Caturday Night

Being gorgeous is exhausting! Marley proves it by conking out on my dressing table. These pics are clickable, if you would like to admire Marley in more detail.

It is frakking windy, again. *sigh* This is one seriously windy Spring. But later, when it is hotter than the hinges of Hades, there won't be a breath of a breeze to be had. It is nice and sunny and the temps are pleasant so it isn't all bad.

Eating? Good. I am back on track and not chowing on salty crunchy stuff. I am downing a ton of water and feeling better. Maybe a little more weight will have come off by the time I get on the scale, in the morning. I am not counting on it... I have been negligent and deserve to suffer for it. lol But hopefully, I am on a good roll and more weight will be coming off, soon. Some has to be dropping off... My undies are getting baggier. So are my pants. Why the scale numbers aren't moving in time, I have no idea. I am just keeping on keeping on. It will come off. And the scale will show when it does.

I had a yummers dinner. Tostadas made with 3 flat shells, veggie crumbles, light cheese and lots of onion, tomato and lettuce shreds, a little light cheese and plenty of taco sauce. Nom, nom, nom. I was craving Mexican and this was a delish way to satisfy it for 420 calories. I am at 1105 for the day. I can have a little snack, or not as I please. :)

Just one more day and William returns to the salt mines. Not that I am counting, or anything... :P^^ It will be nice to have my house back and get back into my usual routine. Day to day, I like my routine tho I can be spontaneous and fly by the seat of my pants.

Well, that is about all I have to yap about, right this moment. Fascinating, wasn't it? lol

Cooing Doves, Cigarette Smoke and One Pound Down

So... I got on me scale, this morning and I am down a pound. In two weeks. Yeah. Not so impressed with myself. I admit to doing some comfort eating and allowing William being on vacation to be an excuse to eat salty, crunchy things I have no business going anywhere near. It is my fault and I am not blaming anyone. I am happy that I haven't gained anything but still... I really need to get my old momentum back. This slow loss, fooling around bullshit has to end.

Now.

My windows are open and I am listening to doves cooing. There are a ton of them, around here. They like to hang on power lines, in trees or on my gutters and coo and look all soft and grey and big eyed and sweet. I like them. There is something comfortable and comforting about them being nearby.

Well, it is Friday. William lives. He goes back to work in two days so I have decided not to kill him. I can do two more days. lol

No laundry, today. :D Yippee! I think I can go at least the next couple of days before firing up the washer, again. That will be nice. I don't mind doing laundry. I really don't. I just don't want to have to do it so frakking often, youknowwhatImean?

Okay, I have something I need to gripe about. My common wall neighbour. Now, they are nice people, for the most part. Friendly and not too noisy. Yes, he has a bit of a boomer of a voice, but he isn't deliberately loud or obnoxious. She is really quiet. so no complaints, there, But I do have one huge gripe. Cigarette smoke. These are non smoking units. Smoking is not allowed inside these condos, at all. It is a condition of the lease. Sadly, my neighbours think that no smoking inside means that smoking outside is perfectly acceptable.

Uh... Unless your neighbour has her windows open and is trying to enjoy fresh air and soft breezes and instead is getting a sniffer full of your clouds of noxious, toxic, stinky cigarette smoke courtesy of the prevailing winds and your smoking just a few feet from her windows.

Look. I am all for freedom of choice. In fact, I am a huge proponent of it. I don't feel as if I have any right to tell someone that they can or can't smoke. That is a personal choice. Those are his lungs and he has every right in the world to char them, if that makes him happy. However, does he have any right to smoke outside non smoking units and send his stinky, nasty smoke into my non smoking home and force me to breathe, smell and choke on it? While he is exercising his rights, he is stomping all over mine. I don't want to breathe and smell cigarette smoke in my home. If I did, I would buy a pack and light up.

But I don't. That is one reason why we chose to live here. No smoking. No stinky leftovers of smoke from previous tenants. No breathing or smelling smoke. Until the weather started to warm up and our windows started spending more and more time open. I don't know what to do about this situation. I mean, he is smoking outside, so technically, he isn't violating the terms of his lease. But his smoke is flooding into my home. And I don't like it. Not one little bit.

So, do I have to just keep my mouth shut and learn to tolerate it? Can I say something to him? Cry to my landlord? Do really pissy, passive aggressive things like cough really super loud, moan and complain about ugh! smoke! and then slam my windows shut while saying how hot my house will get because certain people have to blow their nasty smoke into my home? Would he even get the "hint"? Would he even give a flying fuck?

I don't want to be a bad, bitchy neighbour. But I also don't want to share his cigarette smoke. *sigh* Anyone happen to have any insight? Know what my legal rights in a situation like this might be?

Golly, dinner smells good. I am making baked chicken. There is salad and I am going to do some Summer squash, too. I am hongry. And feeling a little sick to my stomach, too. My right side at my gallbladder was pinching, earlier. They two go together. Blech!

Okay, I guess I should go check on dinner and hit the loo. And I want to read some blogs, while I am waiting for the chicken to finish baking so I will talk to you all, later.

Two More Loads

*sigh* Two more loads of laundry, today. Then I am done, for a few days.

William's vacation continues. He is around and underfoot and coming dangerously close to losing his life. The unrelenting channel surfing, the Westerns, the old game shows. He has amused himself going through all of the papers and shredding stuff that needed to go, he cleaned windows, cleaned the cars, he cleans the house for me, every morning. He is in need of stuff to do. He is in need of going back to work.

I ate like an idiot, yesterday. I did well until evening. Then the stupid, mindless snacking began. I wanted to shoot myself, when I was done. I still do stupid stuff. But I did drink all of my water, like a good girl so that is something... :P

When are the tornadoes going to be done with the poor people in the South? I see the coverage on TV and it is just devastating. I hope that all of my fellow bloggers are safe and sound. And I hope that these storms end, soon and no one else is hurt or killed. Those of you in the path of these storms, batten down the hatches, obey the warnings and stay safe!

It is nice and sunny, here and the wind is fairly quiet, right now. Hopefully it will warm up, a bit. It was cool, yesterday and cold, last night. Our nighttime lows are still hitting the thirties, some nights.

Okay, time to go toss stuff in my dryer and hit the loo. (Water, you know...)

A Fun Day in the Valley of the Sun

We went to Phoenix, yesterday. It was so much fun to get the hell out of this house. Out of this podunk, one horse wannabe Western monstrosity of a town and go to a real city for a change. It was heaven to breathe smog, be in traffic, hear sounds, see everything. It was nice to walk into a drugstore and actually find a LE polish that I know there is no way in hell I will ever find up here.

