Slowing My Roll

You know how it goes... The creep. The slow, steady, ultimately disastrous creep.

You have a target calorie range. A range in which you feel well, the weight is slipping away or you are nicely maintaining.

Then it happens...

The creep.

One day. you eat at the low end of your range, feeling all smug, in control and right with the world. Your inner dialog is good and you are rocking the Casaba. Then, one day, you realise, much to your surprise and dismay you have somehow done the creep. And looking back, you realise just how insidious and comfortable it all was.

Your calories come in about mid range, one day. Don't worry about it! You tell yourself, "I am still in my target calorie range. It's all good. Don't worry about it." But a sneaky, tiny little voice is beginning to whisper, oh-so-softly around the edges of your brain, "You loser. You are spinning out of control and you don't even know it."

A day or two later, your calories are even higher. Top of your range. You are still justifying it by reminding yourself that you are actually still on track.

Technically.

And the little voice is getting stronger and reminding you that you are a big, fat, stupid, worthless, idiot of a failure. That you can't do this because as usual, you are spiraling down into your marass of disordered eating and you will gain all of your weight back and even more and you are in trouble.

And there is some truth to what the voice is whispering, then speaking, then shouting in your ear.

Then you look back at your written daily calorie and exercise log and OMG!!! You have been kissing and even doing the nasty with 2000 calories.

And the voice is at full volume and it is screaming at you. And you are listening to it. And it is making sense and you believe it and you think, What the fuck? Might as well. I am a failure. I lost some weight, but this is the time that I need to go ahead and run for the hills and screw this entire process into the ground and just accept my fate."

Time to dial it back. Time to slow your roll and get back in your chosen calorie range.

So, over the next couple of days, the calorie counts are falling nicely, you are back out on the road, clocking your two miles a day and you are not thinking that you are a loser and a failure and stupid and worthless. In fact, you are feeling pretty damned good. And good about yourself. You feel powerful, back in control and happy to be alive and feeling good.

And the voice?

You have told it to STFU. And chained the bitch in the storage room behind the garage with a roll of duct tape holding it's big, fat mouth shut. :D

Yeah, in case you didn't already guess, that has been the last week, for yours truly. lol

Our walk tonight was pretty nice. We did get attacked by a bunch of little beetle type bugs for a short stretch, but the didn't haunt our entire walk. Unlike the swirling swarms of gnats out at the lake.

The humidity has rolled back in and the Monsoon is thinking of firing back up. If we have to put up with the humidity, I would love, love, love some rain to go with it.

No special plans for the holiday weekend. It would have been nice to go out for a ride or something...