It's Like Thunder... Lightening...

The first good Monsoon storm is in progress as I type this. It has been hotter than Satan's ball sack the last few days. Hot, hot, hot. Sunny. Heat wave hot.

Then the clouds built up, the thunder began to boom, the lightening began to flash and then... Miracle of miracles! Rain! Beautiful rain! Drenching, life giving, air cooling, sweet smelling, pattering on every surface, rain. It's still raining, right now. I am reveling in it as long as it lasts. All too soon, it will end, the sun will come back out and it will be boiling hot, again.

My neighbor. I am going to fucking kill him if his cigarettes don't, I swear I will. I had my windows open, enjoying the rain, the cool, the wind. Then my house was flooded. Fucking flooded with his fucking cigarette smoke. I started bitching about it, William the Wimp Asses Pussy Boy closed the windows and turned the A/C back on.

I am pissed. I was enjoying my storm but thanks to my nasty, yukky, cigarette addicted neighbor, apparently I am not allowed to have my windows open and have fresh air. HE gets to fucking smoke, smoke, smoke and pollute the air, stink it up and flood my house with his gross smoke but I can't say anything about it. I just want to:

Sometimes.

Really.

I think that this storm pretty much did in the Doce fire. I doubt that bad boy is still burning or if it is, the hotshots should be able to snuff it, now.

Zits? What The? And Revealing Something Major to Me...

Really?

At my age?

I'm forty-frakking-eight and in the last week I have had no fewer than three huge, juicy zits. I don't break out anymore. I just don't, And well I shouldn't. I mean, I am dealing with the early signs of Crone; fine lines, a few wrinkles popping up, a little saggy action here and there, hooded eyes... It happens, I accept it and I am okay with it. I lied, I'm not but yeah, whateves. I don't think that I should be forced to put up with zits, too. I just don't. I think it should be zits or wrinkles. 

Not both. 

Oh no. 

Not both. Not fair. Not acceptable. 

So, the last couple of days were good. I ate well, got my water. I am planning to start walking again, soon. Once I get over the initial goofy-ness. I always go through a phase where I feel a bit light headed, weak and strange and unwell-ish as I get on track and my bod adjusts. I go through it, every time. I know that I need to get past it then I am good. 

I'm not flawless... I munched a couple of handfuls of nasty store brand potato chips, yesterday and killed a single serving bag of Doritos, today. I logged the calories. I am not beating myself up. I am human. I am flawed. And so it goes. 

I am not doing this on my own, this time. I am getting help. 

Big help. I made a momentous decision and have decided to go forward with having WLS. I had my first appointment at True Results in Scottsdale, last week to see about getting a Lap Band. The appointment was a good one, I qualify, (duh!) my insurance covers it. I have a documented history, co-morbidities, a frightening family history and a terrible personal history at weight loss attempts. I have some hoops to jump through before my insurance will approve; actually, it is my husband's company. go figure. Whatever. If they want to me to jump, I'll jump. I have to do four months of supervised by the center dieting, have a psych eval, (that should be fun, I've never done that, before) have a consult with a nutritionist. True Results is in network and everything is covered. Yay!

I am not going into this lightly. I have done my research, time and again. My eyes are wide open. I understand the benefits, the risks, the statistics. I have gone over this six ways from back and forth. Debated it, debated it, again. I tried on my own. Tried so hard and I thought, I really thought I had it beat. But I didn't. I just didn't. I need help. And I am not too proud to admit it and I am not too proud to reach out and take it. So that is where I am with that. I have officially begun my four month hoop-jump.

I don't expect everyone to agree with my decision and that is just fine. I know what some people will think:

 I haven't. Trust me. I know that in the past I was outspoken that I could do this on my own. I thought that I could. I really thought that I could. But I also said that I wasn't opposed to WLS, that I fully respected anyone who made that decision for themselves. I still feel that way. I feel that everyone needs to do what is right for them, make the decisions, choices that are right for them, that work for them. I don't dictate, I don't judge. I am not living in someone else's body or life, I am not going to tell them how to care for that body or live that life.

I feel very good about this decision. I have no nervous feeling about this decision, no doubts, no second thoughts. I am calm, steady, this is right.

My cat is bugging me for treats. Greedy little orange fuzzbutt anyway. 

Going Along Well Then...