It was a pretty day, yesterday. Warm, sunny and windy. Well, the wind kind of sucked, but it did keep the temps comfortable. We started out from here about ten, got stuck in traffic for a while at Skyline Drive (stupid people cleaning up a bunch of crud on the highway) then got going. Of course, William wanted to drive by the old place in Peeples Valley. It looked like shit, BTW. I had no desire to see it, but whatever. I was out of the house. We got to Wickenburg and stopped at Screamers because William was craving a hotdog. I hit the ladies, peed in the dark. The light wasn't on and there was no light switch. WTF was up with that? William and Patrick got sodas and fries, instead of hotdogs. I snagged about five fries. Oh my gosh! They were so. Good. Salty, sprinkled with a spicy pepper mixture. Those fries should be illegal.

We finally got out of Wickenburg and made it to the Valley. Drove around, I did a little drugstore trolling, then we had a late lunch at Taco Bell. The guys ate crud, I had grilled fresco style tacos. We hung out some more, drove around, listened to music and just goofed around, then had a quick dinner at Wendy's. The guys ate burgers and fries and chili. I had a baked potato and a small chili. I ended up giving half of my potato to William. All in all, I did really well, calorie wise, yesterday. The few fries I had at Screamers were my brekkie.

Bummer to be home today. I like it down there and I always feel a little sad when we have to come back to Prescott.

I am doing laundry, today. Yay! Too much fun for words. Food is on track and water is going down. I hope I see a nice number on my scale, this Saturday. I need a good one. I am feeling a bit frustrated and bummed about my weight, lately. Yes, my slow progress has been my own damned fault. But it doesn't stop me from sulking about it. :P

Okay, I have to go attend to the frakking laundry and I need to pee like a racehorse.

I don't blame you if you skipped this dreck. I had little to really say. lol

Happy Easter!

To everyone who celebrates.

I hope that you and yours are having a lovely, happy day.

I just want to thank you, my friends for the lovely, heartfelt and caring comments you wrote to me, the other day. You made me cry, feel a little better and gave me something to grab on to and hug close to me. And I appreciate you all more than I could ever adequately express. *hugs*

I am doing a little better, today. Things have sunk in a bit, I am processing and coming around to a mindset of being positive and hopeful. I am not allowing myself to consider anything else, at this point. When or if I must, I will go there, at that time. For now, I refuse to entertain any possibility but the best one.

I didn't weigh in this week. I am still in a weird head space and can't deal with certain things. I want to. But I just can't make myself do it. lol It is so weird. I'll weigh in next Saturday or Sunday, as usual. Kindly, Allen gave me a bye for the Challenge weigh in, this week. Thank you, dude! :D

It is cooler, today. Sunny and pretty but insanely windy. I am talking nearly gale force winds. It has been windy for so. Frakking. Long! My allergies are out of control and I think that this constant wind is beginning to drive me off over the edge. I have read about people being adversely affected by wind. I may be one of them, as I am definitely cranky. lol

I am not eating Easter eggs (we didn't do eggs, this year) I am not eating Cadbury Eggs *sniff* I am not glomming on Peeps or Jelly Bellys or anything else full of sugar. We are going to have ham for dinner (MIL is doing one) and I am going to roast some sweet potatoes to go with it. And bake some biscuits. I will have a little ham, (weighed and calories counted, of course!) and a sweet potato. I am debating a biscuit. I might, I might not. It is nice to not care, one way or the other whether I eat a biscuit or not. And it is funny to honestly not give a shit. Not be in a lather of "OMG! Do I eat one? Don't I? Do I eat one? Don't I?" Isn't it insane how we can turn ourselves inside out over something like food?

William is on vacation. Of course, he didn't tell me he was going to be until he announced on Thursday that he doesn't go back to work until May 2nd. Gee, Asshole... Thank you soooooo much for telling me that you had put in for and gotten a week at this time. I mean, I am only your fucking wife. I thought, (mistakenly, it seems) that I was entitled to know some of the things you have decided to do and when. Guess not.

I am a mushroom. Keep me in the dark and feed me bullshit.

I get to have him around the house 24/7 for an entire week. Aren't I the lucky girl?

My. Aren't I just a lovely little ray of sunshine? lol

I think that I will go now. I want to read and catch up with everyone and see what you are all up to.

Later, gators. <3

BYOC. Why Not?

I want to comment on your comments. And will, when I can. For now, I am just hugging them to me.

Okay, on to BYOC.

1. In the spirit of Easter – tell me – what is your all time favorite Easter candy?

Cadbbury Creme Eggs, baby! I can eat those things by the dozen. And have. In the past. I haven't had a Cadbury egg in two years. *sniff*

 2. What is your Zodiac sign?

I am a Scorpio. 

  
3. Are you holding on to something you should let go of?

Yes. Maybe some day I will grow a set and let it go. 

4. What are three “nevers” you follow in your life?

   1. Never discuss politics or religion at a party.
   2. Never wear a skirt or dress without hosiery.  
   3. Never take anyone for granted. 

 5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.


I am going to respectfully bow out of this one, this time around. :)



  

Discombobulated

I got some rather bad news, today about someone very close to me. I am numb, right now. Trying to process, trying to accept, fearing the worst but also hoping and praying for the best. I am sorry to be cryptic but this person is extremely private and wouldn't appreciate being blogged about in any detail and I am going to respect their wishes and say nothing more about them, here. I just wanted you to know that I am a little discombobulated, right now.

I started feeling, earlier. Fear. Pain. Sadness. All normal emotions under the circumstances and my first impulse, indeed my first actions as I started to feel this flood was to dam it with food. I grabbed a fudge pop. Nada. No help. So, next came the cheese puffs. I downed three servings worth. (And yes, I counted the calories! :)) Nothing. Food doesn't work, anymore. I can't drug out on it, anymore. I am going to have to work through this and feel my way through it just like everyone else. One day at a time, one emotion at a time. And, I am not going to hurt myself with food. That is the wrong approach and I am not going there. The cheese puffs taught me that. This is one fucking shitty way to learn that food is just food, full stop for me, now. My loved one would definitely appreciate the irony. lol

So, if I take a day or three away, I am not falling off the wagon or doing something bad. I am just taking a little time for me. I may or may not take a little break. I may just read, but not post. I may post until my fingers wear to the bones. At this point, I just don't know. A part of me wants to hide in a hole for a while. Another part knows that I need to stay out here, reach out and keep on keeping on. So, either way, please just know I am okay. Just... Discombobulated.

Good Morning, Lovebugs

First off, if you need a little break, a moment:



Click, close your eyes and sway. :D

So, how is your day going? Mine is starting pretty well. William just left for work a bit ago and Patrick is now up and getting himself together. He will soon be gone, too. And it will just be me and the hairbags. I have some housework to get done, then a couple of projects I want to do. Should keep me busy and out of trouble. Not that I get into trouble... *polishes halo*

So, yesterday ended on a very good note. I ate right, drank all of my water and walked. I need to keep up with the walking. I like how much better, more energetic I feel when I walk consistently. This morning, I feel lighter, more active and my mental state is more positive, too. Gotta like that.

