Thursday, April 22, 2010

Post Number Three for Today

I am such an attention whore. lol

So, I was doing some blog hopping and thinking about the things I was reading and I think that I am about ready to cast off the reasons why I felt I needed to remain fat. My fat made a right handy shield against the world and the eyes of others. Especially others of the opposite sex.

I had my reasons. And I realise now that I have been punishing myself in terrible ways for things that were not my fault!!!!!! I didn't ask for them to happen and I didn't do anything to deserve it. In fact, it probably didn't have anything really to do with me. It was men feeding their own sick ideas of what they thought they needed. I was merely an object. Yes, it fouled my perception of myself up for a long time but dammit! I am over it. I am not willing to allow it to hold me prisoner any longer. And I am not willing to allow this shield that I have built up against the world hold me in the past any longer. I am done.

I have no doubt that this is going to be an ongoing process. You don't get to the point I am overnight and expect to just cast it away without it putting up a fight. But I am going to win. I want to win. And I want my life back.

I am going to take it back.

Want to know what really fired this? A dream I had this morning. I was receiving attention from a man. Nice attention. He called me irresistible and unforgettable. And I basked in the attention and the words. I knew, in my dream that I deserved to hear them. And maybe one day, I will, when awake.

It could happen. :D

I want to be open to that possibility. And I can't be until I shake my old shit and dump my old tapes.

Anybody have a Dumpster? lol

I am going to be a little on the high side of acceptable calorie wise, today. It is Subway Day and I have been snacking a little. Nothing major... Some pretzels a few peanuts and some watermelon. And I still need to have dinner in a bit. But I knew that this would be a higher cal day so no worries. My Subway Days haven't done any harm, yet. I realise that as my weight drops, I will have to adjust parameters. But I am still good, at present. :D

The snow is slowing down. Hopefully it won't snow much more. It is supposed to clear up tomorrow and be back in the seventies by Sunday. then back down in the sixties Wednesday. *sigh* All of this stupid back and forth with the temps.

I and glad that I haven't yet planted flowers. I would be worried sick about them, right now.

Did I mention it is in the thirties, right now?

Edited Later: The snow didn't stop. It really started coming down and there are a couple of inches out there. Yipes!


  1. I don't have a bin...but I do have an incinerator.
    What a great dream...I love dreams like that.
    You do deserve to hear them.
    The good things.
    YOur right, it wasn't your fault.
    The bad thoughts will put up a fight. But now they know that the fight is on. You will win.

  2. Incinerator, huh? :D

    Yes, I will. :)

  3. Not sure if you want to hear this from a man but I will say it anyway never let go of the dreams and it is sad that so many of us men were in fact users of females. There was no excuse at all but some of us learned and we do now see people for what they are and you are one person who deserves to dream and dreams to become reality.

  4. Well, that answers my last comment! Hope you get a return of spring today, though, my friend. Love Ralph's comment. I must say that I've given up on getting nice and good and warm and wonderful attention from men. I'm well past my prime and it just will not happen for me.

  5. Dreams are wonderful, you do deserve to dream. You are a wonderful person and you keep on dreaming.

  6. I hope your dreams come true. I hardly ever got attention from men even when I was younger. I have a lot of bad tapes in my head too.


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