Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Oh, HELL No!

First of all, thank you for your well wishes for my MIL. The ER doc confirmed that it was indeed sciatica. He wrote her a couple of scripts and sent her home. She is doing much better tonight. The swelling is way down and she has a lot less pain.

Okay, so last night, Husband went to the store to pick up a few things and one of the things he bought was a package of cookies. I saw that package of cookies and flipped my lid. Seriously. Why, you ask?

Well, take a look:

They look like regular little old chocolate/caramel chunk cookies, right?



They are huge chocolate/caramel chunk cookies. Huge, heavy cookies.

Look at the size of that thing. 0.0

Yes, that is a busted nail... *sigh* I killed it on plastic tumblers, of all things. Now I have to let it grow out and reshape it.

Anyhoodle, check out the nutrition facts. This is for one cookie!

You can click to enlarge, if you need to. :D

503 calories and 25.9 grams of fat with 8.1 grams of saturated fat.

For one cookie.

Do we, as a race of beings need these huge ass calorie bombs? I really don't think so. And I have asked Husband not to bring those into this house, again.

For the record, I did not eat that cookie. Funny thing? I wasn't even tempted. Seriously. Now, anyone who knows me well knows that I can't leave caramel alone. Or should I say I couldn't leave caramel alone. Seems I can, now.

I can remember a day, not too long ago when I would have piled two or three of those monsters on a salad plate, grabbed a big mug of sweetened, heavily creamed coffee and sat down to have a little before breakfast appetizer. Buzzing on the sugar high and feeling fine, indeed, I would have decided that I needed to cut the sweetness and got to cooking. Three eggs, lots and lots of freshly grated Cheddar, at least a half cup of grated cheese. With any breakfast type meat I might have on hand and mushrooms and onions. All cooked in way too much butter. Or drippings, if I did bacon or sausage. I would have put that monster on my plate and arranged around it four slices of toast, all soaked in and dripping melted butter. And another big cup of sweetened, heavily creamed coffee. And that would have killed the too sweet feeling in my mouth.

Then it would be time for something sweet, again. To cut the fat and the salt. Enter Pepsi and another cookie or two.

And so it would go...

To be at or just tipping past 400 pounds, I would have had to be ingesting a good 4000 calories+ a day. No wonder I was so sick all day, every day, had heartburn, couldn't sleep well and felt as if I could hardly function. I was killing myself with food. Slowly, steadily killing myself. I can see it so clearly, now. Why couldn't I, then?

I think it is because I was, like so many, so deep in disordered thinking that I couldn't see past the fog of the food high. I was so dependent on the drug that food had become that I couldn't see, couldn't feel just how sick I really was. I see it, now. And I am happy to have my feet on the road to recovery.

I won't lie... Things are a bit stressful around here, right now. And I am feeling that old, insane urge to make it go away. To make myself numb so that I don't have to feel. To deal. To be present. But the urge isn't too strong. And I have it well in hand. I am still not tempted by the cookies. To be honest, just the thought of ingesting one makes me sick. May it continue to do so. :D

Please don't hate me... I kinda hate myself for this, but I didn't walk, tonight. I couldn't. My hip is bugging me pretty bad. Not quite as bad as yesterday but I decided to give myself a day to rest it. And my stupid knee, too. I feel guilty. Especially after all of my big mouth action about how walking is mandatory and I will do it six days a week and yadda, yadda, yadda. Yeah, big talker. That's me. Hopefully a day of rest will do me and I can get out there, tomorrow. I really missed it, tonight.

Son goes back to work tomorrow after three days off. Thank heaven! Having him underfoot for three days was the outside of enough! He spends his time in his own area of the house and doing his own thing but still... He was off and around. Gah! I love him and am happy to have him living with us but he needs to be at work. lol

Husband is on vacation, next week. Somebody shoot me now.



I'll pay you.

In huge, calorie bomb cookies.


I'll do your nails.


I'll grill you a turkey burger or some chicken...

If you will just come put me out of my misery. lol

By the end of the week, I will be like this:


And to close, here is a pic of my own kitteh. Marley. Is he not fabulous?


