Memorial Day

I hope that everyone had a happy and fun Memorial Day. :D

To those who serve and those who made the ultimate sacrifice so that we can breathe free, I say Thank You.


It was a good day for me, diet wise. I was on track, we didn't do anything special as far as a meal was concerned so it was SSDD. I did eat a good bit of watermelon, today. It was so sweet and cold and juicy and good. Perfect for a warm day like today. :D

I don't see the word diet as a four letter word. I use it in the context of everything I eat. Not as a word to describe how I eat. Does that make sense? (I ask because I often fear that I don't... lol)

Okay, it is getting late, my head is starting to bang (I had major haloing, last night and have been expecting this. Urgh!) I need to go wash and moisturise my face, brush my fangs and get to bed. I have a lot to get done tomorrow and I need my rest.

Good night, gentle readers. Sleep well.

Whew!

Got through the day in fairly good order. I was a little askeered, for a bit... Thinking that I might go crazy at the trough. I didn't. I am still feeling a little growly, but I think it is a bounce from not being hungry for a few days and not eating as much as I should have. All of a sudden my bod woke up and said, "Hey! Where's mah fud!" And it spent the rest of today demanding more, quite loudly. lol

I landed at 1408, today. Not too shabby. :D

One more day of this holiday weekend to get through and then Son is off Tuesday then I get my house back to myself. I can't wait.

I Haz a Hongry, Today

I don't know what it is... Earlier today, I had no appetite at all. I had to force down my morning oatmeal and strawberries. Now, I am so hungry I could eat a horse. From the ears down. While it is running. I am properly nourished, so this is probably just old pattern silliness rearing it's ugly head. It shall pass. :D

I am doing well eating. I am nicely on track, trending a little low, still tho not in the 900's low. So that is better. I was planning a walk later but that isn't happening. My stupid hip has gone psycho on me and it hurts. A lot. *sigh* I had better rest it so that I can continue be able to walk, at all. Gurgh!

In spite of my whining and complaining, it is a lovely day. Sunny, warm and breezy. My wind chime is playing a soft little tune and the birds are singing. Son is working, today. Husband is sprawled on the sofa, hogging the remote and making me wish that it were Tuesday. Me? The usual. Housework, shower, makeup, hair... Puter. Maybe I'll go along when Husband picks up Son. I will get out of the house for a few minutes, that way.

The sandwich I just had for lunch finally did it's job. I am no longer feeling hungry. Thank you. :D

I can't think of one more little thing to yap about, right now.

A Quick Note To My Dear Readers

I have decided to bow to the strangeness that is Blogger and just follow my readers with whatever profile it wants me to. I will be getting to following all blogs that I have faved and on my blogroll that I haven't yet, soon. So, if you see a new follower and see my face or nails, when you mouse over the pic and see Ice Queen, it is I. :D

Summer Challenge

Good morning, everyone. I hope that this day finds you well, happy and for those of you fighting the good fight, on track. :D

Today is weigh in day for the Summer Challenge. Sadly I have to report no change on my scale. I am not surprised. I am puffed up like a poisoned dog, as you can see by my feet and ankles. (I am so. Fucking. Sick! of the swelling. It has plagued me for years and I am over it. Hopefully losing this weight will help that.) But I didn't gain, either. So, it isn't all bad.

I am not upset or discouraged by the number. Scales only show what the body as a whole weighs, at that moment. Not what is truly going on with fat loss and fluid retention and so forth. I expect that I will see a nice little drop, next Friday. :D

Oh, here is the scale picture.

Even tho my scale number didn't change, I am on track and doing well with my calories, hydration and so forth. Exercise... Not so much.

 I know. I know.

Stupid Blogger, Anyway!

I am trying to follow some new blogs with my profile from this blog, since they are life/weight loss blogs that I want to follow from here. But stupid Blogger keeps showing me as the profile from my nail blog. Grrr! So until Blogger decided to behave and follow the right blogs the right way for me, I can't follow any new blogs, so that is why I have some on my blogroll that I am not officially following.

*breathe*

Okay, rant over. lol

What is Today? Wednesday?

My, how time's fun when you're having flies.

Boo! Hiss! Sent the hook out for that bitch!

So, what the heck is going on with me? Well, mostly the usual. You know... Housework, taking care of the furbags, watching TV, goofing off on my 'puter, that sort of thing.

The weather seems to finally be warming up. And for a nice change, the psychosis inducing wind has calmed down a lot. It is still breezy with gusts, now and then but the incessant wind is not driving me out of my head, right now. I suppose I shouldn't bitch too much about the cooler temps. This is Arizona, after all and it gets nasty, powerfully hot here. Even up in the "mountains" where I happen to reside it gets ugly hot. The saving grace is, unless it is really humid, it does cool a bit at night and sitting outside on a softly warm night with a gentle breeze provided either my Mother Nature or a fan is a singularly lovely experience.

Did you know that we don't have a lot of buggy bugs around here, at night? An occasional gnat or a mosquito might come around, now and then but we don't get harassed and eaten alive. I have never needed a drop of insect repellent since I moved to this state. So, I guess that Arizona does have one saving grace. lol

Anyhoo... What was I going to say before I started nattering about heat and bugs? Oh, yeah. I have been having very good days. I am nicely on track, my head is good, level and calm. Binge urges have been few and easily set back into their place. I have been craving a bit. And when I do, I try to satisfy it in a constructive manner, have a little of what I crave, rather than eating three times the calories by trying to eat around it.

