Winter Sucks and I am Tired of It.

Cold. Yuk. February, that deeply chilled month leading into March.

This Winter has been weird... Warm days, deeply cold days. Days of insane wind, sudden, wild snow then warm days, again. At least the snow hasn't been bad. They guys have only had to clear the drive and put down ice melt a few times. yesterday, it was sunny, chilly but not too cold then as the sun went down, the temp plummeted and the wind kicked up and we woke to an inch or so of dry powder. It was clear, the sun was shining and reflecting on the snow crystals being blown around. the air looked as if it was full of diamonds. It was kind of gorgeous.

But I am ready for Spring. And for Summer, when I get to bitch about how hot it is and how I am longing for Autumn. LOL

I have my follow up at the doc, in the morning. Nine-fifteen. What kind of insane time is that to have too be at the doctor, I ask? Oh well, it's a follow up so I can have coffee before I go in.

That's really about all I have to yap about, right now. Except I seem to have a bug nite on my hand. I don't know how I got it but it sure is itchy.

Humiliated, Stupid and Pissed

My feet are cramping. Nice. As if I need this, right now.

I had to go to the doc, this morning to get my yearly blood work and get my scripts renewed. While I was in the exam room, I had to tell her why I didn't go to my consult with the surgeon and I started crying. Dammit! I thought I had it controlled but no. I started crying, again. Embarrassing. I am the stoic one, the collected and calm one. Yeah, right. Get myself together, sort of. Sitting in the lab so that Drac can draw blood and I start crying again.

Embarrassing. Again.

So I get done, make my follow up appt, and I decided to head to Hellmart and pick up a few things. Body wash, shampoo, conditioner... The usual. My fave shampoo and condish? They don't carry them. Of fucking course. Since I was already wrought up, I felt like crying again. Over shampoo and conditioner. Embarrassing and stupid. I kept it together. Got my body wash, Hellmart didn't have the cotton rounds I like, didn't have Precision Tip Q-Tips, but I did find a nail polish and a lip gloss that I wanted to try. Checked out. Just those few things? Thirty clams.

Then off to Walgreen's. They have my shampoo and conditioner. And the new Nivea Lip Butters that I like so much were BOGO 1/2. Grabbed two. Got my cotton rounds and Precision Tip Q-Tips. Another thirty bucks.

I decide to run into the grocery store and get a few things. Pick them up, having shopped carefully so as to not go over what was available on my debit card (as I was now nearly out of cash) everything rings up and fuck. My card declined.

Humiliating.

Now here is where the stupid comes in. I should have checked my e-mail on my phone, right there. It would have told me that I was two dollars short on my debit card. I had five in cash. I could have given the checker the cash then run the rest on my card and it would have been fine. But no... I panic, I am ready to start howling, again so I just told her to forget it and went to my car, clutching the coffee I had bought earlier and angry as hell with myself.

Got into my cat, checked my e-mails and realized that I was a fucking idiot and felt like a humiliated, fucking idiot.

I am so over today already.

First World Problem

Do I get the Samsung Galaxy III or suffer with my current Old El Crappo phone a couple of months longer and get the Galaxy IIII? I like the newest and funnest. I have been reading about the new GS4 and it sounds like something that is right in my wheelhouse. 32G, Key Lime Pie, 1080p HD video...

The SG3 is a great phone and will be dirt cheap when the SG4 launches and that would be great for the old budget but I have suffered with this crappy phone for so long that when I do replace it, I kind of want the best one. YaknowwhatImean?

First world problems.

I haz them.

And, it seems, another fucking migraine.

Can I go back to bed, now?

Guess I Needed It

Sleep, that is. I slept until after ten, this morning. I know... Lazy sloth. I never sleep late. I am up between six and seven every morning. Last night, I felt so worn out, I was yawning hard, you know, those yawns that feel as if they are going to crack your jawbone in two? I kept falling asleep in my chair, with my computer in my lap. I finally decided to go to bed and was so bone tired that I could barely drag my ass down the stairs, go into my bathroom to pee, take my hair down and fall into bed. I didn't even bother brushing my teeth, braiding my hair or putting on extra face cream.

I do feel better this morning, tho. More refreshed and energetic. I think that stress, migraines, sleeping like shit finally all caught up with me and my bod and brain cried uncle. LOL

I am having my morning coffee and cursing the snow that fell in the night. We are forecast to get more, today then it is supposed to clear up, warm up and go away. Which is good. I like it not. At least we aren't in the East, right now. Yikes! Talk about snow! Just glad it isn't me. :P

Coffee... What would I ever do without you?

I have a pile of polishes to swatch and some other stuff to do.

Random Nattering

I want to start by thinking you, sweet bloggy friends for your beautiful, supportive words in comments on my last post. I can't even begin to tell you how much they mean to me. I didn't respond to them individually because I couldn't, without howling. But I want you to know that I have read every word, over and over and held them close to my heart and I know that your silent support, over the miles is part of what helps me to keep it together and to be as okay as I can be.

If anyone dares to tell me that there is no good in the world, I will gladly direct them to read your comments, both here and on my other blog because let me tell you, there is good. So much, so very much good. Especially in people, people I have never met face to face, yet care, care enough to show me love, to uplift me. I am so grateful and so lucky, in so many ways.

I am doing a little better... Hanging in there. I still can't talk too much about what is happening, I am still struggling with acceptance and will continue to do so. But that thread that has felt so very thin and fragile is a bit stronger and maybe, so am I.

Otherwise, things here are good. William is working hard, so is Patrick. I am getting back into the swing of swatching and blogging on Icy Nails and getting a little of my enthusiasm back. I recently purchased a new Color Club collection. It is gorgeous. I should be able to get it swatched, tomorrow, as long as it is good and sunny. I'll link the post when I review them. You'll plotz. I have already put them on a nail wheel and... Wow.

Days here are beautiful. Sixty, sunny, now that the storms have passed through. This Winter has been a pretty warm one, overall. It got super cold, for a little while, temps down to almost zero, at night, not getting out of the teens or low twenties during the day. I don't like it when it gets that cold. I know... Bitch, bitch, bitch! LOL

I had an appointment with a surgeon for my gallbladder. I have cancelled it for now... I don't feel like dealing with it, at the moment and while I am not completely comfortable, I am okay. Also, this surgeon isn't in my insurance network and I am stressing over how much I could end up owing out of pocket, when all is done. The thing is, this surgeon is one of the best in the area, he has mad skillz and has an extremely high patient satisfaction rating. I want to research the local in network surgeons and think about this. Going in network makes more sense and will likely be covered completely, between my insurance and my health fund. No need to rush, at the moment.

Blech. Stupid insurance companies get away with so much BS. If one has insurance, one shouldn'thave to stress over cost, one would think.

Well, that yawn just about cracked my jaw in half. LOL