Friday, September 3, 2010

Sorry About Yesterday!

Seriously, I am so sorry about my two post bitch fest and hate party. All I can say is I needed to unload a little and better here than actually spewing my anger and frustration on Husband. I have to work very hard to keep everything on an even keel around here and a screaming match won't do that so...

Anyway, again. I am sorry that you have to read all that bullshit.

My head is down to a Cat 2.5 this morning. I think a good night's sleep helped a little. I am feeling really strong binge urges. I am fighting with my head, my feelings and I want to just make them all go away. I am longing for a good numb out, a small window of time where I don't have to feel. But I can't do that. I can't allow myself to return to using food as a drug. Feeding won't make me feel better. It will only make me feel worse, reinforce my old patterns and pull me off track. Feeding to dull my feelings will only lead me back to darkness, despair, put the weight back on and make me have to do all of this all over, yet again. And I am not willing to go back there.

Shit. Another downer post. I suggest that you skip this shit. Seriously. I can't seem to STFU, right now. lol

It is going to be another warm one. The temp is rising, every now and then I get a breath of a refreshing breeze through my window, then it gets warm, again. I will probably have to fire up the air in a couple of hours. It will be nice when it finally gets cool enough that we don't need to run the air, any longer. Electricity in this state is really, really expensive and running the A/C just during the warmest part of the day can make our electric bill skyrocket.

Great. Now I have that stupid song, Afternoon Delight running through my head... *sigh*

Okay, now that I have once again been a Debbie Downer, I will go toss my sheets in my dryer and then read blogs. 


  1. Sometimes, I have found that I can be just as satisfied by transferring my urge to binge over to my urge to buy, but then just taking a trip to the library with my library card. I walk in there, I "pay" with my card, I walk out with a bag full of books, and haha! I have new stuff! Try it!

    Oh, and no problem, you warned us!

  2. I found your blog through blogstalking, and I wanted to tell you that I LOVE the way you write and your attitude. I'm also fat and working on losing my extra hundred and thirty pounds that I have hanging around. (Okay let's face it, at this point I'd be thrilled with just losing 100. Okay, how about 10?)

    Anyway...I wanted to tell you to hang in there and you are an inspiration to someone in Missouri who needs to jump on your bandwagon.

    Good luck for today!

  3. I don't mind the downs of people's blogs. Makes them human, like me. If everyone was all sunshine and roses every day I'd think, "Wow, there is something wrong with me." Just keeping being you...that's why I read.

  4. Ups and downs are part of this whole journey. Feel what you feel and express what you want. I won't leave and I won't stop reading your blog because I do not think it is a downer. This journey that we are on is slow and hard. Hang in there. Here are a few blogs to inspire you so you WON'T BINGE (plus my own binging posts from a little while ago). You may know some of these blogs, but, if not, enjoy them. Have a great weekend! Michele

    From my blog:

  5. Look at it this way, isn't it great to be able to use your blog to rant and rave and have so many people offering support to you? :) Much better than overindulging and self-medicating with food. :) I hope you feel better very soon. Have a good weekend.

  6. Mandy's right - the library is a good place to satisfy some bingeing urges. Only problem is they expect to get their books back, so I just borrow books from Mandy and never give them back.

  7. Lanie, I wouldn't mind so much if you would read them and tell me how awesome I am for suggesting such a book!

  8. No more apologizing....this is you today....and no matter what mood you are in - I still love you and am honored to call you a friend. We all cannot possibly fart gumdrops every day. Fight the habits and urges - you can do it - you know you want to. You've come too far to turn back have the strength...I believe in you. This is a safe place and my dear, you listen time and time again on my down days and while I wish you felt better - I am honored to repay the favor.

  9. Thank all of you so much. I wanted to cry, reading all of your kind, supportive comments. You make me feel warm and cherished and overwhelmed with gratitude.


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