I only got in 975 calories, yesterday. I just wasn't all that hungry so I didn't force myself to eat what I didn't want. I am running a little low, right now, too. I am just over 500, at the moment. I am going to try, with dinner and perhaps an evening snack to get up over 1000. Again, I am just not that hungry, today and I don't think that it is good to make myself eat what I don't need or want. I spent far too many years doing that and I don't want to continue that behaviour. I'll make up for my shorter days, tomorrow. It's Subway day, tomorrow. lol

I keep seeing the ads for the new Wii game, that dance game? They play that song my Katy Perry... Hot and Cold. I know... I am a dork extraordinaire, but I love that song. And I want that game. Now I want a Wii. Never wanted one until I saw that game. Told you I am goofy. lol If I got a Wii, tho I could get that game and some exercise games, too. Something to think about, if the budget loosens up a little. :D

What the hell iI would do with a dance game is actually a bit beyond me. I have two left feet and absolutely no sense of rhythm. Seriously. I get confused trying to follow a Leslie Sansone In Home Walking video. lol

Yep, I had to open a new tab and go get the song at You Tube. I'm listening to it, now.

I need to grow up. lol But Pop Tart music is so much fun. Lady GaGa, anyone? :D The sound on this 'puter kinda sucks. My HP was better. And I could crank it. *sigh*

I am hydrating better. I am seeing results in less puffiness in my ankles and just feeling better but dayumn!!! The constant trips to the toilet are driving me nuts. And my poor hands! They are dried out from being washed five hundred times a day.

I Have a New Nail Blog

Please come check it out. :D Read, (when there is something to read... lolol) follow, hang out. :D

It is in it's early stages and needs a lot of work but I hope that it will be nice, in time. :D

I decided to move my nail and probably makeup and other beauty junkie type posts there and move my nail blog blogroll as well to clear the overwhelming feel of this blog. There was just too much going on and it felt chaotic and cluttered, to me. This way, I can keep weight loss and life here and manis and beauty over there. It appeals to my sense of organization and order. :D

Now, to go find a new background for my new blog...

So many choices. So few blogs. lol

Let the Games Begin!

Today begins the Summer Challenge 2010.

Let's take care of a little business. :D

As I said in an earlier post, my goals for this challenge are simple. To stay on track, keep my calories under 1800 a day, to exercise more, stay hydrated and to get over my silly scale block. I think that this challenge will be good for me and assist me in reaching all of these goals.

Okay, now to the meat of the matter. The weigh in. I weighed in this morning, first thing. Of course, I would be puffy, this morning. lol Isn't that always the way. None the less, I get on me scale and took the required picture of The Number. :D

I weighed exactly one month ago and am down another 9.8 pounds, overall. :D

Start weight for this challenge: 366.0 pounds.

Okay, can I just gripe for one teeny second? My scale is a pretty good one. Accurate, doesn't complain when I step on it. (At least not so I can hear... ;)) But damn! It sure doesn't hold the weight number on the screen long. As soon as it flashes to show it has reached The Number, I have mere seconds, and not many, at that in which to snap that pic. Otherwise, I have no complaints about this scale. If anyone is curious about it, it is a Taylor brand digital scale. It will measure weight, body fat, muscle and water percentages and all that good gobbldy-gook. I just use the weight feature. I bought it at Drugstore.com. It was on sale and with shipping less then fourty bucks. So, if you need a good scale, I can heartily recommend this one. :D

All righty, then. Summer Challenge: On!

:D

Om Nom Nom Nom

Greek yoghurt. Yum. :D I got some Oikos brand, vanilla flavour. This is the first time I have tried Greek yoghurt and I like it. It is thicker and creamier and a bit more tart than my usual Yoplait Light. It also feels more filling with a smaller serving. I admit, I like my yoghurt sweet and a little more intensely flavoured. Lifelong conditioning, I guess. lol My next cup, I'll add some Splenda. But, yeah. This is good stuff and I will definitely continue buying it.

Son brought home Cheetos. I am craving. Urgh. I think I am going to have him take the bag downstairs. Out of sight, off my radar. I am not hungry, just my silly mouth wanting to indulge.

It is cooler today and windy, again. Look, I appreciate that it isn't 100 degrees without a breeze and we are sweltering and running the air and every fan we own. (That will come later.) But sheesh! It is freakishly cool and what is with this frakkin' wind? It is supposed to blow today, tomorrow, perhaps the next day. :p Yuk. I think that there is a pressure gradient and that is contributing to my raging head.

I am thinking about starting a polish blog. I think that I would like to keep this blog just for it's original purpose. And I think it would be fun to have a separate blog just for my nails. Kind of feels decadent and indulgent. I don't have huge amounts of money to spend on polish and I don't receive collections from manufacturers, but I think I could keep one going. As I said... I am thinking about it. :D

Well, I am going to get some more Crystal Light, put my lunch dishes in my dishwasher and straighten up my kitchen. Then I am going to read blogs.

Later, gators. :D


Edit:

Before the Cheetos went downstairs, I decided to have five. 35 calories. Craving now dead. And the Cheetos are off my radar. :D

BYOC Bring Your Own Craziness

Okay, Draz, you finally sucked me in and I am ready to play. :D

1) If you had three wishes, what would they be and why?

I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that it is okay not to stay imprisoned by past experiences. It is perfectly acceptable to allow myself to heal, put it behind me and move on.

I wish I had been a better mother. I love my son and was the best mother I was capable of being. But in all honesty, I could have done better.

I wish I didn't have to run to the bathroom so frakkin much when I drink so much water, coffee and Crystal Light. Going to the bathroom is a huge waste of time and I get really impatient with my constantly full bladder.

