Wednesday, March 16, 2011

In Reply

FF, my hips and migraines are what they are. So are my stinking knees, for that matter. I got the okay to take NSAIDS with Lasix from my doc, so I am getting some relief and am more comfortable. My head... It is what it is. I have lived with it all of my life. I am used to it. I just like to bitch about it, from time to time. A little whine helps us to feel better, sometimes. lol

Hugs, Leafy One. I think you could use one.

Twix, thank you for dropping in and commenting. I don't own a bicycle. I am a walker. :D

I am battling a fear. It is a stupid one. And it is overwhelming me. I think that maybe I could get down on the floor. But it has literally been decades since I tried. And my knees are so awful (I can't even squat down without horrid pain) and I am so afraid to even try. I keep telling myself that I need to lose more weight before I can try. Which is the case. I am not even ready to attempt it. Not physically. Not even mentally.

Told you. Stupid.

Totally stupid. Irrational. Silly. One day, I will. One day I will be light enough, strong enough, have mental balls big enough to do it.

It is such a fucking weird thing, being so afraid to do something that everyone can do multiple times throughout their day without even thinking about it. Hell, I used to love sitting on the floor. I used to choose it, rather than taking a chair. I never gave it a second thought. Just gracefully sank down and popped back up. Now, I can't even bring myself to think about it. Obesity. It has taken so much from me. So many years. So many moments. So many mindless, lovely little things.

It isn't taking any more from me. I have futzed around for the past few months. Lost a little weight but mostly just made excuses and nattered about not a lot of anything. Whined about this, that and the other. And fucked around. Ten pounds or so in three months? Hardly impressive. Hardly what I thought I would achieve in this time.

Please don't think I am looking to be patted on the head and told it is okay. Because I am not. And it is not. I am just writing this out, here, as this is where I need to do it. I appreciate the chance to talk your ears off (so to speak) in this blog because I can't really talk about it here, IRL. My husband has a very limited tolerance for my whining and yammering on this subject. Sooo.. You all get barraged with it, instead. :P

Don't you just feel sooo honoured? :P

Time to open the blinds, windows and let in some fresh air, light and do a little housework. I might even make Pookey's bed for him. He slept late, jumped out of bed, threw on his work clothes and ran out the door and to his car without even stopping to pee, I think. I guess he forgot to set his alarm. I bet he doesn't forget, again. lol

Okay, I have to pee. All that water... In one end, out the other. Rapidly. lol

Later, gators.


  1. I can totally understand the knee fear! I am still afraid of 'gettin' down! I could not get down on the floor for a couple of years, then last year I fell and had to have knee surgery! It has only been the last MONTH or so that I have tried to get down on the floor. I was (an still am) a bit scared. I actually tried one time and 'fell' the rest of the way down and had to stay there till my son could help me up!
    Things are getting a bit better in that department, but I am still afraid of not being able to get myself back up---even with the aid of using two dining room chairs. (Believe me, it is not a pretty picture...but I am trying!

    No, it is not stupid~

  2. I need to address the fear of getting down on the floor and not being able to get back up. At one point last year? the year before? I couldn't get off the floor myself without hanging onto something. Once I rolled out of bed. I had to use the bedspread and sheets to pull myself back up to standing. I even had trouble getting up from low toilets, and if I were out and about, dreaded having to go to the toilet and finding there was nothing to help me up. That's why I used the one for disabled people. My legs were so weak, they couldn't get me off the floor. I feel in front of the house, by the car, into the street. I was falling a lot due to the leg weakness. It was embarrassing having to crawl up the side of the car. That's how weak I was from anorexia. I can get up now, no problems, and use any toilet. I haven't fallen (knock on wood) for many months.

    I know your fear intimately. Do NOT push it. Wait until you've lost a lot more weight, and make sure your husband or son or both are there to help you up, or do what mamajuliana did and place chairs on either side of you. No sense taking risks like that.

    You know how upset I get about your pain and suffering. I wish I had the power of healing. I'd come to your extremely clean house, we'd have fun, and I'd heal you.

  3. I completely understand your need to vent on your blog. My poor husband over the the years has heard way more pissing and moaning then anyone should have to. As far as the ten pounds i know how you feel. I have been hovering around them same pound mark for about a month and it fires me up and gets me upset all at the same time. I just try and remind myself where I am at now is way better than where I was. Plus I try to remember where I am going and keep plugging away! Hang in there and we are always here to listen!


Talk to me! :D I love comments, enjoy discussion and debate. I wear my big girl panties and welcome constructive criticism. I do not accept anonymous comments. Not because I can't take the heat. I can. It is because I believe that if you are going to say it, you need to have the balls to put a name to it.

Please do not spam my comments. If you would like for me to check out your blog, if you follow me/have me on your blogroll and would like me to follow you/add you to my blogroll, please shoot me an e-mail with your blog URL. I will come visit :). Same goes if you are a company or PR. Please shoot me an e-mail. You can find my address in the contact tab at the top of my blog page. Thank you. :D