Saturday, January 28, 2012

Two More Tubs

I bought two more tubs of that protein powder. I likes it. :D I like the taste and the 24 grams of protein per serving keeps my tummy very happy for hours and hours. Today, I had a smoothie about ten this morning and wasn't hungry or thinking about lunch until well after three. I had a light grilled cheese and some Popchips for late lunch and I am already ravenous, again.

Hmmm... No brainer, there, Protein smoothie, good. Grilled cheese, tastes good but doesn't really get the job done. I ended up finishing the bag of Popchips. *sigh* 240 frakking calories I wasn't planning on taking in. I may just do a protein smoothie for dinner, tonight.

I sent William out after a battery for my scale. Time to face the music. *hold me!*

It is sunny today but not as warm as I had thought it was going to get. The wind has a little chill to it. Oh well. It's still better than snow and ice. Anything is better than that! lol

I am doing so much better drinking my water. I am getting in about three quarts, again between water and Crystal Light. I feel better for it, lemme tell you. I had really slacked off in the water department. I am not pushing for more than three quarts of fluid a day. I just can't do more and honestly, I don't think that it is necessary. Five, six quarts of water a day is a full time job and dammit! I have enough other shit to do and I hate living in the bathroom. If, when it starts to warm up, I consider increasing my intake a bit to keep myself hydrated as it heats up but I am not going to force myself to gulp so much water that I want to gag, just thinking about it.

I have started wearing my hair parted on the side. I am under the delusion that it makes me look younger. lol

Oh! What do you think of my new layout? I am kind of over the cutsie backgrounds and headers. (nothing wrong with them, I am just tired of them on my blogs.) So, I put up a simple stretch and made a matching header so that everything is nearly seamless and bright. I made my page wider and stretched my columns a bit, too. I think it makes my formerly closed in, cluttered blog page look better. :D

Friday, January 27, 2012

Where Have I Been?

Right here. Just being a failure and having little to nothing that I felt like talking about so... I didn't.

It's a better day, today. I got stocked up on protein powder and I have decided to try smoothies for b-fast and lunch. Have a little din-din and stop. the. fucking. snacking. *sigh*

Dear Olay, I don't swap to your moisturizer because I tried a sample of it, years ago and it gutted my skin. That's right. Chemical sunscreen is not my friend and your moisturizer would do me serious harm, should it come anywhere near me. Love, Erika.

I think that I am learning how to use my web cam on my laptop. Finally. I am feeling it out. The process. I recorded a few tiny test videos and deleted them, last night. I am going to keep practicing and then try doing a vlog. Maybe. We'll see. I kind of want to do it and I am kind of seriously freaked out by the idea. My vlogs will be hardly professional looking. Web cams aren't the most fabulous things on the planet and I doubt that editing and so forth is going to come easily to me.I can't do them on my camera as it just records one minute silent "movies". Oh, yeah. I am all up on the latest tech, fo shizz! :P

Does anyone have any suggestions on the best settings to get the best picture and sound quality I can, with this machine? I have a Sony Vaio and run Windows 7 and the program is Web Cam Companion 3. If anyone has any suggestions, I would muchly appreciate them. :D

I need to go start my dishwasher and get my hair out of rollers and re set the timer on the dryer and so forth. I have a little shopping to run out and do, later. It will be nice to get out for a bit. :)

Thursday, January 19, 2012

All That and a Bag of Chips

I swear that the weeks go faster and faster. As long as they speed along until the middle of April...

I am craving popcorn. 

I guess that you can guess, by my title how yesterday went...


Shouldn't have had the salad and chicken for lunch, yesterday. It left me feeling a little empty and I got myself into a pile of trouble. I should have had a protein smoothie as I had planned. 

I am right dead on track, today. I did protein smoothies for brekkie and lunch. I was barely feeling hungry by the time half past one rolled around and I had my lunch and I am just beginning to feel a little rumbly in my tumbly, for dinner, now. This is good. Nourishment and not feeling as if I want to eat my house down. Why didn't I get this stuff a long time ago?