2) If you had all the money in the world and perfect circumstances how many children would you have and what sex?

In all honesty... None. I have never felt the drive to have children. I am not a particularly maternal person. I like children well enough, in small doses and with the clear understanding that as soon as they poop, get jacked up on sugar or start crying, they go back to their parents.

Please don't misunderstand me. I love my son and I have never, for a moment regretted having him and raising him and sharing my life with him. He is my greatest joy. But, if I hadn't had him, I would have been just as fulfilled, just as content and not feeling any need to procreate.

3) Have you ever faked it?

Oh, hell no!

4) What movie character do you think you look like?

Godzilla.

5) Which blog or blog comment spoke to you this week and why?

A couple of blogs, actually. Well... Several. For very different reasons. Two because I feel as if the authors have crawled under my skin and "get" me. And one because I was so deeply touched by the raw honesty and plea for understanding. The latter one moved me to tears over the last few days and left me unable to form an intelligent comment, no longer how long I sat, staring at my cursor blinking in the comment box. I had to content myself with sending her silent, but very heart felt support. (Yes, I can sometimes be the biggest idiot on the planet. lol)

So there you have it. My Friday craziness.

The Run Clock

We all have one.

A run clock.

We begin a new phase in our lives. That phase can be one of many things: A relationship, a job, training a dog or school. As soon as the phase begins, the clock begins to tick. Inexorably it draws nearer the time when the alarm sounds and we run.

My run clock is attached to dieting. The moment I begin, I know that it is set. Ticking, numbering the moments as time passes. A second An hour. A day. A week. The time flows together as the time for my alarm gets closer.

My diet run clock is about three months. As I reach this phase of a diet, it runs out. My alarm sounds and all hell breaks loose. I begin eating badly. Slowly, at first. A treat here, a snack there. Then it is a meal that I know will harm me. Then it is two, then a day, two days, a week. All the while I am telling myself that it is really okay... That this is temporary and not doing me any real harm. That I will get back on track, for the next meal or the next day. Or Monday. Because now it is the weekend and I might as well just enjoy it before I get serious, again.

Monday keeps receding into the distance and the weight begins to come back on. I tell myself it is okay. It is just a few pounds, I certainly haven't gained back all I lost, so I can get back on track. Back on my diet, lose these few pounds and just keep on going down. I have it all under control.

More days pass.

Then more weeks.

And in a few months or perhaps a little longer, here I sit, having gained it all back. And despairing of what I did to myself and fantasizing about how much better off I would have been if I hadn't allowed this to happen, once again.

My run clock ran out the other day. I heard the alarm as I woke from a troubled, broken sleep and stumbled out to my kitchen to make coffee. For a brief time, I considered falling back into my old destructive habit. I have lost some weight. I can treat myself for a bit, then get right back on my diet.

As I drank my coffee and the caffeine flooded my brain and woke me up, I came to the understanding that this time, I wasn't answering the alarm. That while I could hear it, I wasn't jumping up and running.

Why? Why didn't my run clock send me down the road and into my old patterns, again? It's simple.

I'm not on a diet.

I just eat different, now. I have formed a new pattern. And with time, it is becoming more firmly set in. It is slowly, steadily becoming hard wired into my brain. My patterns are rewriting themselves. My internal hard drive is rebooting.

I don't feel the panic, the urgency, the absolute thinking that dragged me, as the alarm pealed in my head over the cliff and into the morass of disordered thinking and eating. I stopped hearing the alarm. Last night? This morning? Some time. I am not sure exactly when I reached out and shut it off. I just know that it is off and my run clock is still. I am on track and level.

Right now, I am at peace.

Do You Like to Clean Your House?

No?

Well, neither do I. lol But I do it. And do it well. I am contrary, that way. :D

You may be asking why this subject came up, right now. Well, it is because There is a terrific giveaway of great cleaning products here!

Scope out the sudsy goodness:

All kinds of goodies to make your home sparkle and glow, just for checking out a great blog and entering. :D

I Am Going to Do a Challenge :D

I have decided that the time has come to get myself embroiled in a challenge. I didn't feel as if I wanted to before this but now I feel ready to go for it. The thought of the pressure of it no longer makes my heart race or my eyes shrivel.

I am joining in on Kandice's Summer Challenge .

My goals for this challenge are pretty simple.

1. Exercise. Got more of it as weather and migraines allow.

2. Stay on track throughout the challenge. I would very much like to go the full challenge without one day over 1800 calories. But no beating myself up if I go over.

3. Weigh weekly. This is a no-brainer, as I have to weigh in weekly to qualify. I am hoping that actually making myself get on that scale once a week will help get me over this silly block I have about it.

4. Hydration. Keep up staying hydrated. It really does make a difference in how I feel.

So, there you have it. :D


***Reminder to myself: First weight in is Monday the 24th.*** :D

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I am having a good day, today. On track and feeling pretty fine. I haven't been sleeping as well as I would like. I am hoping that I will konk out good and hard, tonight. That is one of my biggest gripes about this time of year... For some reason, my sleep patterns go wonky on me and I sleep like shit during warmer weather. Frustrating and my dark circles are out of control.

I just want to take this opportunity to say how much I adore all of my followers who stop in and read and who comment. I don't always respond in comments. I suck at it and often feel it is better to stand mute than be seen as the dumb-ass I really can be. lol But I read and appreciate every comment you leave me. I often find myself nodding in agreement, smiling and laughing. I just *heart* all of you.

Well,

Fuck me running.

My husband, who never compliments me actually told me that I have lost weight. And I didn't even have to ask.

