So, after my disaster of a weigh in this morning, I pouted, sulked, obsessed and wanted to cry for about five hours. I managed to do some housework, eat a good breakfast, get some exercise, drink a lot of water and have a healthy, sensible lunch.
I also rambled into my kitchen repeatedly, looking for comfort and something to make me feel better. And resisted until I was finished with lunch.
Then I lost it.
As binges go, it wasn't all that impressive. I crunched a lot of mini pretzels, a good deal of light sour cream and salsa. About 1700 calories worth.
It only made me feel better until my stomach started to hurt like crazy and my mouth was blech and I wanted to puke.
I still feel unhappy in the tummy and with myself. I can rebound from this easily, physically. Mentally and emotionally, I still have work to do. While I am going longer and longer lengths of time between binges, I am not cured of them, by any means. When I am sad, angry and upset, I still want to run to my usual security blanket and curl up in it and let it soothe me and make me forget, just for a few minutes why and at what I am upset.
I went thirty five days without a feeding frenzy/binge, this time. I am doing better and that is what I am choosing to focus on. My next meal, when I do feel hungry, again will be on track and healthy and I move forward, from here.
No more self abuse. I don't suck. I had a rough time and it is done. Time to let it go.