So, it is still not Wintry, around here. The high got up to almost seventy, today. Compared to this time, last year it feels like the tropics in my neck of the woods. Sunny, warm, temps like March or the first part of April, not January. I am not fooled, tho. I have a sneaking suspicion that Old Man Winter has a nasty trick or two up his sleeve and we are going to be assholes and elbows deep in snow, ice and misery for at least one or two good blasts.

Pray I am wrong.

My frakking head is bad and rapidly ramping up to nearly unbearable. Tomorrow should be a lot of fun. By then, I will spend all day with the blinds drawn, sitting on the sofa waiting for my brain to implode. Yay! Migraines!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

It Isn't Nasty

In fact, that protein powder is pretty good. Colour me surprised! The last time I tried to use powdered protein it was like trying to drink ground, dried up cow bones and hides, or something. And that was the "tasty" stuff. Gag!

This stuff:

I got the vanilla. I thought that it would work nicely with fruit in my smoothies and it does. So far, I can drink it, just fine. I am going to give it a few days to see if I settle in nicely with it before I call this a complete success. But, so far, so good. :) If the vanilla continues to be good, I'll branch into chocolate, too. :D

I chose this particular brand because it has 24 grams of protein per serving. I could wish for it to be a little lower in calories, but at 145 calories per serving, it isn't out of line. I'll have to look around and see if, perhaps I can find some that qualify and still taste good. If protein powder is yukky, it doesn't matter how much protein it has or how low the calories, I won't ingest it. No how, no way.

I like that my morning and lunch smoothies with this powder kept me full for hours and hours. It's nice not to have the rumbly in the tumbly all the time.

Now I have to get my chicken ass out there and buy a battery for my scale. Time to see just how much damage I have done. I am thinking that I am not going to be super happy with what I see. But it is time to face the music. And the scale. Head on. To know is power. And then I can exercise that power and make a change. :)

It's chilly in here, right now. I can't wait for the oven to warm this house up. I have chicken in there for dinner. Yum. There is also a big, fresh salad and I am going to make some rice to round it all out. Nom, nom, nom.

Great. I need to blow my frakking nose, again. Allergies suck ass.

Tuesday Morning

Good morning blogland.

I am up. I am drinking coffee and I am contemplating trying my new protein powder in my smoothie, this morning. I hope it isn't nasty.

The guys are getting ready to take the in-laws down to Yarnell. MIL has to see her health care practitioner and they want to visit with SIL for a bit. So it will be just me and the pets here. Ahhh... Peace and quiet.

I'll report back in a bit with the verdict on the protein powder. Happily, Hi-Health allows returns so if I hate it I can take it back and get something else. I will find something that I like. I am determined. :D

Okay. I have to run.

Friday, January 13, 2012


Is it Friday, already? (I see that I still can't solve the font problem.) Where did this week go? 

1. Do you have a favorite traditional “birthday meal”? If yes – what is it and what is the meaning behind it?

Nope. I just eat whatever. 

***Fucking Firefox is driving me crazy, tonight.***

 2. If you’ve lost weight, has your style changed since you lost weight? Or what's your dream purchase when you do lose weight/hit goal? 

I can now wear "real" jeans, not denim elastic waist excuses for jeans. But I am still wearing not so fab tops and I am looking forward to getting to a smaller size and being able to get some cuter clothes. I am over wearing ugly shit.

   3. Pick one question of the following two to answer: Who is your favorite Muppet and why? Or who is your favorite Smurf and why? 

Muppet: Animal! :D

 4. When you buy a lotion or after bath spray or body spray or candle (not perfume) – what’s the “flavor” you always find yourself loving the most?

For these types of products I tend to like either sticky-sweet, warm fragrances like vanilla, caramel, chocolate or true rose or really light, fresh scents like soft florals, cotton, linen or fresh oceanic scents. My fragrance tastes are somewhat eclectic but I have definite dislikes. I don't much care for the spicy, woody or green type scents and I am not fond of sandalwood, patchouli and so forth. 