I think I need to go lie down, now.

lol

Scrambling

To get enough calories in, lately. I am just not too terribly hungry and I have to work at it to get enough calories in by the end of the day. I am barely over 1100, right now and I know that I need more to stay at the proper level. I'll do a Skinny Cow in a bit and that will get me up over 1200. I should be closer to 1500...

I'm sure that this won't last forever and soon I will be pissing and moaning because I am getting too many in for the day. lol

Isn't that the way it usually goes? lol

Other than that, it has been a good day. I slothed around in bed this morning. Slept in until ten thirty. I never sleep in... I am an up early kinda gal. But I have to admit, it felt good. And a little decadent. I think I need to treat myself to a little more slothing, a little more often.

Husband and I did the housework together, this morning. It was nice to share the work with someone else. I do have to say... As much as I bitch about him, he does help out around here and is happy to do it. I don't get the whole "I work, you don't, so you can do all the housework" thing from him.

It was a pretty day, today. Sunny, warm and a little breeze to keep it from getting too hot. A perfect May day.

And, with that... My brain is blank.

I hate it when that happens. lol

I Can Haz Gumdrops?

On my fingertips, that is. ;)

I couldn't bear to wear that awful polish any longer and got busy and changed my mani. I haven't worn Orly Gumdrop, yet so I decided to take it for a spin. I like. :D

Gumdrop is a pastel green blue creme. It applies very nicely and is opaque in two coats. It was a little streaky in a couple of spots but I think that was due more to my application, not the polish. Any draggy spots smoothed to nothing with a nice topping of good old Seche.

This colour reminds me of China Glaze For Audrey. I don't know how close they really are. Maybe I will do a side by side, before I do a new paint job. Swatch them together.

Picture taken indoors in natural light not flash. Seche... Sooo shiny. :D

With flash. The flash really picks up the white base of these pastel cremes.

In other news of the day... I am having a good day. I am on track and in control and happy to be that way. Staying on an even keel continues to get a little easier and I have to think about it less and less. I know that this is no guarantee that every day will be the same but for right now it is good and I'll take it and be grateful.

I have come to accept that this is how I will have to eat for the rest of my life. I will have to keep my calories at a certain level while the weight is coming off and then at a certain level to keep it that way. I will always have to be mindful of what I am putting in my mouth and why and I will most likely have to track my food in one way or another, for always. And I am perfectly okay with that.

I get that I will never be able to eat like a "normal person"; whatever that means. If that means pounding double cheeseburgers and chocolate milkshakes whenever I want, then no. I will never be able to eat like a normal person. But I will be able to eat like a normal person. For my "normal". Whatever that normal is going to look like. Right now, in this moment my normal looks like it does, right now. As I change, so will my normal. And, when that day comes that I get to transition to maintenance, I will have a normal for that, too. It should be interesting to see how this all develops over time. :D

I kind of get a tickle out of knowing that my normal will not look like anyone else's normal. I am unique, I am different and special and I will have to have my own personal, fabulous normal. Custom designed just for me. :D :D :D

I wonder when I am going to be ready to get on the scale, again? The thought has begun flitting, oh so briefly through my brain, lately. Perhaps, one day soon, that little flitting thought will become action. I'll just let it happen when it happens. :D

Dude, That's Fuggin' Ugly!

A fine Thursday evening. Cool, cloudy and quiet, as Husband and Son are not home, yet. I expect them to walk in the door any moment, now.

So, I watched an episode of Oprah that I recorded yesterday. She had a gal on who wrote a book about women and food. I agreed with a great deal of what she had to say but I didn't learn anything I didn't already know or am not already working through. Basically, her premise is that our relationship with food is formed when we are young, that many of us use food to numb out (bitch has been reading my blogs lol) as a drug to keep us from feeling. When we release our food from having to be our drug, it is just nourishment and we have to learn to live and to feel our feelings. And so on. I just sat here, watching, listening and saying, "Duh!" a lot.

I do think that for anyone who is struggling with this concept, this book could be very, very helpful. But I don't really think I need it. And I certainly won't be attending her conferences or retreats.

Anyhoo... My own day has gone well. It is Subway Thursday. So, calories will be a tad higher than usual. But not too terribly much. I have decided that I don't need cheese or avocado every time I have a sandwich. It is just as tasty and filling without. I will save the avo or cheese as a treat. I can't do without my light mayo, tho. I think that a sandwich without mayo is like a day without clouds. What the hell is the point? lol


You know... I can't remember the last time I had a binge? And, I haven't even been thinking about it all that much, lately. I have had a few days that were a little higher, calorie wise than I really like, but they were due to a few poor choices, a little extra snacking or something. Certainly not a binge, as I see a binge. It is so nice not to have those nasty, obsessive, painful thoughts filling and swirling through and messing with my brain. It is a little weird. I am not used to it. But I am certainly not complaining. :D

So... I did a fresh mani. And I have to say, I am not a fan. It is Sally Hansen Complete Salon Manicure in Iced Coffee. If someone ever hands me an iced coffee that looks like this polish, I will most likely throw up on their shoes. This colour is that tragic. On me, anyway. Perhaps on someone with the right skin tone, it is lovely. But it isn't on me. I want to clean it off, so, so, so much! But I am making myself wear it until at least tomorrow evening.

Why, you ask would I do that to myself? Well, the answer is very simple. I deserve to be punished. You see, when I bought this polish, I had already picked up and put in my cart Hidden Treasure (squeee!!!) and had in my hand a gorgeous bluey, foily, ocean inspired colour called something Sea or something like that. It was so beautiful and I was salivating over it. So, what did I do? I started to doubt myself. I thought that I was getting too many "busy" polishes, that I needed a nice, quiet neutral.