Okay, I need to finish my coffee, hit the ladies' and get going on my day. I will see all you losers (you know that I mean that in only the best way, don't you? :D), later on. *muah!*

Wednesday Night

Well... Today was a pretty damned good day. I stayed on track, drank all of my water and busted out a two mile walk. I went at a 15 minute mile pace and burned (according to the online calculator I use) 300 calories. Not too shabby. I was ready to go longer but William was tired from having spent the day walking all over the place auditing. When we got to the trail up to the Jeep, I indicated with a wave that I wanted to go on. He was stopped dead on the trail and wanted to stop. I popped one of my earbuds out and told him to just go on to the store and pick up water then come back and pick me up. He then, looking like the martyr he is, said that he could go a little farther.

Ha! As if. No fucking way was I getting sucked into that pile of bullshit. We left, water was picked up, we got home and I went right into my rooms and took my shower.

I thought about having a bath, instead. I did a dry run. To see if I could get down into the tub. Not quite. I mean, I was almost low enough to go ahead and sit right down in the tub but I was really afraid I wouldn't be able to get myself back up. So, a shower it was. One day, I will finally be able to actually sit all the way, then get back up. I got a little closer, today.

How fucked up is it that I am afraid to try to sit down in my own bathtub?

Remember I talked about loading my music library onto an MP3 player I had found in my basket? Well, I tried. And the poor thing is fried. It didn't work. It kept locking up and freaking out. I guess it just got bounced around too much. While we were cleaning out stuff last weekend, I tossed it. I am back to using my phone for music while I walk. I was trying to listen to Pandora. What a catastrophe that was. The damned app kept losing the channel, going dead and loading for forever between songs, force closing... What a royal pain in the ass! So, I decided to try Slacker, instead. So far, so good.

The thing I liked about Pandora was the fact that they don't run audible ads. Just ads on my screen. Slacker does do audible ads, tho not too many, at once. (I am using the free version, of course :P) And, if I am careful about hoarding my skips, I can skip a lot of that junk. The music is good, too. I listen to current hits and there is a lot of hard hitting, fast paced stuff. Stuff I don't normally listen to (Eminem. Pitbull.) but have found that I really enjoy while exercising. If Slacker continues to please me, I will just uninstall Pandora. I don't need the frustration.

I heard a Justin Beiber song, for the first time. I didn't know it was he... I thought it was a girl. When the song was over, a DJ type person came on and told us that was JB's new single. Oookay. It wasn't horrid. But I don't get the Beiber fever thing. His voice is immature, feminine, unschooled and, sorry to say it but, honestly? It is not very good. The lyrics are not bad but nothing worth getting all excited about. Pretty much boiler plate written by someone else for mass consumption stuff. All I can figure is that the mass appeal he holds must be based almost solely on his image. Which, as a 46 year old woman doesn't do all that much for me. I guess you have to be a tweeniebopper to get it. And to appreciate his "talent". I can happily go on with my life now, secure in the knowledge that having never heard a JB song, I was not missing much. lol

Before we went out to the lake, I took Sabryna out for a little walk. She can't walk too far, anymore but she still loves, loves, loves to go out for a walk. We went up the easement road to Ridge road. Rather than turning around, I indulged her desire to go on for a bit. We walked to the corner of Ridge and Buckhorn. All a steady, gradual uphill. A pleasant little stroll that didn't even raise my heart rate or make my breathing change. It wasn't until we were almost to the stop sign and ready to turn back for home that I realized that a little over a year ago, that little walk half killed me. By the time I would get to the stop sign, I would be breathing hard, gasping for my very breath, heart pounding so loud in my ears, not another sound could be heard. Now, it is as easy as walking down my own hallway in my home.

I guess I am making some good changes. lol

Okay. I have to pee and I am ready to hit the sack. I'll be back to bore you all into the floor again, tomorrow.

Have a good night, everyone.

Tuesday Afternoon

I am having a Moody Blues moment. :D

Moar laundry, today. I had a hamper full of darks and I wanted to wash all of my "new" clothes. My new to me stuff was nice and clean but they were stale and a bit fusty from being in storage and I wanted to freshen them up and get the wrinkles out.

I am still freaking out at how small everything looks to my eyes. I am so accustomed to huge and I do mean huge! garments. To any "normal sized" person, these clothes look huge. To me, they are pretty damned tiny. And I am having trouble adjusting my mindset and accepting the fact that this is my current size, that they do, indeed fit me and I don't have to be afraid of them. Yes, I feel like a total goofball, being afraid of my clothes. lol

It is another pretty, pretty day. Windows are open, my ceiling fan is whirring softly and the birdies are raising a ruckus out there. My eating is going very well, so far. Brekkie was my coffee and a flat egg white omelet kinda thing with a little sauteed onion. I also had some cubed cantaloupe and some left over sugar free canned pears. Yum. Water is going down well. I am halfway through my daily requirement.

Okay, I need to go get the rest of my clothes out of the dryer, put William's in. When I get done, today I am not going anywhere near that frakking washer and dryer for at lest a few days! I am sick to death of doing laundry! Blech!

An Empty Container, Alteration Nation and... Am I a Cheater?

I went downstairs to gather up some laundry to do. *sigh* Yes... More frakking laundry, today. I might as well just climb into the fucking washing machine and live in there. :P Sad, but true. My life seems to be one long laundry session, lately. Anywhoozle... While I was down there I looked at The Container. The Big Orange Container that contained some smaller clothes. Clothes that last Fall, I couldn't really fit into. Clothes that a few of which I was able to sausage into. Clothes I honestly thought I still had no chance in hell of wearing.

Especially with my shitty efforts weight wise, lately.

But, on some crazy whim, I hauled that container out of my closet, hefted it up on my bed, opened it up and thought, "What the heck! Can't hurt to try..." And started trying stuff on. And, much to my shock and utter delight, a lot of it now fits. I felt, at first as if it were all too small, still. Feeling clothes actually conform to my actual anatomy is foreign to me. I am not used to it. And I was under the impression that everything was still too impossibly tight. But, looking in the mirror I learned that to the contrary, the garments fit. Properly. Comfortably. And are where they should be. Pants crotches actually fit my anatomical crotch, not hang nearly to my knees. Armholes are in the proper place, not hanging halfway to my waist and elbow.

Oh! And speaking of my waist? Believe it or not, I am actually beginning to get one. A hint of a figure is beginning to emerge. Curves are making themselves known. Bust curving in to waist out to hips, in to legs and down. Kinda freaky, when I think about it. I haven't seen a hint of a real figure on this bod for many, many years.

