I am grouchy. Grumpy. Crabby and ready to tear the head off the first passing unfortunate who even dares look at me funny. I think part of it is feeling stuff I normally stuff and numb out with vast quantities of food and part of it is just Spring Fever and frustration. (No... Not that kind of frustration. Get your mind out of the gutter. lol) I need to get out of this house more often and I also think that getting my flowers and soil and a few more containers might be a good outlet for my feelings.
I am tired of the status quo around here and I want things to change. Faster and far more drastically than they have been. I don't know how hard I can push, tho. Husband is already getting mulish. And I am beginning to feel as if I should just back down.
*sigh*
Anyway...
Counting in today, I have had ten solid days binge free. I feel so good about that. I feel a real sense of accomplishment and pride in myself. My calories today will come in a tad bit high... It was Subway Day for me. But I will still land just under 1700, even if I decide to slurp down that carton of Skinny Cow Chocolate brownie ice cream lurking in my freezer. I am debating it, in my head. I am not really hungry. In addition to my sub, earlier I had a very hearty chicken wrap that I made for dinner. (I need to photograph the process of making that wrap and post the recipe. It really is tasty. :D) So, yeah... A good day to go with a whole string of them. It is nice to have good days.
I am scared, in a way. I know that I could blow at any time. I have always done so in the past. I am hoping that I am learning from my past. But, am I really? I do know that there is something different, now. A peace and acceptance of this new lifestyle that I haven't had before. Knowing that this time I am not "on a diet". I am really making changes that can and will last long term. They have to. I am saving my life, here. And I want to live. I am still a fairly young woman. I have a lot I want to see and do and that is going to be a little difficult if I am taking a dirt nap.
So, that is where my head is, tonight.
I hope that your head is in a really good place and life is good. :D
Thursday, April 15, 2010
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You sound like I did when I started...I felt so good and I felt so motivated I was afraid that the feelings that used to sabotague me would come back...
ReplyDeleteThey did, and this time I was ready for them.
I had to fight through them.
I had to figure out what was triggering the feelings...and neutralize the problme...it was last september and it was a tough mother f'er.
It lasted a week.
I won. So can you..but be prepared.
The battle is coming..get ready for it.
If you are ready you'll win.
Thank you for the warning. I will keep a sharp eye put for it and be ready for it when it hits. I refuse to let myself be defeated. I can't. If I do, I could be toast.
ReplyDeleteHi again well done you. You will I feel sure manage it this time just look at al the support you are getting from friends on here. You are being so open and honest about things the god and the bad. Easy does nothing happens just like that. I have been for the last two days on my blog teling of the struggle a friend had with agraphopia the two days before that I wa talking about people fighting alcohol. Your story is one of beating and winning. I am enjoying being with you on the journey. My blog is:- http://thetoilsofbeinganartist.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteRalph is such a joyous inspiration. Glad he found my blog so I could find his. He uplifts my spirits daily.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are staying strong, bb. It is also heartening that you can see your own faults in the mulish husband arena. How mature is that? I think that relationship is so worth fostering and building/rebuilding. You have lots good in there, from what I read at least.
Keep up the good work, my friend! You are an inspiration to me.
Hang in there! You will succeed! You're doing a great job. There are always ups and downs.
ReplyDelete