So, I put down the gorgeous and picked up this monstrosity, instead. Yeah... I know. Nuts. Certifiable. That is I.

I had another lesson in trusting my instincts and myself. Everything in me was screaming for the pretty polish, but just for that short time, I felt as if I didn't deserve it, that I had not done anything to earn the privilege of owning and enjoying it so I had to get the quiet, neutral polish, instead.

Screw that. From now on, if a polish makes me squeee! I am buying it. And I am not keeping ugly and unloved polishes, any longer, either. The Iced Coffee has joined other rejects in the Zoya trade in pile.

Wanna see the fuggin' ugly?

Taken in evening light through my window, no flash. Slightly blurry, sorry.

With flash.

And, just because I like to make you suffer... One more. *evil grin* As unflattering as this stuff is in a photograph, you should see it, IRL. It is almost gag worthy ugly on me.

I will say this for this polish, it was a bit of a joy to apply. The brush is a little big and wide and clunky, especially to wipe the excess off, but it applied the polish very nicely. This colour is a creme and it was smooth as a baby's cheek and opaque in two fast, easy coats. Seche just enhanced the lovely smoothness and shine. It is an easy clean up, too. So, this stuff does have it's merits. The colour is just tragic on me. And I will never wear it, again.

When am I going to learn, once and for all to trust myself and be true to myself? I am doing better, but I still have a long way to go, don't I? lol


Painted Lady Fingers is Having a Giveaway!

Check out the link and her lovely polish blog and her beautiful floral photography. :D

Another Day in Paradise

Uh, you do hear the sarcasm in my fingers, don't you?

My day is going well. I am on track. In fact, I am way low. My calories are sitting in the 600's right now. I just haven't been all that hungry, today. And my gallbladder and pancreas are bugging me. I am tired of the discomfort and am looking forward to getting something done about it. I just need to hang in there and get more weight off. Surgery is safer when one weighs less. And I would like to be as far below 300 as possible, if things hold out that long. And yes, part of my reluctance is my attitude about being fat and asking for medical help. lol

Anyhoo. I need to be sure to get a good, nourishing dinner and I will have plenty of calories left that I can indulge in a Skinny Cow for dessert, maybe.

Today was kill my French manicure day. Normally, French manis die fast and quiet on me. I chip the heck out of the white tips and it looks like crap. This time, a little minor touching up and the thing was ready to go on and on. lol I did it in because I was tired of it.

First, before cleaning off my polish, I swatched Orly Lemonade. Pretty, pretty polish. Lemonade looks like sunshine and happiness in a little glass bottle. It is a soft, medium yellow creme. Application was not too bad, for a yellow. I have read a lot of complaints about yellow polishes and expected this one to be a real battle. I did have to apply three coats to get it smooth and opaque and top coat did improve it further. But, with a little care, Orly Lemonade is fairly easy to apply and is easy to clean up, too. I liked it when I swatched it and I will definitely be wearing it as a full mani. :D

Orly Lemonade, three coats with top coat. Indoors, in natural light through my window. No flash.

With flash. It is like having sunshine on my fingertips. :D

Am I the only one who thinks that the Orly Sweet collection polishes are like milk paints?

Maybe I'm koo-koo. lol

I did a mani today with Sinful Colors What's Your Name? It is black with teal blue shimmer/glitter. It's pretty. Not as exciting as say, Lubu Heels, but still a great looking polish. It applied very nicely. Two coats to smooth opacity. I was feeling very good about my application and applying Seche to my right hand when I somehow did a Doctor Destructo on my ring finger nail on my left hand. Dented that bad boy right down to the surface of my nail. I considered taking the whole thing off, as I knew that there was no way I could just clean off that one nail. More skilled polish divas could have done it with their eyes closed and one hand tied behind their backs.

Not I.

So, I licked a finger and smoothed the damage the best I could, and started to repair it. I applied a full coat of colour to the nail. Then I dropped a drop in the crater, smoothed it and let it sit a minute. Then did the same thing, again. A thick coat of Seche and you could hardly tell that minutes before the polish had a huge hole in it.

I took the usual pics, then thought about what to do about the flawed nail. Should I leave it? Change my polish? Uh, hello! You have decals! Nail art decals! :D Perfect cover for the spot. So I applied them and top coat over and Poof! Gone. :D I can live with it for a few days, now. :D

Sinful Colors What's Your Name? Indoors, in natural light through my window. No flash. Look at that teal shimmer just dying to burst free.

Outdoors in direct sun. I was trying to catch the sparkle and scintillation. Epic fail. This stuff dances in sunlight.

After adding decals to cover the covered crater. I like those decals but I am thinking that they don't really go all that well with this polish. Maybe I should have put some clear jelly "rhinestones" over the purple flower centres. The clear might have been better. *shrugs* I need to go shopping for more decals. :D

My nail post for today. :D

I didn't chip my polish when, earlier I tried with the aid of a circular saw to transform my big, hulking oak monstrosity of an entertainment centre into a stand for the flat screen. Epic fail. I got the initial cuts made, Husband and Son lifted the top off and the whole thing fell to pieces. We are borrowing Son's TV stand until we can afford a new one.

A good idea that just didn't work out. Not a big loss, really . We hated the big old ugly thing. And now, my living room looks and feels bigger and brighter. :D

Ick. I have fine sawdust on me. And I itch. I might have to take another shower. lol

Have a Thing for Manglaze?