So, now I have more laundry to do. All those garments are clean, but smell a but fusty from being cooped up in a container for so long. I also need to take all of my now way too big Winter wear down and stash it away. I will eventually pass along or Freecycle it all. I am not going to wear it anymore. And, once I am comfortable with letting them go (which will be soon, I am already mentally preparing Freecycle listings), go they will, since I have absolutely no plans to ever need them, again. And keeping them? Nuh-uh! No way. I am not giving myself an out. Not hanging on to the possibility of "just in case". There is no "just in case". There can't be. I will soon, once again be past the point of no return with my clothes.

I have to admit... It feels a little scary. But it also feels so freeing. Just the thought of letting go of garments I have looked at and worn and hauled around with me for so very long is liberating. And will give me a sense of moving forward. Besides which, I have had some of those things for so long, that just the thought of putting them on, again makes me want to puke. I mean, it has been so long since I have bought any new clothes that knowing I am going to get to wear different things makes me positively giddy. lol

As you may or may not remember, I have been wearing some really nice Venetzia (or howeverthefuck you spell it lol) jeans that were gifted to my by a lovely, generous bloggy buddy. They are a seven, blue. I have learned that that translates to 26/28 curvy. They are getting a little loose... I am dreading the day I can no longer wear them. Not because I don't want to lose more weight but because I love, love, love those jeans so. much! To have to say goodbye to them just breaks my little heart. But, anyway, I tried on a cute pair of cotton pants, same maker, if I remember correctly; a size three and they fit! I was barely able to pull them up over my hips and gut, lat Fall. They are perfect, now. So, I have some fresh, pretty, casual pants to wear with a lightweight top for Spring and part of the Summer.

I am also able to finally wear a pretty pink top I bought a long time ago. And a bunch of others. I suppose I am going to have to go in to Lane Bryant or Catherine's or somewhere and find a new pair of jeans to hold me over, once the sevens just get too big. Then I can pass the sevens on.I suppose I can try a five? Maybe a four, too? It is so strange to me to think of having to size down. I am so used to looking for the biggest size and praying I can stuff my huge bod into it. This is just weird to me. lol

I also have hanging in my closet an old pair of jeans. I bought them back in... 1990? I think? It was back before vanity sizing ran amok, back when a size 26 was a lot smaller than it is, now. Those jeans look small. I mean, tiny to my eyes. They hang in my closet in my jeans section (yes, my closet is big enough for me to have clothes sections, heh heh) as an inspiration piece. I seriously doubt that I will actually wear them, when I do fit them because, well... They are pretty bad. Tapered legs, slight acid wash, some pleats... yeah. Maybe for working around, doing "dirty work". Certainly not to be seen in out and about. lol But I use them as a little "When I can wear those, again I will know I am making some rock solid, real progress" kind of thing.

So, just for shits and giggles, I grabbed those jeans, today and hauled them on. And haul I did. lolol I seriously doubted I would get them past my knees, to be perfectly honest. Well, I got them past my knees. Past my thighs and my hips and my big old hanging gut. I got those suckers up. Can't fasten them. Not even close. I would imagine the gap between metal button and button hole is a good... Seven inches or so. lol But I felt pride that I have come this far. I would like to be able to wear those jeans by Fall. Maybe sooner?

Maybe...

Okay so now, I just have a few "future wear" things left. Not enough for a big container, fo shizz. A little stack that fit neatly into part of a dresser drawer. So, I will use that container for some stuffies and a few other little sentimental to me things I want to keep. 

Oh! I tried on a pair of size 24 capris. Laughing at myself the whole time for my folly at thinking I could ever squeeze into a size 24. Until I got them on, comfortably fastened up and looked at them in the mirror. They are just a tad tight, in a couple of spots. But too loose in the waist. I am a classic hourglass and that is beginning to become a problem as my figure emerges. I should be able to wear those capris shortly but before I do, I am going to have to alter them so that they fit properly in the waist. I can't walk around with a huge gap there. lol

I also tried on a couple of tops that I like, mostly. But they need a little tweaking to become exactly what I want. A couple have long sleeves and it is getting warmer, so I am going to shorten the sleeves to 3/4 length or short. (I love 3/4 length sleeves, I just think that they look so ladylike. :)) And one top is going to get taken apart and reworked into a different thing, altogether. Projects. They keep my fingers busy and out of the snacks.And give me new things to enjoy. :D

Okay, before I wrap up this really, really long entry I want to discuss a subject near and dear to many of us.

Shapers. I admit, I own a couple. And I love them. I have had them for a long time. I haven't fit into them until just now, I got way to big for them for years. Now that I can wear them, again I plan to, when the outfit or occasion calls for it. I tried on pants today both without and with the shaper. And I have to admit, I like how they looked with, better. I know I am the size I am and no tight, knitted synthetic gut sucker is going to fool me or anyone else. But the shaper makes my clothes look a little better. It pulls my hanging gut in and up some, tightens and smooths it and my butt a little bit. I don't really shrink a size, or anything. I just look and feel better in my clothes in it.

So, is wearing a shaper cheating? Is it wrong to be so happy that my huge, hanging gut is a little less huge, less hanging, just a little less? Is it wrong or too vain? I mean, I don't have shapers for my batwings. They just have to fly free, declaring themselves to the world. And while I am not thrilled with them, I am even less thrilled by the gut hang and while I can live with the batwings without too much trouble (except that I have elbow overhang that I am not too thrilled about, but that is a different discussion for a different day) I just hate the gut hang with a purple polka dotted passion. And I feel better about myself with the shaper.

In this odyssey to rediscover me, myself, my truths, is wearing a shaper a lie? Is it cheating? Am I copping out? Denying myself? Denying my reality and who I really am?

Honestly, I don't think so. Am I any less who I am because I choose to tighten up my gut a little? No. Am I cheating, trying to pass myself off as something I am not with that particular underpinning? I don't believe I am. I mean, if good undergarments were a cheat, I would have to leave off my bras and let my boobs fly free. After all, my great, huge gajongas are also me. They are part of me. They are my truth. I can't deny them. Obviously. :P But I can damned well contain those bitches. I can put on an industrial strength brassiere that gets them up high, tight and where boobs should be. I can shape and mould them to look better, a little smaller. I can prevent them from flapping and flying around. I can keep them from giving me a black eye, taking out my kneecaps, breaking things or injuring the people around me.

And I do.

And I don't see why it should be any different for my gut.

For the record, my "new" things fit as well without the shaper as with, I just like how everything looks with it, a bit better. ;)

Okay, I have some crocheting to get to. I am working on something. A prototype, if you will. I'll let you know if it works out.

Later, lovebugs. And, if you waded through all of this babble, I am passing you a yummy sugar free butter cookie.

Sunny Sunday

It is another pretty day here in the Great Desert Southwest. Warm, sunny, breezy. Just lovely. We got the house cleaned up, did some extra projects like cleaning out a few drawers, the shelves in the upstairs closet, my basket I keep by my sofa. It is always nice to clear out little bits of clutter. My house just feels cleaner and brighter when I do this. lol We just need to go through a few containers in the storage room and a few things in the garage and we will be all done with that project. I like having a few extra things around that may come in handy, from time to time but excess shit that isn't used and is just taking up space is better in the trash, getting donated or freecycled. I don't need or want to deal with clutter.