Chips and Salsa

I was indulging in my new addiction. Sherlock, the British version and I was unthinking and did not stop with the chips and salsa. Otherwise my day wasn't too bad. I ate so many chips and salsa, William ate so many, Patrick at so may that there are no more chips left so I can't get myself into anymore trouble with crunchy, salty, white corn goodness.

Sadly, there are no more delicious Sherlock episodes on YouTube for me to goggle for free. Guess it is time for me to break down and get Netflix 'cause Mama needs more Sherlock. Mama needs all of the Sherlock.

In other entertainment news, we are Die Hard fans in this house. All of the movies have been watched time and again. Enjoyed, time and again. A Good Day to Die Hard, the fifth offering was junk. Garbage. Terrible. It had a few okay moments but overall it was a big fat fail. I think it is safe to say that the Die Hard Franchise has jumped the shark.

There's clouds out there! Woot! I don't think that they will actually dump anything on us but they give me hope.

Summertime... And the Living is...

It just is.

Over a month. Yeah. I have sucked as a blogger, here. Again. I think about things I want to talk about, think that they aren't worth talking about and I don't. Or I figure that I am so nattery on Facebook why bother or whatever. But what the fuck? This is my blog. I'll write what I want, when I want.

Duh!

That was kind of liberating.

Speaking of which...

I got on the scale at a doctor's office last week and:

 

 Yeah, I know. What I didn't know, because I was too chicken shit to get on my scale was just how much... 

I am back up to 371.

Needless to say, I am madder than a wet hen at myself. I am doing something about it. Hence having been at a doctor's. More deets to come, as things progress. What I will say is I am back on track eating better. I am going to get back out walking next week. This shit has got to stop. It is going to stop. I am not getting any younger and I can't expect to keep dodging a bullet as far as my health is concerned, forever. Especially with my frightening family history!

We are still in the condo. I don't understand William's malfunction. I mean, seriously. He doesn't even seem interested in house hunting. Not even interested. WHY????????????????? I am so. Fucking. Over this place. Over it like a cat is over a bath. Over it. I am sick of opening my windows to enjoy the cool evening breeze and getting a face full of my neighbor's cigarette smoke. I am sick of not being able to sleep with an open bedroom window for the same reason. I am tired of being cramped into this small place. I need more room. I want one level. I would like all hard surface floors. We had the broadloom shampooed which has made this place more pleasant and a lot cleaner but still...

Broadloom is disgusting. And I am over it, too. 

Bitch, bitch, bitch. 

But seriously. I can't figure the hubbs out. I just can't. Why is he so in love with staying here? I mention hunting and he rolls his head, gets that muleish look, changes the subject. I am sick of his bullshit. Really. Sick of it. I am ready to throw something at his head. Something heavy and covered in spikes. 

With my luck I'd miss. I throw like a girl. 

Not an athletic girl. A wimpy, weak armed, mall crawler girl. 

So, Topmax. Or the generic,Topiramate. My cheap-ass insurance. It likes generic. Same shit, Whatever. Anywhoozle, it worked great for a couple of weeks. I only had a couple of auras and minimal, Cat. 1-2 pain. Now, not so much. But it helps me sleep which is good, my sleep rhythms go to hell in the Summer, for some reason and I sleep like shit, this time of year, and I don't want to stop taking it until I see my doc, again so I keep on, hoping it will magically start working, again. Ha! Fat chance. Migraines blow. They suck ass.

I can't wait until next Saturday. I have an appointment to have my hair done. I have roots out to here and my fringe needs trimmed.

Got Back In

Weirdness... Couldn't get back into my blog for a while, there. I finally figured out how so now when it happens again, if it happens, again I won't be trapped out.

It's warming up. Mid eighties, we have had to turn on the air in the afternoons, it isn't super hot around here but because of the way this place is built the sun bakes down on us and turns this place into an oven in the afternoon and the air makes it more pleasant so on it goes. Add to the heat the fact that Smoke Man insists on blowing his obnoxious cigarette smoke all over the place and I don't enjoy the "fresh air" so much.

I want to move. Seriously. I am over this condo. And, since we had Sabryna put to sleep (on March 29th) we don't have to stay here any longer. Not really and I want to start looking. Seriously looking and I want to move.

William keeps talking about getting another dog. I don't want another dog, right now. Not in this condo and honestly, I am just not ready to add another dog to the family at the moment. I still miss my Velcro dog too much. But Mr. Stubborn keeps looking at dogs online. *sigh* I told him that when we find and move into the house that I want... Largish, single level (I am over stairs, thankyouverymuch!) bells and whistles that I crave, all hard surface floors and a large, securely fenced back yard, we will get another dog. I think that is a fair compromise.