A very nice polish blogger is running a give away. She is giving away a duo of Manglaze matte polishes. Check out the give away and her blog. It is a ton of fun to read and written by a sweet gal. :D

Clickies to read and enter.

Gosh, I hope that link works... I am still getting the hang of the "new" features. :D

Happy Mother's Day

A very happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there in blogland! :D

I talked to my mother on the phone, today and we had a lovely chat and caught up a bit. It is always so nice to hear her voice. :D

Husband brought home a beautiful flowering plant for me, this morning. It is beautiful but sadly in need of a new pot. So I need to get the supplies and get it into a new home. My baby philodendron also needs new stomping grounds. It's pot is far too small.

I had hoped that we were going to go flower shopping, today. No. Husband has decided that we aren't so...

I am upset about it but I just have to swallow it and forget about it. He said maybe during the week. I am not holding my breath.

Whatever.

It is lovely and warm today but the stupid wind is blowing something fierce. I am so tired of it. I just wish it would settle down to a lovely, soft breeze, already. My allergies are raging, thanks to all of the blowing. My head is bad, I am pissed at Husband and I just want to run and hide. In the fridge. And the cabinets.

I won't. I am not going to do that to myself. I don't deserve further disappointment and abuse. So I am not going to heap it on myself.

Wahh, wahh, wahh. Okay, 'nuff whining.

I am on track and doing okay otherwise and right now, that has to be what ultimately counts. Everything else can be shelved, for now.

Well, now that I have been a total downer, I am out of here.

Later.

The Hangover

I won't spoil for anyone who hasn't seen it. It was funny. Typical crude, sophomoric guy humour type of stuff. But a little better done than most. Interesting concept. We enjoyed it. But we don't really need to see it, again. It's what I call a "funny once" movie.

I ended up not making popcorn. None of us was in the mood for it. We had dinner a little on the late side so we weren't hungry.

I am getting the hang of my new photo software. Windows 7 is a bit different from Vista. I still need to practice opening photos in Paint... It is a lot different. But I'll get the hang of it. Otherwise, I like this new OS. It is smooth, fast and easy to use, once you find your way around a little. I like that it feels more solid and stable than Vista did. Vista was always a little... Goosey, I might say? Tho I did get used to it and liked it, too.

I already had to repair a couple of small chips on my manicure. Danged French chips so easily. I doubt it will survive past Monday. lol

It was a warm day today and now it is cooled off and a lovely, cooling breeze is blowing in my open windows. Husband and son are sleeping and I am enjoying  a little peace and quiet before I hit the sack. :D

Not Much Too Yak About

Hello everyone. :D

I don't have a whole lot to yammer about, at the moment. I just wanted to check in. Today is a good day with my food and attitude. In fact, I am a little low on calories... I even ate an extra two ounces of baked chicken, since I am protein hounding. Still need to get in a few hundred more.

We are going to watch The Hangover. It's supposed to be good...

I think I'll make some popcorn. :D

Later, gators! :D

WTF Blogger???

Is anyone else clicking on blogs on your blogroll and finding that you no longer follow that blog? It is happening to me all the time. I have to keep clicking to follow because I am "not" following when I know that I am.

Is weird.

And I am a little tired of it.

Like... Oh My Gosh!

So, I didn't get out for my walk, after all. I am in the process of romancing my new laptop. :D :D :D Husband got a good deal on it and I am now enjoying having my monitor in front of me, again. This new puter is a Sony Vaio. It's nice. But I am having to relearn a new operating system... This computer has Windows 7 and I am used to Vista. I know... Everyone hated Vista but I liked it. Windows 7 is a good bit different. I'll get the hang of it, I just have to play with it a bit.

I also need to dig in and change my desktop settings, learn this new photo storage software and so forth so there will not be any new photos from me for a little while.

I like this new keyboard. I think I like it better than the one I had on my old HP laptop. I feel a little as if I am cheating on my old puter... I really loved that machine and it was my first laptop and I spent many many happy hours with it.

Babble, babble. lolol

So, anyhoo... That is what is going on, here, right now. :D

A Couple of Manis and a Really Pretty Day and Stuff

Hi everyone. I hope that you are all well.

I am feeling a bit better. My migraine has calmed a bit and I am doing better, today. I am planning to get out for my walk in a little bit. I am just waiting for the sun to go down, I'll take off around a quarter to seven.

I am on track. I am doing better calorie wise than yesterday. Thursdays are always a bit high for me. Not drastically so, I don't go off the rails or anything. I just don't keep it as low as I like.

I have noticed that my binge impulses are coming on less and less often. Will I ever be completely free of them? I don't think so. I think, to a certain extent, things like that become hard wired and can't be completely shut off after they do. I know that I have ot, even now be vigilant about my occasional impulse to smoke. I quit smoking sixteen years ago and I am happy that I did and I have no desire to ever return to that pattern of behaviour. But, I do admit, that when things get rough or I need to calm down, I think, briefly and longingly of having a cigarette. Just one, to get me over the hump. Yeah... Not going to happen. Ever. But I do have the thoughts, now and again.

Hard wired.

I haven't given in to a binge impulse in a while, now. I don't like to count days... It makes me feel pressure and then I want to alleviate that pressure by binging. lol How effed up is that? lol But even tho I am not giving in, I know that if I do, it could cause me to spin severely out of control. And I don't want to go there. I am hoping that as time goes by and controlling the urge becomes easier, something I just do, rather than have to fight, I won't have the feeling that I will go off the rails. I am trying very hard to learn to trust myself.

I don't want this to be a fight. I don't want to have to white knuckle it and works so. damned. hard. in the future.

Does that make any sense?