 5. Repeat question. Summarize your week in real life and in blogland.

Must I?

Okay, that is all I have to natter about, right this moment.  

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

It's a Dog! It's a Crocodile!

Turn on your speakers! Click play! Awesomeness! 

Is it January or is it March? I have to ask because right at this moment, I have no idea. As long as it isn't snowing, you aren't going to hear me bitch and moan about it. I do feel that we should get some precip, tho because fire season is going to be a bitch, otherwise.

Larry the Cable Guy is an insult to all people who work for cable companies, everywhere. Just saying.

So, good day, today. The last couple weren't so much. I didn't blow it too bad but didn't hold my target range and I am so pissed at myself. Man, I should have this shit in the bag, have it so under control. I should be sailing. Why am I struggling? Why am I still trying to get it out of first gear? I suppose I'll know when I fugure it out. *pfffft!* I suck.

This time last year, I was sailing along on a cloud of fabulous and this? I am stuck in the mud and questioning everything. Myself, most of all. I don't know. I do know that it is bullshit. And that I need to pull and keep my head out of my ass because just yammering about it isn't getting the job done. To do that I actually have to frakking do. It. Yep. That one bears repeating. I just have to frakking do it. Yes, spell check, frakking is so a word! So stick that in your dictionary and smoke it.

Stupid Firefox spell check, anyway. Did you know that it doesn't work in the title box? How ass up dumb is that, I ask you?

I think that exercise would help. Hmmm? And why the hell am I wasting all of this perfect for walking weather? I don't know. Again. Time to get my head out of my ass and just do it.

My dog thinks that she is a crocodile. Really, she does. The other night, I was sitting here, chowing on dinner and Sabryna was doing the mooch thing. Marley was over by the dining table (yes, we eat in the living room. We are horrible people.) and he must have made a move as if he were thinking about coming in this direction, thus possibly coming between Sabryna and whatever prime tidbit I would toss to her, next. That stiff old woman who can just make it around, most days wheeled on her hind legs, like a streak was across the room (granted, it isn't a large room, this condo is tiny) and on that cat, jaws snapping like a crocodile. Marley took off, shot across the room, went behind my sofa, then came out the other end and huddled in a ball, over by the fireplace where Sabryna couldn't get to him. And he stayed there for more than an hour.

Damn cat just never learns.

I found the best doo-dad for smoothing my feet! I was in Bed Bath and Beyond just after Christmas and in the very tiny, in my local store, beauty section was this thing called Silk Feet. It is a flexible sanding grit (120) mesh oval banded with soft plastic. It is super mouldable to your feet and it works a regular treat. I have feet from hell. Seriously. I have to keep lotion and Vaseline and socks on all of the time or my feet go from feet to nasty, hard, hooves.

I don't know anyone who can get a dry skin buildup on their feet like I can. And I have used just about every kind of smoothing contraption you can think of. Ped-Egg. Metal foot files. Foot files with diamond. Sandpaper kind. Super grit stone. Pumice. Scrubs. This little gadget trumps them all. It is easy to use. Comfortable. It really works and, unlike Ped-Egg or other files, leaves my skin smooth, not abraded and rough. Best seven bucks I ever spent and the moment it starts feeling a little worn down, I am back in there to get me another one. I use that Silk Feet and  then put on lotion and Vaseline and socks and my feet are so much better. I may actually wear sandals, this Summer. :D

I received my Book of Shadows palette in the mail on Saturday. Oh, golly! It's lovely. And the shadows are splendid. Almost all of them are velvety, silky and beautifully pigmented.  I am not too wild about a couple, especially Midnight Rodeo. Too glittery, even for me. But overall, I am tickled pink with it and I am so glad that I splurged on it.