  1. Marley is a fabulous, distinguished and utterly brilliant creature. You can tell by his face. I love cats.

    I am interested in how far you have come, knowing exactly what you must have been ingesting in your 'pre' stage. I am impressed by your heightened awareness.

    For next week... just escape into blogospere. It will get you through the week.

    Good thoughts

  2. I love you're cat...but I think my cat is marvelous...thus I cannot deem another cat so, it wouldn't be loyal.
    And holy crow, 500 calories for a cookie!
    Granted it was the size of a dessert plate.
    Good job on not eating that.
    When my husband is around he gets bored...and this a new blog design. I never noticed the blue with the flowers..this is pretty.
    signing off...
    clueless in colorado.

  3. UM HOLY CRAP. That is one SERIOUSLY obese cookie! Congrats on resisting. I used to eat half a pack of oreos with my cereal in the morning. UGH. Just thinking about that.

    Also, please do not hate yourself or feel guilty for a day off, or even two. Exercise is important but at the root of this whole thing is being healthy and happy. You cant have one without the other, and sometimes it means knowing when to stop and take a minute. Sometimes going out every day to the gym or walking on top of everything else is stressful. You are doing a great job! Keep it up!

  4. Marley wears haughty disdain well! LOL Good for you for not eating that cookie. Had I not looked at the label, I might have given one a go. Not now (I mean if we had them here). Glad you mominlaw is feeling better though. Wish I had some advice for the stressful times.

  5. Your cat looks to be a very wise one! I love cats. Isn't it amazing when we realize how much we were really mindlessly eating? I truely believe that regulations should be put on products to discourage the use of products that just add needless fat and calories to things that shouldn't have that much. There is a conspiracy in the food industry or something that has made is misintrepret what a proper portion size is.

  6. do these men WANT to sabotage us? How frustrating. I would've eaten the whole container at one time.

    Today I am trying very hard to channel my anger into cleaning instead of eating, but the Voice keeps telling me that cleaning the house is only rewarding him for bad behavior and since I worked my ASS off yesterday and the scale went up 4-point-FREAKING-five pounds anyway in one day, I should just binge.

    Gotta go clean. clean clean clean up clean.

  7. One of those cookies would send me to the porcelain throne for half a day. I have dumping syndrome from my surgery and I will say that in my case it has definitely been a deterrent. Thankfully, my family is GENERALLY sensitive about not bringing that stuff into the house. I still get a sweet tooth now and then, but a low carb protein bar usually takes care of it.

  8. I love the title of your post with the angels at the top of the page! You gave me a little smirk.

    Those cookies look divine, but since I am allergic to milk and eggs, I couldn't have one unless I figured out a way to make them myself without milk and eggs, but I'm lazy, which is why I'm obese, but here it works for me.

    :D Trust your body to know what it needs and really wants. Rock on!

  9. Love your kitty....and those cookies really should be illegal!! I have an award for you over on my blog.

  10. Bad cookie... boo.
    Bad hubby... boo.
    Good kitty... yay!!

    Good Erika... no eat bad cookie and no kill bad hubby... yay!


  11. I love Marley, but I'm not going to let her distract me from my thoughts. :D

    It's one thing to set goals that you *think* will be manageable, but it's another to get down on yourself once you realize that they are indeed not manageable.

    Yes, it's necessary for you to get exercise, but it's like everything else: baby steps.

    In my eyes you've already conquered so much with your brain alone. Your body will catch up in time. I've said this too many times already, but I think you are simply awesome.

    I'm not even going to comment on that cookie.

  12. MY GOD - I can't stop licking the computer screen. WOW. And can I just say - how amazingly in awe I am that you didn't eat one? I wish I had that self control.

  13. Wow 503 calories in one lousy cookie. Not worth it. You're doing great! Love that photo of Marley.

  14. Never hate yourself for taking a break! You would hate yourself a ton more for really injuring your hip and not being able to walk for months :) fabulous that you weren't tempted by the cookie!!


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