Okay, so... Nails. I haven't posted a couple of mani pics so here they are. :D

This was my mani for the last few days. Orly Snowcone topped with China Glaze Fairy Dust. This mani was a lot prettier in person than it photographed. Snowcone is a beautiful Summer sky blue and Fairy Dust is a magical silver holographic glitter. You can see the holo in the pic of the bottle. :D

I am currently rocking a French. Sally Hansen White On for the tips and OPI Hearts and Tarts for the pink. This is my all time favourite sheer pink. It is very soft and natural looking and has the barest hint of opalescence in the right light. I love, love, love this polish. If I have to do a fast one coater to get out the door in a rush, I reach for this one. I wore it while rehabing my nails after I destroyed them and I love it for a French. My little heart will break if OPI ever discontinues this colour. Methinks I need a backup bottle. :D

I like this manicure but, boy! What a pain in the ass it was to apply and to get dry. Frenches always are. One big reason why I so rarely do my own. I did this mani this morning and it is still a tad dentable. And it won't last long, either. My French always chips madly and fast. *sigh* So much work for such a short life. lol

Forgot to mention what a gorgeous day it is, didn't I? Well it is. In the seventies, a breeze to keep one comfortable and brilliantly sunny. The birdies are chirping like crazy and keeping my cat endlessly entertained. :D

Just a Fast One, This Evening

Hey everyone. I hope that you are all having a terrific day.

Mine is okay. I am on track, which is good. But I have a raging migraine and chose not to walk, today. I feel horribly guilty and my dog keeps looking at me like, "Well, Mama, when are we going?" I just couldn't.

It pisses me off that headaches can so disrupt my life the way mine do.

I am going to read some blogs then shut my puter down for the night. The light from my TV is making my head insane. lol

Goodnight, loves.

Anyone Have a Roll of Duct Tape?

That title is apropo of nothing. It just popped into my head and I decided to use it.

So... How is everyone?

I am well.

Tired and grumpy but well. Day is going fine. I am at 1220 cals for the day, so far, leaving me a few for evening munching. My roadwork is complete. I got to the green mailbox and a part of me (the crazy as a loon part, I imagine) wanted to press on and take the next hill. Uh... No. Not ready. But the fact that I am thinking in that direction is probably a good thing.

Or I have a death wish. lol

Today's walk was a little rough on me. The wind was blowing, my allergies were acting up and I had a little trouble breathing. Beyond the huffing and puffing of fat old broad hauling ass uphill. I also started coughing. Not so good, means my asthma wants to come out and mess with me. Blech.

Hopefully the wind will be calmer, tomorrow.

My hips and knees are bothering me, too. I just have to push through it. I didn't get this body being active and eating right. It is going to take time for it to adjust and for exercise to become a bit easier on me. I don't think I am doing so badly, considering what I weigh, right now and how horribly sedentary I have been. I just have to keep plugging away at it. I just have to get out there and climb that fucking hill. Over and over and over, again.

Oh, I remember why I was thinking about duct tape. Because someone needs to use it on Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Wrap it around and around her head so that she can never open her big, fat, stupid, over opinionated mouth, ever again. Good Lord, does she ever learn? Judgemental, stupid, silly, little idiot, anyway.

Okay... I am an Unobservant Idiot lol

The road that I walk on is Buckskin... Not Buckhorn. Geeze, Erika, read a sign, why don't you? lol

Sabryna and I took our sojourn up to the green mailbox up on Buckskin Road and turned around and glided downhill all the way home, That walk takes me about twenty minutes and it is about what I can safely do, right now. I want to push myself but I want to do it smart, not end up having a heart attack by the side of the road. A part of me feels as if I am cheating hauling it back all downhill but, I figure at my weight, I am working my body, whether i am hauling it uphill, downhill or on the level. lol

It was a lovely evening. The air was soft and warm, the sun was just down so that I didn't have to worry about protection. Irises are in full bloom here, right now and they are just everywhere. Mostly purple but every now and then you see a yellow or white flag amongst the purple. Lilacs are just starting to bloom and their soft, sweet scent mixed with the yummy smells coming from some one's grill. A young woman, watched by her baby in a carrier and a fat, black cat was clearing a flowerbed outside her home. The sweet voice of the infant's happy babble floated to my ears on a light, cooling breeze. Sabryna paused and woofed, softly when she saw the cat then we moved on, I taking in the sights and sounds around me, my dog looking for her next spot to jerk me to a sudden stop to sniff and squat.

I think I had a slightly easier tome of this walk, today. I had to take fewer rest stops to allow my heart rate to slow a bit before I moved on. I am thinking that in the next few weeks, I might be ready to go down the small downhill and then the next long, hard uphill slog past the green mailbox. I would like to work up to a solid hour of walking. I just wish it were flatter, around here. I admit that I hate hiking uphill. I breathe so hard and loud, my heart pounds and I just know that I look like something so totally pathetic and gross, going along. I try not to let myself think about it and I tell myself that noone is looking out their window or gives a rat's ass about me or my fat climbing laboriously up the road.

Sabryna is really enjoying these walks. I start getting ready and she is dancing around, rearing to go. :D

Other than my walk, my day has been good,. I am on track, in control and calm minded. I spent some time doing my vary favourite thing in the world.

No.

Not that.