Food is good, today. I had coffee and oatmeal for brekkie, a nice turkey sandwich and cantaloupe for lunch. Nom, nom, nom. Water is going down well. I am about halfway through my daily water so I am right on track.

I have Patrick's comforter in the dryer and the cover for Sabryna's beddies in the wash. I washed my sheets, today too. We will all be sleeping in fresh beds, tonight.

I need a vacation.  On a beach. With cabana boys. And alcohol. And massages. And pedicures. And cabana boys. And alcohol. *sigh* Who wants to come with?

I can't think of another thing to say. My brain is a swim of blankness. 

Where Does the Day Go?

My goodness! Where did this day go? I seems I just got up and... It is suddenly almost evening. I got very little accomplished, today. I slept in, like a sloth. Didn't lever out until nine, this morning. Then I dragged ass, sat around for over an hour sipping coffee, had yoghurt and fruit for brekkie around, eleven-ish. Then I sat around, drinking water and watching TV. I finally went downstairs and did my nails. Goofed around some more, took a shower and then finally ate a late lunch around three-thirty. Had some grilled chicken and fruit. So, here I sit, lazy, unproductive and not giving a crap. lol

It is a gorgeous day. Warm, sunny, breeze. Perfect. :)

My frakking head hurts.

And now, my brain is empty of thoughts to write about.

Grilling

It is a gorgeous evening. Clear, warm. 68 degrees, down a little from 72. Ahhh... So lovely to say buh-bye to the cold wind.

I have chicken and zucchini on my grill. William and Patrick are also having corn on the cob and Spanish rice. I am going to toss together a little salad for me. :) Yes, I do have corn on the cob, now and again. But not tonight.

My frakking head is banging, again. *sigh* The break was nice. Back to it.

Okay, must run. I have food to check on.

Later, lovebugs!

Hanging Tough

Hey kiddies. How'z everything? Things here aren't too bad. Another good day in the books, yesterday. I went about 200 calories over... Popcorn. *rolling my eyes* The treats are stashed away in Patrick's closet, today. Popcorn, peanuts, cheese crackers. out of my line of fire. I don't see them when I go into my kitchen and open my pantry in search of "my" foods so they don't leap into my awareness. So, I don't think about them. I don't start obsessing over them and telling myself little lies about them and I don't eat them.

Drastic? Yup. Necessary, at present? Yup. I am working hard to get solidly back on track, stay there and get this job done. And if I have to resort to a little trickery, I will do it. Once I have things solidly in hand, again I can see about loosening up a little. At this time, I am not putting myself at risk. And if the male ones don't like it, they can bite my big, fat, dimpled white ass.

I had a yummy brekkie of coffee, scrambled egg whites softened with a little fat free 1/2 and 1/2, a little mustard for colour and flavour (a trick I learned from Tammy :D), some salt and pepper and Tabasco. I sauteed a little finely diced onion and scrambled the egg white mixture, added a finely chopped portion of Weight Watchers string cheese and plopped it on a plate with a little heap of salsa on top. I also had some fresh cantaloupe. I am in heaven with the lovely cantaloupe coming out, this season.

Have you tried Weight Watchers string cheese? it is a low fat, low moisture mozzarella with some smokey flavour. It comes in a bag of twelve (if I remember correctly) individually wrapped portions. Each portion is fifty calories. This cheese isn't bad, for low cal, low fat. It is mild, with a somewhat aggressive smoke flavour. The texture is a tad rubbery, as mozzarella and low fat cheeses can be but it isn't nasty. It chops easily and melts nicely. It does clump, like mozzarella does. I find that stirring as I cook it into my recipe helps that. Overall, I like it and I will definitely buy it, again.

Okay, so... I have stuff to do. I have spent the entire morning being a sloth so I need to get cracking.

Did you know that Firefox spell check doesn't work on the title line?  Weird, huh?

The Last Load is In the Dryer

Finally! I also got my bathroom scrubbed, today. Patrick's room is nicely aired out and no longer gagalicious. I got a big pile of magazines looked through and tossed them and did a few other random things. I am working on a grocery list and I organized my coupon organizer. William gets his hands on my coupon organizer and all of a sudden Loreal eye makeup coupons are sharing space with coupons for rice. *rolling my eyes*

Food is really good, today. I am nearly through my full water quota, as well. *sloshes as she walks*

William did our taxes the other day and e-filed them and the payment went in the mail this evening. Man! I am so pissed about that. We don't make squat for dick money wise, but we still owe the fucking IRS. *sigh* It sucks. I hate tax time. We are actually getting a refund from the state, but we don't get to keep it. Too bad, because it would have covered what we had to pay out for Federal and we would have been ahead about a hundred and twenty dollars. Oh well. that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Damn! Oklahoma is getting hammered by some serious storms. Anyone reading this, stay safe.

Okay, this is really all I had to say, right now.

Kind of a Bullet Post

I decided against linking my blog posts to that site. I went and took a look around and I just don't feel as if we would be a good fit. I am still open to that kind of opportunity, in the future but the site needs to be one that I feel I will gel with well.

Yesterday was a terrific day in food and water land. I am very pleased with myself and have extended my streak, slightly. Today is shaping up well, also. I am loving my food journal phone app. It is so handy and I don't have to worry about keeping a notebook and pen at hand at all times.

It is still a little chilly. I was hoping for warmer but the wind is still too cool for my taste.

I have laundry going. Fur loads, today. So not in the mood... But I am doing it.

Patrick's room smelled like ass when I went in there to dig through his closet and gather lonely hangers. I opened his blind and threw the window open wide to air it out before it stinks up the rest of my little home.  How do guys manage to make a room smell so. bad? I mean, I can open his door and the smell will be palpable. Solid. I can feel it and see it, sometimes. And it sends me reeling and gagging back into the hall. Guys are so fucking gross.

For the record, my room smells like lavender. I buy three bar packages of Yardley Old English Lavender soap and tuck the bars, in their boxes into my dresser drawers. They keep my dresser fresh and smelling lovely, they softly perfume my clothes and they make my bedroom suite smell lovely and girlie. For my walk in closet, I pop the scented wax remains of candles out of their holders (I freeze them for a few hours and upend them and they come right out) place them in a perforated plastic zipper bag and hang the bag in my walk in. My closet always smells like apples and cinnamon and caramel. Since I keep my laundry hampers in there, I would rather smell apples, cinnamon and caramel than dirty clothes. :D

Well... I need to go toss my load of towels into my dryer then get another load in my washer. And my tummy is requesting lunch. So, I will see all you fine, feathered folk, later. 

