I got some rather bad news, today about someone very close to me. I am numb, right now. Trying to process, trying to accept, fearing the worst but also hoping and praying for the best. I am sorry to be cryptic but this person is extremely private and wouldn't appreciate being blogged about in any detail and I am going to respect their wishes and say nothing more about them, here. I just wanted you to know that I am a little discombobulated, right now.
I started feeling, earlier. Fear. Pain. Sadness. All normal emotions under the circumstances and my first impulse, indeed my first actions as I started to feel this flood was to dam it with food. I grabbed a fudge pop. Nada. No help. So, next came the cheese puffs. I downed three servings worth. (And yes, I counted the calories! :)) Nothing. Food doesn't work, anymore. I can't drug out on it, anymore. I am going to have to work through this and feel my way through it just like everyone else. One day at a time, one emotion at a time. And, I am not going to hurt myself with food. That is the wrong approach and I am not going there. The cheese puffs taught me that. This is one fucking shitty way to learn that food is just food, full stop for me, now. My loved one would definitely appreciate the irony. lol
So, if I take a day or three away, I am not falling off the wagon or doing something bad. I am just taking a little time for me. I may or may not take a little break. I may just read, but not post. I may post until my fingers wear to the bones. At this point, I just don't know. A part of me wants to hide in a hole for a while. Another part knows that I need to stay out here, reach out and keep on keeping on. So, either way, please just know I am okay. Just... Discombobulated.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
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Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteI just had a similar experience with food not working... unfortunately I ate A LOT before I stopped myself.
ReplyDeleteWill be praying for you and your loved one. (((HUGS)))
Oh honey...I am so sorry. It is no fun having your pins knocked out from under you. You and your loved one will also be in my prayers. Stay strong and I hope and pray that your inner strength will be a place for your loved one to lean if/when the going gets tough. I send you hugs and wish I could do more.
ReplyDeleteDo what you need to do, Erika. You know we're here for you. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your bad news, Erika and I hope everything will work out for the best in whatever is going on. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteLife throws us a curve ball occasionally. It's not if it's when. There will be more. Each day is precious - that's why it's called the present. Working through difficult times comes around and you have done the right thing by getting it out rather than "chewing" on it (pun intended). Perhaps that's why the food didn't work. You did what you should have done rather than the knee jerk response of eating. Had you not done this you would have missed all the support and encouragement. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteOh hun...this makes me heartbroken...knowing such a dear friend of mine is hurting. However, you're one of the strongest women I know - so whatever is happening - I know you can get through it and we are all here to help you when and if you need it. I love you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that a friend of yours is having a bad time. I hope and pray that things will be alright. I am glad that you are developing better ways of coping instead of using food.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget that the most important thing at a time like this is to be gentle with yourself. I'd like to say more, but I really think that is most important. We always fall back on familiar/comfortable (not necessarily liked) forms of coping tools. So if/when you do that, be gentle with yourself. The last thing you need to do right now is fill your head with negative thoughts/feelings that make you feel guilty or bad about any of the coping tools you choose to use. Take care.
ReplyDeleteSending good thoughts to you and those close to you!!! Happy Easter!
ReplyDelete