Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Day Fifteen and All Is...

*Just so's you know... F-Bomb ahead.*

I am binge and feeding frenzy free but I am hanging on by my frakkin fingernails, at the moment.


It is as if my inner self has decided that she has done so well for this long and now it is time to let her hair down. She is whispering in my ear, you know.

Bad things.

Things like, "You have been so good for so long. You deserve a treat."

"You have held the line. Take a little step off, no one will know."

"You can have anything you want... Just this once. The calories won't matter in your overall progress."

"You are a fat ass who is so big that one little splurge won't show. Hell, an entire Baskin Robbins wouldn't show."

Shut the fuck up, bitch.


Just shut. The. Fuck. Up.

Enough, already. I don't need this shit.

In answer to your idiot statements:

I do deserve a treat. And on payday I intend to hit a store or two and buy myself a few nice little things. Things that last longer than the few seconds it would take to chew and swallow something that isn't all that good for me.

You are right. No one would know. No, I take that back. I would know! And I deserve honesty. I deserve truth. (I can't believe I actually just said that. But you know what? I actually believe it.)

True, the calories wouldn't matter in my overall progress. However, they will matter short term. They would make me feel sick and depressed and bad about myself. They would drag me down and injure my tiny little sprouting bud of self confidence. And I don't want to do those things to myself.

Geeze. Nice way to talk to yourself, huh? With an attitude like that I am surprised you get asked to any clam bakes. Insults don't work. At least, they don't work as well as they used to. So, find another angle. Try kindness and affirmations, rather than denigration and insults.

Do I need to be medicated? lol

It is a nice day, today. A little cloudy and windy. Cooler. The Weather Channel said something about rain, later in the week. Possibly rain and gasp! I hardly dare utter the word...



All I can say, it had better not snow. Rain, fine. I like rain. Snow? Not so blasted much.

Oh say, my face is beginning to return to normal. The petechiae (I know that I butchered the spelling but my spell check isn't cooperating) are fading and I am getting my pale back. Thank heaven. I am no prize in the looks department and I certainly don't need to walk around looking as if I ran face first into a hot griddle. :P

Pollen. Bleargh. The wind isn't helping. Some rain would be nice to wash the air clean for a while.

All righty then. 'Nuff nattering, for now.

I hope that you are all having a great day. :D


  1. I applaud your inner dialogue. It's not easy to avoid giving into addiction, but you made some solid sensible points to that devilish side of your inner self.

    You are hanging on, and your resolve will pay off, especially when more time has passed and your non-binging becomes the habit.

    You've already inspired me to get off my butt and start moving again. Thank you for that.

  2. I've had those kind of thoughts too. They will really drag you down if you give in. You're doing great. That's a great idea for a treat, buying things that last much longer than a dish of ice cream.

  3. I am learning not to listen to them. I can't say that I have stilled them completely and that I won't fall to their whispers... I can't make any guarantees. But I delight in every day that I hold firm. And it is getting easier, each day. :D

  4. Good for you for fighting those inner demons. I just tend to cave into them, usually under the guise of 'no one loves you anyway, so what does it matter?'

    Anyway, I believe you spelled petechiae properly, but then what do I know. So glad it is dissipating.

    And I think you are quite pretty, my friend.

  5. It matters because you matter, Sherry. External of anyone else, you matter. :D


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