In and Out

Ha! How's that for a title, huh? ^^

It was warm. Earlier. Then the fraking wind came blasting in and now it is gusty and cold. Too gusty to use my grill, so the chicken had to go in the oven. Bah! I wanted grilled Summer squash, dammit! I am going to saute it, instead.

Recipe for sauteed Summer squash:

This is as easy as falling off a chair. Trust me. If I can cook this, anyone can! :D

Wash, top and tail as many Summer squashes as you need to feed whomever you are about to feed. I generally do two and share with Patrick. Then slice into thickish (under a half inch, closer to about a quarter inch, but don't get anal about it) slices.

Spary a large saute pan with nonstick spray and buttery spray and heat it up to just before the sprays want to turn and dump in the Summer squash. Spray with a little nonstick spray and a little more buttery spray. Season you your taste. I like to keep it simple. Sea salt and fresh cracked black pepper does it for me. Toss and stir and cook and repeat, adding a little extra spray or buttery spray if needed until all of the rounds have nice colour and are tender but not mushy. Pile on a plate and chomp. (I add a little more buttery spray because I am a butter ho.)

I received a request to have my blog entries publishes to a website, today. I am kinda freaking out about it. A part of me really wants to do this and another is like, "Who do you think you are, thinking anyone would want to read your drek?" They want to hear from me soon. Real soon. Gah! I don't know...

I wanted to yap about something else but I don't have time, right now. I have to go check on the chicken and sautee my squash.

Later, kiddies.

Ahhh...

My head is back down to a calm Cat 1. Relief. :) Hopefully it will stay quiet for a bit. I could use a breather. lol

Thank you all for your hugs and love. You all help me to feel better. *hugs*

I am having a really great day, food and water wise. I did decent, yesterday. Not stellar but better. I really am trying very hard to turn this slump around. Yo-yoing in the same area, losing only ten pounds since January is hardly impressive. And it makes me feel pretty crappy. I really want to see how close I can get to the one hundreds by the end of this year and I am not going to get there with shenanigans. I need to do the work, not just pay it lip service. Oh yeah. I have become good at that bullshit, lately. Allowing a slip because I have done so well and one won't matter. Until I do it again, the next frakking day.

That is the kind of fucked up thinking that has sent me into a total spiral and gain it all back plus more more times than I can count. And I have no interest in doing that, again. So, I am taking myself to task and not allowing anymore crap thinking and slipping. "Just this once." Just this once, my big, dimpled, white ass.

Anywhoozle, today is pretty fab. I am sitting at 1228 calories. And almost five quarts of water down. Now to start a streak. :D

It got up to almost seventy, today. It is still going to be in the thirties at night... Yuk. But at least it is warming up a bit, again.

I was so pissed at William last night that I almost chopped my hair off. I got out my scissors to cut out coupons and I had them in my hand and had this insane urge to just weed whack my hair. I am sooooo glad I didn't give in to that urge! I hate my hair short (I am not saying I hate short hair, you close cropped beauties, out there. I just hate it on me. :)) and would have been kicking myself from here to Pluto if I had cut it. Almost every time I have chopped my hair off it has been an emotional reaction to something that has really upset me. Usually thanks to my husband.

Man just isn't good for a serious dyed in the wool longhair like me. :P

Once stupid face gets his shit together, I need to get into a salon and get it coloured. I am so. sick of looking at it like this. Blech! Dirty dishwater just doesn't inspire me. I don't even want to style it, right now. I just wash and condition it, twist it up in a big jaw claw and ignore it. That is how meh I am about it, right now.

Oh! Speaking of hair... I was asked if I would like to hold a giveaway sponsored by a hair styling tools company over on my other blog. If you would like to enter to maybe win a new hair straightener, here is my giveaway post. I am not into using a straightener, myself (I can get about the same look with a blowout, so I don't really need one) but I know that a lot of gals really like them. This is supposed to be a good one. It retails for $129.00 and has tourmaline ceramic plates that are supposed to get your hair really smooth and shiny. So, please come on over and enter, if you like. :)

Well... I can't really think of a lot more to talk about, at the moment. I hope that everyone has a great night. <3

Tuesday Morning

Thank you girls, for your sweet comments on my last post. They helped me feel better. *hug*

My light cold has about run it's course, thank heaven. My allergies are kicking up a fuss, but that is par for the course. lol My head is a little better, today. I can actually think, again. Draz, honestly... I don't know what my triggers are. It seems to be random. Something that triggers me one day, might not, a week from then. It just hits when it hits. I always get warnings and they tell me what I am in store for, if I pay attention. Clocking how many times I see flashing, how bright it is the colours and how long between episodes gives me a good indication if I am in for a Cat 1 or a Cat 5. Sunday was a 4, yesterday it had lowered to a 3. I am at about 2.5 but my head is tender... too much light or movement and I get spikes. Headaches suck big green donkey dicks. On a stick. I am about to the point where I might just talk to my doc about them when I go in for my checkup in August. I don't like the thought of adding another med but some relief might be worth it. :)

Great, now my cat is half on my laptop, on top of my arms. As if my typing isn't bad enough. I have a big, long, orange, purring heap of cat making it even more fun.

Okay, I lied about my head. Stabby-stabby. You know, those sharp, sudden pains in one side of your head that feel as if someone has plunged in a knife? Ugh! I am in for that, today. I don't get those with every headache. They are a special treat, reserved for when I am an especially good girl.

William is on my shit list. I won't elaborate, suffice it to say he royally ticked me off, yesterday. I have to just swallow my ire, as usual. If I express it, I am the baddie. The uncooperative, not understanding, un supportive one. It is easier to just bury it than to fight about it. It doesn't get me anywhere. He is unable to reason as he should, he is muleish and it is what it is. *scream*

I need another cup of coffee. and to get to slurping my water. It is supposed to be a nice day, today. Nearly seventy. Yay! Spring is back! It is partly cloudy but I can live with that.

Later, gators.

On Top of My Cold

I got slammed with a migraine, today. I was completing a post on my other blog when the right side of my head imploded. Gah! I am now having waves. It gets really bad and I can't even think, then cycles back a little and I can breathe and then blammo! I am obviously in a calm period, since I can actually type, right now. lol I am hoping that a good nights sleep will help.

It snowed, last night. Just a little. We woke to clear skies, wind and stupid cold temps. It didn't warm up much, but it was warm enough for the snow to go bye-bye. Huge banks of puffers came sailing in, then cleared again as the sun went down. Now, we are expecting warmer and warmer temps, from here on out. Hopefully, this was our last slice of Winter. I am sick of that pie. I want Spring, for real. :)

Thank heaven tomorrow is Monday. I had both guys. Both guys in this house all weekend. All frakking weekend long. They both go back to work, tomorrow. I am so ready to have my house back. I have some laundry to do and some cleaning to catch up on and I need to measure my stride and calibrate my pedometer. And, I might sit down with Knitting Help videos and work on knitting in the round on two circular needles. I will conquer that skill! I will. I just need to dedicate myself to learning the procedure and practicing. Once I get it down, I can get to using all that lovely sock yarn I bought. I have enough for several pairs of socks. :D

My beak is stuffy and runs nonstop. I am burning through Kleenex at an alarming rate and my poor nose and the skin between my nose and upper lip are rubbed raw. I have it all slathered with Carmex. It helps.