I also, the other day went into CVS. I was after cotton rounds. Nothing else. Just cotton rounds. Yeah. Right. Out I came with my cotton rounds, five new eye shadows and a lipstick. I had to get three of the new Loreal Infallible shadows (now I want more colours! They are faaaaabulous!), two of the Maybelline Color Tattoo creme shadows, (like them too... Surprising, since I don't usually like maybelline makeup in the least. Need more colours) and a beautiful Revlon Color Burst lipstick in Crimson. Hey, that was on clearance and I have been searching all season for my perfect red lipstick. And I think that I finally found it! And wouldn't you know... It is a now discontinued shade! Just my luck! lol No worries. I don't wear red lipstick all of the time, so this tube should last me a while.

I didn't buy any polish, that day. Weird. Must have had a temporary fever. William was surprised. I came out to the car with my little bag of goodies and showed him what I got, swatched the Loreal shadows on my hand (don't tell me you never swatch your new goodies in the car! I won't believe you. lolol) and William asked me, "What, no polish?" Nope. Not that trip. :D

Okay, I guess that is all I have to yap about, right now. My head is down to a dull roar, finally. Thank. God. I was getting a little desperate, there for a while. I actually took something to try to dull it a bit. I always hesitate to take anything for my head because I pay for the slight, temporary relief with a hella rebound.

I could go for a nice, dry vodka martini, right now. Ice cold, straight up, desert dry, three olives. *slurp!*

Saturday, January 7, 2012

My Head...

is bad.

Really, really bad.

I can't stand the light, sound is ripping my brain apart and I think that I am going to throw up.

I want my mommy.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Holy Shit! BYOC is Back! Yay!!!

Draz is back in fine form and she has presented us with fresh, new BYOC. I am all over this, fo shizz.

1. How do you feel about NY resolutions? Do you make them? Do you forget about them quickly? Do they help you?

I don't make resolutions. I have learned that if I tell myself that I have to do something or can't have something, that is a sure as hell way to get me running in the opposite direction. I set goals. For some reason, I can live with those. 

 2. Did you put up a Christmas tree? How many? Is it still up?

Yep. One. No.

We did a tiny tree strung with green L.E.D. lights, red and white candy printed satin ribbon and cookie cutters on ribbon hangers. I placed it on my kitchen windowsill. It was adorable and Christmas-y but took up no space in our tiny home. 

The spot in which our normal tree is normally set up is home to Sabryna's food and water dishes. She is thirteen, now and she is getting unsteady on her feet. Being on hard, slippery lino is so difficult for her. She loses her footing and falls so we put her dishes in the dining area and she can stay on broadloom and it is easier for her to get back and forth to her dishes and to eat and drink.  Sabryna only has to walk across the slick floor to go out the back door to go potty. It is hard for her but she spends less time on it. Poor baby girl. She isn't going to be around all that much longer and I just want to make life as easy and comfortable as I can for her.

 3. How many total Christmases did you choose to have to attend outside of your home?

Not a damned one. :D 

4. What are you most looking forward to this year?

April!!!!!!!!!!!! We make our last BK payment and get our discharge, that month. Then we will have a massive loosening up in our budget and can finally afford to get out of Condo Hell. I. Can't. Wait! Just four months to go. Boy, has this been a hell ride. 

 5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blogland this week.

In real life: I am back with a vengeance. 

In Blogland: I am back in a vengeance.

Look out.

Why the fuck can't I get my font back to normal after copy and pasting stuff? What is up with that shit? Am I stupid? Is Blogger stupid? *sigh*

Why am I cussing so much? :P

Random Nattering

I like to watch YouTube videos. I have eclectic taste and an insatiable desire to know a little bit about just about everything. I bounce from subject to subject, watching videos, taking in different points of view and chewing things over. I especially enjoy beauty videos. I am subscribed to a shitload of so called "gurus" and I have to admit, I have been massively enabled; something I don't really mind, since I love makeup and I have learned new techniques. My shadow application and blending, for instance... I was always pretty good at it but now... Much better. And I can actually lay down a right fawncy liquid line. Something that eluded me for years. My secret? Loreal Lineur Intense liquid liner. The one with the felt tip applicator. It;s fab. Blackest black and so easy to use. Even I can't muck it up.