I am healed up from my laproscopic gallbladder removal that wasn't in March. Hell of a thing, a surgeon not being able to find a person's gallbladder. I am not too surprised, it was a remote possibility, as it couldn't be imaged on the studies before surgery or on the CAT scan I had after. So, I still have that malfunctioning piece of shit in my bod making me miserable, now and again. *sigh* If it goes critical, we'll have to deal with it but for now, I'm just going to leave it be. I have a good prescription anti nausea med that I can take from time to time when I need it and other than some discomfort from time to time, it isn't too bad. I can live with it, for now.

I had a nice chat with my mother, yesterday, I called to wish her Happy Mother's Day and we talked for a good while. She is doing pretty well. Feeling good. I am going to respect her privacy and not go into too much detail here, but she had some treatments and is receiving some others and has some upcoming. She feels good and has had some good results. I am overjoyed by this, and thrilled at how well and strong her voice sounded on the phone, yesterday. I am hopeful that she is going to be with us for a long time to come.

On the migraine front:

Imitrex: Fail
Propranalol: Fail
Topomax: The Jury is Out. It is promising, We'll see.

Goodbye Aunt Bev

My heart is heavy and my spirit is weeping. My Aunt Bev passed away from breast cancer, today. Aunt Bev was a pretty incredible lady. She was intelligent, wise, funny, sarcastic and made a mean mai tai. Aunt Bev was a woman of deep faith, she loved her family and was a loyal and devoted friend. Everyone who knoew her loved her and I will miss her terribly.

Winter Sucks and I am Tired of It.

Cold. Yuk. February, that deeply chilled month leading into March.

This Winter has been weird... Warm days, deeply cold days. Days of insane wind, sudden, wild snow then warm days, again. At least the snow hasn't been bad. They guys have only had to clear the drive and put down ice melt a few times. yesterday, it was sunny, chilly but not too cold then as the sun went down, the temp plummeted and the wind kicked up and we woke to an inch or so of dry powder. It was clear, the sun was shining and reflecting on the snow crystals being blown around. the air looked as if it was full of diamonds. It was kind of gorgeous.

But I am ready for Spring. And for Summer, when I get to bitch about how hot it is and how I am longing for Autumn. LOL

I have my follow up at the doc, in the morning. Nine-fifteen. What kind of insane time is that to have too be at the doctor, I ask? Oh well, it's a follow up so I can have coffee before I go in.

That's really about all I have to yap about, right now. Except I seem to have a bug nite on my hand. I don't know how I got it but it sure is itchy.

Humiliated, Stupid and Pissed

My feet are cramping. Nice. As if I need this, right now.

I had to go to the doc, this morning to get my yearly blood work and get my scripts renewed. While I was in the exam room, I had to tell her why I didn't go to my consult with the surgeon and I started crying. Dammit! I thought I had it controlled but no. I started crying, again. Embarrassing. I am the stoic one, the collected and calm one. Yeah, right. Get myself together, sort of. Sitting in the lab so that Drac can draw blood and I start crying again.

Embarrassing. Again.

So I get done, make my follow up appt, and I decided to head to Hellmart and pick up a few things. Body wash, shampoo, conditioner... The usual. My fave shampoo and condish? They don't carry them. Of fucking course. Since I was already wrought up, I felt like crying again. Over shampoo and conditioner. Embarrassing and stupid. I kept it together. Got my body wash, Hellmart didn't have the cotton rounds I like, didn't have Precision Tip Q-Tips, but I did find a nail polish and a lip gloss that I wanted to try. Checked out. Just those few things? Thirty clams.

Then off to Walgreen's. They have my shampoo and conditioner. And the new Nivea Lip Butters that I like so much were BOGO 1/2. Grabbed two. Got my cotton rounds and Precision Tip Q-Tips. Another thirty bucks.

I decide to run into the grocery store and get a few things. Pick them up, having shopped carefully so as to not go over what was available on my debit card (as I was now nearly out of cash) everything rings up and fuck. My card declined.

Humiliating.

Now here is where the stupid comes in. I should have checked my e-mail on my phone, right there. It would have told me that I was two dollars short on my debit card. I had five in cash. I could have given the checker the cash then run the rest on my card and it would have been fine. But no... I panic, I am ready to start howling, again so I just told her to forget it and went to my car, clutching the coffee I had bought earlier and angry as hell with myself.

