Friday, April 23, 2010

Just a Fast Update Before I Hit the Sack

I had a good day, today total calories were: 1525. Not too shabby. :D

I had a couple of dicey moments where I was tempted to go off on a feeding frenzy or a binge. Rather than starting to eat my way through the kitchen, I stopped, asked myself what was going on. What was I feeling and why was I feeling the need to damp it down by feeding.

A few things were whirling through my brain. Mostly anxiety about this process. I was awfullizing, telling myself I had so far to go. That I can't do this. That I am not worth it. And I began to feel as if I didn't matter and I might as well numb out.

It's all lies. Because I can do this. I am doing this. I have the tools. And I am using them. And I am worth it. And I do matter. So I really don't have anything to get anxious about.

And, since I don't have anything to get anxious about, I don't have to be upset and I don't need to numb out.

So, I came back in the living room and drank some cold water and went online and looked at hair colour. :D

Cubs won today. :D


  1. Such determination and strength. Well done. Those words do not seem to express anything much but let me say them once more well done and a medal to you.

  2. Gosh, you know more about our baseball than I do! LOL 'Course, I don't have the energy to find the games and watch them either and my news are blurbs I capture through the internet, so no wonder. I don't think I could break down emotions and thoughts and behaviors as well as you do with the dieting. I've never ascribed emotions to eating, I guess. Maybe I'm blocking! Oy.

  3. P. S. Erika the icy one? LMAO And please tell me you haven't called yet? I haven't seen the number come up, but wouldn't want you to think I'm not answering!

  4. As another awfullizer, I really understand where you're coming from. I do love that you recognize what your mind is trying to do to you. You're just awesome!

  5. You guys's support is invaluable and lifts me up and I lean on it. Thank you so much. *flowers*

    Franny, this process is crucial to my getting to where I want to go.

    Sherry, my disordered eating is very much tied to my emotions and thoughts. Sorting out one allows me to process and sort out the other. Strange but true. :D Perhaps you are doing something similar? It bears examination. :)

    I am going to call, haven't yet. I don't want to seem weird or pushy or stalkery or something...lolol

    Erikatheicyone seemed appropriate, under the circumstances. :D It works with my username and it is an inside joke, too. :D

  6. Hey, good job avoiding a binge :)

    Thank you for all your support over on my blog. I wish you ALL the success and peace and happiness you can imagine! Hugs :)

  7. You're absolutely right; you can do this! And stopping to take that thought process good or bad is such a good sign that you are going to succeed. :-D

  8. You are doing great and you are worth it!

  9. Nice job. You can do this. Go girl! You will get there.


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