Yesterday was a good day. I was on an even keel, in control and smooth. I ate very well and my calories were right in line. 1426 for the day. I consider anything under 1500 a very good day.
I have had seven consecutive binge and feeding frenzy free days. I admit to being almost scared by that. But I am working very hard to remain positive and not allow fear or old thoughts to surface and mess with my head. I get into trouble when I do that. You see, my binges and feeding frenzies (yes, there is a difference between the two) are mostly driven by emotion and mental chaos. They are rarely motivated by physical factors, tho I do crave the physical "relief" that numbing out and filling myself to the point that I can't feel produce.
I like how this feels, having good days. Days where I can keep my thoughts more positive, staying calm, eating to live and fuel my body without obsessing over binging and feeding uncontrollably. It is nice to have time for activities other than running to the kitchen, cooking and fixing and preparing and cleaning up after and hiding and shifting and stuffing and stuffing and stuffing all day long. It is exhausting. Mentally and emotionally as well as physically to live obsessed with constantly feeding that hellish chaos.
Not constantly feeding it enables me to start learning to live. Really live. Not just exist as a thing that can do nothing but feed. I have time to clean my house, do creative projects, take care of myself. I deserve to be cared for. I really do. And I am going to let myself do that, from now on. :D
That is huge for me, admitting that I am worth taking care of myself. Maybe I am beginning to build a sense of self esteem. Maybe, little by little, a glimmer of that confident, fearless girl I once was is trying to spark, again. I think I could like that.
What a concept. :D
Okay, I have to rave about something that I tried for the first time, last night. I was craving on a little something sweet and I wanted chocolate! Bad. One of the things I am trying to teach myself is to treat myself to small indulgences without totally derailing myself. One thing that will be of help and a nice treat now and then is Skinny Cow ice cream. Husband brought it home for me yesterday and I tried it last night.
Yum! Seriously. The flavour he brought me was Chocolate Fudge Brownie. The carton is one serving at 5.8 ounces and 150 calories. For a "diet" ice cream it is surprisingly good. For something low in calories and fat, it is quite rich, creamy and thick. The chocolate flavour is intense for a light product and there was plenty of fudge brownie goodness, too. And, let's face it, it is fun as hell to eat a whole carton of ice cream. Now I can without hurting myself or spiralling out of control.
All hail Skinny Cow ice cream. Lovely, yummy stuff and a wonderful treat.
My mini haul from the other day. Husband is amazingly cool with the fact that I am into the polish, these days. He usually argues when I want to buy something that I have "enough" (in his opinion) of. He doesn't bat an eye when I buy polish. So... I buy polish. :D lol At Sally's I scored China Glaze For Audrey and Liquid Leather. Orly Snow cone. Then I went to Walgreen's and found Sinful Colors Green Ocean. I also got a lip gloss. Maybelline Shine Sensational gloss. It was in a display that had a whole pad of dollar off coupons, so I decided to grab one and try it.
The gloss I got is the berry flavoured. The colour, in the tube is similar to Bare Escentuals Buxom gloss in Dolly, my all time favourite lip gloss. When I got it home I tried it and while it is okay, it isn't stellar. The pigment isn't very intense. Colour payoff isn't anywhere near what the tube promises. It goes on very sheer with a light hint of pigment. It is shimmery. Not the very fine micro shimmer that I expect in higher end glosses, this gloss contains a micro glitter. It isn't obnoxious, my lips don't look blinged, or anything but I definitely get sparkles and glints. The shine is okay, not as glossy-shiny as I would expect but fairly nice. This gloss is very intensely scented and flavoured. It reminds me of berry bubblegum and it tastes as sweet as it smells.
I will use this tube up but I won't be buying it, again. I think that this is a bit "young" for my taste, at this stage of my life. There is nothing wrong with it, it just isn't really my kind of thing, any more. But it is nice for anyone who likes a nice shine, a little glitter and sweet scent and flavour.