Got into my cat, checked my e-mails and realized that I was a fucking idiot and felt like a humiliated, fucking idiot.

I am so over today already.

First World Problem

Do I get the Samsung Galaxy III or suffer with my current Old El Crappo phone a couple of months longer and get the Galaxy IIII? I like the newest and funnest. I have been reading about the new GS4 and it sounds like something that is right in my wheelhouse. 32G, Key Lime Pie, 1080p HD video...

The SG3 is a great phone and will be dirt cheap when the SG4 launches and that would be great for the old budget but I have suffered with this crappy phone for so long that when I do replace it, I kind of want the best one. YaknowwhatImean?

First world problems.

I haz them.

And, it seems, another fucking migraine.

Can I go back to bed, now?

Guess I Needed It

Sleep, that is. I slept until after ten, this morning. I know... Lazy sloth. I never sleep late. I am up between six and seven every morning. Last night, I felt so worn out, I was yawning hard, you know, those yawns that feel as if they are going to crack your jawbone in two? I kept falling asleep in my chair, with my computer in my lap. I finally decided to go to bed and was so bone tired that I could barely drag my ass down the stairs, go into my bathroom to pee, take my hair down and fall into bed. I didn't even bother brushing my teeth, braiding my hair or putting on extra face cream.

I do feel better this morning, tho. More refreshed and energetic. I think that stress, migraines, sleeping like shit finally all caught up with me and my bod and brain cried uncle. LOL

I am having my morning coffee and cursing the snow that fell in the night. We are forecast to get more, today then it is supposed to clear up, warm up and go away. Which is good. I like it not. At least we aren't in the East, right now. Yikes! Talk about snow! Just glad it isn't me. :P

Coffee... What would I ever do without you?

I have a pile of polishes to swatch and some other stuff to do.

Random Nattering

I want to start by thinking you, sweet bloggy friends for your beautiful, supportive words in comments on my last post. I can't even begin to tell you how much they mean to me. I didn't respond to them individually because I couldn't, without howling. But I want you to know that I have read every word, over and over and held them close to my heart and I know that your silent support, over the miles is part of what helps me to keep it together and to be as okay as I can be.

If anyone dares to tell me that there is no good in the world, I will gladly direct them to read your comments, both here and on my other blog because let me tell you, there is good. So much, so very much good. Especially in people, people I have never met face to face, yet care, care enough to show me love, to uplift me. I am so grateful and so lucky, in so many ways.

I am doing a little better... Hanging in there. I still can't talk too much about what is happening, I am still struggling with acceptance and will continue to do so. But that thread that has felt so very thin and fragile is a bit stronger and maybe, so am I.

Otherwise, things here are good. William is working hard, so is Patrick. I am getting back into the swing of swatching and blogging on Icy Nails and getting a little of my enthusiasm back. I recently purchased a new Color Club collection. It is gorgeous. I should be able to get it swatched, tomorrow, as long as it is good and sunny. I'll link the post when I review them. You'll plotz. I have already put them on a nail wheel and... Wow.

Days here are beautiful. Sixty, sunny, now that the storms have passed through. This Winter has been a pretty warm one, overall. It got super cold, for a little while, temps down to almost zero, at night, not getting out of the teens or low twenties during the day. I don't like it when it gets that cold. I know... Bitch, bitch, bitch! LOL

I had an appointment with a surgeon for my gallbladder. I have cancelled it for now... I don't feel like dealing with it, at the moment and while I am not completely comfortable, I am okay. Also, this surgeon isn't in my insurance network and I am stressing over how much I could end up owing out of pocket, when all is done. The thing is, this surgeon is one of the best in the area, he has mad skillz and has an extremely high patient satisfaction rating. I want to research the local in network surgeons and think about this. Going in network makes more sense and will likely be covered completely, between my insurance and my health fund. No need to rush, at the moment.

Blech. Stupid insurance companies get away with so much BS. If one has insurance, one shouldn'thave to stress over cost, one would think.

Well, that yawn just about cracked my jaw in half. LOL

Draped in Dust and Cobwebs

My poor, poor blog. Neglected and unloved. But not forgotten.

Life gets boring. I don't feel as if I have much to talk about so it slips out of my immediate thoughts and lurks, in the back of my mind like a spider clinging to her web in a high corner of the room. Watching, aware and waiting for my attention.

