So, after my disaster of a weigh in this morning, I pouted, sulked, obsessed and wanted to cry for about five hours. I managed to do some housework, eat a good breakfast, get some exercise, drink a lot of water and have a healthy, sensible lunch.
I also rambled into my kitchen repeatedly, looking for comfort and something to make me feel better. And resisted until I was finished with lunch.
Then I lost it.
As binges go, it wasn't all that impressive. I crunched a lot of mini pretzels, a good deal of light sour cream and salsa. About 1700 calories worth.
It only made me feel better until my stomach started to hurt like crazy and my mouth was blech and I wanted to puke.
I still feel unhappy in the tummy and with myself. I can rebound from this easily, physically. Mentally and emotionally, I still have work to do. While I am going longer and longer lengths of time between binges, I am not cured of them, by any means. When I am sad, angry and upset, I still want to run to my usual security blanket and curl up in it and let it soothe me and make me forget, just for a few minutes why and at what I am upset.
I went thirty five days without a feeding frenzy/binge, this time. I am doing better and that is what I am choosing to focus on. My next meal, when I do feel hungry, again will be on track and healthy and I move forward, from here.
No more self abuse. I don't suck. I had a rough time and it is done. Time to let it go.
Friday, June 11, 2010
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You have a lot of insight into your reasons for overeating. I'm sorry you fell down but I think you'll be able to pick yourself up and continue on. Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteI'll be fine. I stumble but I do pick up and move on. Perfection would be nice, I'm not lying. But I will be content with progress. :D
ReplyDeleteExactly. And you DO indeed have a lot of insight into your eating habits.
ReplyDeleteOh - IQ - 35 days is amazing...you are doing so great and this slip does not have to become a slide. You are human. We are not perfect. The point is you are not giving up - we are right behind you cheering you on! Be well my friend.
ReplyDeleteI agree too that 35 days is awesome! I sympathize with you...having eating a 1600+ calorie cheeseburger yesterday I feel awful this morning mostly just my stomach but a little bit of guilt too! You've gotten far and you're getting better and better :)
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