It is still lovely, here. There were clouds, rain, possibly snow in the forecast for early next week. No longer. It is supposed to remain clear and nice. I have to say I am not complaining. Sure, this lack of precip and snow is going to be a huge problem, come fire season. The forest is going to be as dry as a tinderbox. But I just can't hate this weather. I want to. But I can't. And I usually love cloudy days.

I am slowly gathering together all of the supplies I need to press and palette all of my Bare Minerals makeup. I was an avid mineral makeup only user for over a decade. Loved the stuff. then, my skin changed and the foundation was no longer suitable. I branched out to liquid and cremes and started buying different kinds of shadows, blushes and so forth, as well. So I have a crap ton of little jars of mineral beauty that I m just over messing around with. I love the colours, I am just over the loose powder. And I certainly have no intention of tossing them. I invested a good bit of money in that makeup. I am going to press it all and put the pans in palettes. I will still be able to enjoy all of my pretties and they will be so much easier to use, store and take along with me. I'll yak more about that when I actually get to it. :D

I had a pretty crappy day, yesterday. I didn't go all hog wild. There weren't burgers, or anything but there was some nasty good popcorn. Orville Reddenbacher's Movie Theatre Butter with the pour over stuff? Yeah. Baaaad. I have a popcorn and nasty fake butter hangover, this morning. I had some chips, too. Blech.

I am making so many typos that my page is covered in little wavy red lines. That is what I get for downing three huge mugs of coffee, this morning. I feel as if I am going to vibrate right off my sofa. But boy, am I ever wide awake. lol Yes, I know that I am committing grammatical homicide. Sue me.

Mmm... Water. It does a body good. *lame*

Who's watching The Biggest Loser? I am! I am. *waving hand in the air* I see that this season is another one full of everything I love and hate about the show. You have couples. Again. *sigh* isn't that concept a little played out, already? I am so over the family/best friend teams of two. Together, pitted against one another. Whatever. I am so tired of waaah, waahhh, I have to save my son/daughter/husband/wife cry, cry, cry. Blech. Enough, with the couples, already! Bring in a houseful of total strangers and let them duke it out. Now, that is fun to watch! I see that we have a new House Asshole. Typical big, tall, fat, arrogant asshole. Thinks that he rules the place and has already won it and is not afraid to run his big mouth. Guys like this piss me off. And when they win... *cough* John from last season. *cough* It pisses me off, even more. In my not so humble opinion, a truly strong, confident man doesn't need to be an arrogant asshole. He exudes that confidence quietly. Earns respect through a certain elegance of self and is naturally charismatic. Men like John and Patrick from a few seasons back? Not so much.

Project Runway is back. All Stars, this time. No Heidi or Tim, tho. Huh??? I love Heidi and Tim! They are like peanut butter and jelly on the runway. And what is a judging panel without Michael Kors? I don't know how I feel about this new team. We'll see what happens, I suppose. I am tickled to see Austin Scarlett, Sweet P and Rami Kashou  and Kara Janx again. They were some of my faves in seasons past.

I think that my brain is buzzing as hard as my fingers are. lol

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Tuesday Night

I really need to shut my puter down and get downstairs, wash my face and hit the hay. I'm tired and I am in need of a good night's sleep. I kept waking up, last night and my sleep was fitful. Blech. I hate nights like that. I seem to be in a shitty sleep phase. I may take a little something to help me get a solid night of sleep because right now I am feeling a little mental from the lack of it.

Had a pretty good day, food wise. I went just over 1500. I was planning to come in a little lower but, popcorn happened. Better than the chips that I have been gulping, lately. Yep. Yep. We won't discuss my ice cream phase. Oh, no siree. Suffice it to say, no sugar free ice cream (I won't touch the stuff with sugar in it) is allowed in this house. Under any circumstances. I can't be trusted around that stuff.

I need to change my polish. Tomorrow is Wednesday so I think I will do pink. :D

Okay. I really need to run. This makeup isn't going to clean it's self off. Would that it could. :P

I think that I can live with my blog for a while, now. I should just put together something I really love and leave it alone. Yeah. Riiiight. That'll happen.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Wanna Laugh?