I am ready to pay some, now. I need to. I need to talk and this is where I need to do it, so that I can get it out and howl and no one will have to listen to it.

The other day, I got a Facebook message from one of my brothers to call him, that my mother was in the hospital. I called him, (my brother) and he told me that my mother had collapsed and that her live in guy had had to call an ambulance for her. It turns out that her blood sugar had become dangerously high and had been for a while, making her feel weak and unable to function normally. When she got to the E.R. her blood sugar was over 500 and she was in crisis. Thankfully, the docs and nurses were able to treat her and get her stabilized. It was decided that they would keep her overnight and, in light of some other things she has been going through a lot of tests were run and because she is seventy, now they did a CAT scan, as well. Routine, so it seems for people her age.

As anyone who has read here for any length of time knows, my mother has breast cancer. She chose not to go with conventional treatment, adopting a change her nutrition and wait  and see approach. In spite of urging from so many of us, this was the life path she chose to take and while I certainly didn't agree with it, I have to respect it. Her body, her choices. Anyway, the CAT scan revealed that the mass in her breast has spread to her lymph nodes and throat and neck. She doesn't have much in the way of treatment options. She is home, stable and following doctor's orders.Two of my brothers were able were able to get there and they have been champions, helping her get things taken care of, things that she hasn't been able to deal with on her own for a while because she hasn't been well. And wasn't sharing this information with any of us.

Mother... The original independent, hardheaded, "I'll do it myself!" lady. It is just how she rolls. And nothing is going to change that. LOL Damn it. Grrr!

Anyway, she is doing better, right now. I finally got my shit together and picked up the phone and called her, this morning and she sounds pretty good. Stronger. She knows that she is in trouble, she knows that her diagnosis is bad but she is strong, good with it and at peace. She has a sense of acceptance that I find mind blowing, optimism but not rose coloured glasses delusion, she is just... good. We had a really great talk, we got to say what we needed to say for now and, yeah. We will get to have more good talks. We will get to have some kind of closure, I guess. Lord, I hate that word. It is so pat, stupidly overused and it irritates me.

I am not okay with all of this. Not even fucking close. I am in shock and I am sad, angry as hell and railing inside. But I am also working hard to accept, to be at peace with this. To understand, to respect and to let what is inevitable happen in it's fullness of time and then go forward. Mother is strong in her faith, in the knowledge that she is safe in the hands of the Lord, come what may. I am praying hard for that same peace.

I have some time... We have some time. As long as Mother remains stable and doesn't have a crisis, she has some time and that is something for which I am deeply grateful. I can't loose my touch stone, my true kindred spirit, just yet. I need that time, we need that time and I am going to cherish every minute of it and be grateful.

This is a disjointed mess. For that, I apologize to anyone who sees and reads this. I'll do better, later. Right now, I just needed to get it out. I needed to release it. I still have a lot of that to do but I hope that I am taking the first step.

Okay, enough. I am crying again, I need to. But I also need to pull it together and be stronger. I will. I just need to process all of this and work through it. I'll get there. I hope I get there.

For now, I need some distraction. Mother doesn't want me wallowing. She wants me to live. Do my thing. Be. I think that I am going to go out and goof around for a while. I have a little shopping I need to do, a few things I need to pick up. Getting out of this house, driving, drifting through some stores and getting some fresh air sounds like just what I need. 

Okay, off to shower and put on a little makeup. I wonder how much concealer I can pack on to these dark circles? LOL 

Coffee, Muscle Bound Hulks and Snow

So, it's supposed to snow. Get stupid cold, really windy and snow. Yuk. I guess that this is part of Winter Storm Gandolf? Okay, I have to ask... Is anyone else as endlessly amused by The Weather Channel trying to make "fetch" happen? StormCon and TorCon and Named Winter storms and the like are so funny, to me. Seriously... Who the hell is coming up with this shit? And how are they getting it on?

So, I'm sitting here, this morning. Drinking my coffee, getting my morning pins and twats and Facebook posts up for my polish blog and bantering with my son about my taking steroids. William was dusting and suddenly he turned to me and asked, "They aren't going to make you look like Arnold Schwarzenegger, are they?" Bwahahaha! I have to admit, that was funny. I reassured him that no, they weren't going to turn me into a muscle bound hulk. He seems relieved.

