Thursday, January 27, 2011


The day after Wednesday. The day before Friday. I am looking forward to the weekend. *sigh* I so need a weekend. A weekend, a little fun, a little shopping, a little girlie retail therapy. I am finally feeling well enough to get out and about and stir crazy is an understatement of what I am feeling, right now.

My housework is all done, save laundry, which is in progress and dishes, which are happily stewing in hot water, detergent and steam, as I type this. Damn, I *heart* my dishwasher. I scrubbed the bathroom, polished mirrors, scoured pet dishes, dusted, vacuumed the broadloom, swept hard floors, and all the thousand other little things that need doing. I actually got through most of my work without too much tightness in my chest, I hardly coughed and rattled. Is it possible I am beginning to get over this crap? I sure hope so.

Maybe, one day this decade I will once again be well enough to get out and take my walks, again. :P

Food and water are on track.

I am feeling an incredible amount of pressure to have a good weigh in this Sunday and I fear that my scale won't move (again!!!) and I am still getting puffy and a part of me wants to scream. And another part wants to binge away the fear and dread of failure. If I don't have a good number, I will feel like an incredible failure. And it is all going around and around in my head and I want to shut it down. I don't want to feel this. I just want it to go away. I want to make it go away. *breathe!* I don't want to fail and let myself down. More importantly, I don't want to fail and let everybody down. And show myself to be a big, fat, stupid sham. All talk, no action. All bullshit. No results.

A failure.

As usual.


It is a pretty day, today. Sunny, clear as a bell and cool.

Oh! Cool NSV. I now fit comfortably behind the wheel of the Jeep and I am going to start driving, again. It will be nice to get out and about without having to ask my husband to drive me everywhere. I can also use the seat belts. It has been a long time since I could fit a seat belt around my huge bod. Now that it is a tad less huge, I can be safe, again. It is nice to know that if we have an accident, I won't be thrown around the cabin of the car like a rag doll.

Okay, off to pay attention to my laundry and drink more water. And read blogs. :D

Oh! Don't forget about my $35.00 CSN Stores gift certificate giveaway. Please click the link or the CSN Stores logo at the top of my right hand column to travel to my giveaway post and enter. 


  1. Being able to drive again will feel so wonderful. That's an amazing NSV!!! :)

  2. Hang in there, Erika. It isn't so much about the numbers as it is about sticking to plan no matter what the scale says. You are getting healthier in spite of the scale. Hugs. :)

  3. I know...I am puffy now too. I didn't weigh this morning because I knew the scale would not be my friend

  4. Congrats on being able to drive and get the seatbelt on - it's the little things like that that helps us keep going. Cheers, Rick

  5. go from being freaked out over your weigh in and fear of failing, then you launch into your awesome NSV...seems the scale doesn't really need to be your guide, because you are getting satisfaction and results in other areas. Just take comfort and motivation from those NSVs, and the scale will follow.

    Polar's Mom

  6. Erika - it isn't about the numbers on the scale each's about the NSVs like fitting in your jeeep some weeks. Other weeks you drop shitloads of weight but have no NSVs. It's give and take and we have to stay the course. YOU are not a failure. YOU are not a sham. You are gorgeous, worthy, and kind and giving. Even if that scale said +10 lbs - I'd still be proud of you - for never giving up. Much love.

  7. It's all about feeling healthy - and driving while wearing a seatbelt is definately a healthy thing!! You're doing great! I don't care WHAT that scale says - you ARE doing great!!

    You're my hero!!

  8. What is an NSV? Sounds good whatever it is though. Since you know it is puff, don't be disappointed Erika. You've always been able to get rid of that and continue moving forward. You can do it, friend! Stay the course!!

  9. Hang in there. I went for about 6 weeks last fall without a single pound loss. The scale eventually moved. Stay strong. Have a great weekend! Michele

  10. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!! You were never a failure. You're Erika--an intelligent, witty, gorgeous woman whom I happen to respect and like very much. You're probably sick of being told you have a pretty face, but I'm telling you that you have a beautiful face, and your skin, eyes, and hair are to die for. Please never forget that.

    You've achieved a lot in your life under severe pain and sickness, overcoming adversity, and brought up a child without abuse. That wins you a success badge right there. You've lost decades of weight already, and once you reach target weight, decades more.

    You're no failure, my friend. Not at all. (Hope)


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