If so, my work here is done. 

Goodnight, all. 


For the Record...

I absolutely hate the way my blog looks, right now. I did this in about two minutes late, last night and it will stay like this until I find the right background and make a new header. Tasks I enjoy but I can get so picky and snotty about it that it can be a little wearying. So, ugly blog it is, for now. lol

My favourite brekkie these days is a smoothie. I have one almost every morning, now. On occasion, maybe once every couple of weeks or so, I will do oatmeal or an egg white scramble thing but I really look forward to my frosty, fruity slurp, every morning. This morning it was vanilla peach. :D

 The recipe is super easy. I dump one cup of UVAB (Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Breeze almond milk) one container of Yoplait Light fat free vanilla yoghurt (yeah, yeah, I know... But I like it. Deal with it. lol) and 140 grams of frozen peach slices into my blender jar, pulse and puree until all smooth and lovely. I usually dump it in a big, plastic tumbler but since I knew that I was going to take a photograph of it I poured it into this pretty glass. Yepper. I be a food stylist. :P This is 200 calories. That number varies slightly with different frozen fruits and yoghurts I choose. 

Other combos I like, (the almond milk is always the same, right down to brand) Very Cherry Yoghurt with peaches. Or with peaches and pineapple. Vanilla and peach and pineapple. Vanilla with strawberries or with strawberries and pineapple. Or cherry yoghurt with strawberries, pineapple and peaches. Sounds crazy, but sooo delish. I know that Greek yoghurt, preferably unsweetened would be a better choice and is, in fact delightfully yummy, I just like the Yoplait. And it is more affordable so, that is what I use. 

I am seriously considering adding protein powder to my smoothies to make them even more nutritious and filling and make the satisfaction last longer. However, my past experiences with protein powders weren't so good. I am talking one good gulp and I am running for the nearest receptacle to rid myself of it. Yeah. I am just weird about some thing. But protein powder is good for us. And especially good for those of us working on the weight loss thing. So, my question to all of you who use protein powder is: Which one would be best for me? In your opinion? 

I would like protein powder that tastes good, doesn't gag me. I would like vanilla, to work with my fruity smoothies and maybe chocolate for frosty smoothies made with ice, rather than fruit. Is there any protein powder with no flavour? I am thinking that a veggie source might be a better choice for me? My previous awful experiences were with animal based powders. I am a meat eater but... Yeah. Were you able to try before you bought? Any advice and suggestions are welcome. 

My head hurts, this morning. Blech. I need to get to my day. I have some housework, a little laundry and I have a ton of polishes to get to swatching. My untrieds are legion and I am determined to mot buy much polsih until I get through them. Or at least quite a few of them. 

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Busy Day

I saw this on Tumblr. 

Boy, am I tired. William and I took down the Christmas decorations and put them away then the cleaning began. Every January First after the Christmas stuff comes down, we go on a cleaning frenzy. Bathrooms get scrubbed from top to bottom, the furniture gets moved and vacuumed behind and under, the sofas are vacuumed to remove pet hair and dust, all hard furniture is polished by hand, hard floors mopped and polishes, stairs vacuumed, ceiling fans cleaned, every inch of broadloom, including edges vacuumed. I keep a clean and tidy house but it is nice to start the New Year with everything fresh and sparkling clean. It was a perfect day to air out the house, it was warm enough to throw the windows open and enjoy fresh air. Lovely.

After the house was all done, William helped me assemble my new nail polish storage cubes. What an adventure that was. The first one was a huge pain in the ass because we had no idea how to go about putting them together. Once we got the first one together, the second was a snap and we had that one up in a fraction of the time the first one took. I got them downstairs in my sanctuary and sorted and stashed my polish. And found that I need one more. I don't know if I should be bothered by that, or not. Probably not. Some people buy shoes, some buy cars, I buy nail polish. And makeup.