Okay, my head is beginning to implode, again so I am going to go before I start typing in Martain. Have a great night, all. I'll see you all tomorrow.

My Darling Patrick,

Thank you soooooo much for the head cold. I am enjoying is soooo much! It is a pleasure to share my home with such an accommodating incubus of viral plague.

*sniff*

Love Always,

Mom

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

I awoke to quiet and about three inches of the fluffy white stuff on the ground. It is a warmish, wet snow that was already beginning to melt a little, fall off the trees and it won't last long. Forecast is for fifty, tomorrow so even if more falls, it won't hang out long. Crazy weather we have in my neck of the woods. lol

Weight, this morning, back to 288. *sigh* just call me Duncan. You know... Like the yo-yo? Yeah... Lame. But anyhoozle. I need to seriously get my shit together. I have a goal to reach and I won't if I keep screwing around. No one to blame but myself. I am fully responsible for my actions. Now I need to act responsibly.

I took a few photos and a short video with my cell phone, this morning and tried to upload them to my puter. My photos uploaded fine but my video just uploaded as a single frame. Don't know what happened there. When I tried to go back into my gallery to upload it, again? It was gone. I dunno. I'll have to try, try, again until I figure it out. And I will figure it out. I always do. :D So, you almost got to see a little of my surroundings and hear my voice. Maybe that wouldn't have been such a good thing, after all. lol

Marley on Washer. An original work by me, with my cell phone. My phone has a 3.2 MP camera. Decent. Takes a fairly pretty picture, for a phone. You can click the pic, then click it again to get it bigger. Observe the pout. He was begging for Party Mix. I wasn't caving. He was pouting. lol

I just caved and gave him a little Party Mix. That cat is so spoiled! And he knows the difference between Party Mix and his crunchies. I tried to trick him, one day and he totally busted me. lol The funny thing is, Party Mix is basically dry food in a treat bag. But oh! How he loves that stuff! And if he doesn't get a little bit every day, he meows around here like a brokenhearted, starving little waif. Starving little waif, my ass. That little orange creep is getting fat. I am going to have to trim him back a little bit. He is up in the window, behind me, looking out at the snow.

Well, I am about out of stuff to yap about, for now. I am going to drink my coffee then I may go in search of some brekkie. Talk to you all, later. :D

Heh Heh

Food Freak, you crack me up. I tend to exaggerate a little sometimes. Shocking, I know. ;) I don't know what I am going to do with Twitter, yet. I am still feeling it out. We'll see what happens. It might be something that dies off. I have it on my phone, now too. Easy as using the app, entering my username and password and I was off and running. Ya know, you are a capable, intelligent gal and I have no doubt that, given a little patience and fooling around with it, you could easily make Twitter your bitch. And a smartphone bend to your very will, too. Trust me, if I can figure these things out, anyone can! lol

Joy, I do own an air popper. And I often make popcorn in it and spritz it with buttery spray. It is just that the bagged stuff is soooo... Well, you know. Evil. That is the word I am looking for. Evil. lol

Well, Spring has temporarily deserted us. It is windy as heck, the temps are dropping and we are expecting storms over the next couple of days, including snow on Saturday.

Snow.

In April.

Not unheard of around here, but. Damn! Snow? Gak!

Do not want!

Happily, it is going to warm up very nicely next week and get back to our regularly scheduled lovely days.

Snow.

Foo!

Whose bright idea was that, I ask you?

Mother Nature can bite me.

Bitch.

Well, that was fascinating. :P 

Thursday

Holy crap! Is it Thursday, already? Where is this week going? At least it is going pretty well. Except for yesterday... Me. A bag of popcorn. Yeah. That didn't end well. I have to tell William to stop buying big bags of gorgeous popcorn. Again. It is clear I can't leave them alone. So, they can't come into this house. And if he doesn't like it, tough noogies.

I have a couple of loads of laundry to get done. And other cleaning to do. I desperately need to dust... My house looks like the Munster Mansion. Well, maybe not quite that bad. But... It's been a few days since I dragged out my duster. And I need to vacuum and so on. Blech. Not in the mood. :P

I joined Twitter. I don't know what the hell I am going to do with it, yet. But I am there. I am about to link it to my mobile. Yes, I have finally gone off around the bend and you may take me out and shoot me, now. lol You can find my with my full name. My Twitter name is erikatheicyone. Don't expect a lot of activity, at present. I am still trying to figure this shit out. lol

Well, my brain is now a swim of blankness and I have stuff to do and I want to read your updates so I am going to wrap this natter session up, for now.

Talk to you love bugs, later.

Dear William,

Good Tuesday Morning

Hello Peeps. <3

I am going through a little bloggy dry spell. Just not too much to yap about, at the moment. But I am here. :D

I spent yesterday doing a bunch of laundry (have more to do, today... *sigh*) and watching cheesy Syfy Channel disaster flicks I had recorded last Saturday. The theme was meteors. Yeah, baby! I know... I know... Those movies are bad. But sometimes a lineup of cheesy, badly written TV movies full of crappy dialog, horrid acting, dog shit special effects and nukes flying everywhere is just the ticket.

It is going to be a pretty day today then cool down a lot for the rest of the week. It might be in the forties (the forties??? Ack!) this weekend. Then it is supposed to warm back up next week. The various moods of Spring.

Okay, that is about all I have to bore you with, right now. I am going to spend some time getting caught up with everyone, today. I wasn't really here, yesterday thanks to my Syfy marathon.

See you all later. *muah!*

Sunday Sunny Sunday

Hello losers. :D

It is a gorgeous day here in the 'Zona. Sunny, warm, breezy. My windchimes are playing a melody, the birdies are singing and William is trying to hook my old laptop to the TV to stream video. He isn't having much luck, tho. The monitor is shot, so it is hard to do what he needs to do, the computer won't cooperate with the TV with the cable and it just isn't going well. But he is stubborn and persists. Hey, as long as he is happy... :P

We got a project we have been talking about for quite a while done. We cleaned out the long, back storage area of my walk in closet, today. It wasn't terrible, but there was some stuff that needed to be gone through and dealt with. Some went to the trash, some is getting ready to be given away or Freecycled, a couple of things went to the storage room, for now and the rest, not much, got placed neatly against the wall. Now, my hampers and laundry basket are in the long back, leaving more room in the main part of my closet. Me happy. :D

Weight; still 290.2 this morning. Blech.