Oh my sainted Aunt! I am such a fucking moron. I had to set the date on my camera, the other day after I replaced the batteries. For some reason it loses it's settings after a battery change, from time to time. And it has been happening more often. Anyway, back to being a fucking moron. When I re set the date, I set the year as, yep. You guessed it. 2012. You know what that means, photographs from two days in January of this year are slotted in with the January 2012 photographs. So, to get to them, I have to go hiking back to Jan. of 2012 every time I want to access them. Must change the date on my camera, ASAP. I am so not willing to put up with this nonsense long term.

If I had a brain I'd be dangerous.

I Gotz Weird Head Bonz

According to my doc, the way my bones are formed in my head and ears is the reason why my head is full of fluid, my ears are bulging, my face is swollen and I have constant post nasal drip. The drip and draining, but not proper draining is causing the swelling and irritation in my throat, puffing up my neck and my face and causing my ear pain. Good news is I don't have an infection. So I am now the proud owner of a pile of steroids, a seven day oral course and a long term commitment to nasal spray steroids.

Joy. I hate that nasal spray. Hate it so much that, in spite of the fact that when I used it, before it was beginning to work a little, I stopped because I didn't like how it made my nose feel. Well, I got chewed out (very nicely, of course, my doc is a total sweetie) and I actually caved and promised to keep using it, in spite of my dislike for it. We're giving these meds a month to see how I progress then if I don't, it's to the ENT for me. Fun times.

I am awaiting a referral to a surgeon for my gallbladder. It's time for that sucker to go. I am having increasing pain and I am shitting. All. Of. The. Time. Draz'z Explosive Man has noting on me, lately. Should be entertaining, getting that sucker yanked out. I am kind of looking forward to it. Having the pain, discomfort and other loverly symptoms go away would be welcome.

So, after I got done at the doc's, I popped into Walgreen's to pick up my scripts and I needed shampoo, conditioner and cotton rounds and some 91% alcohol. That was all I intended to get. Yeah... Right. I got my shampoo and conditioner. Then I saw a deep treatment that I wanted to try. Into the basket. Then I saw some Dove products, a "hair oil" (that is, in truth mostly silicone) and a detangling spray that were two for six dollars. Both went into the basket. Next, I went trolling through the makeup area. Ah! There is that new Wet-N-Wild eye primer. Why not? Oooo! That Loreal Infallible shadow I have been kind of lemming on... Yes! It's mine. Cruise past the Cover Girl... Hey! There is that new Clump Crusher mascara I am hearing such great things about! One tube in very black added to the haul. Then I grabbed cotton rounds and ovals and headed for the register. I thought I'd spend twenty bucks or so when I walked into the joint. I spent seventy-two. 0_0

And I forgot my fucking alcohol. And eye makeup remover. *sigh* If I had a brain, I'd be dangerous.

And another ten bucks poorer.

Damn, shit is expensive! Even in the drugstore.

My hair looks so jacked up, right now. I am in desperate need of a visit to my stylist. I'm scheduled for the 17th. I was supposed to go on the 4th but I had the plague and I like my stylist and I didn't want to give her my viri.

Oh. Shit. I forgot to get a flu shot.

Brain.

I haz none.

She's Not Dead, Jim

I'm alive! I survived my cold and am feeling a whole hell of a lot more human. Yay! I still need to see my doc, tho. I have an issue with my throat, beak, ears and neck... I suspect it is all connected, as the symptoms hit and clustered together pretty much at the same time.

So yeah... This cold wasn't hideous, I have certainly weathered worse. I'm glad to have it over, tho.

I am enjoying this freakishly warm for this time of year weather while it lasts. We're supposed to get some cold and snow, soon. Right now, temps in the fifties feels like Paradise. No snow is certainly that! LOL

You know why I love my DVR? I can fast forward through the blah-blah-blah, waaahh-waaahh-waaahh, scale speeches and the kid centric portions of The Biggest Loser. You know what I have liked about The Biggest Loser, so far? The Red Line. I LOVE the red line! I hate the voting process, the scrambling, the alliances, the games and bullshit. The red line is clean and simple. I assume that they are going back to the stupid voting process, next week. Oh vell. It was fun, while it lasted.

Other than that, I am on a real snore fest for my life. Which isn't a bad thing, when I think about it. Lack of drama in life is not a reason to bitch.

