I have about 19 years (not 19 days) since I last regularly did any walking sort of exercise. My muscles are going to be so surprised! LOL You had a great walking routine and I know you'll get back into the swing of things in no time.

  4. Ohhhh, I've spent time with that bitch more often than I care to think about.. You've nailed her, Girlfriend..

    And, I love the new graphics!! Thank you for all you write!

  5. You really nailed it. I don't have a problem with binging but I do a lot of overeating.

  6. Your body has probably not forgotten how to exercise. I hope you will be pleasantly surprised in just a few days, and hope it won't be like starting over for you.

  7. I have never had a binging problem, but I am the queen of overeating! There is definitely a difference and I think you explained it perfectly!! I really like the new look. Wish I had been as smart as you and stayed off the scales today....damn that Puff Monster!

  8. Yep! Binging is EXACTLY like that. I had someone ask me how someone can get to be 300+ lbs (because he knows I did weigh that much once). He can't understand that stuffing food into your face at 100mph isn't about physical hunger. You are feeding a bottomless pit of emotion that seems to want to consume you. The food and the comfort that it brings keeps you from drowning.

  9. Binging is like one of these ladies in your new backgroun-creepy scary and as old as time. Will outlive us all unfortunately...

    Polar's Mom

  10. I walk almost every day but I get sore. My hubs said I need to rest every now and then (to allow my muscles to rest) so I have started taking a day or two off a week...still I am continuing to lose weight. And I am a bloated mess right now b/c I still have my t.o.m. Ugh. I hate it. This week has been bad with cramps and pain and feeling like crap. I took tonight off from walking due to sinus pain and I passed out after dinner. I do feel better though!

  11. Ok, you HAVE to make your "kaboom" guy have a negative number next week, ok? So keep on walking, ignore that damn humidity and heat. Keep hydrated, and do what you know you need to do.

    Love and squeezes.


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