I have discovered something I like a lot. Extra sugar free gum. The Dessert Delights. Gum that tastes like yummy stuff... Who knew? The Strawberry Shortcake is good. The Mint Chocolate Chip rules. And popping a stick is a lot fewer calories than say... a bunch of popcorn.

Guess what I found while cleaning out that stuff, today? In a big old box of William's old work related study materials was the charging and USB cord for the old Sansa  MP3 player. So, it is charging, as I type this. Then, I am going to delete Patrick's old play list and upload my own. Then I can take it with me walking and I don't have to take my phone. I am always afraid that something horrifying will happen to it and since it has become an extension of me the thought if it befalling a tragedy is unbearable. lol

With the wind comes pollen. Lots and lots and lots of pollen. Oh, my poor beak! And eyes. I am seriously considering an allergy med like Allegra. It would be nice to pass allergy season in a little more comfort. Less snuffling and nose blowing would be lovely. Allergy meds are spendy, but I should make every penny back in savings not having to buy so many boxes of Kleenex. Heh. Heh.

I suppose I should be doing some laundry but it will wait until tomorrow. I am kind of enjoying being a sloth, today.

Saturday Night

Thank you gals for your comments. :D

A few answers:

I am taking a water pill. I take Lasix. Sometimes it works just fine, others... Not as well. I have chronic edema. It started when I was a kid, it has gotten worse as I age. It is a pain in my ass and it drives me insane. The thing is, my heart is fine, there really isn't much reason for it. I guess I am just lucky. :P *gag* I tend to swell more when the weather warms up. Why, I don't know. I also swell with increased sodium intake. And I haven't been too careful about that so, I suppose I can thank myself for some of it. lol

I don't have time of the month, anymore. I had a complete hysterectomy in 1998 which pretty much shut that business down for good. My ovaries were removed so no hormonal fluctuations, either. Sadly, my bod seems to think that swelling and puffing up is something it is still obligated to do. Why, I have no frakking idea. It just is what it is. I have to just hold my course and hope for the best. Sometimes, it isn't as much of a problem. Others, like now it is a huge problem. It is something I have to live with. It throws a huge wrench in my works, from time to time. My doc doesn't seem too concerned about it so I guess it isn't something I have to be freaked about.

I have about come to terms with the fact that tomorrow is going to be ugly and I am at peace with it. I really have no choice. :P I am certainly not giving up. And I doubt that trying to "shock" my system is the right course of action, at present. Shocking it won't make the swelling go away. So, I am going to hold steady. And hope for a better outcome, next Sunday.

Today was a good food day and I even got my water down. Well... Most of it. We went out for a while, just to goof off for a bit, this afternoon so I shorted myself a little so that I didn't spend the entire time searching high and low for bathrooms.

I got my new pedometer in the mail yesterday. I need to set it then I can use it when I go walking. I am not into the whole step counting thing but I do like to know what my distance is when I walk, so I thought a pedometer might be a nice thing to have around. I bought this one from Amazon. They had a special and I got it for a good price. It gets really good reviews and is supposed to be really accurate so, we'll see. After I use it a bit, I'll do a review. :D

My Daily Calorie app is really working great for me. It is easy to keep my food journal on my phone. And I love not having to add everything up. It dies the math for me. probably a good thing, considering just how big an idiot with numbers I really am. :P

I am getting a headache. I was haloing, yesterday. Bright silver blue flashes. They were hitting me hard and fast yesterday afternoon and I figured that my head would start banging sooner or later. Guess it is sooner or later. :S

Okay, I am beginning to bore myself, now so... I will say goodnight.

The Definition of Insanity

I am going crazy... I am standing here, solidly on my own two hands, going crazy.

My weight this morning? 290.2 pounds. Yes, I am swollen. And I am frustrated and I am, once again, heavier this week than last week when I did nothing to merit it and I am going crazy. I thought I had seen the last of the 290's. I thought I was nicely on my way down the 280's, soon to kiss their ass goodbye. That is what I get for thinking.

Fucking betrayal by my own body. My bod hates me, you know. It hates me bad. And it likes to toy with me and it likes to torment me. I feel like banging my head against a wall. But if I do, it will trigger a migraine and I am relatively comfortable in that department, at the moment and I would like to enjoy the low pain level in my head, thankyouverymuch.

I haven't consumed enough calories to gain fat. I haven't consumed enough calories to maintain the amount of fat that was on my body the last time I stepped on my scale. All I can do is keep on keeping on, drink my water, take my meds and hope for the best. Tomorrow should be a real bowl full of warm, squishy fun when I report a higher weight than last week and totally fuck up the average. Way to go, Erika. Way to be a team player.

It is a little muggy, today, slightly cooler and a little cloudy, as well. Goofy weather, around here. As long as it isn't thirty degrees or snowing, I am good.

Okay, so now that I have had my coffee, my oatmeal and my little piss and moan session, I need to go get my day started. I'll catch you all, later.

Can We Drink Too Much?

I am all puffy. Bad. The weather warms up and I swell up. I tried drinking a lot to make it go down. How much? Almost six quarts of water and a quart of Crystal Light.

Too much fluid? The funny thing is... All the drinking I am doing I am not peeing as much as I thought I should be. *sigh* Getting on my scale should be fun...

Can one drink too much? Is there a point where your bod just says, "Screw it! If she is going to give it to me, I am going to hang on to it and make her swell up like a scared puffer fish!"

This sucks. I am tired of being puffy. Seriously. Enough is efuckingnuff, already!

Okay, that is all. I just needed to cry and complain a bit. Now, I am going to head to bed. I am tired.

Goodnight. :D

Happy April!

Sorry, not going to even attempt a lame April Fool joke. I suck at it. :P

It is a gorgeous day, here. We are expecting a high of eighty-four today. It is already in the mid seventies. I am loving it. I know that a lot of you are getting punked by the weather, this fine April morn and I hope that things clear up and warm up for you, real soon.

I am eating well, today (too much popcorn, yesterday... *shame*) and have a lot of my daily water down. The house is clean, mostly thanks to William. He did most of the cleaning early this morning while I was trying to wake up and was swilling coffee and being lazy on my computer. I am doing laundry, now. I am doing two loads, this morning and will do the other two tomorrow. William took today off, since he has time he needs to use or lose and he took the in laws out to do their thing, leaving me alone, in peace. Just me and the furbags are home.

I found the most useful app for my Android phone. It is called Simple Calorie Count. It is elegant in it's simplicity; it is as easy to use as a pen and paper and it adds everything up for you as you use it. It will also compute deficits from exercise, but I haven't tried out that feature, yet. Now, I can keep my food journal with me, at all times without hauling a notebook along for the ride. If you have a Droid powered phone, you might enjoy this app. It can be found in the Android Market.

Okay, I guess that is all I have to yammer about, at the moment. I am going to read your blogs and see what everyone is up to.