Saturday, September 4, 2010

Slowing My Roll

You know how it goes... The creep. The slow, steady, ultimately disastrous creep.

You have a target calorie range. A range in which you feel well, the weight is slipping away or you are nicely maintaining.

Then it happens...

The creep.

One day. you eat at the low end of your range, feeling all smug, in control and right with the world. Your inner dialog is good and you are rocking the Casaba. Then, one day, you realise, much to your surprise and dismay you have somehow done the creep. And looking back, you realise just how insidious and comfortable it all was.

Your calories come in about mid range, one day. Don't worry about it! You tell yourself, "I am still in my target calorie range. It's all good. Don't worry about it." But a sneaky, tiny little voice is beginning to whisper, oh-so-softly around the edges of your brain, "You loser. You are spinning out of control and you don't even know it."

A day or two later, your calories are even higher. Top of your range. You are still justifying it by reminding yourself that you are actually still on track.


And the little voice is getting stronger and reminding you that you are a big, fat, stupid, worthless, idiot of a failure. That you can't do this because as usual, you are spiraling down into your marass of disordered eating and you will gain all of your weight back and even more and you are in trouble.

And there is some truth to what the voice is whispering, then speaking, then shouting in your ear.

Then you look back at your written daily calorie and exercise log and OMG!!! You have been kissing and even doing the nasty with 2000 calories.

And the voice is at full volume and it is screaming at you. And you are listening to it. And it is making sense and you believe it and you think, What the fuck? Might as well. I am a failure. I lost some weight, but this is the time that I need to go ahead and run for the hills and screw this entire process into the ground and just accept my fate."

Time to dial it back. Time to slow your roll and get back in your chosen calorie range.

So, over the next couple of days, the calorie counts are falling nicely, you are back out on the road, clocking your two miles a day and you are not thinking that you are a loser and a failure and stupid and worthless. In fact, you are feeling pretty damned good. And good about yourself. You feel powerful, back in control and happy to be alive and feeling good.

And the voice?

You have told it to STFU. And chained the bitch in the storage room behind the garage with a roll of duct tape holding it's big, fat mouth shut. :D

Yeah, in case you didn't already guess, that has been the last week, for yours truly. lol

Our walk tonight was pretty nice. We did get attacked by a bunch of little beetle type bugs for a short stretch, but the didn't haunt our entire walk. Unlike the swirling swarms of gnats out at the lake.

The humidity has rolled back in and the Monsoon is thinking of firing back up. If we have to put up with the humidity, I would love, love, love some rain to go with it.

No special plans for the holiday weekend. It would have been nice to go out for a ride or something...


  1. I think the people that don't have little insidious voices like that in their own heads throw caution to the winds and never hear a thing...and all kinds of S*@!storms happen...murder and mayhem...So be thankful for the voice and even more thankful that you take heed, darlin'!

    You can do this and I know it!!!

  2. Keep moving! You can do it, you're good at this! Look how well you've done overall. You rock!

  3. Good job, putting duct tape on that little voice that tried to undermine your good efforts! Well done!!

  4. I have a little voice with duct tape over her big fat mouth. Mine is locked in the basement. When she tries to get out, I just kick her ass back down the stairs. I'm sick of her!

  5. I am so glad you told that voice to STFU...I was about to do it for you (damn voice!)


  6. God - weeks like that are so hard aren't they? That's Drazil for me - my inner lizard....telling me it's fine, eat the brownie, I deserve it...etc. Wonder what your inner lizard would be named? Ice Princess? LOL Anyway - please don't call yourself a failure...I seriously cringe when I hear it....but then again this is your blog and you say what you need to. I just wish you could see how much you inspire us all and how much you are a success. I puffy heart you...and if you need help keeping the Ice Princess in the closet - Drazil can help mmkkaayy?

  7. The inner voice can be really mean if it doesn't belong to inner voice is awesome, but most everyone else's needs to be locked up. My inner voice says you can get yourself back on track. My inner voice also says that bumps happen, but they are what make us stronger. Learn from this and move along!

  8. Good for shutting up that inner voice! Keep going you are doing so well!
    I gave you an award stop by my blog to pick it up :)

  9. You're doing great, you're able to stop it before it gets out of hand.

  10. I know, I hear this voice a lot lately. Especially on the job hunting front. Ugh, I have been looking for over a month and nada. I am trying not to get depressed.

  11. Ha ha, love your post on "the inner voice" and everyone's comments. Real life always makes me laugh the most. Next time my inner voice (the bad one) starts yapping I'm going to remember "STFU." New acronym for ... chained up bitch for you...all is good.

  12. You're NOT a failure: you're a success, and an inspirational one, to boot. Every time you talk about your walks, I feel guilty that I don't have your determination and strength. If I could be like you, I'd be so proud of myself. So you'd better be proud of yourself--you're doing it. You're getting the job done. You are AWESOME!!


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