Selfish Bitch

For whom are you doing this?

For whom are you counting calories/carbs/points?

For whom did you have gastric bypass?

For whom did you get a lap band inserted? A sleeve fashioned? A gastric switch switched?

For whom do you get up and walk/jog/run?

For whom do you sweat out mile after mile after mile on a treadmill, an elliptical, a glider?

For whom do you lift weights? Do crunches? Upright rows and bicep curls?

For whom do you step on that scale and glory in or moan in frustration at the number that you see?

I do it for me.

Me.

Not for my family.

Not for my husband.

Not for my son.

Not for my friends.

Not for anyone but me.

You see, I am a selfish bitch. I have to be. I believe that when I embarked on this wondrous and terrible odyssey, I had to cast aside my concern for my husband, my son, my extended family and friends. I had to look deep within myself and ask myself honestly "For whom are you doing this?" My answer had to be and continues to be "Myself." While I have no doubt that others will, in one way or another benefit, as will I from my steadily improving health, they are not my first and most important reason.

You see, they aren't the ones living in this torture chamber of a body. They aren't the ones with the screaming hips and crackling knees. They aren't the ones carrying more than two hundred pounds of excess fat. (Actually, it is about 185, now... ;)) I am. I am the one. This is my life. This is my health. This is my chance. This is for me.

The selfish bitch.

Be a selfish bitch. Decide that this fight is for you. For your reasons. For your life. For your health. Remember, it isn't until we take care of ourselves and are in the best health and shape we can be, that we can fully take care of others. On an airplane, during the pre flight the flight attendants tell us about the oxygen masks. That, in the event of loss of cabin pressure they will drop, supplying you with the oxygen you need to live. They instruct you to take the mask and put it on yourself before you attempt to put one on a spouse or child. You have to be sure that you can breathe, before you can save someone else. You are no good to little Timmy and little Muffy if your brain, starved of oxygen shuts down and you pass out and die. And you are no good to your family if you are so heavy that you can't be there for them, fully and actively all the time.

It is only after you are selfish that you can be generous.

So, be a selfish bitch.