I have finally figures out how to do a rope braid. In fact, my hair is in one, right now. I like. I also finally grok how to do a herringbone braid. I still need to practice that one but I have, at last, grasped the concept. I am so hair do, braid and updo challenged. Probably not a hot idea when you have as much hair as I do but yep. That's how it is. 

Dog Meat on a Cracker

Click play. You know you want to. :D

My plague has advanced into my chest and I am coughing. A lot. I have mild chronic asthma and every virus that infests my being likes to, sooner or later nestle right into my chest and wreak havoc on my poor lungs. Add to that, the side of my neck/throat up into my right ear and the side of my beak, across my face to my right ear are plugged, swollen and hurt and well, I am a very unhappy camper. I have an appointment with my doc on Wednesday. Blearch! I want more chicken soup. And my mommy.

I feel like dog meat on a cracker. Call the Waaambulance. 

I'm in the mood to knit. I'm not sure what, yet. I just know that I want some new, slick, fast needles, some beautiful wool and a fabulous cable pattern. I love to cable. It is so easy, yet so satisfying. The pattern is so intricate and looks as if it would turn you inside out to do but really, it's easy-peasy. Knitting in the round? Not so fucking much. One day I need to watch some videos and dedicate myself to learning how, once and for all. I have sock yarn and needles eating their heads off for lack of exercise. 

I need to stop trolling YouTube and go to bed. 

Bringer of the Gushy Food

Marley has no use for anyone, as cats tend to do. Unless it is 7:00 in the morning and he wants his gushy food. He awaits me at the top of the stairs, having heard me stirring around and getting up. As I come out of my room, the meowing begins. Insistent, demanding. Sometimes loud and strident, others, barely audible, rusty, baby kitten starving to death without the strength to create actual sound. He dogs my footsteps as I move around my kitchen, putting on the water for my coffee, taking my morning meds and vitamins, feeding the dog, getting Marley his crunchies.

Crunchies he doesn't want. In the morning, Marley is all about the gushy food. He gets a quarter of a can of Fancy Feast Classic in a seafood variety of some kind. He insists that all gushy food be seafood; he will eat chicken, beef, turkey cooked or raw but won't tolerate it in his gushy food. Picky little snot. Anyway, until I get that quarter can into a small ceramic dish, properly mushed and fluffed just so, served up on his windowsill, he doesn't back off. How many mornings have I almost killed myself tripping over his little orange ass as I stumble around the kitchen in my sleep induced haze? You would think that he would know better than to come within a mile of me before my first cup of coffee but the pull of the gushy food is too powerful and he is totally willing to risk bodily injury to nag me into feeding it to him even faster.

My head is bad, this morning. It's so nice to have a cold and a migraine at the same time, lemme tell ya. 

I remembered to move my hair appointment. This way I won't bring the plague in and infect everyone at the salon. I'm such an angel. I had to book for the seventeenth. I have roots-a-plenty now. My hair is going to look seriously jacked up by the middle of the month. *sigh* Oh well. That is what I get for having one of the most popular stylists in town. I get why she is in so high demand, she is good. And she respects how I feel about my hair. She never breathes a word of complaint about working with my masses of tresses, she never tries to pressure me into chopping my hair and she is happy to work with me as I grow it ever longer. And she doesn't charge me outrageous amounts of money. A roots touch up and tone is sixty-five bucks. Not bad for a higher end salon and the fact that my hair is thick and past my waist and needs precise attention to get just the right shade of blonde and not destroy the structural integrity of all of this hair. She is a treasure and it would be worth it at twice the price. My wallet is happy that it isn't that much, tho.

I wonder of those little fabric hoses are really as good as the commercials say they are? I should look up reviews and see what people are saying. They look good... And would be so handy to have around. I hate using the big, heavy hose we have, I'd love something lightweight and easy to handle.

It smells like pumpkin and spice in here, thanks to that candle. It must be strong for me to be able to smell it with my racked up beak.

Migrating

So my cold is migrating into my chest. No surprise there. Blech. I hope this one doesn't linger too long. At least I am only feeling moderately sick. I can still do housework (slowly) and so on so it isn't as if I am laid low. I will admit that I am milking this a little. Just a little tiny bit.

I have a hair appointment Friday, I need to remember to call tomorrow and move it to next Friday or Saturday, I don't think that dragging the plague into the salon would be a friendly or very welcome thing for me to do.