Urban Decay recently marked down their Book of Shadows IV palette. From $69.00 to $44.00. I had my greedy eyes on that baby since the first rumblings hit the blogs last Summer but seventy bucks for a shadow palette, no matter how pretty is a little more than I can be spending. But I can do forty-four. I can't wait to receive it. I have the Naked and Naked2 Palettes on my wishlist. I had the 15th Anniversary palette on my wishlist as well  My little heart is broken. When I couldn't afford it, it was everywhere. Now that I had the money to get it, it is gone, forever. I haz a sad. *shrug* Other pretties will come along.

I have an unscratched lottery ticket sitting on my little side table. As long as I don't scratch it, I am $50,000 richer. When William asked me which ticket I wanted, yesterday when he was buying his lottery tickets (I buy polish and makeup, he buys lottery tickets) I just had a feeling and pointed to the ticket I now have. Yeah. I liked it because it is sparkly. Sue me. And I just had a feeling. I am sure that that feeling was just the buzz from the grande skinny peppermint mocha I had just gulped. I seriously doubt that ticket will render anything but a few minutes of scratching and trying to match letters and words.

William keeps opening the window at night. It's nice, but it isn't that fucking nice. I am so sick of him being too hot and freezing my ass out of the house. He isn't the only one in here.

I need to find a new background for this blog. I am over this one. 

A Squandered Year

2011. I squandered it. It was my own choice... No one held a gun to my head. I wasn't forced. I made my own choices. Some were good. More weren't so much. I know that i am a few pounds heavier. Closer to 300, again. I don't think that I am over that mark. I need to get a new battery for my scale, grow a pair and step on it and find out for sure. I can still fit into my jeans so I know that I didn't do a terrible amount of damage to myself.

But I did damage. And in more ways than just a number on the scale. I allowed some of my old, injurious behaviours to take control and I allowed my self to indulge in self abuse. I punished myself and hated myself. I inflicted more damage, rather than working so hard toward healing. And I wasted a whole year. Rather than moving steadily toward my goal for 2011, I went steadily away from it. And yes, I am angry with myself for it.

I can't change that. That is the past. This is now and I have the power to move forward. To set a goal and to achieve it. I can do this. I know that I can. Hell... I have. I mean, I am down over a hundred pounds from my all time high weight so I am aware that I have it in me to thrive and to make this happen. I need to remember to feed off if that; to feed off of my past success, to build it and nurture it and myself.

I have to keep reminding myself that I am worthy.

I have had a very good few days. Not stellar but good. And I have gotten some exercise and I feel better, this morning. A little smaller, by body has that squishy, shrinking feeling to it. I like that feeling. :D I like it a lot. And I want it to continue.

I am setting my goals for 2012. Not resolutions. Goals. I would like to make it to 250 by the first of July and I want to hit Onderland by the end of this year. I want to ring in 2013 with a one as the first number on my scale.

I am setting a goal to post in this blog, regardless of what kind of day I am having. No more chickening out and neglecting the part of me that needs this blog, anyown who might read it and the interaction of like minded people. I need to get support and I need to give it. I need to reach out, not withdraw. I have learned, over the last year that getting cocky, thinking I am all that then pulling back and hiding when things get ugly is not how I am going to reach my goals and nurture and nourish the most important part of me. I also realize that withdrawing my support and care of my bloggy buddies is doing them injury as well. And that is just as unfair to them as it is to me.

This New Year is starting out with the most beautiful weather you can imagine for this part of the world. Temps in the upper sixties, even seventy. Record highs. Sunshine, soft breezes. I fear that March, which usually brings weather like this will be cold, blustery and dump a ton of snow on our asses. Now, wouldn't that be a gas? :P I am not complaining about these gorgeous days, tho. I am sure that Old Man Winter still has some tricks up his sleeve... I very much doubt that we will get no more Winter but it it is warmer and milder and we get rain, rather than snow that will be just fine with me.

Marley is sitting in a bundle, a couple of feet from Sabryna and just staring at her. Stupid cat just doesn't learn. He just doesn't get that in another life that dog was a crocodile. *shrugs* He's fast. That seems to be his only saving grace because I fear that like most males on this planet, speed is all that can save him when his lack of brains can't.

Women should rule the world.