Saturday, March 5, 2011

Fucking Gallbladder!

My friends... Your comments, today. I read them over and over and I want to cry, every time. They fill me.

We went out to the lake today to walk. The trails that got all soggy in the last storm are dry and good to go and we walked our usual two miles on Normal Trail. Before we left, I installed Pandora on my phone, grabbed my ass sucking earbuds and off I went. The music was great. I love having it in my ears as I walk. I walked faster, with a longer stride and didn't think about distance or time. I just lost myself in rhythm and moved out. As I approached the tail of the trail, Coldplay was Talk ing in my ear and I just started to run. I couldn't go far or long, but I did go longer and farther than I ever have before. And I went a little faster, with a longer stride and a little bounce in my step. Damn! It was fun! I pushed myself a little, then naturally dropped back to a walk. As I continued to walk, I felt great and I also felt sad. I wanted to just run and run and run.

I never thought I would feel like that. I think I have had a tiny taste of how it feels to be a runner. And I would like more, please.

One day. I must be patient. I must do what I can. A little here, a little there and one day, maybe I will be able to run a few miles at a time. That would be so freaking amazing. To run a 5K one day...

But no more running for me until after I have this fucking gallbladder out. As I was walking back, after turning at the end of the trail the pain hit me hard, in my right side. I tried to ignore it, stretch a little and keep going. That usually works for me but not today. Today it brought me to a dead stop. I dug my hand in hard under my ribcage and just stood there, controlling my breathing and closed my eyes, willing it to just calmdowncalmdowncalmdown. It did, eventually and I was able to finish my walk strong.

I want to get below 250 and get that fucking thing out. The faster, the better. I am over this bullshit. The almost constant low-grade in the background nausea, the pain... Enough, allfrakkingready! Blech!

Say, does anyone have an Android powered smartphone with Pandora on it? I think I turned it off by backing up and going back to home... But I wasn't certain. When I got home, I felt so doubtful about it that I uninstalled Pandora. I am not worried about data usage, I have unlimited data. But Pandora is a battery sucking vampire and I didn't want it running in the background, constantly draining my battery or possibly interfering with other functions. So... My question is, is backing up and going to Home enough to get out of Pandora when you have it playing on your phone? I didn't see a spot to touch to turn it off. I know... I am pathetic and so tech stupid, it isn't funny! lol

Freedom by George Michael is a fabulous walk song. As is Talk by Coldplay. Ordinary World by Duran Duran. Here I Go, Again by Whitesnake... (shut up! I know that you listen to shit I could laugh at you about, too... ;))

Okay, I am now hungry and ready for a little din-din. Don't know what I am going to have. Hmmm...

9 comments:

  1. Great job on the running, Erika! I hope to be there someday.

    Sorry about the gallbladder problem. I hope you are able to get it taken care of soon. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Get an app called 'Advanced Task Killer'. It'll shut down any running apps for you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Karen, my doc wants me under 250, if possible. Surgery is just safer, if you are less heavy. I will have to have it out sooner if it goes acute, but for now, it is just chronic and a pain in my ass. Or side, actually. ;)

    Thanks, Fluffy. I'll try that. :D Do you just touch that app and it shuts down any running apps? I am so stupid about this stuff! lol

    ReplyDelete
  4. OH yes my dear - I can totally see you as a runner! Just wait until you feel the runner's high. I hate that your gall bladder gives you pain - you poor girl! Onward to 250!

    ReplyDelete
  5. You can put a widget of the app on your home screen and as soon as you touch it, it'll close all apps. It's quite marvellous!

    ReplyDelete
  6. No clue on the Droid, though my daughter has one...Great job on the weight loss and the getting out there and walking. Darlin', you've lost over 100 lbs since you started this blog and if memory serves, it has been less than a year, right? After I left LHC which I think was not quite a year ago now? At any rate, I think you rock and I'm so very proud of you!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Remember when your walks were short and you didn't run at all? It was great hearing about how your breathing has improved! That's radical. You're on your way to gall bladder surgery. You'll feel terrific when it's done. I had chronic gb disease for over two years because I didn't have health insurance. The pain about had me putting a gun to my head, so I know what you're going through. I hope it doesn't become an emergency, though.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Well done on your weight loss! Keep up the great work x

    ReplyDelete
  9. I had two dramatic gall stone attacks two days in a row. I did not go to the ER. For the next six days I ate apples all day long and then had a regular dinner - as I researched natural liver/gall bladder cleansing online. I found the liver flush. I was terrified to get the pain back, so I did a Master Cleanse (lemonade) for 21 days and then did my first liver flush - I passed a bunch of stones painlessly. I have done many, many more liver flushes and still have my gall bladder. If you are interested you can read my liver flushing journals - these are not a blog about weight loss but healing and from 2004 onward - free, too. http://www.ellenharris.com/MCJmain.html
    I would be happy to answer any questions about flushing if you have them.
    Liver/gall bladder flushing is cheap, safe, painless and powerfully effective. I have done if many, many times with excellent results. Just a thought. Ellen

    ReplyDelete

Talk to me! :D I love comments, enjoy discussion and debate. I wear my big girl panties and welcome constructive criticism. I do not accept anonymous comments. Not because I can't take the heat. I can. It is because I believe that if you are going to say it, you need to have the balls to put a name to it.

Please do not spam my comments. If you would like for me to check out your blog, if you follow me/have me on your blogroll and would like me to follow you/add you to my blogroll, please shoot me an e-mail with your blog URL. I will come visit :). Same goes if you are a company or PR. Please shoot me an e-mail. You can find my address in the contact tab at the top of my blog page. Thank you. :D