Want to know what really sucks about being sick? I don't feel like going out shopping and I have a little Christmas money burning a hole in my wallet and the sales are on, baby. I think I'll go wash my face, brush my choppers, braid my hair and go to bed. I'z tired.

Purple

I don't know how long I will be able to stand this template and colour scheme. I like it for the present.

I am groggy, thanks to the Advil PM I took last night to help me sleep. I have trouble sleeping when I am ill and it knocks me out but it also gives me weird dreams and I feel as if I am pushing through pea soup in the morning. Blech. But I need rest if I am going to get over this stupid cold, so...

The pets are taken care of for the morning, I am drinking copious amounts of coffee and trying to decide if I feel well enough to swatch, or not. I have a bit of a backlog of polishes I need to get swatched and photographed. I am thinking of monitizing my polish blog. I always thought that I would not, that it was a passion/hobby blog. I am not anti-PR or anything... I work with companies from time to time, tho I am choosy. I only work with those I know or feel to be reputable and of good quality. I won't whore myself out for samples. On the other hand, it wouldn't hurt my feelings if I could get in with more PR companies. It isn't that I am trolling for free stuff but purchasing the majority of my product is tough on the old pocketbook.

And that is where monitizing comes in. If I can make some money off of my blog from views and ad revenue I might have enough to help defray my expenses a bit. Buy more product, grow my collection and allow me to branch out a bit as I have been longing to do. Maybe I could even make enough to buy the new camera and some photography equipment I have been lusting after. I am not one of the "big dog" bloggers in the polish/beauty realm but my blog has a decent following, readership and pretty good numbers, overall. I also have a page ranking that is equal to some of the big dogs so maybe it would be worth a shot.I need to stop being such a chicken and stop thinking that I am not good enough and that I can't do it. That is a huge obstacle to me.

Shit. I just used up the last of my creamer. This will be the last cup of coffee until I can get to the store. I love coffee but I don't do it black. I like it somewhat sweet and very creamy. Probably why I adore cappuccinos and lattes so very, very much. LOL

Okay time to get on with my morning, such as it will be, today. Too much activity leave me feeling a little swirly in the noggin and makes me cough so I am not going to push myself.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

A new year, a new blog name, a new outlook.

I was too centered on weight. Weight. Weight in this blog. It was bordering on obsessive and it was utterly out of balance. Which is one reason, I feel that I went so gung ho then crashed and burned so hard.

It overwhelmed and chased me away. I have wanted to blog so many times but felt as I I couldn't... As if I had no right because I wasn't on track, wasn't losing, wasn't obsessed. I am not going there any more.

My watchword for 2013 is Balance. There is more to life than weight. And yes, it is something I will still talk about and I have to. I have to address it and I have to get back on track. But it is no longer going to be the sole focus of my life or this blog.

Just a quick abut the weight issue... In the last two years I have managed to gain about 60 pounds. I am not happy about it. I am pretty fucking mad at myself and I plan to turn this around. More on that, later.

I decided to change the name of my blog to reflect my new attitude of more balance. And because it is a fun name. I am a housewife. And I am madder than a hater so it seemed to be a good fit. I thought about starting a new blog, altogether and deleting this one but ya know what? I have put a lot of work into this one, it is part of me, it contains part of my history and looking back over it can serve a purpose to me so I am going to sojourn on as it is.

Onward.

Time for a new header and background. I keep Icy Nails mobile friendly and wide appeal friendly, a little more pro. This is my personal space, I am going to have some fun with it. :D 

Life is marching on... Sabryna, surprisingly enough is still with us. She is very old and has a tough time getting around but she can still walk around, she can go outside to do her doodies and she is eating well and, as long as she gets her daily Advil, doesn't seem to be in too much pain. We are just keeping her comfortable and happy and loving on her for as long as she is here. If she makes it to Spring, I'll be shocked. We're still in the condo... We can't move Sabryna, she wouldn't take well to a move, physically and her eyesight is so bad now that she would have a really hard time trying to adjust and find her way around.

Thanks to William I have the cold from Hell. He had it over Christmas and now it is my turn. Urgh! I am miserable and pissed to the gills! I hate being sick.

We took all of the Christmas decorations down, today. I felt like shit on a cracker and the last thing I felt like doing was un decorating the house but it didn't take too long and now that it is done, I'm glad that it is. The house looks so bare and empty and kind of sad. And it is echo-y in here. It feels like that for a day or two after all of the sparkly stuff comes down.

Okay I'm going shopping for a new background and header.