I got to empty out and scrub down my fridge. Oh. Joy. *sarcasm*

I grab a dish towel and some cleaner and spritz and swish and wipe it down on a regular basis so it doesn't turn into a Superfund Site in there. But every now and then, probably more often than I am really willing to do it, it needs to have all the shelves removed, washed and scrubbed and the cabinet scrubbed and polished. I rearranged the shelves to better suit how we use the fridge and I must say, it looks quite fab. And it is far more functional for us, too. :D

Okay, Husband is in want of the TV, so I must spell check and sign off. I'll hopefully have more time online, tomorrow so I can read blogs and catch up with everyone.

Good night, all. :D

Walking the Dog

So, I decided to get off my fat ass and take a walk. Not easy, around here. We live on a hill and all the roads around us are hills. Bleargh! A lot of work. But, I think that is the point, actually. lol

Anyhoo... Sabryna and I were clear of the easement road that runs behind our condo and were on Ridge Road and a man was jogging towards us. I moved over and tightened up on Bad-Ass-Protector-Guard Dog  (har har) and prepared to pass. He said hello to me. I was so. Stunned that I almost couldn't reply.

People who are fit and jogging don't talk to fat, old broads with old dogs puffing their way up the road.

Do they?

Sabryna and I walked up Ridge Road to the curve into Buckhorn (we are sooo Western, out here... *rolling my eyes*) and up Buckhorn-hard slog up!- to the flat and on to the green mailbox then home. The return is all downhill. A blissful reward for the hard pull uphill all the way out.

The walk took about twenty-five minutes, including stopandsniffandsquat sessions for the dog.

I feel pretty good, if my legs are a bit on the sore side. I need to keep doing this. :D

Support or Crutch????

I was cleaning up my kitchen after I had my lunch today and the question that was running through my little gourd was, "Is blogland and my blogfriends support or a crutch?"

I admit that sometimes I am not really too sure. I mean, I know that sometimes when I log in and read blogs it is a distraction technique. It is easier to fend off a binge or feeding frenzy when I read blogs by others who are going through what I am or have been and have wonderful insights to share.

Most of the time I read to catch up, learn about people, learn about how they are doing in their weight journey (good Lord, that word is tragically overused, isn't it?) and get some support and to give support where and when I can.

But, am I after support or am I just substituting one crutch for another?

For a while I feared that I was using blogs as a crutch but this weekend of nearly no Internet activity (I was on briefly Saturday afternoon, then gone, again) has shown me my answer. Help and yes, sometimes a distraction when I need a little extra bolstering. But I don't see blogs and all of you as a crutch. I got through my weekend just fine. My calories and thoughts and feelings were really good. I got a little munchy, yesterday and was tempted to sit down with an entire bag of pretzels and my book (while that nasty little voice in my head was encouraging me to do it!) but I was able to talk myself down. I was able to reason out my feelings, remind myself that feeding frenzies and books don't have to be best friends and after a little while, I didn't want the bag of pretzels, anymore.

I counted out a serving of pretzels, slowly savoured them while I immersed myself in the world of my book and drank a lot of Crystal Light. And it was plenty and I was happy and content. And I worked those tools all on my own. I felt as fine as I did the day I taught myself to ride my bicycle with no hands. :D

I have tools. And I am getting the hang of using them. :D

So, to answer my own question... I think that blogs and blogland and blogfriends are support.

Not a crutch. :D

Hey

Hello. :D

I didn't get a chance to get on all of yesterday. Husband is not inclined to share the flatscreen when he is off so yours truly had to find something else to do. I did. I got a good bit of reading done. Finished a Nora Roberts book, read an entire Fern Michaels and started another Fern Michaels. Yeah... I have really deep taste in books, don't I? lol

I had a good eating day, yesterday. Just over 1530 for the day. About 1350n on Saturday. So, less time online isn't hurting my ability to stay on track. :D I have missed reading everyone's' blogs, tho. I am going to see how much I can get caught up, today.

It is a beautiful day, today. That low pressure centre that kept wrapping in around it's self and wouldn't pull out of the state has finally departed and the skies are clear and blue, the air is still and calm it is warm and the birdies are rioting in the trees. Hopefully, that was the last bit of Wintery weather that we will have to endure until it actually is Winter, again. lol

I have been busy, this morning. Cleaned my house really well, GI'd my bathroom, washed my shower curtain and dusted and polished and mopped and washed all of my windowsills. So my little home is all fresh and clean and shiny. :D Housework sucks but a messy house sucks worse so it is a choice between two evils. lol

Husband had to go to the Urgent Care... He has some kind of nasal infection and has antibiotics and a nasal spray to dose himself with. Son is off, today and taking advantage of his one day off to relax and rest a bit. He won't have another day off until sometime next week.

I need to do my nails sometime today. I have chippage. What coilour to use? :D

Just a Quickie

I don't have a lot of time right now... Husband is off and bogarting the TV. lol I just have a couple of minutes to say Hi! I hope that everyone is having a great day and post my latest mani really quick. Oh yeah and I am nicely on track and everything is well. :D

I did a new mani, Sinful Colors Mint Apple. I am a little late to the mint party... No surprise as I am never in the thick of a trend. I like to think about things and by the time I get into them, everyone is moving on to the newest and better while I am raving and getting all breathless over what is now "Soooo five minutes ago!" lolol

This is pretty nice polish. A little bit of a pain to work with. I needed three coats for opacity and it wanted to drag and bubble a bit, SO I kind of had to work with it a bit. But I like the colour a lot. A mid toned mint green with subtle shimmer. I am wearing it alone but I think that topping it with a glitter... Say China Glaze Fairy Dust could be really pretty. Nothing like a little holo to make a girl happy. :D

So, what do you think... Like? Not like? Couldn't care less? lolol

Okay, I must run. I hope to be back on later or catch some time, tomorrow.

Love and hugs!